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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun May 12, 2013 10:14 am 
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Chip Strong
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Yes, it's really something.


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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun May 12, 2013 10:45 am 
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ameyfm wrote:
Um, yeah. Facebook on Mothers Day.



Working on Mother's Day, and dozens of customers asking you if you are a mother (because of course a woman over 25 is one), and then trying to convince you that your life will be incomplete if you never do have children, and looking at you like you are some cold, heartless monster because you didn't have/want children like they did. Of course all these customers are men.

Also, no one seems to find the 'my pets are my children' response appropriate.


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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun May 12, 2013 12:20 pm 
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Fair trade, organic mistletoe
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From Facebook. So much wrong with this!
Quote:
Today is Mother’s Day, and if you're celebrating your fabulous mother or whooping it up with your fabulous children, may you have the best day ever. But as much as I love you and wish you well, with all due respect, this post is not for you. It's for all the childless mothers out there.

As an OB/GYN, I know Mother’s Day can be a tough day for many women - those who have been unable to conceive, lost pregnancies, had abortions, given their babies up for adoption, lost their reproductive capacity as the result of treatment from cancer, chosen not to reproduce, never met the right partner, or wound up waiting too long. It can also be challenging for all those stepmothers who never bore children themselves, who may feel second fiddle to the biological mothers, even when they're the ones making lunch for six kids every day while Biological Mommy lives on her boyfriend’s yacht.

If you’re one of those women, Mother’s Day brunches, kids making hand-woven pot holders, and over-the-top flower displays at the local grocery store may leave you feeling… well… left out. Mother’s Day can be tough for the childless mothers out there who play the role of Auntie, become stepmothers, dote on the children of friends, or treat their animals like children.

When people find out a woman doesn’t have children, they may look askance. Maybe she’s just selfish. Maybe she’s frigid. Maybe she’s too self-absorbed to take time to do what “God intended women to do” (yes, someone had the nerve to say that to me before I became a mother.)

There’s no easy way to ask women why they don’t have kids. Were they infertile? Did they never meet the right partner? Did they choose to pursue careers, rather than parenting? There's a sort of judgment in the question that has no business being there, especially when it's such a sensitive subject- and you may never know how deep the well of sorrow around the issue of motherhood goes for many childless mothers.

Many of my patients and friends, especially those who are infertile or without partners who long to be mothers, find Mother’s Day painful. It’s a reminder that they’re not living up to what society expects of them. Strangers ask. Parents nag. Friends bug. “Why don’t you have kids yet?” or "Why did you never have them?"

If you are a childless mother, think of all the beings in your life that you love and nurture. Maybe there are many children whose lives have been touched because you're on this planet. Maybe you've been the world's best mother to a dog or cat or guinea pig. Maybe you’ve given birth to a business, a painting, a poem, a nonprofit, or a dream. Maybe you've FINALLY given birth to yourself.

When you open your heart to the feminine capacity to love and nurture others, you bless the world and the world is in need of many blessings.

If you’ve tried to be a mother, and for whatever reason you're not - may you have peace on this day. If you've chosen not to bear children, I honor your courage to defy societal norms and follow your truth. If you're mothering another woman's children, may you breathe in the knowing that you are a precious gift to those children.

If you're a childless mother, I honor you today. Happy Mother's Day. You deserve it.

I feel pretty confident that referring to women who have chosen not to have children as "childless mothers" is about as tone-deaf and dickish as you can get.

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun May 12, 2013 12:28 pm 
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Chip Strong
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Being referred to as a childless mother is just as bad as being treated as "pre-pregnant"!


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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun May 12, 2013 1:01 pm 
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j-dub wrote:
I feel pretty confident that referring to women who have chosen not to have children as "childless mothers" is about as tone-deaf and dickish as you can get.


Aw, maybe we just need to open our hearts to the feminine capacity to love and nurture others, and we will feel less stabby and instead bless the world in need of many blessings. I feel a little nauseous.

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun May 12, 2013 1:50 pm 
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Blessings to us all! The more blessed you get the less nauseous? Something like that. Blessings!

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun May 12, 2013 1:51 pm 
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if i go into a store on mother's day, an employee inevitably says "happy mother's day" to me. i never know what to think about it. i always walk out hoping i have something that looks like baby food on my shirt or in my hair, so there'd be some semi-justifiable reason for it.

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun May 12, 2013 1:54 pm 
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Feel shame for not being blessed yet. Or honoured for not having the children you didn't want because the feminine capacity for blessings is blessed.

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun May 12, 2013 2:05 pm 
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Mother's Day wasn't hard for me...before I read that.

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun May 12, 2013 2:07 pm 
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IsaChandra wrote:
Mother's Day wasn't hard for me...before I read that.

But you've birthed cookbooks! Bless your femininity, Isa!

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"But really, anyone willing to dangle their baby in front of a crocodile is A-OK in my book."~SSD


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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun May 12, 2013 2:43 pm 
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pandacookie wrote:
Feel shame for not being blessed yet. Or honoured for not having the children you didn't want because the feminine capacity for blessings is blessed.

"happy mother's day!"
"oh, i don't have any children. but don't worry, i'm going to smother my shame and sorrow with these bagel chips and then use this sponge to clean up after i've given birth to myself."

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun May 12, 2013 3:20 pm 
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my yoga class this morning was mothers, mothers, mothers. do this pose, because as mothers we open our hearts. do this pose, because as mothers we open our hips. do this pose, because we are all goddesses because we are all mothers. barf.

j-dub, that post above is so gross. where was it posted? on page/someone's wall? i don't get all the desperate attempts to invite women who don't have kids into this holiday. i'm not a mom, and don't want to be. i don't feel bad about it. i'm thankful for my mom, and that's that.

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun May 12, 2013 4:16 pm 
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molasses jane wrote:
my yoga class this morning was mothers, mothers, mothers. do this pose, because as mothers we open our hearts. do this pose, because as mothers we open our hips. do this pose, because we are all goddesses because we are all mothers. barf.
\


that is so wrong. that yoga teacher needs a talking to!

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun May 12, 2013 4:38 pm 
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I love the PPK for all its cynicalness on the run away "nicey nice" things that show up on other places of the internet.

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun May 12, 2013 6:10 pm 
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Slept through a huge sale, OH NO!
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In my head, today is Mother of Cats day. Also: Mother of Dogs. And Bunnies! And Everything with a Heartbeat that you love. OK -- even Plants!


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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun May 12, 2013 6:11 pm 
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lycophyte wrote:
I love the PPK for all its cynicalness on the run away "nicey nice" things that show up on other places of the internet.


This. So so so so so much. It's my oasis of cynicism.

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun May 12, 2013 7:02 pm 
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molasses jane wrote:
j-dub, that post above is so gross. where was it posted? on page/someone's wall? i don't get all the desperate attempts to invite women who don't have kids into this holiday. i'm not a mom, and don't want to be. i don't feel bad about it. i'm thankful for my mom, and that's that.

It was reposted by someone I follow (FitVillains) and I'm still kind of irked by it!

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"I'd rather have dried catshit! I'd rather have astroturf! I'd rather have an igloo!"~Isa

"But really, anyone willing to dangle their baby in front of a crocodile is A-OK in my book."~SSD


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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun May 12, 2013 7:08 pm 
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molasses jane wrote:
j-dub, that post above is so gross. where was it posted? on page/someone's wall? i don't get all the desperate attempts to invite women who don't have kids into this holiday. i'm not a mom, and don't want to be. i don't feel bad about it. i'm thankful for my mom, and that's that.

But we are all mothers! We have hips and hearts and blessings and the feminine capacity for making burritos. You should feel empowered by some sort of rank jibber jabber about blessings and capacity. Why agitate for rights when you can bask in the warm glowing warming glow of a shiitake Facebookery meme?

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun May 12, 2013 7:16 pm 
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i will happily celebrate Mother of Burritos Day. i will even name the burritos before i devour them. please hold the side of rank jibber jabber.

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun May 12, 2013 7:40 pm 
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I birthed a number of stupendous poops today, but none of them gave me flowers or a card, so I'm disappointed.

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun May 12, 2013 8:05 pm 
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those ungrateful shiitakes!

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun May 12, 2013 8:05 pm 
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One of mine did...should I be flattered?

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun May 12, 2013 8:11 pm 
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Ugh. I saw another similar post to the one jdub posted and when I first read "if mother's day is hard for you" i thought it was going to be about people who have lost their mothers. That's what I think about most today since my husband's mother passed away a few years ago. Now I just try to make the day nice for him so he doesn't have to feel bummed out. I get super bummed out around father's day. I had no idea that we should be pitying people who have been courageous enough not to have kids! jeeeze. There's no way anyone would post that we should feel sorry for all the men out there who aren't dads when it's father's day.

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun May 12, 2013 9:14 pm 
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acr wrote:
those ungrateful shiitakes!


This made me laugh really hard.

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun May 12, 2013 11:00 pm 
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ijustdiedinside wrote:
There's no way anyone would post that we should feel sorry for all the men out there who aren't dads when it's father's day.

Fathers are not so important when it is the women opening their hearts and hips to push out the miracle blessings. During yoga, apparently.

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