| Register  | FAQ  | Search | Login 
It is currently Fri Dec 19, 2014 10:57 pm

All times are UTC - 6 hours [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 17 posts ] 
Author Message
 Post subject: meeting bf's parents for the first time
PostPosted: Sun Nov 21, 2010 8:17 pm 
Offline
Loves Carrots (in the biblical sense)
User avatar

Joined: Fri Oct 22, 2010 12:03 am
Posts: 77
(formerly katieud)

hello folks. my parents won't be in town for thanksgiving, so my boyfriend's parents invited me to spend thanksgiving with them. this of course brings up crippling social anxiety and fear that they'll hate me or I'll do something ridiculous and they'll wonder why the hell their son is dating me. I've never met them before and his entire extended family will be there as well. I already went out and bought a nice shirt to wear (he said it is extremely casual, but his and my ideas of casual are very different). besides a double dose of prozac, does anyone have any advice to make this bearable?

_________________
You're all like, "ahh, I have too much superoxidedismutase! Initiate programmed cell death!" -Sra. Nooch


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: meeting bf's parents for the first time
PostPosted: Sun Nov 21, 2010 9:08 pm 
Offline
Nailed to the V
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 9:21 pm
Posts: 530
Location: Brighton
Don't sweat it.

Just enjoy the hospitality and spending thanksgiving with yer feller.

Are you having tofurkey? Take tofurkey!

_________________
utilitarian wrote:
I was a militant vegan once. Now, I just eat their food.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: meeting bf's parents for the first time
PostPosted: Sun Nov 21, 2010 9:26 pm 
Offline
Mispronounces Daiya
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 4:14 pm
Posts: 1429
Location: The Latham Compound
It can't be worse than the first Thanksgiving with my husband's family. I think I had met them once prior, in passing. In addition to me, they also invited his EXgf! And she brought her bf. It was so awkward. I just wanted to run away all night. I know I brought myself food, and brought a dessert, and his parents were nice to me and ate what I brought and didn't go "eww vegan" or anything but the fact that his ex was there was just a nightmare. I don't think I talked all night aside from formalities.

And now we're married and I win!

_________________
http://megatarian.blogspot.com


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: meeting bf's parents for the first time
PostPosted: Sun Nov 21, 2010 9:39 pm 
Offline
Drinks Wild Tofurkey
User avatar

Joined: Sun Nov 07, 2010 7:06 pm
Posts: 2945
Location: Mke-ish
Bring a delicious, fancy dessert and win them over right away!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: meeting bf's parents for the first time
PostPosted: Sun Nov 21, 2010 9:43 pm 
Offline
Semen Strong
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 7:10 pm
Posts: 19314
Location: Cliffbar NJ
Be yourself, you're awesome! And the yummy dessert contribution can't hurt. <3 <3 <3

Rabidchild, that is hilarious and awful. I would have spent the whole evening assuming I was being Punk'd...

_________________
My oven is bigger on the inside, and it produces lots of wibbly wobbly, cake wakey... stuff. - The PoopieB.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: meeting bf's parents for the first time
PostPosted: Sun Nov 21, 2010 10:01 pm 
Offline
Attended Chelsea Clinton's Wedding
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 9:26 pm
Posts: 208
Location: ITH
Just try to relax and not spaz out. Taking food is always good. I'm also going to my bf's parents house for Tday and staying there a few days. I've met them over a weekend before in the summer when they visited, but I'll also be meeting a sister and random family members. I plan on taking some extra food things even though his mum says she'll be making most everything vegan.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: meeting bf's parents for the first time
PostPosted: Mon Nov 22, 2010 12:52 am 
Offline
Brain Made of Raw Seitan
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 2:33 pm
Posts: 1219
Location: Tachyon-coma, WA
Everybody else has fabulous advice. I just popped in to say that your new screen name is the best one on this board. You're all like, "ahh, I have too much superoxidedismutase! Initiate programmed cell death!"

_________________
This thread is about Rowans, Jason Mraz and vibrators. ~ Rowan


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: meeting bf's parents for the first time
PostPosted: Mon Nov 22, 2010 4:38 am 
Offline
Shopped till she dropped
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 5:36 pm
Posts: 1690
Location: the land of too much wine and wind
Heh. The first time I met my BF's mom was for his dad's funeral. Yep. I flew from Chicago to Anchorage for that. I was nervous as hell. I also met his entire extended family, all of his friends and his best friend since the age of 3 all in one go. It was intense and surreal, but ultimately, a pretty good time considering the circumstances.

Tofulish wrote:
Be yourself, you're awesome! And the yummy dessert contribution can't hurt. <3 <3 <3

This. And be gracious and polite, but relax and enjoy yourself. They know you're nervous.

This reminds me that Fred is meeting my extended family for the first time this Thanksgiving. He's already met my parents, sister and brother-in-law, but my family is very different from his. I've been giving him the low-down: generally conservative, down-home Central Illinois Catholics. His family is primarily Liberal West Coasters with a penchant for good food and wine. Both families are a lot of fun, in their own bizarre ways.

Have you asked your boyfriend much about his family? He would be the best person to ask for advice. He can tell you what their general interests are, so you have a little preparation. Or at least he can give you an idea of what to avoid. Families are weird. There are always little quirks and idiosyncrasies that you have to dance around.

_________________
I just brought out the carrot sticks. This is war. - paprikapapaya

I GOT YER VAGILANTE JUSTICE RIGHT HERE. ::grabs crotch:: - DarthCupcake


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: meeting bf's parents for the first time
PostPosted: Mon Nov 22, 2010 5:37 am 
Offline
Saggy Butt
User avatar

Joined: Fri Nov 05, 2010 2:18 pm
Posts: 284
Location: Athens, Greece
I guess I am lucky that I met my husband's father the day before our wedding and the rest of his family 2 months later :shy:

_________________
VegLite - Healthy Vegan Recipes


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: meeting bf's parents for the first time
PostPosted: Mon Nov 22, 2010 6:33 am 
Offline
Seagull of the PPK
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 6:46 pm
Posts: 8502
Location: Brasil
blueheart wrote:
I guess I am lucky that I met my husband's father the day before our wedding and the rest of his family 2 months later :shy:

HA! I met a brother in law a few months before we got married but everyone else much, much later. It's the best way to do it.


This is a little out of left field but I used to do a lot of fundraising for my university that involved formal dinners with rich eccentric folks, and my job was to be the pleasant undergrad and embody why said eccentric should donate lots and lots of money. Usually the dinners were as awkward as you can imagine, and the people weird, but I learned pretty quickly how to do it and how to be graceful. Especially since I came from a nonfunctional family that not only didn't know which fork to use for the salad, our thanksgiving dinners implied "hey you, give me the motherforking stuffing already!"

My tactic was to become an actor, imagine these people were dear, dear friends from childhood (I had an old italian couple who spoiled me as a kid, so I always imagined Mr and Mrs Campoli) and regardless of what they said or did, these were old friends from the past that I could feel comfortable around, talk to openly, and completely squelch any negative thoughts until after the dinner was over (usually i'd go out dancing after and thrash around a lot).
It worked pretty well, maybe you can just "pretend you're someone else" through the dinner and hopefully you'll be pleasantly surprised.

(I went to a Thanx at a boyfriend's house with his separated and very embattled parents, and the first thing I heard, after "another white girl? when are you going to bring home a good girl who can read arabic?" was "Sharon has decided to cook the turkey at 250 for twelve hours, so I hope you have health insurance, since by next week we'll all be swimming in salmonella." That was even worse than a thanksgiving with my own family. Let's hope yours is better.)

_________________
Buddha says 'Meh'.--matwinser
I'm just a drunk who likes fruit. -- Desdemona


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: meeting bf's parents for the first time
PostPosted: Mon Nov 22, 2010 7:30 am 
Offline
Thinks chickens are assholes
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 1:17 pm
Posts: 5745
Open your heart to them, don't assume that they're the type of people who would think such mean thoughts, they haven't done anything to deserve that. They could be nervous about meeting you too. Try to remember it's their thanksgiving, they're opening their family to you but it's not all about you.

If you're polite and make him happy they'll love you.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: meeting bf's parents for the first time
PostPosted: Mon Nov 22, 2010 8:33 am 
Offline
Bought $40 worth of Stonewall's Jerquee
User avatar

Joined: Tue Nov 02, 2010 8:38 am
Posts: 172
Location: Toronto
Yep just be yourself. I get so nervous that I go mute or act all stupid but the people that are genuine will see that you are a nervous and not making an asparagus of yourself (not that you are going to do that!).
On my DW side of the family I just play stupid, it's easier that way. I like to be underestimated.

_________________
Hey I'm walking here


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: meeting bf's parents for the first time
PostPosted: Mon Nov 22, 2010 11:39 am 
Offline
Kitchens Planning Manchester
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 11:28 pm
Posts: 2536
Location: Connecticut
I'm bad at advice because this would freak me out some too. But I find that all of this is true and helpful (and I think someone posted it on the old boards, too):
http://www.viruscomix.com/monstrepancies.jpg

_________________
"I never do anything you say, Isa. When I cook from VWAV and it says to add one cup of flour, I add three cups of olive oil! Now who wants some forking muffins??"-ExpiredSanity
Tumblr
Cast Iron & Cupcakes
I guess I have a Twitter now


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: meeting bf's parents for the first time
PostPosted: Mon Nov 22, 2010 12:32 pm 
Offline
Wears Durian Helmet
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 2:15 pm
Posts: 858
Location: South West UK
Sra. Nooch wrote:
Everybody else has fabulous advice. I just popped in to say that your new screen name is the best one on this board. You're all like, "ahh, I have too much superoxidedismutase! Initiate programmed cell death!"


this is what I was coming in to say! Everyone's advice is spot on too


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: meeting bf's parents for the first time
PostPosted: Mon Nov 22, 2010 12:43 pm 
Offline
Loves Carrots (in the biblical sense)
User avatar

Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 7:49 am
Posts: 74
Location: MA
It could be much worse. You could be meeting them for the fist time pregnant, like I was when I met my partner's parents. I am sure you will be fine! It's probably much easier to meet them at a large gathering than if it was just the two of you and his parents.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: meeting bf's parents for the first time
PostPosted: Mon Nov 22, 2010 12:48 pm 
Offline
Dying from Nooch Lung
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 11:01 am
Posts: 3382
Location: Chandler, AZ
My GF just met part of my family (dad, sister) earlier this month and she was real nervous, too. If they see that you make him happy (which I'm sure you do) they'll be happy, too. Just be yourself! And if you're really that concerned make a bailout plan like a way you can signal your BF that you want to leave.

_________________
Half the lies I tell are not true.
"luckily us vegans dont go into cardiac arrest...but we do go into food comas" - Adam Crisis


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: meeting bf's parents for the first time
PostPosted: Mon Nov 22, 2010 6:23 pm 
Offline
Loves Carrots (in the biblical sense)
User avatar

Joined: Fri Oct 22, 2010 12:03 am
Posts: 77
Sra. Nooch wrote:
Everybody else has fabulous advice. I just popped in to say that your new screen name is the best one on this board. You're all like, "ahh, I have too much superoxidedismutase! Initiate programmed cell death!"


ha! new signature!

thanks for the advice everybody. I suck at social situations and in the back of my head I know I'm blowing it out of proportion. I just really, really like him and don't want to fork this up.

_________________
You're all like, "ahh, I have too much superoxidedismutase! Initiate programmed cell death!" -Sra. Nooch


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 17 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 6 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: anna bee, Moon, Rhizopus Oligosporus, strawberryrock and 8 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group
Template made by DEVPPL/ThatBigForum and fancied up by What Cheer