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 Post subject: crushes on people with significant others...
PostPosted: Wed Nov 24, 2010 6:15 pm 
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Thinks Plants Have Feelings
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doesn't suck?


i am sick of people having girlfriends.


giant sigh.


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 Post subject: Re: crushes on people with significant others...
PostPosted: Wed Nov 24, 2010 6:28 pm 
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yes. it's the worst. especially when you're supposed to be bffs with someone and then he abandons you. cooooooool.

i don't know. i just assume that everyone is taken, because it seems that way. all the awesome people...how can they not be? i don't feel that i need a boyfriend right now, but i do know a couple of people i wouldn't mind dating.

here's my advice: don't go looking for love. you will find it when you don't need/want/look for it. i know everyone says this, but it's actually true.

it's weird because the single dudes seem to fall for girls who are already taken. i asked my married friend why this is. she said guys probably don't approach me because a) i'm intimidating and b) when you're taken, you give off a different vibe that says you're not interested, and guys like this. because you're not out to get attention or something. but when i go out, i don't dress to attract men or hit on them or anything, i hang out with my friends and do my own thing.

so...yeah. basically, just...keep living your life. i know it's disappointing when you're really into someone but they've a lover, but you need to focus on yourself, and love will come around.
worse comes to worst you can do online dating. even then they aren't guaranteed to be single, but there are probably many many more singles on the intarwebz than in real life that you know or would come into contact with.

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 Post subject: Re: crushes on people with significant others...
PostPosted: Wed Nov 24, 2010 6:38 pm 
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If you hang around with someone long enough they might break up with the significant other. Not saying you should hang over them like a vulture waiting for the chance, but sometimes stuff just works out. If it's meant to be and all that blahblabla.

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 Post subject: Re: crushes on people with significant others...
PostPosted: Wed Nov 24, 2010 6:54 pm 
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Went to a concert with a handsome, smart, cool classmate of mine. We have great chemistry.

He and his girlfriend are very serious.

The chemistry was so thick that at several times I was very tempted to just kiss him, but I would never want to be that person. I wonder how he was feeling.

Gaaaaah, taken crushes make me crazy.


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 Post subject: Re: crushes on people with significant others...
PostPosted: Wed Nov 24, 2010 7:46 pm 
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semiautomatic wrote:
when you're taken, you give off a different vibe that says you're not interested, and guys like this. because you're not out to get attention or something.


Yup. As hard as it is; try to be cool with the way things are - if you are at peace with where you are and open to whatever comes your way it's easier to deal with things... and the potential significant other doesn't have anything to get weirded out about.


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 Post subject: Re: crushes on people with significant others...
PostPosted: Wed Nov 24, 2010 8:14 pm 
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Nicole wrote:
semiautomatic wrote:
when you're taken, you give off a different vibe that says you're not interested, and guys like this. because you're not out to get attention or something.


Yup. As hard as it is; try to be cool with the way things are - if you are at peace with where you are and open to whatever comes your way it's easier to deal with things... and the potential significant other doesn't have anything to get weirded out about.

yep, it's one of the laws of nature that if you're with someone everyone will want to get with you. Actually that's something to think about when you're attracted to someone who's already with someone, too. just sayin'.

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 Post subject: Re: crushes on people with significant others...
PostPosted: Wed Nov 24, 2010 8:34 pm 
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I had an issue with this earlier this year, with someone having [and expressing] a crush on my husband.
Even though nothing happened it was a really horrible time for me, so I would definitely say unless you get any kind of clear signal that the significant other might not be so significant, it's best not to say anything/act on it.


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 Post subject: Re: crushes on people with significant others...
PostPosted: Wed Nov 24, 2010 8:40 pm 
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It really sucks. I work with my crush for the rest of the school year, maybe him and his girlfriend will break up between now and then. Maybe he'll be interested in me and maybe we could date. Too many maybes.

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 Post subject: Re: crushes on people with significant others...
PostPosted: Wed Nov 24, 2010 8:40 pm 
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3 way?

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 Post subject: Re: crushes on people with significant others...
PostPosted: Wed Nov 24, 2010 8:41 pm 
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maybe they have an open relationship?


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 Post subject: Re: crushes on people with significant others...
PostPosted: Wed Nov 24, 2010 10:58 pm 
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My soul mate is married. He is content with her. I would make him happy.

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 Post subject: Re: crushes on people with significant others...
PostPosted: Wed Nov 24, 2010 11:50 pm 
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oncewerewesties wrote:
I had an issue with this earlier this year, with someone having [and expressing] a crush on my husband.
Even though nothing happened it was a really horrible time for me, so I would definitely say unless you get any kind of clear signal that the significant other might not be so significant, it's best not to say anything/act on it.


This.
It is one thing if it is a secret crush. But knowing that someone has feelings for the person you love is threatening in a way that is very difficult to explain. We have a good marriage and it still was very unpleasant.

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 Post subject: Re: crushes on people with significant others...
PostPosted: Thu Nov 25, 2010 4:42 am 
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Yes, it sucks. It sucks muchly.

*Sigh*

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 Post subject: Re: crushes on people with significant others...
PostPosted: Thu Nov 25, 2010 11:01 am 
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oncewerewesties wrote:
I had an issue with this earlier this year, with someone having [and expressing] a crush on my husband.
Even though nothing happened it was a really horrible time for me, so I would definitely say unless you get any kind of clear signal that the significant other might not be so significant, it's best not to say anything/act on it.

I had that happen a few years ago and my husbands feelings weren't returned but I did feel a bit violated that another woman made an attempt. Of course she tried to set up a situation where it looked wrong so she wasn't that great of a person.


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 Post subject: Re: crushes on people with significant others...
PostPosted: Thu Nov 25, 2010 11:08 am 
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I recently developed a crush on someone and then found out he had a girlfriend. It sucked. I tend to crush from afar, and whenever I find out a crush has a significant other--and they usually do--I feel deeply disappointed but for some reason can no longer think of them romantically or can only continue to do so for a short time. I think it's because I'm a daydreamer and when they are with someone, they are taken too far out of the realm of possibility for satisfying daydreams.


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 Post subject: Re: crushes on people with significant others...
PostPosted: Thu Nov 25, 2010 11:12 am 
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oncewerewesties wrote:
I had an issue with this earlier this year, with someone having [and expressing] a crush on my husband.
Even though nothing happened it was a really horrible time for me, so I would definitely say unless you get any kind of clear signal that the significant other might not be so significant, it's best not to say anything/act on it.


This is why I would never try to get with somebody who is already taken. I've been there and it does suck.

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 Post subject: Re: crushes on people with significant others...
PostPosted: Thu Nov 25, 2010 11:17 am 
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oncewerewesties wrote:
I had an issue with this earlier this year, with someone having [and expressing] a crush on my husband.
Even though nothing happened it was a really horrible time for me, so I would definitely say unless you get any kind of clear signal that the significant other might not be so significant, it's best not to say anything/act on it.


Yup, it sucks from this angle too. I've been very hurt by people trying to make moves on my husband. We have an amazing relationship and it's crappy when someone thinks they can offer him something better.

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 Post subject: Re: crushes on people with significant others...
PostPosted: Thu Nov 25, 2010 11:38 am 
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Puma wrote:
My soul mate is married. He is content with her. I would make him happy.



this is sad :(


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 Post subject: Re: crushes on people with significant others...
PostPosted: Thu Nov 25, 2010 11:43 am 
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Puma wrote:
My soul mate is married. He is content with her. I would make him happy.


I would be PISSED if someone said this about my husband. I don't think it's really all that fair to make judgments like that from outside the relationship.

Crushes on people who are not available do suck. Unfortunately, they're just part of life, and everyone goes through them. Listen to semiautomatic. As frustrating as that advice may be to hear, I think it's bang on. Also, I hope the sad-causing crush clears up soon.

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 Post subject: Re: crushes on people with significant others...
PostPosted: Thu Nov 25, 2010 11:47 am 
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jordanpattern wrote:
Puma wrote:
My soul mate is married. He is content with her. I would make him happy.


I would be PISSED if someone said this about my husband. I don't think it's really all that fair to make judgments like that from outside the relationship.

Crushes on people who are not available do suck. Unfortunately, they're just part of life, so you get over it and move on to better things!



i don't mean to imply that i'm going to pine over this dude indefinitely, nor do i mean to imply that i have any intention of saying anything to him or the chick he's with. it's not even that big of a crush. i'm just saying, off the shoulder, "hey, i like this guy a little. he's with someone. doesn't that kinda suck?"

i'm really, really not a homewrecker, nor do i think i could make ANYONE happier than they are if they're in a good relationship already.


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 Post subject: Re: crushes on people with significant others...
PostPosted: Thu Nov 25, 2010 11:51 am 
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slightlychilly wrote:
jordanpattern wrote:
Puma wrote:
My soul mate is married. He is content with her. I would make him happy.


I would be PISSED if someone said this about my husband. I don't think it's really all that fair to make judgments like that from outside the relationship.

Crushes on people who are not available do suck. Unfortunately, they're just part of life, so you get over it and move on to better things!



i don't mean to imply that i'm going to pine over this dude indefinitely, nor do i mean to imply that i have any intention of saying anything to him or the chick he's with. it's not even that big of a crush. i'm just saying, off the shoulder, "hey, i like this guy a little. he's with someone. doesn't that kinda suck?"

i'm really, really not a homewrecker, nor do i think i could make ANYONE happier than they are if they're in a good relationship already.


No, no, I totally got that - I edited my remark to make it sound less harsh. I didn't mean to imply you (or anyone who gets a crush on a person in a relationship) is a homewrecker!

It's the "their relationship isn't good; he would be happier with me" thing that really gets to me. I don't think it's fair to make those judgments about a relationship you're not in. I know that if someone were thinking that I didn't make my husband happy and that they could make him happier, I'd be pissed off, even though I'm secure in the fact that he wouldn't stray. I guess I don't appreciate the unsolicited performance evaluation.

I know those crushes are just a part of life, and it sucks when they happen. I've had my share. I just hope the situation improves for you soon!

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 Post subject: Re: crushes on people with significant others...
PostPosted: Thu Nov 25, 2010 11:57 am 
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i always get crushes on people in relationships. and people are always crushing on me when i'm in a relationship! i get asked out wayyyy more often when i have a boyfriend.

it kind of sucks both ways, sometimes. and i don't mean that in the 'i'm not happy with my boyfriend and would love to date someone else' sort of way. just...where are all these offers when i'm single, yo??

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 Post subject: Re: crushes on people with significant others...
PostPosted: Thu Nov 25, 2010 12:38 pm 
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allularpunk wrote:
i always get crushes on people in relationships. and people are always crushing on me when i'm in a relationship! i get asked out wayyyy more often when i have a boyfriend.

it kind of sucks both ways, sometimes. and i don't mean that in the 'i'm not happy with my boyfriend and would love to date someone else' sort of way. just...where are all these offers when i'm single, yo??


I swear, I only get asked out when I have a boyfriend...

I have a crush on a taken dude, but our paths cross very rarely, so it only stings once in awhile.

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 Post subject: Re: crushes on people with significant others...
PostPosted: Thu Nov 25, 2010 2:10 pm 
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I'm currently the one being crushed on and I have to say it makes life so forking awkward it isn't funny. On one level, it's flattering that someone thinks I am worthy of their attention, on another level it's bothering me because I have a partner, and while we have had A LOT of issues lately, I love the guy and we are going to work through this. I don't want this attention. I don't need to feel like I'm being watched. It's a strange situation.

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 Post subject: Re: crushes on people with significant others...
PostPosted: Thu Nov 25, 2010 2:47 pm 
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Some people here seem really defensive that others might have a crush on their partners. I get that no one want another person trying to steal their spouse/partner away, but a crush is pretty harmless. When I hear someone has a crush on my boy, I'm just like "yay, he's pretty awesome."


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