| Register  | FAQ  | Search | Login 
It is currently Fri Dec 19, 2014 3:25 am

All times are UTC - 6 hours [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 2128 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 86  Next
Author Message
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun Feb 10, 2013 11:49 am 
Offline
Brain Made of Raw Seitan
User avatar

Joined: Sat Nov 27, 2010 9:23 pm
Posts: 1212
Location: Under a bridge
Well, I'm a few years younger than the OP and I guess it's not COMPLETELY off the table, but I've never had a really strong desire to have children, and I'm not sure that I ever will. Over the past five years a huge number of my friends have married or got pregnant, yet this doesn't create stirrings in me to do the same. I was actually talking about this with my mother recently, who couldn't get her head around it. My boyfriend and I have been living together for a couple years now and things have been going quite well, so of course various family members and friends have started in with the "Do you plan to get married? What are your plans for the future?" type questions. I told her that we might get married at some point, but I wasn't sure about kids. It's something he and I have talked about too actually, because he had expressed some vague interest in starting a family down the road, and I told him I wasn't sure I could promise that, which ultimately he was OK with.

My mum was dumbfounded, and asked me "Well how do you know you don't want to have kids? You're so good with your sister's kids!"

"How were you certain that you DID want to have children?"

"I don't know, I just always knew that I wanted them."

"Well, I've never felt strongly that I did want them. Why start a family halfheartedly? It's a lot of work!"

Pondering all around. I guess for me it's that I also enjoy the freedom, and would feel nervous about being responsible for a little person. Also, I don't think this is the biggest issue, but childbirth doesn't seem especially comfortable. :P


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun Feb 10, 2013 11:49 am 
Offline
Lubes With Earth Balance
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 2:26 pm
Posts: 1606
Location: santa cruz!
After a lifetime of not wanting kids, and actually being really uncomfortable around kids, I was so surprised when I first started having some kid-wanting feelings. Surprised and confused.

My husband is a 100% no-kid guy, and my pro-kid feelings seem to be sporadic and short lived. I'm pretty sure that if he were really excited about being a parent, and was willing to do loads of coparenting, he could talk me into it easily. But I don't have enough conviction or enthusiasm myself to talk anyone else into it.

I totally get what Tofulish was saying about wanting to have kids after her mom died. I think it was after my grandpa died that I first started thinking about it. My family is SO awesome, and I am so moved by all the love and support we share, and it would be a really great family experience for a little person. And weird things like seeing my friends' moms with their kids seem to get me going.

Overall, the whole things causes me some pain these days, and honestly, I sometimes find myself avoiding some of my friends with babies (the ones who only ever talk about their babies). I really love and appreciate all the time and energy and sleep and money that I have (instead of kids!) though - and I try to make the most of it by having lots of dogs and lots of world travel and yoga workshops. At least, if I'm not going to have kids, I better have some fun! :)

I feel lucky to have a lot of friends with kids, so that I can play with little kidlets and have some tiny person friends in my life. Also, I think it's good to have some pals that don't have kids, so that I can have that experience too.

_________________
Vegan Eats & Treats


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun Feb 10, 2013 11:55 am 
Offline
Dr Bronners, MD
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 3:30 pm
Posts: 4748
Location: zomgz dijk
No kids. In elementary school, I decided that I didn't want kids, and that if I changed my mind, the 'only sensible' thing to do would be adoption or foster care. Except for the year-ish around my first menstrual cycle, that's been my opinion. Things can change. Things always change. But if I get a say in the matter (!) my choice is no.

_________________
ॐ लोकः समासतः सुखिनो भवन्तु
http://www.embracingtheworld.org


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun Feb 10, 2013 12:00 pm 
Offline
Just Loathin' Around!
User avatar

Joined: Fri Oct 22, 2010 8:17 pm
Posts: 7384
Location: bindlestiff
Limone wrote:
My mum was dumbfounded, and asked me "Well how do you know you don't want to have kids? You're so good with your sister's kids!"

"How were you certain that you DID want to have children?"

"I don't know, I just always knew that I wanted them."

"Well, I've never felt strongly that I did want them. Why start a family halfheartedly? It's a lot of work!"

I like this. You always hear people say 'you may change your mind and want kids' but no one ever gets to say 'you'll change your mind some day and decide you don't want kids'. Funny how that only works one way and points to how society is still weighted to having children as the default.

_________________
I sure do love beige food covered in gravy. -the wise rachell37

Panda With Cookie


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun Feb 10, 2013 12:15 pm 
Offline
Aired her grievances, lost the feat of strength
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 1:56 pm
Posts: 4405
Location: Brighton, England.
Dr. Apricot wrote:
pandacookie wrote:
The only thing I have always held as an absolute no in my life is having kids. Never. No way.


Yep, this is how I've felt since I was 8. I took permanent steps to prevent pregnancy, and that's one part of my life I'm absolutely thrilled about.


This is exactly how I feel too. I'm 30 this year & my husband & I have been together 8 1/2 years, married for 3 & fiiiinally our families are stopping asking us when we're having kids & telling me I'll change my mind...always me, it's like they think that if I change my mind he'd be into it!

I've talked to doctors and tried to get them to give me permanent birth control but they won't because I'm too young and might change my mind. It makes me so angry that if my husband wanted a vasectomy that'd be a-ok but because I'm a woman it's a no. I'm pretty happy with my 5 year IUS but I'd rather never have to think about it again.

_________________
Blog: Vegan.In.Brighton
Twitter: @veganinbrighton


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun Feb 10, 2013 12:19 pm 
Offline
Dr Bronners, MD
User avatar

Joined: Thu Nov 01, 2012 2:55 pm
Posts: 4680
Location: The land of maple syrup and beavers.
I do get why doctors are less inclined to sterilize women than men, since a vasectomy is usually an easy reversal. As far as I know, not the case for women. I have considered permanent birth control and think that I may try to go that route a bit later. But I'd like to learn more about it first.

_________________
Anyone for some German Shepherd Pie? - daisychain
Well! Fruit is stupid! These onions taste nothing like fruit! - allularpunk
Dwarf-tossing for God: A Story of Hope - Invictus


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun Feb 10, 2013 12:23 pm 
Offline
Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 2:39 pm
Posts: 1926
Location: St. John's Newfoundland
LisaPunk wrote:
Shy Mox wrote:

Besides, knowing my luck I'll try to raise my kid to be hippie dippie and they'll end up rebelling by eating meat and voting right wing.



this is a very serious fear i have. my husband thinks im nuts.


That's one of the more tame fears I have XD My mom was watching Intervention one night and it just so happened her cousin's son was on, no one had any clue. So that's been incorporated into my apocalyptic visions of how my child would end up. I also had a friend I grew up with who fell in with a bad crowd and ended up a Neo-Nazi.

I don't get anti-choicers who are like "it could have been a doctor and saved lives!" What if it was the Anti-Christ? YOURE WELCOME.

_________________
I was really surprised the first time I saw a penis. After those banana tutorials, I was expecting something so different. -Tofulish


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun Feb 10, 2013 12:41 pm 
Offline
Married to the wolfman
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 9:49 pm
Posts: 6020
Location: Santa Cruz, CA
Limone wrote:
My mum was dumbfounded, and asked me "Well how do you know you don't want to have kids? You're so good with your sister's kids!"

"How were you certain that you DID want to have children?"

"I don't know, I just always knew that I wanted them."

"Well, I've never felt strongly that I did want them. Why start a family halfheartedly? It's a lot of work!"


For serious.

The thing I always think is that time-commitment-wise, having a kid is essentially like having a second job. So suggesting that everyone in the world (or even just all women, or even just most women, or whatever) should want to have kids is like suggesting that everyone in the world should want to be a lawyer or a construction worker or a barista or a whatever. It doesn't make any sense. Not everyone has the temperament or skillset to be a lawyer, and not everyone who has the temperament and skill set to be a lawyer wants to be one. Not everyone's interested in that, not everyone's interested in the lifestyle that goes along with it, etc. To me, it's the same thing with having kids.

Sure, sure, amazing unique life experience... but you know what, people who choose not to have children are having other different amazing life experiences that I'll never have because I chose to have kids instead. And that is okay. No one gets to do everything. There's no wrong choice for what you decide to do with your (non)-reproductive life. I think it's awesome that so many more people are actually THINKING about what they want to do in that spectrum these days rather than just doing it just because.

_________________
"Hummus; a gentleman's vice." -- Mars

coldandsleepy cooks, THE BLOG!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun Feb 10, 2013 12:43 pm 
Offline
Semen Strong
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 7:10 pm
Posts: 19306
Location: Cliffbar NJ
paprikapapaya wrote:
I'm truly not sure I could cope with some of the stuff I read about in The Playground without cracking.
However, it IS for some people, and that's great.


I don't think that I could cope with some of the stuff I read about in the Playground. I think losing my child would break me. But in my experience, the things that crack and break you often are those things you don't see coming. And sometimes you're sure something will crack you and it doesn't. A friend of mine really lost nearly everything after a depressive episode, where the only thing that kept him from dying was his partner, and he was sure he could never survive the loss of that relationship, but he did and shockingly, it didn't trigger a depressive episode for him. I think the thing that has come the closest to breaking me was losing my mom, and I never saw that one coming. We weren't close, I didn't like her, I had 8 years to prepare, but I came out of three years of grieving a completely different person. And having a child has made me a different person too - does that mean it broke me or cracked me - perhaps. Maybe life just cracks and chips and changes us no matter what happens.

LisaPunk wrote:
The thing i hated most about not wanting kids was OTHER PEOPLE.


I used to feel this way SO MUCH! But I think people get super-excited about lots of their experiences and tend to generalize from themselves to everyone else. My father would say that a life without kids wasn't worth living, which was depressing and annoying when I was having a very happy and fulfilled life. But the truth is that he really loved the experience and that is what he wanted to share. My sister got the same zeal of the newly converted after she had her son. I see that zeal in new vegans, people who love Paleo and cross-fit, evangelical Xtians and people who have had great holidays too. There is a definite social pressure to have kids, but a lot of time the people who are asking are doing it from love for you and the thought that because they had a great time you will too.

Parenting definitely isn't for everyone, and if we hadn't gotten pregnant my life would still be a very happy one. There are plenty of parents for whom the myths of parenting are really dangerous ones - having a kid will fix your life and your marriage, you'll be overwhelmed with joy when you see your baby for the first time, there is nothing better, you will have complete and unconditional love from one person forever! I know plenty of people who are disappointed that having kids didn't make them happier, just more tired. And kids are their own people - they don't just love you unconditionally - they want stuff - like that cookie, or that ball, or to rub their gross noses on your pantleg. And they want stuff more than adults do, which can be irritating because it involves screaming. And as C&S says, its expensive, a lot of work and so much time - you give up showering alone, nice restaurants, quiet time in bed to read, long drawn out sex, and someone always wants something from you :) And there is a lot of poop, pee and vomit. But even at its hardest, there are those moments, where I am struck dumb by awe or delight, my eyes tear up from the love I feel, and those are the best experiences I've ever had. Still glad I got to do some really fun things and save up some money before having her though :)

At the end of the day, its your life, do what makes you happy.

_________________
My oven is bigger on the inside, and it produces lots of wibbly wobbly, cake wakey... stuff. - The PoopieB.


Last edited by Tofulish on Sun Feb 10, 2013 12:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun Feb 10, 2013 12:51 pm 
Offline
Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
User avatar

Joined: Fri Oct 22, 2010 5:47 pm
Posts: 1868
Location: NC
Shy Mox wrote:
I don't get anti-choicers who are like "it could have been a doctor and saved lives!" What if it was the Anti-Christ? YOURE WELCOME.


This keeps making me laugh. Over and over.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun Feb 10, 2013 1:24 pm 
Offline
Level 7 Vegan
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 1:15 am
Posts: 1549
Having a child would interfere with pretty much all the things that I like: making progress with my education/(future) career, sleeping when I need to, eating meals in peace, saving most of my money, showering and using the toilet without someone screaming for me, etc. Plus I think it's kinda self-seeking to have a child when there are so many in foster care and the environment is already under so much strain.

My life is already going to be about making the world a better place. I don't think I could work toward that to my full potential while worrying about kids at home. A small part of me does want to adopt just one child, maybe, but we'll see how that works out. I don't have the burning urge to be a parent like some people do. Having kids is a huge undertaking that I wish more people took seriously.

_________________
"One time I meant to send a potential employer a resume, but I accidentally sent them a bucket of puke!

So embarrassing!" -just mumbles


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun Feb 10, 2013 1:31 pm 
Offline
Invented Vegan Meringue
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 5:20 pm
Posts: 4016
Location: Edinburgh
I'm 33 and intentionally child-free. My husband had a vasectomy so we don't have to worry about it.

I waffled about wanting children when I was younger, but the older I get, the more sure I am that I don't want any, and Mike is the same. We basically have 2 mortgages (for the flat and for my student loans), so we can't really afford one even if we wanted it. We have a cat, and that's good enough for us.

I love the shiitake out of my wee nephew, but every time I Skype with my sister, they give me another reason to not have kids. Luckily, there are grandkids in both of our families, so we've never been under any pressure from family to have kids.

_________________
A pie eating contest is a battle with no losers. - amandabear


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun Feb 10, 2013 1:37 pm 
Offline
Bought a used copy of Natural Harvest
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 6:29 pm
Posts: 6239
Location: Land of Maple and Beavers
Jigglypuff wrote:
Plus I think it's kinda self-seeking to have a child when there are so many in foster care and the environment is already under so much strain.


This is interesting and true, and I find it funny that so many people think intentionally child-free people are the selfish ones. I think having children could be considered selfish as well, since we pretty much need zero extra people on the planet at this point in time.

eta: I don't mean that to sound offensive to those that I know who have children...but just as a response to the idea that child-free is inherently selfish and having children is selfless.

_________________
Did you notice the slight feeling of panic at the words "Chicken Basin Street"? Like someone was walking over your grave? Try not to remember. We must never remember. - mumbles
Is this about devilberries and nazifruit again? - footface


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun Feb 10, 2013 1:52 pm 
Offline
Tofu Pup

Joined: Sat Jan 19, 2013 8:07 am
Posts: 11
Thanks all for the replies. I really look forward to reading all of your thoughts.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun Feb 10, 2013 1:53 pm 
Offline
Impressive boner
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 2:57 pm
Posts: 4181
Location: Nottingham.
I'm 33 and chosen never to have a child of my own.

I was pregnant at 25 but had to have a termination at eight weeks for medical reasons and it almost broke me. I spent the following two years in a seriously depressed state and decided that I'd never risk putting myself in that position ever again. I do sometimes get pangs to have a little girl of my own, normally after I've spent time with my two little nieces, but it wears off quickly. There are already so many children in care who need families and the planet is over-populated as it is, it wouldn't help if I added another little person to the equation.

I've known Mr8 since BG was 20 months old. I've seen him go through some dark times due to not being able to cope with the demands of being a parent. Things are much better now than they've ever been but at times it can still be tough. I'm glad to say that now BG is one of only two people Mr8 wants to be near regularly and he's growing up to be a wonderful person.


Last edited by 8ball on Sun Feb 10, 2013 1:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun Feb 10, 2013 1:54 pm 
Offline
Semen Strong
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 7:10 pm
Posts: 19306
Location: Cliffbar NJ
Well, living on this planet like so many of us do is inherently selfish - with cars, boats, aeroplanes generating greenhouse gasses and destroying the environment, animals and native populations, cute dresses made by sweatshop workers, eating vegetables, fruit, coffee and chocolate harvested by slaves, using meds to prolong our lives or increase its quality that were tested on animals, living in areas where we have to expend so much energy to cool or heat our spaces, using computers and cellphones that use conflict metals that prolong genocides in areas like Rwanda and ultimately are shipped to poor countries so they can leach toxic chemicals into the earth and kill animals, ecosystems and people thousands of miles away from us, just so we never have to see it.

Having a darling kiddo is pretty far down on the parade of horribles for me. :D

_________________
My oven is bigger on the inside, and it produces lots of wibbly wobbly, cake wakey... stuff. - The PoopieB.


Last edited by Tofulish on Sun Feb 10, 2013 1:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun Feb 10, 2013 1:54 pm 
Offline
Dr Bronners, MD
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 3:30 pm
Posts: 4748
Location: zomgz dijk
paprikapapaya wrote:
This is interesting and true, and I find it funny that so many people think intentionally child-free people are the selfish ones. I think having children could be considered selfish as well, since we pretty much need zero extra people on the planet at this point in time.

eta: I don't mean that to sound offensive to those that I know who have children...but just as a response to the idea that child-free is inherently selfish and having children is selfless.



Agreed. When people press me, this is the reason I give.

_________________
ॐ लोकः समासतः सुखिनो भवन्तु
http://www.embracingtheworld.org


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun Feb 10, 2013 1:56 pm 
Offline
Queen Bitch of Self-Righteous Veganville
User avatar

Joined: Sun Sep 05, 2010 2:21 pm
Posts: 10872
Location: Illinoize
Tofulish wrote:
But even at its hardest, there are those moments, where I am struck dumb by awe or delight, my eyes tear up from the love I feel, and those are the best experiences I've ever had. Still glad I got to do some really fun things and save up some money before having her though :)



I loathe to use the phrase 'safe space', but the OP started this thread for women who chose not to have kids, talking about how you changed your mind and the wonders of motherhood just bring it back to that place of not being able to talk about it without someone either directly telling you that you'll change your mind or saying, "I used to feel that way, and then..." It's like meeting someone who feels the need to tell you about how they used to be a vegetarian but then after ten years they couldn't live without a steak anymore. Some people change their minds, some don't. I find it best to always err on the side of them not changing their minds when people commit to a lifestyle choice, whether it be diet, religion, or not having kids.

_________________
"The Tree is His Penis"

The tree is his penis // it's very exciting // when held up to his mouth // the lights are all lighting // his eyes start a-bulging // in unbridled glee // the tree is his penis // its beauty, effulgent -amandabear


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun Feb 10, 2013 2:07 pm 
Offline
Semen Strong
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 7:10 pm
Posts: 19306
Location: Cliffbar NJ
I feel like that quote, taken out of context, makes my position sound way more extreme than I meant, which is that there are reasons for all choices and people should do what they want to do.

Apologies if my posts have made anyone feel uncomfortable. Please feel free to delete them - my only intent was to share my own personal experience, such as it is.

_________________
My oven is bigger on the inside, and it produces lots of wibbly wobbly, cake wakey... stuff. - The PoopieB.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun Feb 10, 2013 2:25 pm 
Offline
Level 7 Vegan
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 1:15 am
Posts: 1549
Tofulish wrote:
Well, living on this planet like so many of us do is inherently selfish - with cars, boats, aeroplanes generating greenhouse gasses and destroying the environment, animals and native populations, cute dresses made by sweatshop workers, eating vegetables, fruit, coffee and chocolate harvested by slaves, using meds to prolong our lives or increase its quality that were tested on animals, living in areas where we have to expend so much energy to cool or heat our spaces, using computers and cellphones that use conflict metals that prolong genocides in areas like Rwanda and ultimately are shipped to poor countries so they can leach toxic chemicals into the earth and kill animals, ecosystems and people thousands of miles away from us, just so we never have to see it.

Having a darling kiddo is pretty far down on the parade of horribles for me. :D

Yeah, sure, but then there's a whole new person who is going to do a lot of those things.

This is called mommyjacking on STFU, Parents :P

_________________
"One time I meant to send a potential employer a resume, but I accidentally sent them a bucket of puke!

So embarrassing!" -just mumbles


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun Feb 10, 2013 2:29 pm 
Offline
Tofu Pup

Joined: Sat Jan 19, 2013 8:07 am
Posts: 11
Thanks for all of the replies. Honestly, the only reason I can come up with in favor of having kids is that I sometimes fear being alone in my old age with no one to take care of me. I know that there are plenty of other reasons to have kids, but none of them particularly jive with me. I'm smart enough to know that my one pro-kid reason is not enough to make me decide to have kids of my own. So, what I hope for is a community of great friends who can band together in old age and help one another out.
I'm really happy with my life currently and get an enormous amount of joy from my dogs. For me, they are more than enough. My partner and I love them fiercely.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun Feb 10, 2013 2:35 pm 
Offline
Dr Bronners, MD
User avatar

Joined: Thu Nov 01, 2012 2:55 pm
Posts: 4680
Location: The land of maple syrup and beavers.
'Fulish, I get what you're saying and why you're sharing. Because you were anti-procreation and changed stance late in the game and you are obviously understanding who still stand on the child free side of the debate.

I think the selfishness part of the argument comes in because, for eons, that has been the general consensus of child bearers. How could someone purposely not have children, when so many people out there can't? People who don't want children abstain from having them because of selfish reasons! Etc etc. People are accused of being cheap, vain, weak, etc when they say they don't want kids for whatever reason.

I think it is more selfish to have a kid to fix your relationship, or because you think it will make you feel grown up, or whatnot. I think it is selfish to have a kid when you know you can't/won't take care of it properly. I think it is selfish to have a kid when chances of you having appropriate feelings towards it are dubious.

But I think it might be selfish to shell out thirty quadrillion dollars to have one biologically when there's so many kids needing parents and so many causes out there helping kids that need parents (or trying to educate people on how to not have excessive numbers of children they can't care for). Maybe I'm insensitive to this matter because I've never wanted kids and never understood people putting themselves in excessive debt to have them.

I think about kids the way I think about dogs- I am more likely to connect with them if they come a bit older and with their personality a little more present. Why am I more likely to connect with the meat sack that comes out of my body but can't introduce itself than a 6 year old meat sack that has the ability to tell me what it thinks of stuff?

_________________
Anyone for some German Shepherd Pie? - daisychain
Well! Fruit is stupid! These onions taste nothing like fruit! - allularpunk
Dwarf-tossing for God: A Story of Hope - Invictus


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun Feb 10, 2013 2:45 pm 
Offline
Fair trade, organic mistletoe
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 12:52 am
Posts: 3507
Location: Toronto
From a critical theory standpoint, it's considered selfish to not have children because women are tasked with creating new citizens--both literally and figuratively. Women gestate and birth children, but they are also tasked with inculcating cultural norms, (re)affirming notions of nationalism, capitalism, hierarchical gender and race relations for the next generation.

We don't talk about this openly, but this is a big part of why women (note: women, not men) are selfish for not wanting children. They are not fulfilling their duties to the nation.

And childless women are a hell of a lot more of a challenge to the status quo than women with kids. We can easily dismiss the wage gap as an unfortunate side effect of women's "natural" maternal instinct, rather than an ongoing sexist project. We can dismiss the huge gender disparity in management, government, science, as an unfortunate but expected side effect of women staying home with their kids. And expecting women to want to stay home with their kids prevents us from forcing the issue of universal childcare, which ends up harming the women who can neither afford to stay home nor put their kids in unattainably expensive childcare.

_________________
"I'd rather have dried catshit! I'd rather have astroturf! I'd rather have an igloo!"~Isa

"But really, anyone willing to dangle their baby in front of a crocodile is A-OK in my book."~SSD


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun Feb 10, 2013 3:05 pm 
Offline
Mispronounces Daiya
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 2:44 pm
Posts: 1415
Location: Boston, MA
ameyfm wrote:
After a lifetime of not wanting kids, and actually being really uncomfortable around kids, I was so surprised when I first started having some kid-wanting feelings. Surprised and confused.

My husband is a 100% no-kid guy, and my pro-kid feelings seem to be sporadic and short lived. I'm pretty sure that if he were really excited about being a parent, and was willing to do loads of coparenting, he could talk me into it easily. But I don't have enough conviction or enthusiasm myself to talk anyone else into it.


I don't have a husband, but the rest of this resonates with me. I'm confused by my occasional thoughts that maybe a kid isn't so terrible, but then I remember that I definitely don't want kids! I have a feeling that if I ever have a partner that really really wants a kid I could be talked into it, and I'm also super aware that in some-odd years I might lean more toward wanting one.

But for now and in the near future, I don't want kids and I'm happy with that.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun Feb 10, 2013 3:15 pm 
Offline
Who's Ted Leo?
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 11:44 pm
Posts: 7221
Location: Modesto, CA
I don't want kids.... Next time someone tells me the joys of motherhood to try and convince me of the mistake I am having I will go on and about abortion or something, how they could have changed their minds and might be happier or something. Honestly, it is the same thing - we just do not know about the 'what ifs'...The thing I do know is it is my body, my choice and kids are just not something I care for...

_________________
The Stay At Home Girlfriend: A zine that focuses on
vegan recipes, cat love and living with OCD.
https://www.etsy.com/shop/missmuffcake


Last edited by missmuffcake on Sun Feb 10, 2013 3:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 2128 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 86  Next

All times are UTC - 6 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: FootFace and 3 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group
Template made by DEVPPL/ThatBigForum and fancied up by What Cheer