Post Punk Kitchen Forum

My worst thing is that every. forking. thing. I have baked so far today has fallen apart when I take it out of the pan. I have been over every possible variable and can't figure out what is going on. I've a new batch about to come out of the oven now, and I'm in a panic about whether it will do the same. I already had to call my client and tell them that I will be late tonight, and I have no idea how late because I don't know how many times I will have to re-bake everything. This is like my worst work nightmare (aside from dropping a wedding cake on delivery, but thankfully that's never happened).

Someone dumped two puppies at a local shelter last night in the cold and they didn't make it. The shelter posted a picture of them to see if anyone recognizes them because whoever dumped them is obviously facing some hefty animal cruelty charges, but oh my god. Their little bodies trying to keep warm. I feel helpless and like I'm going to cry and like I hate people more than imaginable.

I called home and found out my cat has been gone for a month. My brother has looked all over the neighbourhood, called all the animal shelters, even went out to another city because they had a cat that fit Phil's description, but they can't find him. I'm pretending that, because it's been cold there, some family took him in and he just got used to it, but he was 13 years old and an indoor/outdoor cat all his life, so I'm not keeping my hopes up. At least I got to see him and love on him when I was there in November.

Maybe it was something to do with the weather?

I am so sorry Fee. I hate people too right now.

I am so sorry Poopie. I hate ovens right now.

Spent way too much time in Boston for two little check ups. The worst part is that it's a 2.5 hour drive which is such a waste.

I ate a sandwich. But I'm still hungry. My roommate is asleep on the couch in our kitchen/living room area. I feel bad going out for more food since it will wake him up and he has to leave here in 5.25 hours for work and I can sleep all day tomorrow if I want. Dude needs to get a bed in his bedroom (which is 1.5x the size of mine) so I can eat at all hours of the day/night and not feel bad about it!

Anything you can grab that would be fairly silent? Like an apple or some shiitake?

Nah, dress up as the grim reaper and pump dry ice into the room. If you're going to wake him up, wake him up good and hard.

I hate when I don't have the right words to make someone feel better.

My face is really itchy! And since it's still kind of numb in some spots, when I scratch, nothing happens.

Yeah, do you not have any food at all?

Texted my ex earlier today about our dog that we had together for four years and who's now passed... Was thinking of her and he's the person with whom I shared this very special thing with. No response.

Two really good friends of mine, entirely independently of each other, felt compelled to reveal their transphobic issues to me today. Neither of them were doing it in a mean way or directing anything at me personally, they just like...needed to process their personal cissexist shiitake, and for whatever reason they chose to involve me in that process. I'll admit I kind of encouraged it, but I had no idea the level of fuckedupness I was about to encounter. The second one was so bad I had to be like "I can't actually continue to have this conversation or I'm going to have a panic attack. I hope you can process this some other way." These are not even like, everyday crassholes off the street...these are really good friends of mine with whom I've had really good conversations about gender before and who I normally think of as being really good allies.

Lousy training run. Cut it short and shut off my watch so I don't actually have to show my coach the long walk back to my car...

That really, really sucks, CQ. I'm sorry.

And, to be honest, I'd be really pissed at them. Not (just) for the shiitake itself, but for bringing it to you.

Hugs to you CQ, that sounds really rough.

I am just so damn exhausted all.the.time. It's been a month (tomorrow) since I had surgery and I still feel like a lump. I am tired of missing out on life!

I understand how you feel, but I think maybe you need to cut yourself some slack? I had major surgery (not the same as yours) a couple of years ago, and it took a long while to get back to normal. It was three months before I stopped feeling exhausted, and a while longer than that before I felt "normal" again.

Forgive me if this sounds patronising, I don't mean to be, I'm just having trouble articulating what I want to say. I just know that I was desperate to be back to how I was, and got very frustrated, and all my medical team kept saying " Hey, you should be feeling tired! It would be strange if you weren't!"

I hope you feel better soon.

Thanks, Jogirl. Not patronizing at all!

I think I'm just frustrated because I spent basically a year sidelined with pain and now that the pain is (mostly) gone I feel like I should be doing all the things I was missing out on. And you can really only spend so many days lying in bed before you get morose.

Went out to my parents house and got to talking with my mom about my granny (who now lives in a house they built for her right next to theirs). She has Alzheimer's and it's getting worse (as it does). It's just so sad because she watched her mother and so many of her friends go down this road, and I remember her saying my whole life that she didn't want to lose her mind. She even used to say that she'd rather just die than lose it like her mother did. And now I see her, totally unaware of who I am, not recognizing her own daughter half the time, paranoid and accusatory and indignant, and it just makes me sad. Because she still occasionally (more and more rarely) has lucid moments, where she understands what is happening to her, and it breaks her heart. And that breaks mine.

I am so sorry Poopie, that is terribly sad. (((Hugs)))

So many hugs.

pfff. that's low :(

I'm feeling you so much. Both my grans have Alzheimer's too, one worse than the other, and it's such a heartbreaking disease. Tons of hugs, poopie. <3