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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2013 10:35 am 
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Hugs to go around where they are needed and wanted. I'm sorry there is so much suck in this thread right now.

I'm still not settled re: next year, still hurt, bewildered and baffled by some work stuff, but I don't have to leave the house except for two GED classes a week until August. I'm going to try to do more constructive things though, so I feel better, like start water aerobics as soon as I get my next paycheck. Right now though, I just feel worn out and bruised instead happy it's vacation time.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2013 10:55 am 
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Wow. Lots of bad stuff here guys. I'm so sorry, and I am sending out all of the caring and hugs.

lw: I really hope you are able to get some stuff; I think it would be a big help. I'm biased because behavioral therapy was a godsend for me, but I really hope you can find some activities that you like. I wish I lived closer!

paprikapapaya: You are so incredibly smart and talented. It can total gut you being laid off, no doubt, but I hope and trust that something better will come out of this.

celyn: Yikes! That's so terrifying. I'm glad that you were able to get help and that you're on the road to recovery. That really, really sucks though. Please let me know if there's anything I can do.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2013 11:22 am 
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After reading the last 3 days posting here I feel I am whining ... Sunday the 16th was the anniversary of the death of my dear father with today being the date of his funeral. I can just see the slightly annoyed look on his face if knew I was still carrying on ... I took today off work ... but we are going to hear a talk about conscientious objectors in the Great War ...
I hope everyone sleeps well & wakes with 'get on with things' morning energy.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2013 1:57 pm 
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Thanks Morgyn.

Teacup... everyone's post in here is valid and being sad on such an important anniversary is definitely no whining. Major *hugs* to you xxx

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2013 3:00 pm 
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yeah teacup that isn't whining, it's a big thing and you have every right to be sad about it. seriously.

my mother called me yesterday and was talking about killing herself as "the only way out" of her current situation (jobless, living with her parents until she can find a place, trying to get out of philadlphia, hoping her old house doesn't collapse before the sale goes through etc.) she's got a history of suicidal ideation with her depression so I had to go in to problem solving mode, I called my aunt and she's making sure to check up on her, I'm requiring her to send me texts every few hours, she's also getting new blood work done today and I know if it comes back with bad news results (which, lbh, it probably will, blood cancer rarely forks off on its own etc) she'll spiral so i'm just sitting on my hands waiting for the hysterical phone call from her when she gets these results back. it's frustrating because I am definitely worried about her, and I feel really selfish because I really don't WANT to be taking care of her right now, I still haven't FORGIVEN her yet, and I have to be like, on guard levels of alert to her emotional wellbeing. augh. I feel terrible, of course I don't want her to kill herself and I know she's in a really shitty place, Lard knows I get it, but fuucckkkkkkk it's exhausting and i've had to completely break down all the boundaries i've been working so hard to build up for the past 6 months just to make sure she stays alive.

ughhhh

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2013 4:06 pm 
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I'm so sorry you have so much to deal with Boober. I hope that you can get more help and support from other family members.

Your mother is really lucky to have such an awesome, caring daughter.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2013 4:36 pm 
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Having a serious what the fizzle moment right now. My co-worker (technically, a "boss" inasmuch as he pays 5% of my salary) just called me, during the workday (he's never in the office because he never works), to ask me why I unfriended him on Facebook. I said, "is that the only reason you're calling?" and he says "yes." I explained (feeling resentful that I should even have to defend myself against unfriending someone on FB) and sort of lied by saying I've been unfriending a lot of people on Facebook lately for personal reasons. He then demanded to know who else from the office I had unfriended! I asked if we could discuss this another time, and I think the tone in my voice made it clear that I found this in no way important, relevant, or professional.

I'm livid. This is precisely why I held out against getting an FB profile for so long in the first place. I hate the politics of "oh, I have to friend this person or else--" How about I "friend" you if you're really my forking friend? And FYI, my friends don't make me breathe their second-hand smoke or assume that because I am a secretary I'm also a personal assistant.

ETA: The reason I unfriended him, btw, was because two years after feeling coerced to add him in the first place, I got sick of wondering which if any of my posts he was leering over and decided life's too short to play that game.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2013 5:12 pm 
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You know, I was just on the receiving end of what I think is the first spite defriending I've noticed, ironically over a big personnel/command issue that had almost nothing to do with me personally and a decision in which I was not involved in the least. I don't take it all that personally or get bothered by it, kinda comes with the territory, but I will admit that my initial response was less mature, along the lines of "hey, fork you too!" Generally if I notice that I'm not friends with someone anymore it's someone I wasn't really very close to ever anyway. People weed, and I post a lot of crepe that most people have no interest in. Just went on a pictures of my food bender to flush out some of the bacon on my feed with yummy veggies. ;)

But anyway.. I think the best way to handle this, when it's professional contacts, is to make a group of 'personal' contacts and make most things, especially ones you want to limit, visible by that list only.

(ETA: we're reaching a point in my husband's career where I need to get a little bit more serious about separating professional from personal stuff, so this has been weighing on my mind lately.. Anyway, I hope the situation works out with your coworker, but the politer thing might be to be nominally friends with him while limiting the audience of your posts.)


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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2013 5:41 pm 
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I understand what you're saying, annak, and absolutely appreciate your remarkable diplomacy skills. I think I just feel like 'the polite thing to do' would be for him to leave me the hell alone and allow me to limit MY Facebook to people I want on it. What bothers me isn't worrying about keeping my personal FB and my work FB separate, it's my belief that I shouldn't feel compelled to have work folks on FB to begin with because it would seem 'rude' not to, especially if those people are not who I would consider 'friends' or family offline.

I think it's baffling because we have, like, zero relationship. As I mentioned, he's rarely in the office and majorly creeps me out whenever he is. We've never socialized outside of the office. He has over 1,000 friends. I just don't see why he is so butthurt about me not being one of them.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2013 6:09 pm 
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hahaha. DRAMA, he will bring it.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2013 6:09 pm 
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Erika Soyf*cker wrote:
I understand what you're saying, annak, and absolutely appreciate your remarkable diplomacy skills. I think I just feel like 'the polite thing to do' would be for him to leave me the hell alone and allow me to limit MY Facebook to people I want on it. What bothers me isn't worrying about keeping my personal FB and my work FB separate, it's my belief that I shouldn't feel compelled to have work folks on FB to begin with because it would seem 'rude' not to, especially if those people are not who I would consider 'friends' or family offline.


I get that, and I agree, though so much is done on FB these days that it is annoying for certain things to have to contact people a different way.. at least in some of my circles, this is how a lot of event invitations and information dissemination is handled. Mostly that's done through groups, but ugh, the dramas involved with individuals blocking and defriending.. Sometimes I just wish that there were no fb!!

So anyway, I agree that in theory you should not have to be fb friends with him, but in practice, I would ask yourself whether it's worth picking a fight over it, because this is the sort of thing that people tend to get butthurt over. I mean, I kind of hate facebook if only because it mostly just seems to rub in people's faces what they're being excluded from. But so much is ON facebook these days that you kind of have to. Bleh.


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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2013 6:14 pm 
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Can I just say fork cancer? I lost a dear friend earlier this year from it, and I just learned that my cousin's cancer is most definitely terminal. My friend was only 32 years old, and cousin is 43. Too young for this shiitake.

Seriously. fork you cancer.


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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2013 6:16 pm 
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It's not picking a fight though. He's making a big deal over essentially nothing. They aren't friends, don't socialize and aren't planning to rent a tandem together to ride the pacific crest. Boundaries, he can learn them.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2013 6:45 pm 
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booberthefraggle wrote:
yeah teacup that isn't whining, it's a big thing and you have every right to be sad about it. seriously.

my mother called me yesterday and was talking about killing herself as "the only way out" of her current situation (jobless, living with her parents until she can find a place, trying to get out of philadlphia, hoping her old house doesn't collapse before the sale goes through etc.) she's got a history of suicidal ideation with her depression so I had to go in to problem solving mode, I called my aunt and she's making sure to check up on her, I'm requiring her to send me texts every few hours, she's also getting new blood work done today and I know if it comes back with bad news results (which, lbh, it probably will, blood cancer rarely forks off on its own etc) she'll spiral so i'm just sitting on my hands waiting for the hysterical phone call from her when she gets these results back. it's frustrating because I am definitely worried about her, and I feel really selfish because I really don't WANT to be taking care of her right now, I still haven't FORGIVEN her yet, and I have to be like, on guard levels of alert to her emotional wellbeing. augh. I feel terrible, of course I don't want her to kill herself and I know she's in a really shitty place, Lard knows I get it, but fuucckkkkkkk it's exhausting and i've had to completely break down all the boundaries i've been working so hard to build up for the past 6 months just to make sure she stays alive.

ughhhh

Boober, it is not your responsibility to keep your mother alive. You are not selfish. Your mother has done some things that I would deem, frankly, unforgivable if done to me and you have every right to be angry and to set the boundaries you need. And those include refusing to deal with this shiitake. You have every right to tell her that you cannot deal with her suicidal ideation and that if she is at risk of hurting herself she needs to call 911. You also have a right to call 911 if you think she is going to hurt herself or if she keeps threatening you that she is going to.

Please, please, please be kind and loving to yourself and set the boundaries that you need.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2013 6:56 pm 
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Erika Soyf*cker, I work with a girl who has a hard and fast rule, no co-worker friends on FB. Even though we're friendly at work and have hung out outside of work, she and I aren't friends on FB. I think it's smart. Could you tell him that? Or your probably not worrying about it, but that was my first thought.

Boober: Just huge hugs.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2013 7:05 pm 
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I'm basically going to tell him that I'm not even friends with my own mother on FB (true, and she was far more mature about accepting it than he was), and gently remind him that I am not obligated to justify actions in my personal life to him. I'm not worried about repercussions because, as I mentioned, he never actually comes to the office to do work and I know everyone else has my back on this one.

Boober, I'm so sorry your mom is giving you such a hard time. I agree with j-dub, take care of yourself first and foremost. It must be awful to go through what she is going through, but that's no excuse to stress you out and emotionally blackmail you.

helbury, totally fork cancer. Cancer is a forking crasshole.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2013 9:36 pm 
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Erika Soyf*cker wrote:
Having a serious what the fizzle moment right now. My co-worker (technically, a "boss" inasmuch as he pays 5% of my salary) just called me, during the workday (he's never in the office because he never works), to ask me why I unfriended him on Facebook. I said, "is that the only reason you're calling?" and he says "yes." I explained (feeling resentful that I should even have to defend myself against unfriending someone on FB) and sort of lied by saying I've been unfriending a lot of people on Facebook lately for personal reasons. He then demanded to know who else from the office I had unfriended! I asked if we could discuss this another time, and I think the tone in my voice made it clear that I found this in no way important, relevant, or professional.

I'm livid. This is precisely why I held out against getting an FB profile for so long in the first place. I hate the politics of "oh, I have to friend this person or else--" How about I "friend" you if you're really my forking friend? And FYI, my friends don't make me breathe their second-hand smoke or assume that because I am a secretary I'm also a personal assistant.

ETA: The reason I unfriended him, btw, was because two years after feeling coerced to add him in the first place, I got sick of wondering which if any of my posts he was leering over and decided life's too short to play that game.


I always tell people that I only add family and don't use FB much. I don't understand Facebook drama. After two years of watching my students discuss Facebook drama, and twitter drama, I really don't get it!

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2013 9:38 pm 
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Random aside: I just learned about 'sub-tweeting'. For example, "I hate it when people totally derail threads!" That's a 'subliminal' tweet to passive aggressively insult someone.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2013 9:43 pm 
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My married coworker asked me to have sex with him. He flirts with me all the time, but I never thought anything of it because he's super outgoing and funny, and I don't know, I just didn't take it seriously. But today he came into my office and told me he and his wife haven't had sex in two years and he wants to "break his streak" with me.

What the actual fork. MY WORKPLACE IS RIDICULOUS.


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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2013 10:02 pm 
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My God, ashley. When I saw you were the last poster I thought to myself, oh Lard, what happened at work--I certainly didn't predict that! Huge hugs! That must feel so weird!! How's the job search going?

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I would eat Dr. Cow pocket cheese in a second. I would eat it if you hid it under your hat, or in your backpack, but not if it was in your shoe. That's where I draw the line. -allularpunk


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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2013 10:04 pm 
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j-dub wrote:
booberthefraggle wrote:
yeah teacup that isn't whining, it's a big thing and you have every right to be sad about it. seriously.

my mother called me yesterday and was talking about killing herself as "the only way out" of her current situation (jobless, living with her parents until she can find a place, trying to get out of philadlphia, hoping her old house doesn't collapse before the sale goes through etc.) she's got a history of suicidal ideation with her depression so I had to go in to problem solving mode, I called my aunt and she's making sure to check up on her, I'm requiring her to send me texts every few hours, she's also getting new blood work done today and I know if it comes back with bad news results (which, lbh, it probably will, blood cancer rarely forks off on its own etc) she'll spiral so i'm just sitting on my hands waiting for the hysterical phone call from her when she gets these results back. it's frustrating because I am definitely worried about her, and I feel really selfish because I really don't WANT to be taking care of her right now, I still haven't FORGIVEN her yet, and I have to be like, on guard levels of alert to her emotional wellbeing. augh. I feel terrible, of course I don't want her to kill herself and I know she's in a really shitty place, Lard knows I get it, but fuucckkkkkkk it's exhausting and i've had to completely break down all the boundaries i've been working so hard to build up for the past 6 months just to make sure she stays alive.

ughhhh

Boober, it is not your responsibility to keep your mother alive. You are not selfish. Your mother has done some things that I would deem, frankly, unforgivable if done to me and you have every right to be angry and to set the boundaries you need. And those include refusing to deal with this shiitake. You have every right to tell her that you cannot deal with her suicidal ideation and that if she is at risk of hurting herself she needs to call 911. You also have a right to call 911 if you think she is going to hurt herself or if she keeps threatening you that she is going to.

Please, please, please be kind and loving to yourself and set the boundaries that you need.


^yeah, all of what j-dub says is what I also say. <3 <3

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2013 10:10 pm 
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Geez, I need to find something else to talk about! The job search is kinda going nowhere, but now I have yet another reason to try harder.

It does feel pretty weird. And it makes me kind of sad. He's totally unhappy in his marriage (he has told me before that he feels trapped, etc.), but he doesn't believe in divorce, so I guess he "believes" in cheating instead. I know he's cheated on her at least once before because he told me about it! He said it happened years ago and that he felt bad about it. Obviously not that bad.


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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2013 10:18 pm 
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ashley wrote:
Geez, I need to find something else to talk about! The job search is kinda going nowhere, but now I have yet another reason to try harder.

It does feel pretty weird. And it makes me kind of sad. He's totally unhappy in his marriage (he has told me before that he feels trapped, etc.), but he doesn't believe in divorce, so I guess he "believes" in cheating instead. I know he's cheated on her at least once before because he told me about it! He said it happened years ago and that he felt bad about it. Obviously not that bad.


I'm just concerned about you because it seems like a horrible environment that you have to go to every day, you know? I wish I has a solution, but I don't think I know a soul in your area.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2013 10:25 pm 
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ndpittman wrote:
ashley wrote:
Geez, I need to find something else to talk about! The job search is kinda going nowhere, but now I have yet another reason to try harder.

It does feel pretty weird. And it makes me kind of sad. He's totally unhappy in his marriage (he has told me before that he feels trapped, etc.), but he doesn't believe in divorce, so I guess he "believes" in cheating instead. I know he's cheated on her at least once before because he told me about it! He said it happened years ago and that he felt bad about it. Obviously not that bad.


I'm just concerned about you because it seems like a horrible environment that you have to go to every day, you know? I wish I has a solution, but I don't think I know a soul in your area.

Thanks. I really do appreciate your concern. My boss has at least been nicer to me since I threatened to quit a couple weeks ago, so there's that!


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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2013 10:32 pm 
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Ashley, yuck! I'm so sorry you have to deal with that, especially in your workplace.

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