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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Thu Apr 17, 2014 10:35 pm 
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OH my, boober, your situation sounds stressful beyond imagination. I'm sorry you are dealing with so much right now.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Sun Apr 20, 2014 7:17 pm 
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My goal for spring break was to make all the dr appts I was putting off. I did, but realized today that although on Monday I called 26 mental health places from my insurance list, including some my pcp gave me only two ever got back to me and that was just to say they wouldn't see new patients.

Every so often I try to make the effort, but it never works out. Why is it so hard to get help? Even the clinic at my university turned me away. If you are not suicidal, it seems you are not worth anybody's time. Is it because they can't actually help?

I should know better than to start thinking that maybe something can change because the only problem is me. I've never had bad things happen to me. That just makes me feel worse and I go through the same dumb cycle ever year when it gets harder to pretend, and this years have grief on top. It was hard to make the calls just like it was hard the year before and the year before that, but I never can find anywhere to make an appt. not since being away from military services.

My pcp seems to think people get appts within thirty days all the time. Why can't I? My mom doesn't believe me either so she just gets angry. Is there a wrong way to leave your name and phone number on a machine or with a receptionist? Other specialists call back to set up appt usually the same day.

I wasted money on art supplies and feel guilty about spending money I should have given to my mom to help instead and now I feel guilty that I'm a failure there too since all I can do is sleep. I have the energy to try doing something for maybe 15 minutes, then I just need to sleep again. I'm not sure how I manage to go to work.

When I was a kid I played instruments, and drew, and went to museums, and read books, listened to music, went to movies by myself, etc. When I was in college I started to cook and grew herbs on my balcony and still did some stuff in Illustrator. For the past four or so years I haven't done anything. If I don't work, I don't leave the house or talk to people. The last time I did anything fun or social was meeting a ppker for lunch and a museum trip, but that was early fall.

I'm just frustrated, but I guess this is all whining since I don't have the will to change anything. I guess today just sucks because I'm anxious about going back to work tomorrow and being in trouble over the kid I had issues with. I didn't do anything wrong but they switched his class with no other consequences for him.

(I used to talk to my aunt about fun stuff like nail polish or literature, but there is some crepe going on between her and my mom (my aunt being really kind of awful) and now she doesn't talk to me anymore.)

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Sun Apr 20, 2014 8:06 pm 
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The Real Hamburger Helper
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Lavawitch, I am sorry that you are going through this and I hope you get the help you need soon. In general, I don't expect anyone to call me back, especially when I'm not an established patient. I would keep calling until you get someone on the line.


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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Sun Apr 20, 2014 8:33 pm 
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tasting brussel sprouts for the first time.


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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Sun Apr 20, 2014 9:01 pm 
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How do you get to be an established patient if their scheduling people never call back? (They all seem to use answering machines for appointments. It doesn't matter when you call, there will not be anybody answering. My hematology place and the MRI clinic do that too except they call back.)

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Mon Apr 21, 2014 2:46 am 
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Lavawitch, if your mom doesn't believe you, tell her to try fixing up an appointment for you! Win either way.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Mon Apr 21, 2014 3:01 am 
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Are you looking for only one type of mental health professional? I know in Portland anyhow, there's way more LCSW than there are Psychiatrists, for example.

Another possible option, are you calling the helpline for your insurance, and asking if they can specifically find you someone who is currently accepting new patients? Sometimes I think their databases for this kind of stuff is way more accurate than the lists on their websites.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Mon Apr 21, 2014 3:06 pm 
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Yes, I got the list faxed from insurance.

I've been looking at all sorts of mental health professionals, but not lcsw. The ones I've seen in the past were at best useless and at worst evil money grubbers. It was an lcsw who convinced my parents to lock me in a mental hospital. She promptly lost all interest in except for collecting the huge kickbacks we later learned she got.

I asked for a special list of people who deal with both depression and eating disorders so I called 4 of those. I've lost control of my eating disorder in the past month. It's been mostly in hibernation for the past 7-8 years.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Mon Apr 21, 2014 3:22 pm 
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I'm sorry, LW.

I recently found a therapist by calling my insurance company directly and asking for a list of preferred practitioners who are currently accepting new patients. I had to make some phone calls, and I didn't hear back from some, but I was able to get in with someone who has turned out to be a good fit. It seems like you've tried pretty much everything you can think of, but could you try what I did?

Also, have you considered calling any crisis counseling lines? I wonder if they might be able to help you navigate what sounds like an insane system, or possibly hook you up with some interim care while you work to find a regular therapist?

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Mon Apr 21, 2014 4:55 pm 
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Most people I know have had better experiences with LCSWs than psychologists or LPCs. There are some great ones out there.

I would contact the National Alliance on Mental Illness in your area. It looks like NAMI Virginia has a helpline, and they might have some good advice. http://namivirginia.org

The worst thing about my day was that, thanks to forgetting about a hundred dollar check I wrote last month to my old work (because they were going to take money for my bus pass out of an upcoming paycheck and then I quit so I got the bus pass and had to pay for it), I now have -$100 and I don't get paid for a week. I really miss the days when I had an actual emergency fund, before my cat got sick.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Mon Apr 21, 2014 5:28 pm 
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Yeah, I found out I was overdrawn today too. Only by a tenner, but they'll still charge me overdraft fees for it (probably the same amount! I can't remember the fee because I've managed to stay in the black for a good while until now). Gotta start strict monthly budgets again, I guess.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Mon Apr 21, 2014 5:31 pm 
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I got a list direct from them. All they would say is to keep trying and that there is a shortage in the entire region.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Mon Apr 21, 2014 5:39 pm 
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This is such a small thing in the grand scheme of things, but I gave a really terrible presentation today. It was on a complicated subject to start with, I didn't rehearse my presentation enough, and I slept about two hours last night/this morning. People kept asking questions which totally destroyed my train of thought, I kept getting lost in my own slides which seemed to be written in another language.

It's not a big deal, this professor knows me and I know she knows my actual ability. There's a written report that goes with it (done several weeks ago) which will make it clear that I do know what the fork I'm talking about.

But I just feel humiliated and awful. The past couple of days have been really wretched, I'm so tired and emotionally burnt, this is the opposite of what I needed emotionally today.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Mon Apr 21, 2014 7:30 pm 
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I feel really sad today :/

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Mon Apr 21, 2014 7:58 pm 
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C&S, I'm sure you sounded better than you think you did! And you will just get better the more you do presentations so at least you can call it a learning experience?

Hugs for you, Mars.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Tue Apr 22, 2014 4:19 pm 
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I found out that we unknowingly once shared a stage with a fascist band. We watched their set at the time and didn't see/hear any indication of fascism. I don't know if they were hiding it or they went fascist since then.


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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Tue Apr 22, 2014 4:42 pm 
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Fizzgig wrote:
C&S, I'm sure you sounded better than you think you did! And you will just get better the more you do presentations so at least you can call it a learning experience?


I'm usually a really good presenter (and like giving presentations). To the point where the professor (who I've taken 2 other classes with) asked me what the hell happened after class and when I told her I hadn't slept she was like "I could definitely tell." Which made me feel sorta better and sorta worse because heyyyy at least she knows I'm not usually like this but heyyyyy I also did a shitty job.

My worst thing today is a two-way tie between feeling like everyone at work is mad at me/disappointed with me because I've made so little progress over the last few weeks, and the appearance of cold sores on my mouth. It's rare for me to get them twice in the same year but this is like the third time they've showed up in 2014. Painful, and they make me feel like everyone who sees me thinks I'm disgusting.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Apr 23, 2014 1:33 pm 
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My back tooth has a hole in it!
Like, a large hole... I can see it and was able to stick more of a toothpick in it than I expected! That explains why it has been sore off and on for the last long while. I was blaming the crown on the tooth next to the one with the hole. Conveniently, I have a dentist appt for a cleaning tomorrow so I can find out how bad it is. Inconveniently, I don't have dental insurance and this is probably not a cheap fix. I've already priced flights to Colombia and am getting in touch with friends for dentist recommendations there and in other places... while I don't mind traveling for dental work (vacation!) it will conflict with a 2 month motorcycle trip I have been planning. Stupid tooth.


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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Apr 23, 2014 3:56 pm 
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I think I have a stomach bug. I feel gross.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Apr 23, 2014 5:05 pm 
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Boober, unsolicited practical advice here, but can you get your paws on an air bed and foot pump? If you can at least remove one of the challenges you're facing it can help more than you think. I know that sleeping badly and waking with discomfort can be one issue too many when you're facing such stress. A series of small changes can lead to some relief and whittle down the stress a bit xx


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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Apr 23, 2014 7:25 pm 
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Everyone and everything is pissing me off today! Coworkers who listen to shitty music at any volume! Loitering tourist having cel phone convo on our front stoop! Smokers who do not properly distance themselves from nonsmokers and indoor areas! grrrarrrrgh being grumpy is shiitake

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Apr 23, 2014 7:49 pm 
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it's SO COLD today. it's supposed to be spring! i've been home for 45 minutes and i still can't get warm.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Apr 23, 2014 8:02 pm 
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Hearing yelling and loud crashes and break-y noises coming from my downstairs neighbors' apartment, and repeatedly going to the bottom of the staircase and then not knowing if I should knock on the door or call the police or what the hell to do.

I didn't intervene or call police because it kept being like one big crash, and then not too bad, and it definitely sounded like nobody was in physical distress, and then the boyfriend obviously left. My neighbor's front window is all smashed to bits on the front porch though. I just went downstairs and gave her a box of leftover plastic window insulation stuff, and talked to her for a few minutes. It is actually the only conversation we've had beyond a passing "Hi how are you today" exchange as we pass in the yard we've ever had in the three years that I've been either living here or spending a bunch of time here with my sweetie before I moved in. Awkward. Apparently he is bipolar and not being treated, and she did not know until just now, after talking to his mom and sister on the phone after he left. (Um, also just about the only thing I know about this guy, who I have actually had many pleasant casual exchanges with, is that he's a professional cagefighter. Scary.)

I told her not to hesitate to knock on our door if she needs anything, or if she just ever wants to come up and have dinner with us or anything, but now I wish I had also given her my phone number and gotten hers just in case; she works night so she was just getting ready to go to work. As much as I really can't imagine my partner smashing things around the house and yelling like that, I reeeeally can't image going to work right after. Oof.


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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Apr 23, 2014 9:37 pm 
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Finished a hard lifting session where I wasn't sure I was even going to move the weight during my last set. Beginning to mentally high five myself for just forking getting through it on a day when I had a lot of excuses not to--

--when another gym patron comes up to me and gives me a totally unsolicited critique of my form. When the person started, I said thanks and tried to cut off the conversation there but the person just continued on and on about what I was doing wrong.

Look, I know this sort of thing comes from a place of caring (of sorts) but on my best day I find it kind of rude and presumptuous. Today I just found it humiliating and infuriating. This person had NO idea what my background or skill level is and assumed from watching one rep of my last set on a forking hard day that I didn't know what the fork I was doing (and I know that's how long the person was watching because I was watching said person do OHP in the mirror behind me). (And btw, this person's OHP form was getting pretty shiitake towards the end, and I would never in a million years have been like lol let me show you how to do that since obviously you suck.)

It really turned my whole day sour.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Thu Apr 24, 2014 4:52 pm 
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The dentist confirmed, my tooth is rotting. I decided to fork over the money to get it fixed here since they can get me in on Saturday and it does sort of really hurt now that he dug around in it.

For some reason, this all depresses me and I don't want to do anything tonight. I'm only working for two months and I'm uninsured, but I'm lucky that I can afford this. I just really didn't want to pay SO much on a tooth right now. I'm going to skip Spanish class and play on Duolingo tonight instead.


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