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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Tue Jul 29, 2014 8:32 am 
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ashley wrote:
Ther's really nowhere to go with this because thre are only three people in my company: myself and my two male bosses. I don't want to take it as far as the cops because I don't feel threatened and I don't want him to get in any serious trouble. I just want it to stop.
I understand you're not wanting to take it into legal channels, but the fact is that your boss' behavior is criminal, as well as a terrible abuse of power. Even if you don't feel threatened (and I hope to hell you aren't wrong about that), he really can't be allowed to continue doing this, and there's no reason to think he wouldn't - or doesn't already - do the same thing to other people. I really think that at the very least you should tell him that he needs to stop harassing you immediately, and that if he doesn't you're considering reporting him to the police.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Tue Jul 29, 2014 9:58 am 
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Desdemona wrote:
ashley wrote:
Ther's really nowhere to go with this because thre are only three people in my company: myself and my two male bosses. I don't want to take it as far as the cops because I don't feel threatened and I don't want him to get in any serious trouble. I just want it to stop.
I understand you're not wanting to take it into legal channels, but the fact is that your boss' behavior is criminal, as well as a terrible abuse of power. Even if you don't feel threatened (and I hope to hell you aren't wrong about that), he really can't be allowed to continue doing this, and there's no reason to think he wouldn't - or doesn't already - do the same thing to other people. I really think that at the very least you should tell him that he needs to stop harassing you immediately, and that if he doesn't you're considering reporting him to the police.


Yeah. It's a shitty situation to be in, and I really sympathize, but I think that if you have the power to report (and potentially prevent further) crimes, particularly sexual harassment, you kind of have to do it. You say you can handle it now, but what if it escalates? What if next month, the guy is grabbing your asparagus? Or touching you with his dick? What if your workplace hires someone new, who's a sexual assault survivor?

In addition to reporting it to the police, you might want to think about making a complaint to the labor board in California: http://www.dfeh.ca.gov/Publications_Sta ... arrass.htm

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Tue Jul 29, 2014 10:37 am 
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Plainly, I think he should get in trouble. I understand the predicament, but dude, that is awful.


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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Tue Jul 29, 2014 10:46 am 
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ashley wrote:
My boss whipped his dick out and asked me to suck it... among other things.

Not the first time this has happened and it's getting a little tiresome.

What the actual fork? No, that needs to be stopped. If you don't want him to get in trouble (so presumably he's not a complete arse) then he really needs some help. To understand that that is NOT appropriate. Because it really, really isn't.

Though I am weirdly, and rather guiltily, curious about what context he did this in?


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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Tue Jul 29, 2014 11:38 am 
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GreenDuck wrote:
ashley wrote:
My boss whipped his dick out and asked me to suck it... among other things.

Not the first time this has happened and it's getting a little tiresome.

What the actual fork? No, that needs to be stopped. If you don't want him to get in trouble (so presumably he's not a complete arse) then he really needs some help. To understand that that is NOT appropriate. Because it really, really isn't.

Though I am weirdly, and rather guiltily, curious about what context he did this in?


I'm guessing from your responses that he is a friend or sorts, at least a collaborator in the since that you recently helped form the company so you have a lot to lose from rocking the boat on this. At a minimum, I would put it in writing so you have a record of events if this situation does escalate and you change your mind. Maybe you could write him a formal letter, CC your other boss, and describe the incident in detail and how you will not tolerate further abuse. He needs a wake-up call such as this. So does his business partner.


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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Tue Jul 29, 2014 11:49 am 
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Yeah Ashley, at the very least I think you need to talk to them (or maybe just non-harassing boss at first, if you're comfortable with it) about this.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Tue Jul 29, 2014 12:15 pm 
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ashley wrote:
Ther's really nowhere to go with this because thre are only three people in my company: myself and my two male bosses.

I sympathize because I work in a fairly non-conventional office space myself and there is no "HR" to speak of. Also, it's a very collective environment so I simultaneously have "no boss" and "18 mini bosses." Thankfully the worst I've dealt with in terms of gross violations of labor laws is one jerk who, every time he steps foot inside the office, willfully forgets that smoking cigarettes inside is a). Illegal b). A really shitty awful thing to do. He even had to be reminded and goaded into smoking his nasty Virginia Slims (yes, really!) outside when the woman in the very next office over was pregnant.

That said....

Butternut wrote:
At a minimum, I would put it in writing so you have a record of events if this situation does escalate and you change your mind.

This, a million times. Please, at the bare minimum, keep a log of what he does and when. Do it in the hopes you will never need it, but do it nonetheless, because if you do need it (say, in a lawsuit), you will be so glad you've got it.


ashley wrote:
I don't want to take it as far as the cops because I don't feel threatened and I don't want him to get in any serious trouble. I just want it to stop.

I'm not quoting/emphasizing this to make you feel bad or targeted, but just because I really want to question this line of thinking. I think we as women are constantly socialized throughout our entire lives to downplay or de-emphasize our legitimate feelings and our right to go through life without harassment. It starts with 'boys will be boys' and accelerates from there. I'm not saying "You have to do x" or "you have to do y," just consider why it's so important to you that this jackass doesn't "get in trouble" for flagrantly crossing boundaries in a professional environment, let alone sexually harassing you in any environment. What he did was wrong. He should have to face consequences for that. And frankly, unless more men face consequences for doing these kinds of things, I don't see how we can expect it to 'just stop.'

Do whatever it takes to get yourself to a point where you feel safe and not victimized. But please, from one woman to another, consider how this guy will act with other women in the future and reassess whether it's that important that he not get into 'serious' trouble.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Tue Jul 29, 2014 12:34 pm 
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ashley wrote:
Yep, that was me! Believe it or not, this guy is still better than the old guy, even with his dick.

Really he just has a pretty severe drinking problem and likes to spend the work day at the bar sometimes. And then he acts like an idiot. It doesn't really even shock me anymore, but it always kind of ruins my afternoon.


ashley, I am really sorry that he is treating you like this. I am going to add to the chorus of people telling you to document everything.
In no way do you deserve to go to a work environment that is violating your right to safety.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Tue Jul 29, 2014 2:02 pm 
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There's a little black dog running around our industrial complex. He's afraid of people and we've been trying to catch him for about a week. I saw him run across a busy street and into the park this morning on my way to work.

I put an ad on craigslist saying that we've been seeing him around here, for anyone who may be looking for him. I just got a reply back from someone asking if it was their dog, but the picture they attached was definitely not the same dog. It made me so sad to write them back and tell them it wasn't him.

I'm volunteering at the shelter after work. Hopefully someone there can help (my coworker called and left a message with the intake center, but hasn't heard back), or maybe the other dog was found and is there.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Tue Jul 29, 2014 2:51 pm 
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My mom's best friend of 47 years died of a heart attack this morning. On the upside I guess I'll be seeing my mom in the next week if she can get a somewhat affordable flight in to NYC.


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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Tue Jul 29, 2014 9:16 pm 
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booberthefraggle wrote:
this seems super asinine, but right this second at 6:41am I got a totally out of the blue text from an ex. she is currently dating a woman who is the same height and approximate proportions as her, whereas I am a good foot taller than her. the text says "wow I am so happy dating (name of new girlfriend) it's so great dating someone my height! everything is where it's supposed to be!"

fuuuuccckkkk yyyoooouuuuuuuuu

fork you so muuuccchhhhhhhh



eta: I am extraordinarily tall for a lady, it is constantly referred to in casual conversation and people stare at me in public, it is a sensitive topic sometimes and that makes what she sent me a.) shitty and b.) the worst part about my day

really set off my "you are a monster" internal dialogue so thanks for that, ex!


Um. fork THAT SO VERY VERY MUCH.
Also, you're gorgeous.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Tue Jul 29, 2014 9:35 pm 
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Butternut wrote:
GreenDuck wrote:
ashley wrote:
My boss whipped his dick out and asked me to suck it... among other things.

Not the first time this has happened and it's getting a little tiresome.

What the actual fork? No, that needs to be stopped. If you don't want him to get in trouble (so presumably he's not a complete arse) then he really needs some help. To understand that that is NOT appropriate. Because it really, really isn't.

Though I am weirdly, and rather guiltily, curious about what context he did this in?


I'm guessing from your responses that he is a friend or sorts, at least a collaborator in the since that you recently helped form the company so you have a lot to lose from rocking the boat on this. At a minimum, I would put it in writing so you have a record of events if this situation does escalate and you change your mind. Maybe you could write him a formal letter, CC your other boss, and describe the incident in detail and how you will not tolerate further abuse. He needs a wake-up call such as this. So does his business partner.

Yes, this. I can't lose this job, and he was/is a friend and has been since before this business existed. I know that doesn't make it okay, but part of me does care about him and I don't want to totally fork his life up over this.

I guess I probably shouldn't say any more about it. Thanks everyone for the support.


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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Jul 30, 2014 1:47 am 
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I'm thinking about you. Can you maybe start looking for another job?


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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Jul 30, 2014 1:54 pm 
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The loose dog situation got even more sad. I got an email from another woman who wholeheartedly believes it's her dog who was stolen TWO YEARS AGO. She sent photos and I am 100% sure it's not the same dog, but her email was like 3 paragraphs about how destroyed she's been and how the dog was the love of her life and she feels like her prayers are about to be answered.

But it is definitely not her dog. GAH.


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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Jul 30, 2014 2:22 pm 
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oh, that is so sad. Our dog disappeared (I'm pretty sure she was stolen) two years ago and my heart still leaps every time I see a dog that looks like her (even though I know it's incredibly unrealistic that we will ever see her again). I feel so sad for that woman, but I'm really glad you are taking care of this loose dog.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Jul 30, 2014 2:29 pm 
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We can't catch it, though.

When I was a dog walker, one of my clients had a cat named Mochi that she'd lost for two years at one point. She said she was driving down this country road and he ran across it. She pulled over and called him and he came and got in her car. After two years!


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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Jul 30, 2014 2:52 pm 
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oh crepe, i thought you had already caught the dog!!! (reading about too many escaped kitties and stuff, i'm confused.) still, who knows, maybe talking to people you'll help her get to a permanent home or back to where she belongs.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Thu Jul 31, 2014 12:19 pm 
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just got news a friend died last night.
young, interesting, good dude, doing cool things with his time and talents.
sucks.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Thu Jul 31, 2014 8:00 pm 
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I'm so sorry, Boober.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Fri Aug 01, 2014 4:12 am 
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I'm pretty sure my uterus has become a sentient being and is trying to claw it's way out. That's the only explanation. Codeine and heating pad haven't helped even a tiny bit. I have a pretty high pain threshhold, but this is ridiculous.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Fri Aug 01, 2014 9:19 pm 
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Found out via a weird cryptic email that a horse I've known for 20 years (NOT MY crasshole HORSE I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'D DO) passed away today. Right after an email the day before about how her grandson was making her proud. She was the first horse I ever met in real life and I've been expecting this for a couple years because she was at least 30, but... Now I feel guilty for not making the time to come to DC and see her in the past few years.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Sat Aug 02, 2014 1:53 am 
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Spoilered for talk about someone surrendering animals and irresponsible animal guardianship - there's nothing gory and it might be overkill to spoiler this, but just in case this is upsetting for people.

Spoiler: show
A client of mine (I'm in disability work) went to surrender two of her dogs today, and I had to go with her. She let her original two dogs breed because she wanted to experience motherhood with the female dog, but wasn't able to find homes for all five puppies. She kept one, and found homes for two, and then when we were surrendering them today she got a call from her friend confirming he wanted to adopt one as well. She at least surrendered them to a really caring no-kill place, but ugh. I know that this pup will probably find a home pretty quickly, and the people at the shelter said that themselves, but it's still awful.

I encouraged her as strongly as I could, within the framework of our working relationship, to neuter her male dog when she got him last year, but she decided against it. Her dogs are pretty untrained and they don't get anywhere near the attention and exercise that they need, she lives in a tiny unit and now has three, two of which are Jack Russell/Jack Russell cross (dad and pup). The other is a Maltese Shih Tzu, so you can imagine how intense the three get all together. Most of my shifts are simply about dog control because they are so overexcited when there's company. Having three dogs is just not a great idea for her, but ultimately there's nothing I can do except try to help train them and keep them amused when I'm there (only 2 hours/week).

To top this all off, my shift ran over by half an hour, and included getting stuck in awful traffic with her driving kinda dangerously. I usually really enjoy working with her (apart from the dog issue), but this shift just sucked. I really hope those dogs are happy in their new homes and get all the attention and care they deserve.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Sat Aug 02, 2014 2:49 pm 
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was anticipating tasty mango wavy lay's - they are not yummy. :(

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Sat Aug 02, 2014 6:30 pm 
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I'm getting back on that horse and reactivated my OK Cupid account last night.

I just deleted the first conversation my ex and I ever had, and I'm a little sad about it.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Sat Aug 02, 2014 10:28 pm 
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My family is on vacation. They didn't invite me. They are texting me photos of how much fun they're having. I know they think I don't care anymore, since they've been doing this for almost half my life at this point (not the texting photos, but the "family vacations" without inviting me thing), but I actually still do care. I'm really glad they're having a nice time but like, seriously, I wish I had a family that took vacations with me. :(

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