| Register  | FAQ  | Search | Login 
It is currently Mon Jul 28, 2014 3:52 pm

All times are UTC - 6 hours [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 1896 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46 ... 76  Next
Author Message
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun Nov 03, 2013 1:39 pm 
Offline
Heart of Vegan Marshmallow
User avatar

Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 1:50 pm
Posts: 3080
Location: The Bene
mrsbadmouth wrote:
How have we gone 42 pages with no one posting this yet? Lutin mentioning the book-writing and other big life events thing reminded me of this. When my hetero lifemate told me she was trying to get pregnant, she said i'd know when it happened because she was just going to post this video on her facebook page.




Ha! I guessed which video you posted even before I could see it. (I still can't see embedded videos on my iPad, so I went to peek on my phone.) I love Garfunkel and Oates.

_________________
Ain't no guarantees in life, and nothing that comes out of my vagina can change that. - Erika Soyf*cker

I'd rather have a cupcake and a matte stomach. - Desdemona


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun Nov 03, 2013 1:41 pm 
Offline
Lactose Intolerant...Literally
User avatar

Joined: Fri Oct 22, 2010 1:19 pm
Posts: 717
Yes! Seriously. How was this never posted before?? Good work, MBM. I love this so much. I just watched it again two weeks ago before I went to the pink plastic fork baby shower from hell.

_________________
Chicken>Lacan all day, any day. -pandacookie


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun Nov 03, 2013 1:43 pm 
Online
Lime and a Coconut
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 1:42 am
Posts: 3110
Location: Smugville, CA
I think I might head over to the introvert thread and tell them all to just get the fork over themselves.

_________________
Crazy rating: Double plus crazytown bananapants ~Jordanpattern
Sews Before Bros


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun Nov 03, 2013 2:07 pm 
Offline
Mispronounces Daiya
User avatar

Joined: Thu Dec 30, 2010 7:50 pm
Posts: 1458
Location: NJ -> Bristol UK
mrsbadmouth wrote:
When my hetero lifemate told me she was trying to get pregnant, she said i'd know when it happened because she was just going to post this video on her facebook page.

now that's a friend for life.

_________________
vegan cheese bigamy is not allowed. - LisaPunk

I'm going to put my cats in a baby bjorn and be like, "LOOK WE CAN STILL HANG OUT LOOK WE'RE HAVING A PLAYDATE." - bathsheba


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun Nov 03, 2013 3:14 pm 
Offline
Vegan Vegan Vegan Vegan Vegan
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 3:30 pm
Posts: 4309
Location: fjordfjord
EmperorTomatoKetchup wrote:
mrsbadmouth wrote:
When my hetero lifemate told me she was trying to get pregnant, she said i'd know when it happened because she was just going to post this video on her facebook page.

now that's a friend for life.


+1 YUMMY

_________________
ॐ लोकः समासतः सुखिनो भवन्तु
http://www.embracingtheworld.org


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun Nov 03, 2013 4:59 pm 
Offline
Drinks Wild Tofurkey
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 2:23 pm
Posts: 2841
The recent conversation has been very disturbing to me. My best friend in the world is pregnant with her first child, and if she dumped me as a friend (or even put our friendship on hold) for that reason I would be totally devastated. Like, requiring professional counseling devastated. Now, she has given no indication at all that that will happen. But the last few pages of this thread...

_________________
Mal: We're still flying.
Simon: That's not much.
Mal: It's enough.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun Nov 03, 2013 6:47 pm 
Offline
Addicted to B12 Enemas

Joined: Fri Dec 09, 2011 11:04 pm
Posts: 243
Location: Wanting to get out of NC
Invictus- Just give it time.


I'm so happy that other people don't want kids. I'm 24 and I thought I was alone in the world.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun Nov 03, 2013 7:11 pm 
Offline
Mispronounces Daiya
User avatar

Joined: Thu Dec 30, 2010 7:50 pm
Posts: 1458
Location: NJ -> Bristol UK
finnophile wrote:
Invictus- Just give it time.

maybe i'm misinterpreting you, but that seems like a pretty inappropriate thing to say.

_________________
vegan cheese bigamy is not allowed. - LisaPunk

I'm going to put my cats in a baby bjorn and be like, "LOOK WE CAN STILL HANG OUT LOOK WE'RE HAVING A PLAYDATE." - bathsheba


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun Nov 03, 2013 7:29 pm 
Offline
Dead by dawn
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 9:54 pm
Posts: 7709
Location: Seattle
Invictus wrote:
The recent conversation has been very disturbing to me. My best friend in the world is pregnant with her first child, and if she dumped me as a friend (or even put our friendship on hold) for that reason I would be totally devastated. Like, requiring professional counseling devastated. Now, she has given no indication at all that that will happen. But the last few pages of this thread...

It doesn't have to happen. When I met my bff she had an infant but we still forged a friendship and spent time together. A lot of times that meant me coming over and hanging out in her kitchen while the kid napped or us running our errands that we were going to do anyway together... but her husband would also watch the baby/toddler/kid if we wanted to have a girls night out also (or her mil if her husband was coming out with us.) However, she's an extroverted social butterfly, so no matter how much she loves her kid (good god... he's now 17!) keeping up an adult social life was very important to her. I think it depends so, so much on the individuals involved. Just know that it's not inevitable that your friendship will go by the wayside!

_________________
facebook
"The PPK: Come for the pie; stay for the croissants." - tinglepants!
"Cockblocked by Richard Branson- again!" - Erika Soyf*cker


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun Nov 03, 2013 7:43 pm 
Offline
Should Spend More Time Helping the Animals
User avatar

Joined: Tue Dec 07, 2010 4:57 pm
Posts: 6313
Location: Boston, MA
monkeytoes wrote:
Invictus wrote:
The recent conversation has been very disturbing to me. My best friend in the world is pregnant with her first child, and if she dumped me as a friend (or even put our friendship on hold) for that reason I would be totally devastated. Like, requiring professional counseling devastated. Now, she has given no indication at all that that will happen. But the last few pages of this thread...

It doesn't have to happen. When I met my bff she had an infant but we still forged a friendship and spent time together. A lot of times that meant me coming over and hanging out in her kitchen while the kid napped or us running our errands that we were going to do anyway together... but her husband would also watch the baby/toddler/kid if we wanted to have a girls night out also (or her mil if her husband was coming out with us.) However, she's an extroverted social butterfly, so no matter how much she loves her kid (good god... he's now 17!) keeping up an adult social life was very important to her. I think it depends so, so much on the individuals involved. Just know that it's not inevitable that your friendship will go by the wayside!


And I think like lepelaar mentioned, it depends on your friendship style, too. I have mommy friends and long-distance friends, and long distance mommy friends. We don't get to see each other or talk a lot, but I love them immensely and I know they feel the same. They're just busy and a little tired. And my closest local mommy friend does include me in stuff like 1st birthdays, and we've hung out, the kidlet has just come too. I didn't want to make anyone feel worse, but I can't imagine one of them dropping me because they had a kid (or moved across the country; both being a bit thematic). When we do get to talk and see each other, it's like old times. I'm not the best at keeping in touch either, but I think when you have those special bonds, you make it work. Sorry to ramble; I just don't want you to be worried at all.

_________________
I would eat Dr. Cow pocket cheese in a second. I would eat it if you hid it under your hat, or in your backpack, but not if it was in your shoe. That's where I draw the line. -allularpunk


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun Nov 03, 2013 8:25 pm 
Offline
Drinks Wild Tofurkey
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 2:23 pm
Posts: 2841
Oh yeah. Well to add to the story, she lives in Italy, so this is all long distance these days anyways. And I think we will be fine, as she is very gregarious. Recent posts made me want to jump on a plane to Bologna to hug her, though.

_________________
Mal: We're still flying.
Simon: That's not much.
Mal: It's enough.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun Nov 03, 2013 8:58 pm 
Offline
Dead by dawn
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 9:54 pm
Posts: 7709
Location: Seattle
Oh, well, I definitely think you should jump on a plane to Italy to hug her. 'Cause Italy.

_________________
facebook
"The PPK: Come for the pie; stay for the croissants." - tinglepants!
"Cockblocked by Richard Branson- again!" - Erika Soyf*cker


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun Nov 03, 2013 10:18 pm 
Offline
Should Spend More Time Helping the Animals
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 2:35 pm
Posts: 6583
Location: Norristown, PA
[quote="ndpittman"I had three social things in the last two weeks (which were awesome!!) but now I'm like woah. I'm all set for November. [/quote]

Whoa! And I got to be there for 2 of them! I feel so honored <3

_________________
Man, fork the gender card, imma come at you with the whole damned gender deck. - Olives
Did you ever think that, like, YOU are a sexy costume FOR a diva cup? - solipsistnation
blog! FB!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 7:53 am 
Offline
Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 3:05 pm
Posts: 1944
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
Invinctus: my BFF is pregnant with #2 and our friendship is doing very well. When she had #1 we spent more time doing stuff at her house, but after a few years we just brought along her kid doing what we want to do. She's almost 6 now! And we just had lunch two days ago, and it was awesome and even though she's 6 months pregnant, we spent maybe 15 minutes discussing names, and 2 hours discussing other things.. Because she has a life that has nothing to do with babies and everything to do with regular adult stuff like academia and culture and regular old life crisis.
When she had #1 she was basically alone with the kid and our friendship just became stronger - I helped her keep her sanity by helping out with all sorts of stuff, and in return I got an even greater friendship with her AND a non-biological niece that I adore.
Now that there is actually a second parent involved, I have big expectations that I can lure her out even faster :) Just because you're pregnant, doesn't mean your core change. Sure, you can get a little glitzy ( we call that "nursing-brain here! ), but that's just a hormonal phase and then things level and life continues.

I have several friends who have kids, another really close friend of mine has a 6 year old and an 8 year old, and she's basically alone with them. She still manages to do all sorts of stuff, and totally embraces the chaos that follows. She's like the coolest, most level headed mom ever and I admire her so much. She's also in the middle of full time grad school, works part time, attends pole dancing classes (!) and manages to go out and hang out and whatever. Her mom is really helpful though, which is awesome! Sometimes we hang out alone, other times we hang out and the kids are there. Sometimes we hang out and talk to the kids, sometimes they just hang out and enjoy themselves.

I'm sure it is EXHAUSTING to have a baby, but they're only babies for so long! And they smell so good. I find that it takes a while for people who have just had a kid to find a new balance in their life, but I've never actually had a friendship get worse because of it - more like the other way around. Plus, if you get a good relationship with a close friend's kid, it's like you get to be a rockstar in their world! Mega self confidence boost!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 8:34 am 
Offline
Ninja Master
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 5:00 pm
Posts: 4510
Location: Surrey, UK
finnophile wrote:
Invictus- Just give it time.

I'm not sure if you're insinuating that it's inevitable?

But it definitely isn't! My BFF has a 2 year old and we're as close now as we have been for the last 20 years. I'm godmother to her son and I currently don't have plans to have kids of my own.

Sure, things have changed a bit in how often/when/where we hang out. And obviously before she had a kid that wouldn't have involved going to the swings with a bunch of toddlers or sitting around building lego towers, but our friendship is just as strong as it ever was.

All friendships are different.

_________________
I sure do love pumpkins, Cotton.

Make up blog: http://love-lipstick.blogspot.com
Food blog: http://alienontoast.blogspot.com
FB Page for both blogs: http://www.facebook.com/lipstickontoast


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 11:25 am 
Offline
Flounceiad 2011
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 8:26 pm
Posts: 5250
Location: A New England
I agree with others who have noted that these situations are highly individual, and there are a lot of factors at play. I was pretty young when my oldest son was born, so none of my friends had kids yet; if I'd limited myself to hanging out with other parents, I'd have been on my own much of the time, or would have had to replace pretty much my entire social circle. And in then event my having a baby didn't keep me and my friends from spending time together. There were things I did where we'd take him along (as I think Smoothie mentioned, babies are pretty easily transportable), things I'd get a babysitter or leave him home with his father to do, and plenty of times when people would just come over to visit and do stuff like have coffee, eat a meal, take a walk, or whatever. And then of course there were occasions when I'd have to change plans or even cancel, but that's how it goes sometimes whether there's a kid involved or not, and if nothing else we would chat on the phone. I think if the willingness and a certain degree of flexibility is there on both sides, one friend having a child doesn't have to make too big a difference to relationships built on a solid foundation.

_________________
Nothing is safe from weiners in my neighborhood... ~ crowderpea
I didn't embarrass him by saying anything about wanking ~ 8ball
"SMLOUNCE!" ~ smurfterrobang?!
http://elizaveganpage.blogspot.com


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 1:37 pm 
Offline
WELFARIST!
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 1:57 pm
Posts: 5049
molasses jane wrote:
When I direct a play or am working on a book, I disappear for months at a time. But these activities and lifestyles aren't hallowed like motherhood is (no one makes food drop off schedules for dissertation writers, theatre directors, etc...).
So true! I write which takes a lot of concentrated alone time and when I dive into a project it can be really engrossing which certain people around me don't seem to understand that I'm not as readily available at those times as at others and they take it personally, as if they've done something wrong or there's something wrong between us. Or there's something wrong with me because I'm isolating. YES I'm isolating because I need to get this shiitake done! I have goals that happen to require some spans of alone time and I'm trying to accomplish them. And it's frustrating to them and they treat it like a problem they've got to the bottom of in our relationship when I don't see it that way--I just need some time for myself to focus on shiitake and get it DONE--but if I'd have just had a baby or something, they'd be kosher/understand me dropping off the face of the earth for a time and there'd be no problemo in that regard.

_________________
"I'm sorry! I'm Canadian!"


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 9:30 pm 
Offline
Had sex with a vampire that sparkles.
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 6:24 pm
Posts: 5364
Location: BRLA
I think with kids and other things maybe there's just a miscommunication with what the Person Going Through It wants. Imagining one of my friends going into isolation for a couple of weeks/months I don't know if it would occur to me to bring them food because if it were me, I wouldn't want that. When I want to be alone, I want to be alone. I think if you were about to have a baby or about to write your thesis my response would be like "let me know when you're ready and we'll hang out" I mean maybe you want to see me on day 1 or maybe you don't want to see me for 8 years, I don't know.

_________________
The thing about this thread is, it's dumb. - IJDI


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 11:14 pm 
Offline
Should Write a Goddam Book Already
User avatar

Joined: Sat Dec 04, 2010 7:32 pm
Posts: 1008
Location: Michigan
I know a lot has been posted in the few days I didn't check this thread, so it isn't exactly relevant now, but I just wanted to clarify my meaning, because the response I got was kind of unexpected. I can understand introverted people and people who see their home as their sanctuary. That's why I said I hoped people don't assume I don't want to spend time with them if I personally had kids. I didn't want to imply others should have to operate like me, sorry if that was how it came across. I just don't want to be isolated and also undergoing the challenges of having a kid, because I get upset with my life when I don't have enough human contact and I feel like that would be a difficult time anyway, without the isolation as well.

Quote:
Gee Whiz! Some people with kids (I would say most) are just friggin' tired and they don't have the energy for socializing. And many couples would like time alone with one another. The child is always there and time alone as a couple is precious. Some people are more introverted and with a kid always there maybe they don't want a house full of people. Some people see their home as a sanctuary from the world and don't want a bunch of folk, no matter how well meaning, traipsing through. This is the very reason I started the introvert support thread. A large number of people can't seem to accept that some people may want to do something other than spending time with them. Heaven forbid you're not the centre of all your friends' universes. Just because you have a few friends with kids who have tonnes of energy and are extremely extroverted and love having friends drop in whenever, don't assume everyone is like that or should be like that.

Although I don't have children, this attitude towards people who have children who choose not to fall all over themselves to share their precious free time with their childfree friends are really starting to tick me off.

Maybe they didn't like you that much to begin with and the kid is their excuse. Maybe they weren't that good a friend to you either. Jesus! People change. Get the fork over it.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Tue Nov 05, 2013 12:32 pm 
Online
Lime and a Coconut
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 1:42 am
Posts: 3110
Location: Smugville, CA
No clarification or apology needed or expected, v_a.

_________________
Crazy rating: Double plus crazytown bananapants ~Jordanpattern
Sews Before Bros


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Tue Nov 05, 2013 4:22 pm 
Offline
Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 3:05 pm
Posts: 1944
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
Yeah, I feel like this has become another introverts vs. extroverts thread.

And I think it's all right to talk about how it is not unreasonable to have expectations in regards to your friendships with people who have children. I personally think it's plain douche-y to keep friends around until you have kids and can find mommy-friends or daddy-friends. And I don't feel bad saying that I think it's both unclassy and ridiculous and that I would be very very angry and hurt if one of my friends did that. If we can't talk about it here, then where?


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Tue Nov 05, 2013 4:38 pm 
Offline
Queen Bitch of Self-Righteous Veganville
User avatar

Joined: Sun Sep 05, 2010 2:21 pm
Posts: 10207
Location: Illinoize
Desdemona wrote:
I agree with others who have noted that these situations are highly individual, and there are a lot of factors at play. I was pretty young when my oldest son was born, so none of my friends had kids yet; if I'd limited myself to hanging out with other parents, I'd have been on my own much of the time, or would have had to replace pretty much my entire social circle.


I think this is part of why I was so surprised/bothered by my situation. I knew quite a few teen mothers and even briefly lived with my friend and her two kids. Sometimes she and another mom would take turns watching all of their kids so the other could go out and party, but other than that, we just took them with us or stayed at the house and watched tv. Having a baby didn't change much. I understand that now a lot more people do play groups and baby music classes and stuff like that, but if it's not stuff like that I don't understand why we can't kick it with your kid.

Also I don't want to further delve into details, but the person i'm talking about is most certainly not an introvert and there are some things I left out and some stuff that happened later that resulted in us completely not being friends anymore.

_________________
"The Tree is His Penis"

The tree is his penis // it's very exciting // when held up to his mouth // the lights are all lighting // his eyes start a-bulging // in unbridled glee // the tree is his penis // its beauty, effulgent -amandabear


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Tue Nov 05, 2013 6:19 pm 
Offline
Wears Durian Helmet
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 4:52 pm
Posts: 837
Location: Chicago
smoothie wrote:
Yeah, I feel like this has become another introverts vs. extroverts thread.

And I think it's all right to talk about how it is not unreasonable to have expectations in regards to your friendships with people who have children. I personally think it's plain douche-y to keep friends around until you have kids and can find mommy-friends or daddy-friends. And I don't feel bad saying that I think it's both unclassy and ridiculous and that I would be very very angry and hurt if one of my friends did that. If we can't talk about it here, then where?


Yup.

And also, funnily enough, in my personal scenario, I would probably be the introverted one and she is definitely extroverted, so... I think it's fair to say that doesn't really factor in that much in this case.

In other news, who wants to be my friend so I can be the center of your universe FOREVER AND EVERRRRR?


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Wed Nov 06, 2013 12:46 am 
Offline
Drinks Wild Tofurkey
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 11:51 am
Posts: 2770
It's really great to read this thread. I am a mom who never thought I would want kids until the day I had a positive pregnancy test and decided that maybe I did want a kid. Anyway, I just wanted to pop in and say how much I like reading this thread. It puts things in perspective and helps me think about others and how I am with my friends. After I had my son I definitely got caught up in mommy world, although it did make quite an effort to see my child free friends, or as I like to call them, friends, every week. And I agree so much with MBM and smoothie, our time together is different and jordanpattern knows all about sitting through breakfast with a crying infant just so I could be near an adult for a while. Anyway, I'm rambling.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Wed Nov 06, 2013 3:26 am 
Offline
Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 3:05 pm
Posts: 1944
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
littlebear wrote:
and jordanpattern knows all about sitting through breakfast with a crying infant just so I could be near an adult for a while. Anyway, I'm rambling.


Friends don't let friends go crazy from a lack of adult conversation!


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 1896 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46 ... 76  Next

All times are UTC - 6 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Adam Crisis, eatsbabies, Jill, Nebraskalaska, poopiebitch, ScooterDiva, sparkythewonderdog, Tofulish and 11 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group
Template made by DEVPPL/ThatBigForum and fancied up by What Cheer