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 Post subject: Re: The Feeeeeeelings Thread
PostPosted: Sat May 28, 2016 11:10 am 
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kfad wrote:
Footface and Mars, thank you. I appreciate the validation and not a pat on the head and a "it's going to be okay"

Mostly I'm scared because even if the surgery goes well, it may do nothing for my health. That's a pretty big unknown and requires a lot of waiting and discomfort before we find out.


That is scary, kfad. I hate it when people say it will be okay but it's no point saying anything to them. I'm listening too, if you want to let it out here.

I have spent so many years trying to let myself feel my feelings and not judge them, I appreciate you all talking about them.


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 Post subject: Re: The Feeeeeeelings Thread
PostPosted: Thu Jun 02, 2016 8:07 pm 
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I kinda just want to cry for feelings of... I dunno... regret? Longing? Longing for the idea of free schooling, and the financial ability and/or personal drive to be an artist full-time. Regret for dropping out of school the 4 times that I have. Regret for not creating a life where I could have spent more time with Ginny than I did. What bullshiitake to have worked so much for money while the love of my life sat at home alone.

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 Post subject: Re: The Feeeeeeelings Thread
PostPosted: Thu Jun 02, 2016 9:28 pm 
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Mars wrote:
I kinda just want to cry for feelings of... I dunno... regret? Longing? Longing for the idea of free schooling, and the financial ability and/or personal drive to be an artist full-time. Regret for dropping out of school the 4 times that I have. Regret for not creating a life where I could have spent more time with Ginny than I did. What bullshiitake to have worked so much for money while the love of my life sat at home alone.


Mars I am feeling every single part of this lately. So many hugs to you. And Ginny. And my Migo. And my own rotting creativity.

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 Post subject: Re: The Feeeeeeelings Thread
PostPosted: Fri Jun 03, 2016 3:00 am 
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Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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I'm feeling really bad these days, guys :( I finished uni and now I feel totally pointless. I'm not well enough to work a steady job, and I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that having chronic illnesses means they're, well, chronic, aka I probably will never feel "healthy" again. How do I deal with the knowledge that when I feel bad I'll never feel better? When you feel like you just got punched in the stomach, or you just ate some gone off food...and you're going to feel like that forever? How do you deal? I'm twenty three, I've not felt well since I was eleven, people go "it might get better, hang in there" but its so not fun, it's really not.

And now uni finished I don't even have that. I feel like a leech on my husband because I'm not earning any money. But when I think about looking for jobs I realise that I probably have two days a week at least when I just can't get out of the house because of my body. What kind of job let's you do that? Answer, none.

I guess I'm just feeling a little lost.

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 Post subject: Re: The Feeeeeeelings Thread
PostPosted: Fri Jun 03, 2016 2:17 pm 
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I'm so sorry you feel so bad Vixki. Would you consider a job where you work from home all the time? Such as proof reader, child minder, website tester, home based customer service adviser?

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 Post subject: Re: The Feeeeeeelings Thread
PostPosted: Fri Jun 03, 2016 3:07 pm 
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Star wrote:
I'm so sorry you feel so bad Vixki. Would you consider a job where you work from home all the time? Such as proof reader, child minder, website tester, home based customer service adviser?


Thanks. I don't think I'd be good at childminding (my mum is one and constantly on her feet) but I have thought about home based jobs I just don't know where to start.

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 Post subject: Re: The Feeeeeeelings Thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 04, 2016 6:39 am 
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Vixki am I right in thinking that you were just recently diagnosed with IBS? You could definitely have long periods of feeling healthy / not just punched in the gut again. I was diagnosed with colitis and a pepper allergy in late 2014 and a few dietary changes later and I'm 95% better on a day to day basis. Before getting diagnosed I had stomach pains and bloating every day, I would poop 7+ times a day, I had awful gas all the freaking time, and my joints were so swollen that I couldn't exercise. On some days I could hardly walk up the stairs or hold my phone. I cut high fibre foods (beans, wholewheats, most leafy greens, insoluble fibre like apple peel) and peppers out of my diet and whilst I'm still identifying foodie triggers (seitan! sweet potatoes! Tomatoes!) and doing elimination diets to work it all out I am sooo much better. I never thought that would be possible. In the last few months I've worked super tough jobs (walking dogs and scrubbing kennels for hours, hauling wood around) and had days where I've walked the equivalent of a half marathon around cities and yeah, I still have some sucky days, but mostly I'm doing so much better.

I would highly recommend speaking with a nutritionalist if you can & I'm crossing my fingers that you can find a good way to manage your illness so that you can feel better.

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 Post subject: Re: The Feeeeeeelings Thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 04, 2016 8:27 am 
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jojo wrote:
Vixki am I right in thinking that you were just recently diagnosed with IBS? You could definitely have long periods of feeling healthy / not just punched in the gut again. I was diagnosed with colitis and a pepper allergy in late 2014 and a few dietary changes later and I'm 95% better on a day to day basis. Before getting diagnosed I had stomach pains and bloating every day, I would poop 7+ times a day, I had awful gas all the freaking time, and my joints were so swollen that I couldn't exercise. On some days I could hardly walk up the stairs or hold my phone. I cut high fibre foods (beans, wholewheats, most leafy greens, insoluble fibre like apple peel) and peppers out of my diet and whilst I'm still identifying foodie triggers (seitan! sweet potatoes! Tomatoes!) and doing elimination diets to work it all out I am sooo much better. I never thought that would be possible. In the last few months I've worked super tough jobs (walking dogs and scrubbing kennels for hours, hauling wood around) and had days where I've walked the equivalent of a half marathon around cities and yeah, I still have some sucky days, but mostly I'm doing so much better.

I would highly recommend speaking with a nutritionalist if you can & I'm crossing my fingers that you can find a good way to manage your illness so that you can feel better.


Thanks Jojo, actually I was diagnosed with endometriosis and gastroparesis. The doc said all the stuff they thought of as IBS probably was a side effect of those. I've been keeping a food diary for over a year now and still barely identified any triggers, I avoid high fibre stuff simply so I can stay away from the bathroom but otherwise...nothing.

And looking online there isn't much I can do about it, endometriosis treatments are birth control, which I can't take because I throw it up, and gastroparesis is just motility agents (which will make me go to the loo more) and antiemetics, which are helpful for not actually puking but that's about it.

I have good days now and then, I've been on ten mile walks in the peak district where I live now, but I can't predict them and it sucks so much because there's a 10% chance I'll be up to doing something but a 90% chance I won't.

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 Post subject: Re: The Feeeeeeelings Thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 04, 2016 9:52 am 
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Vixki, can you use a vaginal ring for birth control? It's a lower dose and not delivered orally (obvs), so it's often helpful for women who don't do well with oral birth control. I don't know the specifics of what hormones are helpful for endo, but there are also hormone replacement therapy meds available in a patch that goes on your skin.

I'm sorry you're struggling with your health and the feelings that go with that. I can relate somewhat, and I know it's awful. Hugs to you.

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 Post subject: Re: The Feeeeeeelings Thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 04, 2016 11:36 am 
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vixki wrote:
endometriosis treatments are birth control, which I can't take because I throw it up


Can you go on the progestogen/progesterone injections? That's what my Doc gave me as I can't have the bc tablets and touch wood, I've not had any bad side effects so far and it actually stopped the bleeding unlike the other medications I was tried on.
Obviously everyone's different but some docs don't mention other options as they're not commonly used. I'm not a health professional so don't take this as me giving out advice, but just sharing my experience of a similar illness.

I'm so sorry you're feeling so unwell. I hope you can take some time to look after yourself and get some more help regarding your illnesses.

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 Post subject: Re: The Feeeeeeelings Thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 04, 2016 11:41 am 
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@Jordanpattern I've been on the nuvaring but because I get migraines I had to be taken off. The migraine thing apparently limits me quite a lot as to what I can take.

@Rosie I don't know about those, if they're just progesterone then maybe, but they last several months right? So if you don't get along with them you're screwed, and that's scary.

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 Post subject: Re: The Feeeeeeelings Thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 04, 2016 4:07 pm 
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vixki wrote:
Star wrote:
I'm so sorry you feel so bad Vixki. Would you consider a job where you work from home all the time? Such as proof reader, child minder, website tester, home based customer service adviser?


Thanks. I don't think I'd be good at childminding (my mum is one and constantly on her feet) but I have thought about home based jobs I just don't know where to start.


That's where I struggle as well, there are loads of work from home jobs online but I just know that if I apply for one even though it says "customer service advisor" it'll probably endup being a sex line and I'll spend the next 5 years talking dirty to middle aged men for minimum wage

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 Post subject: Re: The Feeeeeeelings Thread
PostPosted: Sun Jun 05, 2016 8:57 pm 
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Hey vixki, my mother really struggled and suffered with endometriosis when I was a child. You have all my sympathy.

As far as the job stuff goes, I can relate since as a performing artist there have been times of under or in employment when I relied on my husband. But that's part of being married, you can lean on each other. You just finished uni, which is tough, but you at least have a degree now. Maybe you can take a little time just trusting that it's OK with your husband, and figure out what the options are.


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 Post subject: Re: The Feeeeeeelings Thread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 06, 2016 4:09 pm 
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vixki wrote:
@Jordanpattern I've been on the nuvaring but because I get migraines I had to be taken off. The migraine thing apparently limits me quite a lot as to what I can take.

@Rosie I don't know about those, if they're just progesterone then maybe, but they last several months right? So if you don't get along with them you're screwed, and that's scary.

The injections do sound scary if you find they don't agree with you. But the implant (Nexplanon is the brand the NHS use; some doctors call it 'the rod') is progesterone only and can be taken out if you get side effects, and apparently residual hormones will leave your system pretty quickly. I don't know which hormones are useful for endometriosis but the implant stops ovulation. It also stops period-type bleeding for some people and reduces it to spotting for others. It might be worth discussing with a doctor or nurse.

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 Post subject: Re: The Feeeeeeelings Thread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 06, 2016 7:46 pm 
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Have had chronic insomnia for 20 years. Am kinda managing now.


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 Post subject: Re: The Feeeeeeelings Thread
PostPosted: Tue Jun 07, 2016 4:02 am 
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ScandinaVegan wrote:
Hey vixki, my mother really struggled and suffered with endometriosis when I was a child. You have all my sympathy.

As far as the job stuff goes, I can relate since as a performing artist there have been times of under or in employment when I relied on my husband. But that's part of being married, you can lean on each other. You just finished uni, which is tough, but you at least have a degree now. Maybe you can take a little time just trusting that it's OK with your husband, and figure out what the options are.


Thank you. I think I'm feeling a bit bad right now because he's under a lot of pressure with his job, and since he has anxiety too, I wish I was able to provide for him and say to him it's okay if he wants to look for a different job, one that might not bring in as much or something. And I can't, because, we can't afford that. But yeah you're right.

GreenDuck wrote:
The injections do sound scary if you find they don't agree with you. But the implant (Nexplanon is the brand the NHS use; some doctors call it 'the rod') is progesterone only and can be taken out if you get side effects, and apparently residual hormones will leave your system pretty quickly. I don't know which hormones are useful for endometriosis but the implant stops ovulation. It also stops period-type bleeding for some people and reduces it to spotting for others. It might be worth discussing with a doctor or nurse.


I haven't really thought of the implant, it's not been mentioned me, but maybe it's good to look into. I don't have my next appointment till the end of July so I'll do some research, thanks.

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 Post subject: Re: The Feeeeeeelings Thread
PostPosted: Wed Jun 08, 2016 1:51 pm 
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I just found out that my first serious boyfriend died 9 years ago. He had a drug problem, which was the reason why we ultimately broke up, so I hadn't expected him to have a long life. He had just had a rough go of things - he was adopted and the only thing they knew about his mother was that she was a homeless alcoholic, he started drinking and doing drugs at 13 and pretty much was constantly getting high, with periods of sobriety, including the first 2 years we were together. His parents loved him very much and were constantly trying to get him to go to rehab, and whenever he'd go, he'd last a day or so and then go to get high. By the time we broke up, he had gone through all our savings, lost our home, car, his job, and everything we had, and didn't care. His life was just about getting high - from the minute he woke up. And it was awful to have to leave someone in that kind of condition, but I was told by everyone I called trying to get help for him, that I couldn't get sober for him, it was going to have to be his work and things were getting so dangerous for me.

I started dating him when I was 18 and he was 28, and we broke up when I was 22. From what I found online, he died in 2007 at the age of 46, and then his parents moved to Florida (which they had wanted to do for years, but didn't because they wanted to be near him if he needed them). It's just sad. I had hoped that he'd turn his life around and take all his funny, crazy, wildman energy and do something with it, but he didn't. The irony is that he thought he'd "die young and leave a pretty corpse" but he lived longer than he ever thought he would - he never thought he'd make it to 30, but it seems like it was a pretty hard and lonely life for him. And it's a reminder that addiction is such a killer and so hard to escape from. There were just no winners in this story - no redemption, no happy ending.

Rest in Peace Steven.

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 Post subject: Re: The Feeeeeeelings Thread
PostPosted: Wed Jun 08, 2016 1:56 pm 
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Sorry, Tofulish. Addiction is a hell of a thing.

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 Post subject: Re: The Feeeeeeelings Thread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 13, 2016 5:12 pm 
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One of my co-workers was apologizing to me today for snapping at me last week... and then she told me why.

Her granddaughter, who is 12 years old, tried to kill herself. Apparently, she is struggling with gender identity and doesn't seem to know how to deal with it. My co-worker made it sound like she's not positive whether she's a girl or a boy, but is planning to spend the summer as a boy and if it fits, that's how she'll go back to school in the fall. She changed her name on facebook to a more male-oriented name, cut her long hair to chin-length with shaved sides, and cut up all of her "girly" clothing (the last bit was the day that she hurt herself). All of her friends have abandoned her. Her mother and grandmother (my co-worker) are being very supportive, but her brother has said that he will not accept her as a boy.

My heart is breaking for this kid. She is currently in a psychiatric facility, and the good thing in the story is that her counselor has a transgendered child, so there's hope that she will get some really good help and direction. I don't know this kid, but I wish I could just hunt her down, give her a big hug, help her find her people, and tell her that while it will probably be shitty for a while, but it will eventually all be okay.

(I'm still not sure how to properly use pronouns here, especially since she is undecided... I'll gladly accept any direction so I can learn for the future.)

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 Post subject: Re: The Feeeeeeelings Thread
PostPosted: Tue Jun 14, 2016 6:59 pm 
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I'd say it's best to use 'they' until specifically told otherwise by the kid themselves. And even then - remember that for young kids it can be really hard to ask for that kind of thing - so they might not be likely to correct you, etc, so unfortunately it can be a bit tougher with kids to be sure what's best!

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 Post subject: Re: The Feeeeeeelings Thread
PostPosted: Tue Jun 14, 2016 8:14 pm 
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Thank you!

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 Post subject: Re: The Feeeeeeelings Thread
PostPosted: Tue Jun 14, 2016 10:40 pm 
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I realized I should add that you could switch pronouns if someone other than the kid tells you, also - I just mean like, don't just trust that 'she' is okay because people close to the kid still use it. They could be messing up just or also not asking.

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 Post subject: Re: The Feeeeeeelings Thread
PostPosted: Thu Jun 16, 2016 8:31 am 
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I've been feeling really sad this week (Orlando and family stuff). Scrolling through twitter I saw several vegan pages I follow retweeting images of
Spoiler: show
cows being bludgeoned to death
so I just sat crying at my desk at how forking horrible people are and how awful the world is. I want to go live in a forest or something with only animals for friends.

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 Post subject: Re: The Feeeeeeelings Thread
PostPosted: Thu Jun 16, 2016 11:03 am 
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Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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With you there Rosie. What with the shooting now in Yorkshire as well, I don't know how to process this world. Why is everyone so horrible?! Lame as it sounds I just wish everyone would be nice.

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 Post subject: Re: The Feeeeeeelings Thread
PostPosted: Thu Jun 16, 2016 1:22 pm 
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vixki wrote:
With you there Rosie. What with the shooting now in Yorkshire as well, I don't know how to process this world. Why is everyone so horrible?! Lame as it sounds I just wish everyone would be nice.

What the actual fork? I want to go hide in bed now. Can we just stop hurting each other? Humans are silly.

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