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 Post subject: Existential crisis thread
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 6:13 am 
Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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I can't be the only ppk'er who is in a more or less constant state of existential crisis. Like who am I and who do I want to be? What do I want to do when I grow up?! Share your thoughts, your doubts, your ideas on how to ignore the doubt, your inspiring stories etc. here! Let's be confused and doubtful together!

Ps. The intention is for this to be a lighthearted thread, not a super depressive thread.

I'll start: I have no idea what I want to do with my life, which kind of sucks because I am currently at architecture school and it seems like it would be the perfect place for me to be, but I'm basically doubting it and myself all of the time. I am not good at drawing or building models and I basically feel like a 4 year old trying to speak to adults when it comes to my artistic abilities, which is super frustrating and very strange for me, as I've always been on top of my class. Suddenly I'm getting mediocre grades and feeling incapable and frustrated all of the time. It sure is teaching me a lesson about patience and I'm not NOT enjoying it 100% of the time, it's just such an emotional roller coaster.
I'm considering changing to go to university instead (I'm currently studying at the art academy), but then what do I want to study? Art history? Psychology? Medicine?

I have no idea what I want to do with my life!


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 Post subject: Re: Existential crisis thread
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 6:25 am 
Making Threats to Punks Again
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At the moment I want to stop living in this consumerist word, move to the Scottish highlands (or Norway, or somewhere else, depending on my mood) and just get out of this computerized world that I dislike so much. I also want to further my internet marketing work and finally make a lot of money. Mhm....

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 Post subject: Re: Existential crisis thread
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 6:29 am 
Making Threats to Punks Again
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I also want to get my MA in Philosophy, and then maybe continue in philosophy (because that's such a promising work field!).

And really I'd just love someone to pay me to study languages. But not, like, linguistics, just study them for fun.

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 Post subject: Re: Existential crisis thread
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 6:45 am 
Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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I'd definitely enjoy it if someone would pay me to travel and visit museums and talk about art and literature and architecture! Why can't that be a job?! Like, a real, attainable job?


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 Post subject: Re: Existential crisis thread
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 6:45 am 
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VeganinBerlin wrote:
At the moment I want to stop living in this consumerist word, move to the Scottish highlands (or Norway, or somewhere else, depending on my mood)


Me too! I'd love to move to Scotland or Scandinavia, away from crowds and mass media, and be the most northerly rodentologist in the world.


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 Post subject: Re: Existential crisis thread
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 8:08 am 
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my only piece of life advice is this: do NOT under any circumstances whatsoever look up how many days until you reach retirement age. unless, i guess, you are a week away and planning the party to end all parties. but DEFINITELY do not do this if you are under 30, living in the u.s., and having an extremely slow friday afternoon at an internship that while at a socially-responsible and important organization full of brilliant and kind people, uses exactly zero of the skills you've spent the last decade and embarrassing amounts of tuition dollars developing. that is a terrible idea.

not that i would know.


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 Post subject: Re: Existential crisis thread
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 10:34 am 
Flat Chesty McNoBoobs
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I am in the process of trying to up my career game a bit. I think I'm on an okay path, but half the time I still want to just apply for welding school and work in the trades.

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 Post subject: Re: Existential crisis thread
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 10:49 am 
And you never will.
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We have been working toward moving to England for a few years now, so all my extra energy and resources have been poured into saving up enough money to make it possible. We're making great progress, but I feel like I'm in permanent limbo because of it. Are we going to be able to move? When? To where? I feel like I can't build anything real where I am because we're planning to leave it all behind, so I have very few genuine friendships. And I ultimately want to open a vegan bakery, but I can't even begin to figure out how I'll go about that because we're not planning to stay here, so it feels a bit like a pipe dream.

So I just spend my days keeping house and working to save money, waiting for the day when we can DO something, and it's making me feel like things will never change.

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 Post subject: Re: Existential crisis thread
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 11:17 am 
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I would very much like to give it all up, and spend my days up in the Algonquin Highlands on a canoe and hiking mountains.

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 Post subject: Re: Existential crisis thread
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 11:24 am 
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paperweight wrote:
my only piece of life advice is this: do NOT under any circumstances whatsoever look up how many days until you reach retirement age. unless, i guess, you are a week away and planning the party to end all parties. but DEFINITELY do not do this if you are under 30, living in the u.s., and having an extremely slow friday afternoon at an internship that while at a socially-responsible and important organization full of brilliant and kind people, uses exactly zero of the skills you've spent the last decade and embarrassing amounts of tuition dollars developing. that is a terrible idea.

not that i would know.


This made me laugh/cringe so hard. Hang in there buddy.

I work in a group that for various reasons consists mostly of people < 5 years out from retirement. I've been there for almost a year; the person with the next shortest tenure there has been in the group for 14 years. Retirement is not a topic I ever used to think about because like, I'm in my 20s.

The upside of my job is the job security inherent in the fact that in 5 years it's pretty much just going to be me here. The downside is this narrative ends in someone's death by old age: either the product or me. No pressure!

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 Post subject: Re: Existential crisis thread
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 12:12 pm 
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I had to divorce myself from the idea of finding my dream job. My dream really is to have no job, and that's not going to happen, so I just need to be doing something I'm reasonably good at (mostly so I'm not frustrated all the time) and allows me to keep learning (so I'm not bored all the time!). But mostly it's about the people I'm working with. I thought I hated my industry, but really I just hated my boss and my work environment. When the opportunity came along to work with awesome people, everything was suddenly brighter, and I got happier, and I realized I could do this type of work and be fine with it.

I'm just barely figuring my own shiitake out, but if I could give you one piece of advice, it would be to AVOID DEBT as much as possible. Taking out loans to go back to school for something you're not sure about is almost certainly going to put you in a stressful situation down the road. Figure out what you might like to do, try to work at a lower-level job in that industry for a while (for instance, filing paperwork or answering phones in a medical office), and see if it's even an environment you like. Talk to people and find out how they got started and what they like and dislike about their jobs. Don't just jump into med school and hope it's a right fit.

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 Post subject: Re: Existential crisis thread
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 12:15 pm 
Should Write a Goddam Book Already
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poopiebitch wrote:
We have been working toward moving to England for a few years now, so all my extra energy and resources have been poured into saving up enough money to make it possible. We're making great progress, but I feel like I'm in permanent limbo because of it. Are we going to be able to move? When? To where? I feel like I can't build anything real where I am because we're planning to leave it all behind, so I have very few genuine friendships. And I ultimately want to open a vegan bakery, but I can't even begin to figure out how I'll go about that because we're not planning to stay here, so it feels a bit like a pipe dream.

So I just spend my days keeping house and working to save money, waiting for the day when we can DO something, and it's making me feel like things will never change.


This is my life. I know what you mean, and the fact that I haven't made friends here really makes me want to hurry up the process. I, too, have made business plans for my vegan 24 hour deli/cafe, but can't complete the market research and decide if it should be more of a coffee shop atmosphere or a place with all tables, more lunch place, because I dont know where I will have it. Also, I'm scared to move forward with anything because I don't want to get stuck where Im at


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 Post subject: Re: Existential crisis thread
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 12:41 pm 
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Yes to this existential crisis thread. I lament almost daily about what I want to be when I grow up (and I have a good job, I like where I work, work/life balance is generally pretty good). I think I just really want to be a drifter, methinks.


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 Post subject: Re: Existential crisis thread
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 2:06 pm 
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I recently applied to university with no clear plan. This thread is my life! I just really want change, direction, and purpose. I am thinking a lot a lot about learning french and moving to France. Hah. I'm Canadian, so I feel exposed enough to french that it's not too far-fetched that I can learn it. My dream job is opening a combination flower shop/bar/eatery/printmaking studio/event space/community space. I know, can you believe such an obvious idea has never before been made?! Crazy.

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 Post subject: Re: Existential crisis thread
PostPosted: Sun Feb 16, 2014 2:19 pm 
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mars, look up the bookshelf in guelph! just has a movie theater instead of printmaking.

ehhh right now i am consumed by trying to find a good day job that lets me dick around with my art and smooze and whatever. i am trying to get into a course right now that teaches business+web dev with a freelance focus. do i really want to do it though? i don't know anymore!


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 Post subject: Re: Existential crisis thread
PostPosted: Mon Feb 17, 2014 2:06 am 
Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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I spent my entire sunday with my friend, talking about how stupid adult responsibilities are. And how boring people never have existential crisis and how it's probably better to be doubtful and have an exiting life, rather than just staying safe and never having any magic in your life.


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 Post subject: Re: Existential crisis thread
PostPosted: Mon Feb 17, 2014 2:57 am 
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I think that my life is pretty much a never ending existential crisis guided by heavy, heavy wanderlust. I'm trying to just accept things as they are now since I'm about to have a baby but it's so hard. I think that's because I'm pretty isolated and am a really social person.

Working on a Masters which is helpful, but it's not my ideal degree, just what I can swing without taking on any more debt. I hope it'll help me land a position that'll allow me to help peeps on a more theraputic level, but I'm so damned jaded at this point. Need to shake it off I guess.

Love Colorado but had meant to wind up in Austin (in my dream program at UT) before fate led us here, and still mentally travelling that-a-ways all the time. It just doesn't seem like any of the roads I really want to go down line up here. Since I'm casting a pretty insanely wide net it's super frustrating.

I'm at such a weird place. I've pretty much been a gypsy my entire adult life, living in most regions of the US. I realize that where we're living now is the best place for me to raise a family but it's really hard to commit to a geographic location. I'm always playing the field in my head.

I also think that staying here means changing up my personal goals. I have about a million interests so that's not normally an issue - something always tends to jump out and inspire me. It just doesn't seem to be gelling (as well as I'd like it to) this time around. Every path that I'm considering pursuing at the point feels like a pretty big compromise.

I'm trying to just have faith that it's a timing thing and that I have more important things to focus on at the moment. Hopefully this is just an opportunity to develop patience and something unknown and interesting will present itself when I'm ready to pursue it.

Meh, I just hate feeling stagnant. Have had Waiting Room by Fugazi stuck in my head all the time over the last few months. Feel like it's the theme for my life at the moment.


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 Post subject: Re: Existential crisis thread
PostPosted: Mon Feb 17, 2014 4:07 am 
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I just want to agree with paperweight:don't get into debt until you're sure it's worthwhile. I have tons of student loans from stuff I did in my early twenties, which is not related to the degree I'm getting now.

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 Post subject: Re: Existential crisis thread
PostPosted: Mon Feb 17, 2014 9:22 am 
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Debating whether or not to move back home to Scotland at some point in the next couple of years. So many ifs, ands and buts though.


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 Post subject: Re: Existential crisis thread
PostPosted: Mon Feb 17, 2014 9:36 am 
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I also would love to travel around the world and meet all the people I've met online...

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 Post subject: Re: Existential crisis thread
PostPosted: Mon Feb 17, 2014 10:20 am 
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I gave up my own small business in NYC to move upstate. I feel stuck here now. I have no real job qualifications. I'd really like to go to school to be a vet tech but there is no program up here for that. I just want to do a two year program that will make me marketable and have a boring job and put all my love into rescue.

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 Post subject: Re: Existential crisis thread
PostPosted: Mon Feb 17, 2014 10:22 am 
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I was raised with the expectation that my future would be as a housewife and mother. I considered college at 18 for psychology but my mom "needed me" so I didn't go. realised at 23 that the husband wasn't happening on expected schedule so I got a certificate in graphics from a tech school and a job at a sign shop that I hated (coworkers and pay more than the job). Then I got married and had the kids.

I love my life and being a wife and mom is awesome and a lot of work, but I feel I have used this lifestyle to avoid facing ceretain realities too. I'm just starting to think though that I really need a degree in something. What if my husband dies and I need to get work, ya know?

So I'm thinking about this and trying to decide what to do. I'd like to be a CBT. I am afraid of the math likely required. Agonising.

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 Post subject: Re: Existential crisis thread
PostPosted: Mon Feb 17, 2014 12:11 pm 
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ashley wrote:
I had to divorce myself from the idea of finding my dream job. My dream really is to have no job, and that's not going to happen, so I just need to be doing something I'm reasonably good at (mostly so I'm not frustrated all the time) and allows me to keep learning (so I'm not bored all the time!)

I felt the exact same way and came to the exact same conclusion!

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 Post subject: Re: Existential crisis thread
PostPosted: Mon Feb 17, 2014 4:48 pm 
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I've never really known what to do with myself. It has bothered me most of my life. I'd see people who had (or seemed to have) definite ideas about how to live meaningful lives, and for the most part I didn't. I was laid off a couple months ago from a job that was no longer right for me. But now... what? Thinking about what I'd like to do and creating a plan to get there sounds like it should be enjoyable, but somehow it just feels like more pressure. I think I'm far too old to be this clueless.

About a year ago, I had what I think of as a genuine mid-life crisis, and I responded in a way that was uncharacteristic for me: I made some changes, to feel less useless. I started going to the gym like crazy, I started tutoring, and I started taking Korean lessons. These are all good things, and I'm still doing all of them, but I feel like I'm coasting. Which, to be honest, is what I've always done best.

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 Post subject: Re: Existential crisis thread
PostPosted: Wed Feb 26, 2014 4:22 pm 
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I want to move so badly. I have had a hard time making friends here, it's so churchy/conservative. I quit my job five years ago to be a stay-at-home mom and don't have a college degree. I currently work (a little bit) as a freelancer, but I'm scared of looking for more work (talking to new people, managing more work). I am afraid of trying to start any kind of business, because I have really been struggling with ADD and it has always made me feel like a failure. I seem to have lost the ability to enjoy most of the hobbies that I could have made into a business. I don't know what I want to do. We could move if I got a job somewhere else, but jobs in my field either require skills I don't have or are in locations I don't want to be. I know I could work on some training, but I don't even know what I want to do for sure, so it feels silly to try. Ugh.

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