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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun Sep 15, 2013 11:24 pm 
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pandacookie wrote:
ndpittman wrote:
mrsbadmouth wrote:
Those are the strangest looking dog prints i've ever seen.


I think that's for when Jesus carries the hind legs.

Gold.

Yeah, I definitely almost cried from laughter at this.


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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Mon Sep 16, 2013 4:59 am 
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smoothie wrote:

I think I love you.


Thank you! But have we ever really experienced love, or do we only think we have? Ha!

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Mon Sep 16, 2013 7:26 am 
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I'd like to be pandajacked

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Mon Sep 16, 2013 7:37 am 
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Bring me all the pandaflapjacks you want!

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Thu Sep 19, 2013 2:08 pm 
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It irks me on the facebookery that I'm getting ads for baby stuff in addition to the diet stuff. It's a pretty minor pet peeve but I just don't need to see pictures of organic baby socks and whatnot. I changed my gender to male, so I wonder if that will stop that nonsense. It is pretty stupid to even have to choose a gender (and why only male/female?).

I need to figure out if there's a way to get adblock on my smartphone since I don't use my computer to look at fb.

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Thu Sep 19, 2013 2:22 pm 
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if you mark the ads as offensive, they'll eventually stop coming. (i have no idea when the last time i had a baby related ad pop up on FB.)

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Thu Sep 19, 2013 2:25 pm 
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Ah. It didn't occur to me to mark them as offensive. I thought that was to report abuse, etc.

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Tue Oct 01, 2013 2:57 pm 
Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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Today I saw 2 women with their 2-ish year old kids at this lecture I went to. Both kids needed to breastfeed at some point during the lecture, and for the first time ever, I was totally put off by the thought of ever breastfeeding. Not like I was offended by them or anything, they can do whatever they want, obviously. But I was just SO happy that my body belongs to ME and only ME. I don't have to share it with anyone. I don't have to make myself available to a child, I don't have to be touched unless I want to.
I've always thought to myself that breastfeeding would probably be awesome if I ever decided to have a baby, but all day today I've just been thinking about it and felt like it would be such a violating feeling to have someone feeling like they can have access to my body 24/7.

Have any of you guys ever felt like that?


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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Tue Oct 01, 2013 4:56 pm 
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I had a different, related thought today. I'm in the town where I grew up and I fell into a facebook cyberhole this morning and I was thinking about why I didn't have children with regard to if I were asked the question. One thing I came up with was that I don't like to watch from the sidelines, I want to *do*. Like, I don't want to watch sports, I want to do sports. I don't want to supervise, I want to participate. This would not have made me an awesome mother.


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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Tue Oct 01, 2013 7:57 pm 
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smoothie wrote:
.................... but all day today I've just been thinking about it and felt like it would be such a violating feeling to have someone feeling like they can have access to my body 24/7.

Have any of you guys ever felt like that?


Yes. I'm a little reticent to say how I feel about this because I think I may word it poorly and my intent will be misconstrued and someone will get offended, but here we go....

So yes, and not just in regards to children and not just physically. That's why I love being single (and no children). I'm not saying your partner can paw at you whenever he/she feels like it, but generally speaking, in relationships there is some expectation of some form physicality. Be it a child or an adult relationship, I'm just not into the expectation aspect of it.

But I also feel that way about time and ways to spend it. I basically want to do things on my own agenda. I'm not interested in taking the kids to soccer practice or piano lessons or watching their dance recital.

I don't think this makes me a bad person because I don't force my way onto others by having children or dominating an adult relationship. It's not like I'm anti-social or anything. I love being around and with people, I just like my freedom :)


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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Tue Oct 22, 2013 9:40 am 
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"Silly things people have said to me when I tell them I'm not having kids."
I like the author's style.

Link: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tuenight/ ... 98642.html

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Tue Oct 22, 2013 9:58 am 
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Cute article. I must admit to not having this problem. Up until the age of 41 I was childfree by choice (we now consider ourselves childless by unhappy choice) but apart from one or two "you'll change your mind" and "but you make such a great mum" from my mum when I was in my twenties - no one ever said any of the things I so commonly read in these articles to me. Maybe it's more common in America, I'm not sure. But I still enjoy the articles, especially when written with humour like this one was - helps me to confirm that we made the right choice.

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Tue Oct 22, 2013 10:05 am 
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Interesting! I lived in the US until my mid-20's, and not once did the conversation come up. It's only come up now that I live in NL (late 20's). I've had this awkward conversation with pretty much all of my female colleagues. I think because they're finally making major life choices (buying houses, marrying partners, starting families), and they can't imagine I also wouldn't want to do it, right now, also. They were all shocked and appalled. Actually, even some of the women from the Amma group were shocked and appalled (which shocked me). Actually, they were all equally shocked that I didn't immediately try to find a (Dutch) boyfriend after moving here. So maybe it's just part of the "doe normaal" mentality? Anyway, yes, humor appreciated 1000%.

('Doe normaal' link: http://stuffdutchpeoplelike.com/2010/11 ... e-normaal/ )

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Tue Oct 22, 2013 10:18 am 
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Interesting article lutin, I was not aware of how entrenched the "doe narmaal" mentality was in the Netherlands, . Funny the things we don't really know or appreciate until we've lived it eh?

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Tue Oct 22, 2013 11:52 am 
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lutin wrote:
"Silly things people have said to me when I tell them I'm not having kids."
I like the author's style.

Link: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tuenight/ ... 98642.html


Ha! I loved this. I'm getting "you'll change your mind" a lot less now that I'm entering my mid-30s (still child-free, ten years after the first time you said it, thank you very much meddling relative). Of course the flipside to that is I'm getting "what will you do when you're old?" a lot more often, ha! As if having a biological child will forge some blood oath that s/he is ensared by some invisible eternal umbilical cord until the day I die, and must spend my final years slaving over my dying form, ensuring my comfortable passing. Lots of folks who have kids die alone and neglected; lots of folks who have no kids die surrounded by loving friends and family. Ain't no guarantees in life, and nothing that comes out of my vagina can change that.

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Tue Oct 22, 2013 11:56 am 
Invented Vegan Meringue
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WORD.

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Tue Oct 22, 2013 12:16 pm 
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Erika Soyf*cker wrote:
Ain't no guarantees in life, and nothing that comes out of my vagina can change that.


new sig!

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Tue Oct 22, 2013 12:49 pm 
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The quote above is great and reminds me of how peeved I am about something.

One of my friends has a kinda messed up way of thinking about kids that seems to be getting more intense. The things she says - I really can't get behind it, not even a little bit anymore. Especially since she's basically said what's going to happen and she'll only weakly "try" to keep her adult friends. She's confessed to needing to have a kid within 2 years (because it has to happen before she turns 30). Refusing the idea of adoption, even if she can't have kids, because they have to be "hers". Needing to have kids just because her family was large and that's the only way she thinks she'll be happy. And wanting to change her last name when she gets married just because she wants her future unborn kids to have the same name as her to make it "easier"?.

Change your name. Or don't. Have one kid, have a million. Just don't think you can plan your entire life out like a road map, friends and others be damned on your journey to raising your brood.


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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Tue Oct 22, 2013 12:57 pm 
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lepelaar wrote:
Erika Soyf*cker wrote:
Ain't no guarantees in life, and nothing that comes out of my vagina can change that.


new sig!


YESSSSSS

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Tue Oct 22, 2013 4:16 pm 
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bathsheba wrote:
The quote above is great and reminds me of how peeved I am about something.

One of my friends has a kinda messed up way of thinking about kids that seems to be getting more intense. The things she says - I really can't get behind it, not even a little bit anymore. Especially since she's basically said what's going to happen and she'll only weakly "try" to keep her adult friends. She's confessed to needing to have a kid within 2 years (because it has to happen before she turns 30). Refusing the idea of adoption, even if she can't have kids, because they have to be "hers". Needing to have kids just because her family was large and that's the only way she thinks she'll be happy. And wanting to change her last name when she gets married just because she wants her future unborn kids to have the same name as her to make it "easier"?.

Change your name. Or don't. Have one kid, have a million. Just don't think you can plan your entire life out like a road map, friends and others be damned on your journey to raising your brood.

Crazy idea: her kids could have her name.

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Wed Oct 23, 2013 3:49 am 
Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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Oh man, I hate that whole "I have kids now, you can't expect anything from me as a friend anymore"-bullshit. Of course there will be a period of time with no sleep and crying baby and everything will be new and exhausting. And then it will stop, and you will find balance in your new life and you will be expected to make an effort to keep your friendships. Because friendships are give and take, it doesn't matter if you have kids or not.


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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Wed Oct 23, 2013 10:25 am 
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I don't think there's anything wrong with putting family before friends. I have wonderful friends who love me and I love them - I've always understood when they put family first, whether it be their children, their parents or spouses. Some people put friends on equal footing with family - most don't. I think part of being a grown up is accepting that. When I was single and all my friends were away on long weekends with family it was sad and I was lonely, but I never faulted them for it, and certainly did not take offense - that would have be horribly self-centred in my opinion.

My family consists of my husband and our kitties, I will always put them before friends. I think people have a right to choose what is most important to them - we don't have to like or understand it, but there you have it.

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Wed Oct 23, 2013 11:35 am 
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I think that's not the part we question. I think it's the way people think that now they kids they have more of right to not give a shiitake about the friendship. Everyone has a right to prioritize and then live with the consequences. Yes, I value my boyfriend more than other friendships, but that doesn't mean that my friends are the ones who should put more into our friendships.

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Wed Oct 23, 2013 11:43 am 
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VeganinBerlin wrote:
I think that's not the part we question. I think it's the way people think that now they kids they have more of right to not give a shiitake about the friendship. Everyone has a right to prioritize and then live with the consequences. Yes, I value my boyfriend more than other friendships, but that doesn't mean that my friends are the ones who should put more into our friendships.


Yes. I see your point, and I agree.

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Wed Oct 23, 2013 11:49 am 
Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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Yeah, what VeganinBerlin said. Of course most people will put their kids and family first. But if you decide to not prioritize to spend a little energy on your friendships, you're probably going to end up lonely. At least if you're friends with me!


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