| Register  | FAQ  | Search | Login 
It is currently Thu Nov 27, 2014 2:00 pm

All times are UTC - 6 hours [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 2110 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31 ... 85  Next
Author Message
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 11:31 am 
Offline
Has it on Blue Vinyl
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 6:09 pm
Posts: 2072
Location: K'JIPUKTUK (Halifax, N.S.)
I don't currently want kids. I got tubal ligation to insure that I'll only have kids if I change my mind for the right reasons and have enough income to support them (and invitro).

There are lots of good reasons to have kids and many equally valid reasons not to. I just wouldn't want to be in a position where I end up having a kid due to circumstance. It often works out fine, but I'd prefer to have a bigger say in the matter.

_________________
**Kisses, Licks and Bites**
Unfairly biased! -monkeytoes


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 11:37 am 
Offline
Vegan Vegan Vegan Vegan Vegan
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 2:46 pm
Posts: 4459
Location: 5 mi east of philly
Fee wrote:
supercarrot wrote:
well, i think of it in genetics terms. clearly our parents wanted their genes to be carried on in to the future. they went through all the trouble to have kids and raise them and spent a lot of money throughout their lives. if those kids then didn't have kids of their own, essentially, all that effort goes out the window. (and by that time, the would-be grandparents are too old to have another kid to hang all of their hopes on.)


That is assuming that the reason that the parents had kids in the first place was to pass on genetics

partially, yes.

_________________
I solved it for once and for all -- and for everyone -- by intentionally leaving behind some 9-lives burritos... ~Lorelei4mc
supercarrot.com, vegan groupony things, vegan coupons


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 11:52 am 
Online
Vegan Since Before There Were Vegetables
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 3:30 pm
Posts: 10537
Location: Wolfville, Nova Scotia
smoothie wrote:
I am a little surprised that so many people even consider their parents' thoughts on the subject. It could definitely be a cultural thing, but I've never heard anyone I know in real life take their parents' wishes to become grandparents into consideration AT ALL. Am I alone in this?

It certainly isn't a deciding factor for me, but I think there is some sort of romantic desire with some parents about having grandchildren. My mum LOVES being a grandmother, and I know she wants three generations around the table from all of her three daughters. She doesn't eschew my current stance, but I can tell she's a wee bit disappointed.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 12:40 pm 
Offline
Remembers When Veganism Was Cool
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 28, 2010 1:43 pm
Posts: 2468
Location: In some dumb hotel in an equally dumb town...or in San Diego
While not a women, I have no desire to have children (or even pets) because I love my lifestyle of being able to pick up and go anywhere for vacation, for work, without having to worry about any responsibilities towards another entity.

Alternately Im a creepy hermit who likes to also hide in his cave for days at a time

_________________
http://dumbveganfoodblog.blogspot.com/


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 12:55 pm 
Offline
Should Write a Goddam Book Already
User avatar

Joined: Thu Nov 11, 2010 10:51 am
Posts: 1006
Location: RI
When my parents, in their skewed perception, thought that I was being an ungrateful brat, they would scream at me, "Wait till you have kids!" as some sort of threat. I don't think this helped them get the grandchildren they wanted. I knew and stated from a young age that I never wanted to have children. My upbringing was dysfunctional and often hellish. I was very depressed, sometimes with suicidal thoughts. I was so angry for being brought into the world against my wishes and then often being treated like shiitake by them, mostly my father, with my mother standing by. I have spent the bulk of my childbearing years recovering from my upbringing. My mother expressed sadness and did try to guilt me about not having grandchildren. As far as I'm concerned they brought their lack of grandchildren upon themselves. I do have a brother who is still living in their realm of dysfunction as the golden child. Perhaps he will provide grandchildren for them.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 8:14 pm 
Offline
TOTALLY CRADICAL
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 1:42 am
Posts: 4124
Location: Smugville, CA
I missed a baby shower this week for my mom's cousin, and I had to call and apologize yesterday. She said it was really difficult for her and started choking up when talking about never being a grandmother. Oh jeez... now I feel like crepe.

_________________
Crazy rating: Double plus crazytown bananapants ~Jordanpattern
"It's, you know, your typical Portland restaurant; bowls." ~Kittee
Sews Before Bros


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 8:51 pm 
Offline
Lubes With Earth Balance
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 2:26 pm
Posts: 1600
Location: santa cruz!
:( sorry, Erika.

_________________
Vegan Eats & Treats


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 10:09 pm 
Offline
Loves Carrots (in the biblical sense)
User avatar

Joined: Sat Oct 23, 2010 9:57 am
Posts: 76
Location: Richland, WA
acr wrote:
my mom had always whined about my anti-baby stance and made a big show of how she had saved all my favorite books so she could read them to my kids and blah blah, but she's just, you know, she's whiny, and it felt like one more instance of her telling me how far i was from the daughter she'd imagined having.


Do we have the same mom?

My brother has two kids, which took the pressure off of me somewhat. My mom has mostly dropped the kids thing now, but it was a long battle (and I expect it to be a common topic of conversation if I ever get married again).


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 10:14 pm 
Offline
The Real Hamburger Helper
User avatar

Joined: Thu Feb 17, 2011 10:13 pm
Posts: 2411
supercarrot wrote:
Fee wrote:
supercarrot wrote:
well, i think of it in genetics terms. clearly our parents wanted their genes to be carried on in to the future. they went through all the trouble to have kids and raise them and spent a lot of money throughout their lives. if those kids then didn't have kids of their own, essentially, all that effort goes out the window. (and by that time, the would-be grandparents are too old to have another kid to hang all of their hopes on.)


That is assuming that the reason that the parents had kids in the first place was to pass on genetics

partially, yes.


I don't think most people are making the decision to have kids to specifically pass on genes, at least not consciously.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 11:24 pm 
Offline
Asked Santa for a pony
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 9:29 pm
Posts: 3200
Location: Portland
I'm 23, my husband is 27 and we are both firmly in the no-children camp. Two cats is already a pretty overwhelming amount of responsibility.

_________________
Instagram @noochynoodle


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 11:40 pm 
Offline
Hoards Peppermint Jo-Jos
User avatar

Joined: Fri Oct 29, 2010 9:06 pm
Posts: 783
supercarrot wrote:
well, i think of it in genetics terms. clearly our parents wanted their genes to be carried on in to the future. they went through all the trouble to have kids and raise them and spent a lot of money throughout their lives. if those kids then didn't have kids of their own, essentially, all that effort goes out the window. (and by that time, the would-be grandparents are too old to have another kid to hang all of their hopes on.)


I've been observing this--times a thousand-- for the last couple of weeks as I edit a video celebrating the life of a holocaust survivor who is turning 75. She was an only child and her family came close to dying out. Her primary success in life, in her view, rests on the fact that she made it, and she will live on through her grandchildren. I can't imagine the pressure if one of her kids had decided not to procreate.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Wed Mar 06, 2013 3:35 pm 
Offline
***LIES!!!***
User avatar

Joined: Sun Feb 12, 2012 4:10 pm
Posts: 3862
JillW wrote:
supercarrot wrote:
well, i think of it in genetics terms. clearly our parents wanted their genes to be carried on in to the future. they went through all the trouble to have kids and raise them and spent a lot of money throughout their lives. if those kids then didn't have kids of their own, essentially, all that effort goes out the window. (and by that time, the would-be grandparents are too old to have another kid to hang all of their hopes on.)


I've been observing this--times a thousand-- for the last couple of weeks as I edit a video celebrating the life of a holocaust survivor who is turning 75. She was an only child and her family came close to dying out. Her primary success in life, in her view, rests on the fact that she made it, and she will live on through her grandchildren. I can't imagine the pressure if one of her kids had decided not to procreate.


This is a pretty unique circumstance, though. "Beating Hitler" demographically is a pretty big deal to Jews of my parents' and grandparents' generations.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Thu Mar 07, 2013 8:08 pm 
Offline
Drinks Wild Tofurkey
User avatar

Joined: Tue Nov 09, 2010 12:16 am
Posts: 2794
Location: SF Bay area
One of my best friends just texted me a pic of her sonogram. Obviously, I'm thrilled for her! And she asked me to be the crazy aunt so that means I'm going to go wild knitting little vegan baby hats and coats and I know I'm going to love the kid to pieces.

But I'm also a little sad because these were our "spontaneous adventure" friends. I know we're pretty much never going to see them and everything is going to be about the baby now. Like, I feel like my friends are closer than family but as soon as they have their own nuclear family they...turn their backs on their friends because they have someone more significant in their lives now. I feel guilty and selfish for thinking this way, but there it is.

_________________
http://hotveganchickpeas.wordpress.com (food blog)
http://baybalcony.wordpress.com (gardening blog)


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Fri Mar 22, 2013 8:18 am 
Offline
Has Isa on speed dial

Joined: Wed Mar 20, 2013 10:44 pm
Posts: 86
Location: Milwaukee, WisCULTson
I am 28 and the second I got married 6 months ago(actually once the wedding was announced), the question started, and it never stops. Multiple times every week, sometimes multiple times a day. People ask me if I'm pregnant yet all the time. As if the only reason for marriage is to have children (i know historically that was the reason for marriage, but really, I like living in 2013). Before I started to get asked this question, I never really gave it a lot of thought, I just felt that I was not ready yet to have children, and that if I ever was, I would know when I was. But now that I am married and have to answer the question all of the time, I know I don't ever want to. It just irks me that I have to defend that decision to mere acquaintances (who are almost always guys, btw, what is up with that?) Family and people I am close to are understanding, but everyone else tells me I am wrong and that I will change my mind. ??????? No, my choice to not use my body to bring children i do not want into an unstable world is not wrong. Sure, I might change my mind in like 10 years, but thanks for assuming I haven't given it proper thought or that I'm not capable of sticking to my decision not to. I didn't get married because husband and I want to procreate, we got married because we have built a life together and we love each other and there is no one else for either of us. And the thing is, if people really knew, they would be thanking me for not bringing any children into this world. While I really enjoy giving piggy back rides at Christmas, and spending an hour with a child, I could not spend the rest of my life being on 24 hour call for another human being. Any desire I have to take care of other creatures, I use on my dogs (and often they are the ones taking care of me), and that will be my contribution to this world in place of children.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Fri Mar 22, 2013 6:01 pm 
Offline
TOTALLY CRADICAL
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 1:42 am
Posts: 4124
Location: Smugville, CA
Did anyone else read this on Jezebel? Urrrrgh, blood boiling! I mean, to be fair, this is just outright insulting to women whether they want/plan to have children or not.

Quote:
A new government-funded campaign in Singapore is educating young women about declining fertility through a series of illustrated "fairytales," distributed on university campuses, that retell classic stories that result in some kind of moral lesson for women who ignore the ticking of their biological clocks.

The stories—which are actually mostly nursery rhymes (this same confusion over form is common, as evidenced during a conceptual photo shoot during America's Next Top Model Cycle 6)—are more like cautionary tales with some statistical data. "The Golden Goose," for example, finds her nest empty after her "egg-making device" became "rusty and old," as a pop-up tells us "1 out of 3 women over 35 will have problems conceiving."


http://jezebel.com/5991895/singapore-go ... cal-clocks

_________________
Crazy rating: Double plus crazytown bananapants ~Jordanpattern
"It's, you know, your typical Portland restaurant; bowls." ~Kittee
Sews Before Bros


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sat Mar 23, 2013 5:38 pm 
Offline
Saggy Butt
User avatar

Joined: Thu Nov 04, 2010 6:10 pm
Posts: 298
Location: Temperate rainforest with a capital RAIN
I'm not a woman, but I am set on not having children.

I'm actually really afraid of infants and very young children and the sound of them crying is often enough for me to get up and leave the room. And I have nightmares about being pregnant that wig me out to anxiety-attack levels, which is weird since I don't even get a little grossed out by actual body-horror parasites like botflies and tapeworms. I acknowledge that this is not a usual or particularly good way of feeling about a group of people based on characteristics they really can't help, but I am not interested enough in spending time with small children to want to do anything about it aside from not having children.

I've never really experienced pressure from my family - I think part of this might be because my family has never not been a blended family. When my father married my mother, she brought two children with her, and when she died and my father remarried, his next wife brought another elder sibling. So not only is 'having biological children of my own' only 25% of my father's childrearing experience, I also have two elder sisters and one elder brother who can fulfill anyone's need for grandchildren. Also my father has just always been really chill about accepting other people's life choices. I don't think if my sisters and brother decided not to have children, he would mind at all. He's definitely not concerned with the family line or anything, since I'm the last of my surname and have made it abundantly clear I'm not producing ~heirs~ or anything like that.

I also think they don't expect kids from me because I'm
a) queer
b) trans
c) not interested in passing down whatever heritable psychiatric weirdness my mother passed on to all her kids
d) not interested in marrying into money or embarking on highly profitable careers.

I might, might, might consider adopting a kid when I'm very much older - kind of like an instant grandkid or something, but probably only if my siblings never let me be anyone's cool guncle and I get all my shiitake together enough to be not only a functioning human being unto myself but feeling like I can take responsibility for someone else's life. Which I don't think is likely to happen, really. And I think it's really true that it's better to regret not having kids than to regret having kids.

Also that fairytale campaign is... gross. Ugh.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sat Apr 27, 2013 11:53 am 
Offline
Lubes With Earth Balance
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 2:26 pm
Posts: 1600
Location: santa cruz!
I thought of this thread today because a group of old friends have organized a dinner plan, which I was looking forward to ... Until it was decided that it be at 4:00 in the mother-loving afternoon!!!!? What the hell. I am the only one without kids though, so I guess I'll just bring a cup of coffee, and then go home later and make dinner.

_________________
Vegan Eats & Treats


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sat Apr 27, 2013 11:57 am 
Offline
Invented Vegan Meringue
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 2:18 pm
Posts: 3650
Location: It's hot. All the time.
ameyfm wrote:
I thought of this thread today because a group of old friends have organized a dinner plan, which I was looking forward to ... Until it was decided that it be at 4:00 in the mother-loving afternoon!!!!? What the hell. I am the only one without kids though, so I guess I'll just bring a cup of coffee, and then go home later and make dinner.

My first thought was that you were dining with some older folks in Sarasota, FL where dinner often means 4pm.

_________________
A whole lot of access and privilege goes into being sanctimonious pricks J-Dub
Dessert is currently a big bowl of sanctimonious, passive aggressive vegan enduced boak. Fezza
You people are way less funny than Pandacookie. Sucks to be you.-interrobang?!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sat Apr 27, 2013 12:03 pm 
Offline
Married to the wolfman
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 9:49 pm
Posts: 6007
Location: Santa Cruz, CA
Dinner at... 4????

_________________
"Hummus; a gentleman's vice." -- Mars

coldandsleepy cooks, THE BLOG!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sat Apr 27, 2013 12:16 pm 
Offline
Remembers When Veganism Was Cool
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 1:04 am
Posts: 2494
Location: UK
Even for people with kids, isn't dinner at 4 a bit odd? My siblings all have children, and I don't think any of them ever ate dinner at 4!

_________________
Everyone turns into Boo Radley, if they live long enough ~ seitanicverses


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sat Apr 27, 2013 12:19 pm 
Offline
Lubes With Earth Balance
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 2:26 pm
Posts: 1600
Location: santa cruz!
coldandsleepy wrote:
Dinner at... 4????


Thank you! This is why you are one of my awesome normal friends!

I find the whole thing confusing and maddening. Am I supposed to eat lunch? Am I supposed to eat dinner twice? Or maybe I am supposed to go home and go to bed at 7:30 pm?

_________________
Vegan Eats & Treats


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sat Apr 27, 2013 12:19 pm 
Offline
Lubes With Earth Balance
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 2:26 pm
Posts: 1600
Location: santa cruz!
Vantine wrote:
ameyfm wrote:
I thought of this thread today because a group of old friends have organized a dinner plan, which I was looking forward to ... Until it was decided that it be at 4:00 in the mother-loving afternoon!!!!? What the hell. I am the only one without kids though, so I guess I'll just bring a cup of coffee, and then go home later and make dinner.

My first thought was that you were dining with some older folks in Sarasota, FL where dinner often means 4pm.


I know! Ha ha! Even my MIL eats at 7 pm! In Florida!

_________________
Vegan Eats & Treats


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sat Apr 27, 2013 2:52 pm 
Offline
Hoards Peppermint Jo-Jos
User avatar

Joined: Fri Oct 22, 2010 1:19 pm
Posts: 781
ameyfm wrote:
Vantine wrote:
ameyfm wrote:
I thought of this thread today because a group of old friends have organized a dinner plan, which I was looking forward to ... Until it was decided that it be at 4:00 in the mother-loving afternoon!!!!? What the hell. I am the only one without kids though, so I guess I'll just bring a cup of coffee, and then go home later and make dinner.

My first thought was that you were dining with some older folks in Sarasota, FL where dinner often means 4pm.


I know! Ha ha! Even my MIL eats at 7 pm! In Florida!


Seriously! I relate to this. Almost all of my friends here have kids, and they always want to meet for dinner at 4 or 4:30, and I just.... what? Maybe happy hour, but dinner? So I often plan two events on same evenings: kid "dinner" that ends by 7pm, and then I do something after (real dinner, go out with my dwindling number of friends who don't have kids). I am so tired of arranging things around nap schedules.

_________________
Chicken>Lacan all day, any day. -pandacookie


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sat Apr 27, 2013 6:54 pm 
Offline
Trapped On A Desert Island With A Cow

Joined: Wed Oct 27, 2010 3:14 pm
Posts: 431
Location: Toronto
I don't understand why people would questions others about not having children? Nosiness.. None of their business. I don't even see why someone would have to answer that question besides saying "why is that your business?"

*I'm just sharing this as the other side of the parents wanting to be grandchildren coin. * I never was interested in having children. At all. I loved my job. I travelled internationally with an NGO for work. Every year I could choose to be somewhere different. Then at 27 I all of a sudden want a child. Really badly. I got pregnant when I turned 28. My parents/sister reaction? Not "Yay let's have a party!" It was "I think you should go have an abortion. Your life is great. A child is going to destroy everything you have." So this went on for about 2 months until I stopped answering their calls. My sister even asked me once if I was having a 1/2 dog (???). Strange. They have never asked my partner over. Not even now. When we first started dating, there was so much weirdness and rudeness. With #2, it was "again?" With #3 I had to say "I'm pregnant. Deal with it. Don't talk to me until you have something nice to say." I don't have a very maternal mother. My sister is a bit (ok a lot) of an arrogant bisque.
They are now in love with the children. But still.. There was a lot of bad nasty talk back then. No one has ever apologized.
I don't think either choice is selfish. Your body. You get to decide what to do with it..


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun May 12, 2013 10:13 am 
Offline
Lubes With Earth Balance
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 2:26 pm
Posts: 1600
Location: santa cruz!
Um, yeah. Facebook on Mothers Day.

_________________
Vegan Eats & Treats


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 2110 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31 ... 85  Next

All times are UTC - 6 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Baidu [Spider], daisychain, Dr. Apricot, dropscone, Exabot [Bot], Google [Bot], vijita and 11 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group
Template made by DEVPPL/ThatBigForum and fancied up by What Cheer