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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Tue Jan 07, 2014 3:06 pm 
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Moon - I am so sorry you & your family are going through this

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Tue Jan 07, 2014 7:06 pm 
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Today was my first day at my new job and it was so scary and overwhelming and I panicked the whole day long, just sitting there in a big training room, barely containing the urge to run out and never return. Everything feels so awful and surreal and horrible. Does anyone else feel like that when they have to do new things? I am so panicked right now that I feel like I'm going to die or maybe my life is over. I'm pretty convinced that one or the other will happen.

Then I came home and found out my dad's best friend died. He went into the hospital for the flu over Christmas, contracted pneumonia in there and died. He was 50. He was a regular fixture at our house growing up. He was also my dad's dealer, so there's very mixed feelings with that.

Best day ever.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Tue Jan 07, 2014 7:17 pm 
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I even feel like that first day back at work after a break. I was in bad shape yesterday morning. I didn't even listen to my audiobooks because I couldn't focus. I just kept chanting "it will be ok. Only a few hours" in my head the whole way. I even splurged ridiculously on two lattes: a small hot one for the drive and an iced one to drink at work. For some reason decaf soy lattes feel like a hug to me and ground me a little.

Then of course it was ok, but I'll feel the same next time there is a week or more off. It's hard when you intellectually know the panic makes no sense. But I'm sure in a week or two or even a month you'll be comfortable there and settled in, so maybe you can focus on a point in the future. That's the only way I made it through the first couple weeks of school this year. A new school year always feels like the first day at a new, scary job.

I hope tomorrow goes better for you.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Tue Jan 07, 2014 7:47 pm 
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I am so sorry PaprikaPapaya! That sounds so rough.

I am very sorry for your loss. Fifty is so young, its just tragic. And about the anxiety, I feel like that happens to me as well. A new situation triggers all my fears and sends me into a bit of a tailspin. Can you get some support for the next month or so - maybe some CBT exercises?

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Tue Jan 07, 2014 8:01 pm 
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paprikapapaya wrote:
Today was my first day at my new job and it was so scary and overwhelming and I panicked the whole day long, just sitting there in a big training room, barely containing the urge to run out and never return. Everything feels so awful and surreal and horrible. Does anyone else feel like that when they have to do new things? I am so panicked right now that I feel like I'm going to die or maybe my life is over. I'm pretty convinced that one or the other will happen.

Hey buddychops, my love. I think it is so normal to be overwhelmed by new things, especially new jobs. New jobs throw a multitude of new things all in a one-er at top speed at yer bonce and it can be hard to process it all at once. I am so feart to have to do that all over again if I ever manage to escape my place of current employ. Breathe, baby. You are fabulous and you will cope and get through this, yes yes! Don't make me come over there! <3

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Tue Jan 07, 2014 9:08 pm 
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Thank you guys for posting. Just reading that I'm not the only one who feels that way is immensely comforting to me. I love you guys.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Tue Jan 07, 2014 9:21 pm 
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Hugs, PP. I think first days are always tough. Heck, i get panicky on the first day back from vacation! Once you get in the groove it gets easier, I think.

Sorry about your dad's friend. When my dad's old drinking buddy/my godfather died I was full of a lot of emotions, so I understand.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Tue Jan 07, 2014 9:51 pm 
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paprikapapaya wrote:
barely containing the urge to run out and never return.

But you did resist and you did stay! Triumph! And you are on to the next day of learning and getting more comfortable. Super!

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Tue Jan 07, 2014 10:22 pm 
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I agree that feeling that way is pretty normal! I used to get very anxious with big changes like that but going through nursing school where I had to start new clinical rotations every couple months, which felt like starting a new job, really helped me get used to it and mellowed out the anxiety a lot for me. If changing jobs is a very infrequent thing (which it hopefully is, right?) then I don't see how you would ever have the opportunity to get used to it. Hopefully being aware that it's normal and you will get through it will be comforting for you! Good luck!


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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Tue Jan 07, 2014 10:53 pm 
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My dad died unexpectedly right after Christmas. Yesterday two of my Iraqi students died in a (very avoidable) aircraft crash. Today another aircraft went down carrying with it at least one person I used to fly with.

Enough. Just enough. I need the world to hold it's shiitake together for one goddamn day.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Tue Jan 07, 2014 10:55 pm 
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Invictus, im so sorry. That is so much.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Tue Jan 07, 2014 11:34 pm 
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Invictus wrote:
My dad died unexpectedly right after Christmas. Yesterday two of my Iraqi students died in a (very avoidable) aircraft crash. Today another aircraft went down carrying with it at least one person I used to fly with.

Enough. Just enough. I need the world to hold it's shiitake together for one goddamn day.

Goddamn goddamn. I am sorry.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Tue Jan 07, 2014 11:36 pm 
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I'm so sorry, Invictus.

paprikapapaya, I think it's totally normal to feel overwhelmed and awful when you start a new job. I've felt that way with every job I've ever had. Once you settle in and get back into a routine, I'm sure you'll do great! At some point it just clicks and doesn't feel foreign anymore.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Jan 08, 2014 7:19 am 
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Giant hugs Invictus.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Jan 08, 2014 8:28 am 
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PP you are great and before you know it, this job will feel like second nature!

Big hugs to you Invictus. :(

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Jan 08, 2014 8:49 am 
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I am so very sorry for your losses Invictus. Sending you many good thoughts <3

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Jan 08, 2014 10:05 am 
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My sister ad her brain surgery. Today she is running a fever. She wasn't keeping food down.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Jan 08, 2014 10:13 am 
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Kfad, I'm thinking of you and your sister. Many hugs! I hope she heals quickly.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Jan 08, 2014 12:05 pm 
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lillianp wrote:
Kfad, I'm thinking of you and your sister. Many hugs! I hope she heals quickly.


Thanks. I just called mom again and they have the fever under control. But she still is not eating. She has never even really had a real flu bug, so I think part of it is that her system just doesn't know how to react to the whole thing.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Jan 08, 2014 8:14 pm 
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pandacookie wrote:
Invictus wrote:
My dad died unexpectedly right after Christmas. Yesterday two of my Iraqi students died in a (very avoidable) aircraft crash. Today another aircraft went down carrying with it at least one person I used to fly with.

Enough. Just enough. I need the world to hold it's shiitake together for one goddamn day.

Goddamn goddamn. I am sorry.

I am so sorry...

I read your tribute to the Iraqi students. It was lovely.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Jan 08, 2014 8:41 pm 
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Being told today by my former manager that staff doesn't want me to come back. In all my different jobs, I've never ever been told that. And my former manager told me when I left that I was more than welcome to return. It hurts so much. I've made it a priority to get along with people wherever I go, and I'm so crushed. The few coworkers I told today were appalled. I'm trying to take it as a blessing in disguise, but it hurts so so much.


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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Jan 08, 2014 9:35 pm 
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I'm so sorry invictus.

kfad, I hope your sister is doing better.

ScooterDiva, that sounds really confusing and upsetting. I'm sorry.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Jan 08, 2014 10:59 pm 
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So many hugs to give to people today. Hugs to say thanks for your sentiments but also hugs to everyone having a shiitake week.

Hugs hugs hugs, kids.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Jan 08, 2014 11:41 pm 
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I am so, so sorry to everyone who is dealing with loss and grief and other difficult circumstances.

My mom lost her job yesterday. Her job she has been at for more than twenty years. She went in to work to find that her entire department, for which she was the manager, has been cut. I do not know how to help her or what to do. She works in finance and has extensive experience but I am so worried she won't be able to find something before her severance runs out. I was going to move to a different city in August to continue my schooling, and now I don't know if that is the right move. All I want in my life is for my mom to be happy and financially secure. I cannot get anything done because I am consumed with thoughts of my mom becoming a destitute and depressed senior.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Thu Jan 09, 2014 11:33 am 
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I am sort of dealing with the emotional aftermath of the surgery. Sis is being discharged today, so I assume she is doing much much better.
But there was a lot of hurt that came my way while I was up there being support for my mom. Like the number of times she said "I would do anything for my kids". But see, not really. Because she has never once visited me here. She was an hour away and didn't even call for lunch.
I just want her to be more honest about it. She does everything for Sis because Sis is abusive. (And that may have been a symptom so I am throwing blame, just stating a part of the equation).
I think I am just crushed by it all right now.

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