| Register  | FAQ  | Search | Login 
It is currently Thu Oct 02, 2014 4:08 am

All times are UTC - 6 hours [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 4364 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 164, 165, 166, 167, 168, 169, 170 ... 175  Next
Author Message
 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Sun Jul 27, 2014 7:47 am 
Offline
Dying from Nooch Lung
User avatar

Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 1:50 pm
Posts: 3214
Location: The Bene
I always have to spell both my first and last name. If I just say my first name, which is a Hebrew name, people say "what?" and need me to spell it or it just won't register for them. If I just say my last name, people assume wrongly that they know how to spell it and automatically add letters that don't belong in there. So I just spell everything from the get go.

This wouldn't be helped by taking my partner's name, though, because people try to add letters to that too.

ETA: I just realized that almost never in my life have I introduced myself to someone or told them my first name and had them not say "what?" or "I'm sorry?" unless they were Jewish or happened to know someone else with my name. I also realized recently that even though my partner is not Jewish, if I were to take his name or hyphenate, my name would sound even more Jewish than it does now.

_________________
Ain't no guarantees in life, and nothing that comes out of my vagina can change that. - Erika Soyf*cker

I'd rather have a cupcake and a matte stomach. - Desdemona


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Sun Jul 27, 2014 10:23 am 
Online
Vegan Vegan Vegan Vegan Vegan
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 3:30 pm
Posts: 4528
Location: zomgz dijk
I didn't know your name was Jewish! And I don't think I asked for your name twice the first time we met (but you know how ... unique ... my name is, so maybe that's why: a fellow human with an interesting name! Surely we're already secret bff's!).

_________________
ॐ लोकः समासतः सुखिनो भवन्तु
http://www.embracingtheworld.org


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Sun Jul 27, 2014 10:37 am 
Offline
Dying from Nooch Lung
User avatar

Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 1:50 pm
Posts: 3214
Location: The Bene
lutin wrote:
I didn't know your name was Jewish! And I don't think I asked for your name twice the first time we met (but you know how ... unique ... my name is, so maybe that's why: a fellow human with an interesting name! Surely we're already secret bff's!).


Indeed! Also, weren't we friends on FB before we met? In any case, I think we had each seen each other's names spelled before meeting in person.

_________________
Ain't no guarantees in life, and nothing that comes out of my vagina can change that. - Erika Soyf*cker

I'd rather have a cupcake and a matte stomach. - Desdemona


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Sun Jul 27, 2014 2:24 pm 
Offline
Addicted to B12 Enemas
User avatar

Joined: Sat Jan 15, 2011 2:48 am
Posts: 245
I ask people to spell their names sometimes even when it seems obvious, because there are a lot of common names with multiple spellings - Smith/Smyth, Green/Greene, Sean/Shaun/Shawn etc. My first name is a somewhat less common spelling of a common name, and people get it wrong all the time, sometimes even when they DO ask me to spell it...


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Sun Jul 27, 2014 2:36 pm 
Offline
Level 7 Vegan
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 3:15 pm
Posts: 1512
Location: Seattle!
So I've decided to keep going with the dude. I quite like him, and one of my very close friends is part of his friend group, so it's nice to avoid the pressure of 'meeting the friends.'

But I've never dated someone so shy. I honestly can't even tell if he's interested or if he's just hanging out and wasting time because I'm fun enough. I was very clear early on that I was not looking for a FWB or casual thing, and he agreed, but he's just so shy. I mean, half the time we don't even touch until we're in bed! That is totally not my normal kind of interaction, so I'm out of my depth here. I'm trying to be aware of how he is and my friend has assured me that he actually is into me, but it's a totally new concept for me.

Anyone else been with someone like this/is someone like this? I'd love to hear the other side of it. I'm the type that loves touching and talking and is very honest about what she wants, and I love doing things for others.

_________________
"Its really hard to keep in shape, my prison of principles only has so much pacing space." - Shy Mox

The Oxford Imposition: http://theoxfordimposition.wordpress.com


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Sun Jul 27, 2014 3:29 pm 
Offline
Addicted to B12 Enemas
User avatar

Joined: Sat Jan 15, 2011 2:48 am
Posts: 245
I think for some it just takes time for them to open up and share their personal space. I'm that way and so is my partner - even after several months of dating, when we went out in public people couldn't necessarily tell we were a couple from the way we interacted. Now (after 3 years) we are much more relaxed with each other and stuff like holding hands, linking arms, and hugging in public come naturally. Every person and relationship is different, but I'd guess that your dude's shyness is all about him, not about you.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Sun Jul 27, 2014 6:06 pm 
Offline
The Real Hamburger Helper
User avatar

Joined: Tue Jan 11, 2011 8:03 pm
Posts: 2264
Location: I can't believe it's not England!
Missdelaney, I bet he's into you. I'm lucky that the guy I'm dating (and I'll probably be posting in here more-we're definitely monogamously dating headed for more serious relationship) doesn't mind me being publicly affectionate and I'm the one with stricter boundaries on PDA than him, I think. That being said, if your mutual friend says he's into you, he's probably into you and is just not a PDA person/slow to be comfortable with that kind of thing.

_________________
"Vegan to me means Oreos for breakfast." -Poopiebitch
"tl;dr: I quit working to drink beer paid for with gift cards" erikasoyf*cker


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Jul 28, 2014 2:23 am 
Online
Vegan Vegan Vegan Vegan Vegan
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 3:30 pm
Posts: 4528
Location: zomgz dijk
Have you tried asking him about it? Even to say pretty much what you've said here (I'm having a hard time reading you, help?)?

_________________
ॐ लोकः समासतः सुखिनो भवन्तु
http://www.embracingtheworld.org


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Jul 28, 2014 7:35 am 
Offline
Chard Martyr
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 6:49 pm
Posts: 9635
Location: SW Desert, USA
missd, it took me time in my current relationship. I took things really slowly and didn't even want to hold hands for a while at first.
Now I'm all kissy face anywhere. Not gross, just like, OMG I LOVE YOU, kiss/hug.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Jul 28, 2014 1:16 pm 
Offline
Smuggling Raisins
User avatar

Joined: Thu Nov 18, 2010 12:44 pm
Posts: 335
Location: Jungles of America
The only reason I can imagine for a name change (besides just wanting to) is for children. It might be a little weird to have parents with different last names. A lot of people would assume divorce and the kids might ask why they don't share a name with one parent, but really even that's a minor issue.

I like the idea of a new name as well. Two of my friends were supposed to combine their names into one supername, but I don't think they ever got around to it.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Jul 28, 2014 1:21 pm 
Offline
Semen Strong
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 7:10 pm
Posts: 19099
Location: Cliffbar NJ
My partner and I have different last names, and its really common here. I don't think anyone even bats an eyelash at it.

_________________
My oven is bigger on the inside, and it produces lots of wibbly wobbly, cake wakey... stuff. - The PoopieB.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Jul 28, 2014 1:22 pm 
Offline
Asked Santa for a pony
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 9:29 pm
Posts: 3095
Location: Portland
I didn't have the same last name as anyone in my household for most of my life (mom remarried) and it wasn't weird at all. I seriously never even thought about it. With so many different types of families these days people just don't care.

_________________
The Noochy Noodle, my personal obsession with discovering the worlds greatest vegan mac and cheeze


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Jul 28, 2014 3:05 pm 
Offline
Discovered unobtainium
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 9:21 pm
Posts: 12180
Location: Dinosaur Stampede
Parents of my students have all sorts of name configurations. Nobody cares.

_________________
"This is the creepiest post ever if you don't know who Molly is." -Fee
"a vegan death match sounds like something where we all end up hugging." -LisaPunk


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Jul 28, 2014 3:09 pm 
Offline
Level 7 Vegan
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 3:15 pm
Posts: 1512
Location: Seattle!
I actually mentioned something else last night to him. Since I met him through a friend of mine, and I met all their friends through him while she was out of town, I'm in this weird situation where I overthink: if she invites me and he doesn't, what if he just wants to hang out with his friends? and vice versa with her- does she not want me there in her group? And how do their friends view me? This is all very silly, because they're both sweet people and my friend would never ever say that to me, and their friends are so welcoming and kind. I just can't help the anxiety surrounding it.
Without missing a beat, he said, "I honestly can't think of a single situation that I wouldn't be happy in if you were there, so don't worry about it."
I'm not going to mention anything more. He's leaving for home for a week on Wednesday, and I'll see him again tomorrow. Even since I posted that, I've been watching him become more comfortable with being closer to me. Little things like letting me use his car to drive home early one morning, grabbing and snuggling me this morning because he didn't want to get out of bed (we have very early schedules for not morning people), and making sure, if we are out in their group, that I don't feel excluded (he routinely turns to me if I've been silent too long and engages me). Everything he does to show he likes me is quiet- but, I'm realizing, they're the same things I do for people to show I care. So now I'm just learning to balance it and look for the next signs!

_________________
"Its really hard to keep in shape, my prison of principles only has so much pacing space." - Shy Mox

The Oxford Imposition: http://theoxfordimposition.wordpress.com


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Jul 28, 2014 3:43 pm 
Offline
Lime and a Coconut
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 1:42 am
Posts: 3672
Location: Smugville, CA
missdelaney wrote:
Without missing a beat, he said, "I honestly can't think of a single situation that I wouldn't be happy in if you were there, so don't worry about it."


Sigh- I love that moment when you know you can trust this awesome new person you were hoping you could trust.

_________________
Crazy rating: Double plus crazytown bananapants ~Jordanpattern
Too much woo, you guys. Too much woo ~Tofulish
Sews Before Bros


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Jul 28, 2014 3:51 pm 
Offline
Semen Strong
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 7:10 pm
Posts: 19099
Location: Cliffbar NJ
That is so sweet!

_________________
My oven is bigger on the inside, and it produces lots of wibbly wobbly, cake wakey... stuff. - The PoopieB.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Jul 28, 2014 4:08 pm 
Offline
Married to the wolfman
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 9:49 pm
Posts: 5958
Location: Santa Cruz, CA
zelavie wrote:
I've been sick of spelling my last name for people for most of my life. If I marry a guy with an easier name, I'll take his just for the convenience! I've really never considered keeping mine, mostly for that reason.


That was part of why I changed mine! Because my partner's is much much easier.

But I guess I actually miss having an unusual last name. And, I just didn't realize how attached to it I was really.

_________________
"Hummus; a gentleman's vice." -- Mars

coldandsleepy cooks, THE BLOG!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Jul 28, 2014 6:05 pm 
Offline
Kitchens Planning Manchester
User avatar

Joined: Sun Oct 24, 2010 6:15 pm
Posts: 2540
Tigon wrote:
The only reason I can imagine for a name change (besides just wanting to) is for children. It might be a little weird to have parents with different last names. A lot of people would assume divorce and the kids might ask why they don't share a name with one parent, but really even that's a minor issue.

I like the idea of a new name as well. Two of my friends were supposed to combine their names into one supername, but I don't think they ever got around to it.


I've worked in many childcare and school situations and no one really assumes that parents and guardians have the same last name as their kids anymore where I live anyway (which is admittedly an extremely liberal area). It is super normal.

_________________
"No one with hair so soft and glossy could ever be bad at anything." - Tofulish


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Mon Jul 28, 2014 7:34 pm 
Offline
Level 7 Vegan
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 3:15 pm
Posts: 1512
Location: Seattle!
Erika Soyf*cker wrote:
missdelaney wrote:
Without missing a beat, he said, "I honestly can't think of a single situation that I wouldn't be happy in if you were there, so don't worry about it."


Sigh- I love that moment when you know you can trust this awesome new person you were hoping you could trust.


+ t'lish:

Yeah. It was pretty much the perfect thing to say at that moment.

Honestly, even the new friends I'm making are such incredible people. It's so nice to be able to ignore the bullshiitake of others to find people who are truly good.

_________________
"Its really hard to keep in shape, my prison of principles only has so much pacing space." - Shy Mox

The Oxford Imposition: http://theoxfordimposition.wordpress.com


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Tue Jul 29, 2014 2:06 am 
Offline
Remembers When Veganism Was Cool
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 1:04 am
Posts: 2459
Location: UK
strawberryrock wrote:
Tigon wrote:
The only reason I can imagine for a name change (besides just wanting to) is for children. It might be a little weird to have parents with different last names. A lot of people would assume divorce and the kids might ask why they don't share a name with one parent, but really even that's a minor issue.

I like the idea of a new name as well. Two of my friends were supposed to combine their names into one supername, but I don't think they ever got around to it.


I've worked in many childcare and school situations and no one really assumes that parents and guardians have the same last name as their kids anymore where I live anyway (which is admittedly an extremely liberal area). It is super normal.

So, so normal. I'd estimate that well over half of my students have different last names from one or both of their parents, and no-one cares or even thinks about it.

_________________
Everyone turns into Boo Radley, if they live long enough ~ seitanicverses


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Tue Jul 29, 2014 4:07 am 
Offline
Plays The Sims 2 religiously
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 11:20 pm
Posts: 7466
Location: Portland, OR
buhhhhh, I really wish my relationship with the person I love most in this world wasn't so forked up. It's at a point now where I just am completely out of ideas for what to do. It's the same thing over and over again. But I can't not love her just so. damn. forking. much. She treats our friendship like shiitake, and the hardest part is that she knows it, we've talked about it, she admits fully how shitty some of her habits are. So... well... I don't know! And there's no part of me that feels remotely able to even think of cutting her from my life. Maybe I'm naive cause I'm an only child but I've never felt this way about a person before. I love her so fully, but it's not anything similar to any romantic or even friend love I've had.

_________________
i would schmear marmite on a moist scrotum for Mars. - interrobang?!
"Not everything." ~ mumbles (1973-2013) - mumbles


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Tue Jul 29, 2014 6:08 am 
Offline
WRETCHED
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 6:54 pm
Posts: 8593
Location: Maryland/DC area
Mars wrote:
buhhhhh, I really wish my relationship with the person I love most in this world wasn't so forked up. It's at a point now where I just am completely out of ideas for what to do. It's the same thing over and over again. But I can't not love her just so. damn. forking. much. She treats our friendship like shiitake, and the hardest part is that she knows it, we've talked about it, she admits fully how shitty some of her habits are. So... well... I don't know! And there's no part of me that feels remotely able to even think of cutting her from my life. Maybe I'm naive cause I'm an only child but I've never felt this way about a person before. I love her so fully, but it's not anything similar to any romantic or even friend love I've had.


I was treated shittily for a few years before I decided to cut ties with my BFF of 25+ years. The main division in our relationship was that I moved away but we still kept contact and I visited regularly. Then I started dating my husband and she decided that was too much and started really treating me bad. Like I had to beg her to see me when I came. She'd talk to me on the phone fine but she didn't want anything to do with me while I was dating my husband (she refused to meet him at first).

Eventually, I cut her off because it was too emotionally draining and I realized we had a one-sided relationship. She has since tried to contact me but I don't feel I have to put myself through that again.

_________________
You are all a disgrace to vegans. Go f*ck yourselves, especially linanil.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Tue Jul 29, 2014 2:17 pm 
Offline
Plays The Sims 2 religiously
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 11:20 pm
Posts: 7466
Location: Portland, OR
Yeah I don't know. I think I'll just have to very specifically make some boundaries with her around some specific things. Well, I mean, I feel like I already did... But I might have to really phrase it this time less like 'it hurts me when X' and more like 'I cannot and will not tolerate X'.

_________________
i would schmear marmite on a moist scrotum for Mars. - interrobang?!
"Not everything." ~ mumbles (1973-2013) - mumbles


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Thu Jul 31, 2014 12:37 am 
Offline
Plays The Sims 2 religiously
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 11:20 pm
Posts: 7466
Location: Portland, OR
Mars wrote:
Well, something interesting happened the other day. K messaged me, first time since like middle Oct...

So remember how I posted this? Well, guess who else wanted to see me out of the blue? B.P. I just got back from drinks with him.

One thing I didn't convey before re: drinks with K, was.. well, he's conveyed interest.

Aanndddd guess who else is conveying interest? Hahhhhh yep. B.P.

I'll be completely honest with y'all, I definitely want to hit that. Those. And with one of them I'm not even going to fool myself, I will hit that. But I was a gentleman and said we shall part ways tonight. Because I want to do some really brainstorming on what that would entail emotionally for myself.

_________________
i would schmear marmite on a moist scrotum for Mars. - interrobang?!
"Not everything." ~ mumbles (1973-2013) - mumbles


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Thu Jul 31, 2014 9:55 am 
Offline
Flat Chesty McNoBoobs
User avatar

Joined: Mon Sep 06, 2010 11:41 am
Posts: 7524
Location: Portland
They were both terrible to you! Don't do it!

(I mean, do what you want, but they both sure seemed like they really did not have their shiitake together when you posted about them here.)

_________________
If you spit on my food I will blow your forking head off, you filthy shitdog. - Mumbles
Don't you know that vegan meat is the gateway drug to chicken addiction? Because GMO and trans-fats. - kaerlighed


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 4364 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 164, 165, 166, 167, 168, 169, 170 ... 175  Next

All times are UTC - 6 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: GreenDuck and 7 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group
Template made by DEVPPL/ThatBigForum and fancied up by What Cheer