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 Post subject: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Thu Mar 28, 2013 10:38 pm 
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Hoards Peppermint Jo-Jos
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I am in a long-term relationship, and only ever have. My experience is primarily with using internet as my way of meeting folks I have dated (though I've only had two relationships to date, including my current one) but when asked, I have no idea how to meet someone! I am a very... confident person, which I thought always off put some man-boys, while the less aggressive man-boys were drawn to me. This time, I'm looking to help out a friend. How do you meet someone, without compromising standards but also without being placed into a friend zone?

I am clueless, but this information is not for me. I want to be able to help!


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 Post subject: Re: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Thu Mar 28, 2013 10:54 pm 
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Venomous Head of Veganism
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Pretend to pass out in a busy intersection and see who gets in the ambulance with you.

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 Post subject: Re: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Thu Mar 28, 2013 10:56 pm 
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Married to the wolfman
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Sheesh. I have no idea! I met my spouse at work. (Illicit workplace romance! Sounds so saucy! But it wasn't like that really.) The people I dated before that, I knew through the internet, which worked for me when I was a teenager. Not sure I'd want to do that now.

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 Post subject: Re: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Thu Mar 28, 2013 10:56 pm 
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IsaChandra wrote:
Pretend to pass out in a busy intersection and see who gets in the ambulance with you.

Is this a J. Lo movie?

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 Post subject: Re: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Thu Mar 28, 2013 11:22 pm 
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Chip Strong
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Posts: 998
Location: RI
Lets see..
High school band
Work
A bar
Country line dancing
The internet

That's all I've got.


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 Post subject: Re: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Thu Mar 28, 2013 11:59 pm 
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Should Spend More Time Helping the Animals
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Everyone with whom I've ever been in a serious relationship has been someone I met in school.

I dropped out of school about 7 years ago, around the same time my last partner and I broke up.

I got nothin'.

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 Post subject: Re: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 3:27 am 
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The Real Hamburger Helper
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Through friends, really. One or two of my relationships have started with an "I need somewhere to stay!" emergency act of sluttiness with an acquaintance I thought was good looking I would try my luck with, which sped things up a little. Then we would usually go out for coffee, which is a cunning cypher for getting drunk in the middle of the day. It's much better than proper dating.

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 Post subject: Re: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 3:32 am 
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Huffs Nooch

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I've met quite a few men on the tube or at the bus stop. Houseparties are good for meeting new people as well. I don't know how active the couch surfing community is where you live, but if there are a lot of meetings that could be an option too.


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 Post subject: Re: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 3:39 am 
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Mispronounces Daiya
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Same places you meet potential friend, I suppose. Through friends, parties, meetups, at work, in class, in hobby groups...


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 Post subject: Re: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 5:31 am 
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Bathes in Braggs
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I have been in two relationships in my life & I met both online and I only met them when we were already pretty much in love..

I don't even know how to find friends offline, so...

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 Post subject: Re: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 6:04 am 
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Saggy Butt

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towards the end of high school until i met my current boyfriend, I was super involved in the local punk scene and its extensive cast of characters and kind of dated around that for a while.
i fulfilled the old stereotype of the relatively-hot-chick-musician-who-is-also-a-bangin'-baker-and-brings-cookies-and-cupcakes-and-shit-to-shows. which works.
I met my current boyfriend at work though, and he's so not interested in music that it almost hurts.


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 Post subject: Re: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 6:37 am 
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Invented Vegan Meringue
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Location: It's hot. All the time.
You go out, you meet people. Do things you don't normally do, go places you would not normally go.

In the meantime, you learn to love yourself enough that you can be alone, comfortably. Then someone will add to your life and not be your life.

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 Post subject: Re: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 7:33 am 
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Dr Bronners, MD
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Lets see...this is how I've met all my beaus:

High school boyfriend: at school.
Slightly older dude romance: I was working as a lifeguard, he was a summer camp counselor who brought his campers there for a pool day.
Random flings: bars.
Band boyfriend: met at a show.
Ex-fiancé: met at a bar, then I looked him up on Facebook and got ahold of him that way.
Recent ex: work.
Soccer crush: used to come in to my work, started hanging out from there.
Current dude: work.

So, mostly work and school. If you have an active social life and are out a lot doing things, I feel like it's inevitable that you'll meet someone with similar interests. If you're a person who only works and then goes home or only hangs out with one friend at a time at their place or yours (my current life), it's much harder.

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 Post subject: Re: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 7:49 am 
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WRETCHED
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coldandsleepy wrote:
Sheesh. I have no idea! I met my spouse at work. (Illicit workplace romance! Sounds so saucy! But it wasn't like that really.)


This is me. I once slipped my number to a waiter but that turned out not to be a good idea, after a few dates, I decided I wasn't interested and he didn't take that well. I dated guys I knew through friends or even friends. My husband and I were work friends long before we dated.

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 Post subject: Re: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 8:00 am 
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Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
in school, through friends, through work, at bars (this is how I've met almost everyone I've ever dated), at libraries, in movie theaters, through volunteer work, while travelling, on public transportation, at festivals, in front of toilets (really, this happened to me once), through the internet, through friends boy/girlfriends friends, taking classes, where you work out, while walking around the city, on the train going somewhere, on the bus going somewhere, in the supermarket, in 7-11 (this also happened to me once)..

There really is no trick to not being friend-zoned, and people always always always have the right to friend-zone you. And you don't know how people are before you get to know them, so the standards-part is something you figure out along the way. Just be who you are and be open to other people and DON'T EVER COMPLAIN TO SOMEONE YOU WANT TO BE WITH THAT YOU ALWAYS GET FRIEND-ZONED. if you get unwantedly friend-zoned all of the time, you're clearly not being open about your intentions and that's your problem and people always reserve the right to tell you they don't want to be romantically involved with you (picture google "Nice Guys of OkCupid" to see why I am ranting about this).

I guess my experience tells me that you have to be pretty confident and blunt about it - if you're interested in someone, ask them out on a date. Don't pretend to want to be their friend because it seems "safe". There is nothing embarrassing about inviting someone out.


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 Post subject: Re: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 8:53 am 
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Bought a used copy of Natural Harvest
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If I weren't married, I think I'd meet people at shows and just being out and about. I'm a really friendly person, and that seems to draw people. I think if I were on the look out, I'd just ask people I was interested in.

That's what I did with my husband. He was in a popular hardcore band in Canada, I met him in real life after chatting with him online for a bit and I made it very clear through body language and things I said that I was interested right from the get-go.

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 Post subject: Re: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 9:01 am 
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Drinks Wild Tofurkey
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1 through the internet
1 through a friend (my exhusband)
The rest through school and work.

I wish there was some strategy that worked, but what really happens is that I only date people that I've spent a good amount of time with prior to (so school and work). As I get older, more and more people are married, so this doesn't work as well anymore.

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 Post subject: Re: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 9:46 am 
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Chip Strong
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Vantine wrote:
You go out, you meet people. Do things you don't normally do, go places you would not normally go.

In the meantime, you learn to love yourself enough that you can be alone, comfortably. Then someone will add to your life and not be your life.


Hear, hear! Love this!


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 Post subject: Re: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 9:58 am 
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Queen Bitch of Self-Righteous Veganville
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If I were actively trying to find someone to date, i'd probably bump up my frequency of places i'd normally go out to - like if you actually enjoy bars, meeting someone at a bar is fine, but I think it's a little weird to go to bars to meet people if that's not something you'd normally do. Do you like art? Art openings! Biking? Sign up for some bike rides. And so on and so forth.

Then again, Brian and I met at a Christian-run coffee house, so.

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 Post subject: Re: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 9:59 am 
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Saggy Butt
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I've never had a problem asking boys out (not that I've been terribly successful--or had that much time to practice as I was with the same guy for 10 years) but it's been drilled into me over the past couple of years that if a guy is into you, he will ask you out, and if you ask him out he's "Just Not That Into You". I have a friend who absolutely insists this is true. So now I don't want to ask boys out. and I don't go out. Bleah.

Dating in your 30's is lame.

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 Post subject: Re: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 10:05 am 
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WELFARIST!
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The internet. It's never turned out well.

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 Post subject: Re: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 10:07 am 
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I met my husband in grad school, but before that my previous relationships were with people I met online. I'm socially awkward and a pretty big introvert so I suck at meeting new people (friends or otherwise).

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 Post subject: Re: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 10:11 am 
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Drinks Wild Tofurkey
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geeksweetheart wrote:
I've never had a problem asking boys out (not that I've been terribly successful--or had that much time to practice as I was with the same guy for 10 years) but it's been drilled into me over the past couple of years that if a guy is into you, he will ask you out, and if you ask him out he's "Just Not That Into You". I have a friend who absolutely insists this is true. So now I don't want to ask boys out. and I don't go out. Bleah.

Dating in your 30's is lame.

I don't know much about that whole "He's not that into you" thing, but it seems like kinda bullshiitake. I think it might apply if you're talking about women obsessing about every little thing a guy does and trying to analyze everything to figure out if he likes you, but I think that asking a guy out or being more aggressive, there's nothing wrong with that.

You definitely shouldn't have to work too hard to make someone like you. in that case, yeah, he's probably not that into you and it's not worth it, but when you're talking about asking someone out and just getting to know them, it should come from either side, whoever has the balls to do the asking or make the first move I guess.

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 Post subject: Re: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 10:11 am 
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Dead by dawn
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Biker boy and I met on match.com. What I like about online dating is that it takes a lot of the ambiguity out of it... at least you both know that you're actually looking for someone(s) to date.

The one before I met at the beach. I was with my Little Sister and he was playing frisbee with friends and just walked up to us and started chatting. The one before that, work. A few dates here and there with a few guys I met in bars. The one before that was a coworker of my bestie, but not a set-up; we all did a charity walk together and he told her the next day that he was interested in me. Before that, met him hanging out with my sister and her boyfriend's group of friends. And before that was my ex-husband, who I met when he was a customer at my work (record store) when I was 19.

The whole "find an activity you're interested in and you'll naturally meet other people who are interested in the same thing" never really worked for me. With the notable exception of biker boy, mostly I've found when I wasn't looking.

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 Post subject: Re: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 10:45 am 
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WELFARIST!
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geeksweetheart wrote:
I've never had a problem asking boys out (not that I've been terribly successful--or had that much time to practice as I was with the same guy for 10 years) but it's been drilled into me over the past couple of years that if a guy is into you, he will ask you out, and if you ask him out he's "Just Not That Into You". I have a friend who absolutely insists this is true. So now I don't want to ask boys out. and I don't go out. Bleah.

Dating in your 30's is lame.

I used to ask guys out all the time, too. I can think of only maybe one or two of my romances that were initiated by the other party. The rest are all ME, BABY. I don't have a problem with that.

That said, I haven't had a date in..what, ten years? I stopped asking guys out and they never ask me so love has been at a standstill for me. I really don't care about that though, as I know that when someone comes to appreciate me and I them, it'll happen, and in the meantime, I just live my live, happily indulging in my interests, indifferent to romance at the moment and filling my life with other creative projects.

As for the "s/he's just not into you" concept--to me it works both ways, of course, but I've always thought of it as more of a sign as to whether or not someone's a priority in your life. Just think of the people you REALLY want to see and love to see, you're never "too busy" for them, are you? I always sort of gauge my interest in someone, personally, when I'm considering dating them or whatever, as if, for example, I ask myself would take a call from them if I was REALLY BUSY and have a super tight deadline or am super absorbed in something and there would be no one else on the planet I'd pick up the phone for in that minute? If I'm picking up the phone, I'm "into them", you know; in other words, I'm making them a priority no matter what. That's always been my understanding of that book (and yes, I actually read the book back in the day just to see what Oprah and everyone was talking about) and to me, the theme of the author's sentiment was priority. Top priority or not?

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