| Register  | FAQ  | Search | Login 
It is currently Fri Mar 06, 2015 7:56 am

All times are UTC - 6 hours [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 22 posts ] 
Author Message
 Post subject: Family does not support Vegan choices
PostPosted: Sun Nov 30, 2014 1:39 pm 
Offline
Tofu Pup

Joined: Sun Nov 30, 2014 1:15 pm
Posts: 3
I'm a 26 year old vegan, I live with my boyfriend who is a vegetarian. Although my parents know that I choose to be vegan and have been for a year and a half, I still am invited to family dinners on a regular basis where there is nothing for me to eat. I do not have a problem bringing a dish to pass, and always do, but that often ends up being the only thing on the table that My boyfriend or I will eat.

For my own birthday this year, my mom wanted to make me dinner. She made vegan side dishes, and coconut shrimp for "everyone else." I ended up pulling veggie burgers that my mom had in her freezer out and cooking them for my boyfriend and me! The fact that she served shrimp, when she had other choices at my own birthday dinner really bothered me.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who has dealt with this, and I really am not trying to just complain, but it's frustrating to be invited to dinner only to be reminded that I will need to bring my own dinner every time.

How do you handle meals with family? Are they supportive of your choices ?


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Family does not support Vegan choices
PostPosted: Sun Nov 30, 2014 3:14 pm 
Offline
Impressive boner
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 2:57 pm
Posts: 4288
Location: Nottingham.
My immediate family have always been off with my choice, except my sister who is vegetarian. Once when we went home for Christmas my mother gave us vegetable soup which was made with chicken stock. I realized this when I found a small piece of chicken in the bottom of the bowl. All the time I'd been eating it my Dad had been asking "Is it good?" in the full knowledge that it was made with boiled chicken carcass, and both parents had said it was made with vegetable stock.

It helps in some way that I know that they don't support a vegan lifestyle, and then I can take my own foods with me if I need to. It's irritating (and sometimes downright disrespectful), but it's the way it is.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Family does not support Vegan choices
PostPosted: Mon Dec 01, 2014 9:59 am 
Offline
Tofu Pup

Joined: Sun Nov 30, 2014 1:15 pm
Posts: 3
^^!!! That sucks! I don't see why parents get so much pleasure out of trickery and disrespect, the only thing that makes sense is that the vegan in their family made a conscious choice about eating and they have not, so in turn they feel like they're being judged for what they eat and get defensive. Like, all those passive aggressive things they do are just their way of standing up for their diet--even if it makes zero sense!

On the positive side, I've served my family some vegan meals that they really like and have requested that I make them again. So I know they know it's possible to eat well as a vegan, it's just still a struggle when I'm not the one cooking.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Family does not support Vegan choices
PostPosted: Mon Dec 01, 2014 11:58 am 
Online
Flounceiad 2011
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 8:26 pm
Posts: 5962
Location: A New England
8ball wrote:
My immediate family have always been off with my choice, except my sister who is vegetarian. Once when we went home for Christmas my mother gave us vegetable soup which was made with chicken stock. I realized this when I found a small piece of chicken in the bottom of the bowl. All the time I'd been eating it my Dad had been asking "Is it good?" in the full knowledge that it was made with boiled chicken carcass, and both parents had said it was made with vegetable stock.
That is a horrible story, 8ball! If anyone did something like that to me on purpose, I don't think I'd ever eat a meal with them again, and I'd let them know why. That's not the sort of thing you'd do to someone you even like, never mind a person you're supposed to love.

_________________
I will read all sorts of tripe and am great at suspension of disbelief, but when characters start getting the hots for serial killer ghosts, I'm out. ~ lavawitch
http://elizaveganpage.blogspot.com
http://earlymoderntimes.blogspot.com


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Family does not support Vegan choices
PostPosted: Mon Dec 01, 2014 4:02 pm 
Offline
Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 12:32 pm
Posts: 1956
Honestly, I would stop going to dinner with them.

Life's too short to waste any meal starving and annoyed, if they want to eat with you, they will modify their behaviour.

Mat.

_________________
Lady Gaga and Beyonce should run her over with the kitten Wagon for that one comment alone - Torque (speaking of Katy Perry)


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Family does not support Vegan choices
PostPosted: Mon Dec 01, 2014 4:12 pm 
Offline
Semen Strong
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 7:10 pm
Posts: 19786
Location: Cliffbar NJ
8ball, that is sickening. I am so sorry anyone would do that to you.

When my husband and I got married, one of his family members wanted to throw us a dinner, and promised me that it would be vegan (he was vegan for 7 years so I felt confident he would do it). But then the main centerpiece of the "celebration" was a huge platter of chicken parts and it was beyond gross. Like you, I found it unkind and disrespectful. We don't see them any more.

_________________
My oven is bigger on the inside, and it produces lots of wibbly wobbly, cake wakey... stuff. - The PoopieB.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Family does not support Vegan choices
PostPosted: Mon Dec 01, 2014 4:41 pm 
Offline
Banned from Vegan Freaks.
User avatar

Joined: Sat Aug 03, 2013 10:45 pm
Posts: 374
my family is pretty oblivious to the point of hurtful too...

two family meals that really stand out... a family birthday party a few years back for me that my mom insisted on having catered with dishes like meat on a stick, some sort of dairy chicken thing and 'vegan' (everyone insisted there was no meat, funny joke everyone!) cabbage rolls that were 50% pork (i had to spit it out and go retch in the bathroom). basically there was literally nothing for me to eat at my own party. and of course, if i try to make something for myself or try to get take out, or even say i do not wish to have this type of food at a party in my honor i am being moody and a buzzkill... because that is really how i love to spend my birthday. (fork now i'm mad)

then this thanksgiving - my mother is slowly coming to terms with the veganism... everything was vegan. my aunt doesn't touch any of the food and brings all these meat dishes for her and her young kids to eat, because they need to eat their real food to grow. gee thanks for the snub. leaves the leftovers for me in my fridge. she is well aware i do not eat meat.

i usually eat before when i have any family events to go to. i am an adult, but they do not treat me my age to the point it is almost comical, but also trying to resolve anything in an adult manner is like talking to brick wall, so i just leave it. (I was 24, had just driven from BC to ON. a few days after, while visiting my grandma, the same aunt above asked me, 'is your mommy going to pick you up soon?' in a baby voice).


Last edited by postnothing on Mon Dec 01, 2014 4:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Family does not support Vegan choices
PostPosted: Mon Dec 01, 2014 4:51 pm 
Offline
Calls "cavemen" on that
User avatar

Joined: Thu Nov 11, 2010 10:53 pm
Posts: 2420
Desdemona wrote:
8ball wrote:
My immediate family have always been off with my choice, except my sister who is vegetarian. Once when we went home for Christmas my mother gave us vegetable soup which was made with chicken stock. I realized this when I found a small piece of chicken in the bottom of the bowl. All the time I'd been eating it my Dad had been asking "Is it good?" in the full knowledge that it was made with boiled chicken carcass, and both parents had said it was made with vegetable stock.
That is a horrible story, 8ball! If anyone did something like that to me on purpose, I don't think I'd ever eat a meal with them again, and I'd let them know why. That's not the sort of thing you'd do to someone you even like, never mind a person you're supposed to love.


My sister did that to me. I don't eat anything she makes anymore. She even goes out of her way to get hummus and pita bread from the store to serve to me, KNOWING there is dairy in it. Grown-ass woman too. It has caused a ton of strain on our family. Holidays are not fun.

But to try and give an answer to the original poster, not everyone is like this. There is definitely a period of time for many family and friends before they come around to your dietary lifestyle. Seems like your mother is sort of trying, by making you stuff to eat. That is a good start....I would take it gradually, try cooking with her and stuff. Slowly get her to realize you are just not being 'picky' and she may realize that serving shrimp at your birthday dinner was really inconsiderate, on more than just a 'food' level. Remember, cows, shrimp, pigs etc are FOOD to most people. Not animals.

That's what I would try to do. It's a long road to get your family on board with it sometimes.

But yeah, if people are being openly hostile, and slipping meat and dairy in your food, get the hell out. Ain't nobody got time for that.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Family does not support Vegan choices
PostPosted: Mon Dec 01, 2014 5:14 pm 
Offline
Seagull of the PPK
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 6:46 pm
Posts: 8892
Location: Brasil
good advice here. i also deal with sabotage and i try to keep calm since my family members are trying to get me upset. I just keep on moving and never, ever expect there to be food anywhere for me. I bring my own and try not to think about it too much. and try to avoid the people who prove themselves to be malevolent.

_________________
Buddha says 'Meh'.--matwinser
I'm just a drunk who likes fruit. -- Desdemona


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Family does not support Vegan choices
PostPosted: Tue Dec 02, 2014 10:57 am 
Offline
Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 12:32 pm
Posts: 1956
Chicki wrote:
She even goes out of her way to get hummus and pita bread from the store to serve to me, KNOWING there is dairy in it.


I cannot even fathom this? Surely this is more effort than buying normal hummus? Really, really weird!

Mat.

_________________
Lady Gaga and Beyonce should run her over with the kitten Wagon for that one comment alone - Torque (speaking of Katy Perry)


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Family does not support Vegan choices
PostPosted: Tue Dec 02, 2014 1:52 pm 
Offline
Because Bob Barker Told Me To
User avatar

Joined: Fri May 31, 2013 3:51 am
Posts: 911
Location: Cambridge England
Chicki wrote:
Desdemona wrote:
8ball wrote:

She even goes out of her way to get hummus and pita bread from the store to serve to me, KNOWING there is dairy in it. But yeah, if people are being openly hostile, and slipping meat and dairy in your food, get the hell out. Ain't nobody got time for that.


Does she know that legally milk has a certain amount of cow pus in it?

http://nutritionfacts.org/2011/09/08/ho ... e-in-milk/

According to my calculations* based on USDA data released last month, the average cup of milk in the United States would not be expected to contain more than a single drop of pus.

Anne who thinks the way 'pus' sound is dire enough ... odd how close it is to 'puss' ... here kitty, kitty ...

_________________
"happiness is difficult to find within, impossible to find elsewhere"
"A towel, it says, is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have"


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Family does not support Vegan choices
PostPosted: Tue Dec 02, 2014 2:56 pm 
Offline
Calls "cavemen" on that
User avatar

Joined: Thu Nov 11, 2010 10:53 pm
Posts: 2420
Every time I mention that I don't eat 'pus' (which I do only as a last resort of people bugging me about eating cheese) I get the whole "MMmmMMM PUS!!!" reply.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Family does not support Vegan choices
PostPosted: Tue Dec 02, 2014 8:04 pm 
Offline
Grandfathered In
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 1:41 pm
Posts: 9878
Location: Seattle
The mindset seems to be, "This'll show those lousy vegans!"

And then they twirl their long, whiplike mustaches.

_________________
Did somebody say Keep on rockin?


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Family does not support Vegan choices
PostPosted: Sun Jan 11, 2015 10:52 pm 
Offline
Tofu Pup

Joined: Sun Nov 30, 2014 1:15 pm
Posts: 3
Wow, so I asked this question the first time I created a log in and then forgot my log in info.....but yeah. Thanks , Chicki. My mom does really try, especially at holidays I find. This year she made my fav fav fav kale recipe. :)


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Family does not support Vegan choices
PostPosted: Mon Jan 12, 2015 11:12 am 
Offline
Wears Pleather Undies

Joined: Thu Oct 24, 2013 2:04 pm
Posts: 23
8ball, that's awful! Reading this thread makes me really grateful for my own family! They don't really understand veganism (and I think are hoping I will grow out of it or something), but they've never tried to sneak meat or dairy into my food. Mostly they just let me get on with prepping my own stuff while I'm there, although my brother does seem to make a point of trying everything I make and saying "That's shiitake!" or "Needs meat."


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Family does not support Vegan choices
PostPosted: Mon Jan 12, 2015 1:56 pm 
Offline
Invented Vegan Meringue
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 7:14 pm
Posts: 3713
Location: NJ/Philadelphia
Vegan 101, TRUST NO ONE!

I take food with me everywhere for multiple reasons.
1, I don't trust that the people preparing my food fully know what is vegan no matter how well their intentions are.
2, I don't want anyone going out of their way for me.
3, I like to eat! So I'd be really grumpy if I were at a family function and everyone was chowing down except for me. I will not take that risk.

My MIL is super respectful of our choice to be vegan and she always makes an attempt to cook for us, which is really nice. But she still sometimes gets confused about things. I made the mistake of telling her that I found vegan smart balance one time and she now thinks we can eat all versions of smart balance spread when in reality there is only one (I think) that is actually vegan. And I don't want to be nit picky knowing that she is trying and making an effort so I normally wind up just eating it.

_________________
"Gnome kicking says a lot a man's character." - Babbette


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Family does not support Vegan choices
PostPosted: Mon Jan 12, 2015 5:23 pm 
Offline
Memorized Veganomicon
User avatar

Joined: Mon Mar 12, 2012 11:23 am
Posts: 97
Most of my family respects my choices, even though they have a hard time remembering what counts as an animal vs. what counts as a plant ("what? you can't eat green beans because I put butter on them?").

But my Dad often gets really offended, usually couched in terms of "because your mother..." so he doesn't have to say "I can't stand that something has changed." Like,

Dad: Your mother has been in the kitchen the entire day cooking this turkey, and you're not going to eat it???
Me (in my head): I know she has. I've been in there helping her with everything but the turkey, while you sat on your asparagus in the living room watching ESPN.
Dad: But it's Christmas!!!
Me (in my head): Ah, Christmas... the day you get special dispensation to do things you feel are morally wrong, because that's how we celebrate Jesus's birthday.

Then my mother will tell him she doesn't care what I eat, while he glares at me.

I've been vegan for 11 years, and I've tried talking to him about it (out loud, as opposed to just in my head), so I think he'll never get it. I have to be ok with that or stop eating with the family on holidays. I always either help with the cooking so I can make sure that I have something to eat, or bring what I'm going to eat with me. My mother also keeps chickpeas in the pantry for me, so I can quickly make some hummus in a food emergency.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Family does not support Vegan choices
PostPosted: Mon Jan 12, 2015 6:29 pm 
Online
Flounceiad 2011
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 8:26 pm
Posts: 5962
Location: A New England
RunLonger wrote:
Me (in my head): Ah, Christmas... the day you get special dispensation to do things you feel are morally wrong, because that's how we celebrate Jesus's birthday.
Hallelujah, right? That's why the fourth wise man (whose name is lost to history) brought the Baby Jesus the gift of bacon. "Kosher, schmosher; it's Christmas, live a little!"
RunLonger wrote:
I've been vegan for 11 years, and I've tried talking to him about it (out loud, as opposed to just in my head)
This was your first mistake. Live and learn, grasshopper.

_________________
I will read all sorts of tripe and am great at suspension of disbelief, but when characters start getting the hots for serial killer ghosts, I'm out. ~ lavawitch
http://elizaveganpage.blogspot.com
http://earlymoderntimes.blogspot.com


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Family does not support Vegan choices
PostPosted: Mon Jan 12, 2015 6:53 pm 
Offline
Because Bob Barker Told Me To
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 22, 2013 5:33 pm
Posts: 946
Location: Reno
GraciaKai wrote:
I made the mistake of telling her that I found vegan smart balance one time and she now thinks we can eat all versions of smart balance spread when in reality there is only one (I think) that is actually vegan.


FWIW, I'm pretty sure all of the "light" varieties are vegan. I know the plain light and the flax-oil light are! (I refuse to buy them though because they taste WRONG and don't melt. Thanks Smart Balance, I'll stick with your vegan sub-company.)

My family has been trying and have overall been much more understanding lately. The beginning though was. . . Messy. . . Nobody tried to outright TRICK ME though, good Lard! Sorry, 8ball!

_________________
New Ickle Baby Blog: My Vegan Freezer


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Family does not support Vegan choices
PostPosted: Mon Jan 12, 2015 7:39 pm 
Offline
Saggy Butt
User avatar

Joined: Tue Jun 14, 2011 9:51 am
Posts: 1187
Location: Minnesota
Chicki wrote:
Desdemona wrote:
8ball wrote:
My immediate family have always been off with my choice, except my sister who is vegetarian. Once when we went home for Christmas my mother gave us vegetable soup which was made with chicken stock. I realized this when I found a small piece of chicken in the bottom of the bowl. All the time I'd been eating it my Dad had been asking "Is it good?" in the full knowledge that it was made with boiled chicken carcass, and both parents had said it was made with vegetable stock.
That is a horrible story, 8ball! If anyone did something like that to me on purpose, I don't think I'd ever eat a meal with them again, and I'd let them know why. That's not the sort of thing you'd do to someone you even like, never mind a person you're supposed to love.


My sister did that to me. I don't eat anything she makes anymore. She even goes out of her way to get hummus and pita bread from the store to serve to me, KNOWING there is dairy in it. Grown-ass woman too. It has caused a ton of strain on our family. Holidays are not fun.

But to try and give an answer to the original poster, not everyone is like this. There is definitely a period of time for many family and friends before they come around to your dietary lifestyle. Seems like your mother is sort of trying, by making you stuff to eat. That is a good start....I would take it gradually, try cooking with her and stuff. Slowly get her to realize you are just not being 'picky' and she may realize that serving shrimp at your birthday dinner was really inconsiderate, on more than just a 'food' level. Remember, cows, shrimp, pigs etc are FOOD to most people. Not animals.

That's what I would try to do. It's a long road to get your family on board with it sometimes.

But yeah, if people are being openly hostile, and slipping meat and dairy in your food, get the hell out. Ain't nobody got time for that.


Been there, it was when I was still a lacto-ovo vegetarian. My MIL knew I didn't eat fish, and served a Caesar salad. I asked about the dressing and she told me there were no anchovies, she had checked and grabbed a brand that I had told her was ok. I was halfway through the salad when she asked to the dinner table of 8 people, "does anyone here like anchovies?" I went into the kitchen and saw she was using a salad kit that listed anchovies as an ingredient.
She has never been supportive and I refuse to eat anything at her house now that isn't a raw veggie or Amy's microwave meal.

However, my hubby and my family are very supportive and even though they have made a mistake here or there, they have pure intentions and I appreciate them so much for it. Win some, lose some.

Sorry you guys deal with this too.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Family does not support Vegan choices
PostPosted: Tue Jan 13, 2015 5:38 am 
Offline
Huffs Nooch

Joined: Mon Aug 11, 2014 11:08 am
Posts: 122
Location: Portugal
I wouldn't have a problem with non-vegan food being served at a party, even a party that was in my honour, as long as there was plenty for me to eat. I have no more right to enforce my food choices on my family than they have to enforce theirs on me.

My family also have pure intentions - a couple of mistakes have been made, such as my BIL buying guacamole without reading the ingredients because it hadn't occurred to him that it might have three different types of dairy in it. Fair enough. They are all supportive enough to take my choices seriously and keep the packaging of anything they are not sure about so I can check before eating, or ask me beforehand what they should cook. Since I became vegetarian a few years ago, they have all been very careful to avoid using the same utensils for meat/veggie dishes for instance.

If any of them deliberately sabotaged my food, I would stop visiting. It would probably be seen as being petty, but I think that shows a lack of respect and love that goes way beyond food.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Family does not support Vegan choices
PostPosted: Wed Jan 14, 2015 10:20 am 
Offline
Memorized Veganomicon
User avatar

Joined: Mon Mar 12, 2012 11:23 am
Posts: 97
Desdemona wrote:
RunLonger wrote:
Me (in my head): Ah, Christmas... the day you get special dispensation to do things you feel are morally wrong, because that's how we celebrate Jesus's birthday.
Hallelujah, right? That's why the fourth wise man (whose name is lost to history) brought the Baby Jesus the gift of bacon. "Kosher, schmosher; it's Christmas, live a little!"


Ok, I'm SO adding that to my inner monologue next year!


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 22 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 6 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: aelle, allularpunk, Baidu [Spider], paprikapapaya, theveganvagabond and 4 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group
Template made by DEVPPL/ThatBigForum and fancied up by What Cheer