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 Post subject: Parent Domestic Violence situation
PostPosted: Sat Nov 02, 2013 9:27 pm 
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My parents have been together/married for 34 years. They never should have been. They have always had a volatile relationship with lots of fighting. My father in particular is controlling and mentally/emotionally abusive. He's a big trigger for my anxiety and depression problems and it's taken a lot to learn to get around him. My mom is a lot like me. We introvert our emotions and punish ourselves. Once my sister and I were moved away, I became convinced the abuse my mom endured became more and more. But she always made excuses, refuses to admit anything is wrong. It's all her, she's the problem, she's crazy, stuff like that. Several times, she's been hurt and it's been "accidents" - all red flags, but she doesn't make reports. My dad is truly trying to make her out to be completely mental.

Halloween night my Dad called me in the midst of an awful fight. I could hear everything. She was screaming, he was saying she was out of control, she kept begging to call 911 etc. He just JUST moved her from the house I grew up in to a new address, and I don't have the address, so I was literally powerless listening to all of this. Her face is completely banged up, but she won't go stay with anyone! He's not there, she has a protective order on him, I called and made a report anyway about what I heard after she finally was able to get away and get to a neighbor's house, but she's home alone now!!!! I'm 6 hours away, my sister lives four hours away. Our whole family is there, but everyone is to the point where they're tired of her just going back. I literally don't know what to do. I haven't slept for two days. I am so scared he's going to weasel his way back in again. I don't know what to do or say to make her not take him back. She has no job, or friends (he's made sure of that) and she's alienated most of the family. This is classic warning signs and I feel so helpless. I have numbers that she can call, but I can't make her do it.

I don't know what to do. I know it's her choice but how do you say that when it's your MOM?

I know there are some people here who deal with this kind of thing regularly so any words you may have, kind, harsh whatever...I need to reason through this right now. It's taking all I have after seeing the photos to not drive up there and ... ya know

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 Post subject: Re: Parent Domestic Violence situation
PostPosted: Sat Nov 02, 2013 10:00 pm 
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This is terrifying, and you are absolutely right that the red flags are all over the place and something has to happen before your mom is (more) seriously hurt or worse. I'm a little confused about a few things - you say "He just JUST moved her from the house I grew up in to a new address, and I don't have the address," which implies they are still living together, but then you say, "He's not there, she has a protective order on him." I don't know much about how these things work, but can you call her local police department and tell them what's going on? How far away are you? You say your mom has no job or friends, so could you maybe go get her and convince her to stay with you for awhile? It really sounds like someone needs to step in immediately. I feel really terrible for you (and your poor mother) having to deal with this; please keep us posted. I also have a close relative who was in a very abusive relationship for a long while, so I understand your frustration; please feel free to PM if you'd like an ear/shoulder.

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 Post subject: Re: Parent Domestic Violence situation
PostPosted: Sat Nov 02, 2013 10:01 pm 
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firstly, hugs to you.

I have a lot of thoughts on this, but should think them through a bit before I post. just wanted to send you a wee bit of support as soon as I read this.

I *know* someone here will be able to offer you sound advice. hang in there.


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 Post subject: Re: Parent Domestic Violence situation
PostPosted: Sat Nov 02, 2013 10:33 pm 
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assilembob wrote:
My parents have been together/married for 34 years. They never should have been. They have always had a volatile relationship with lots of fighting. My father in particular is controlling and mentally/emotionally abusive. He's a big trigger for my anxiety and depression problems and it's taken a lot to learn to get around him. My mom is a lot like me. We introvert our emotions and punish ourselves. Once my sister and I were moved away, I became convinced the abuse my mom endured became more and more. But she always made excuses, refuses to admit anything is wrong. It's all her, she's the problem, she's crazy, stuff like that. Several times, she's been hurt and it's been "accidents" - all red flags, but she doesn't make reports. My dad is truly trying to make her out to be completely mental.

Halloween night my Dad called me in the midst of an awful fight. I could hear everything. She was screaming, he was saying she was out of control, she kept begging to call 911 etc. He just JUST moved her from the house I grew up in to a new address, and I don't have the address, so I was literally powerless listening to all of this. Her face is completely banged up, but she won't go stay with anyone! He's not there, she has a protective order on him, I called and made a report anyway about what I heard after she finally was able to get away and get to a neighbor's house, but she's home alone now!!!! I'm 6 hours away, my sister lives four hours away. Our whole family is there, but everyone is to the point where they're tired of her just going back. I literally don't know what to do. I haven't slept for two days. I am so scared he's going to weasel his way back in again. I don't know what to do or say to make her not take him back. She has no job, or friends (he's made sure of that) and she's alienated most of the family. This is classic warning signs and I feel so helpless. I have numbers that she can call, but I can't make her do it.

I don't know what to do. I know it's her choice but how do you say that when it's your MOM?

I know there are some people here who deal with this kind of thing regularly so any words you may have, kind, harsh whatever...I need to reason through this right now. It's taking all I have after seeing the photos to not drive up there and ... ya know


The first thing to try to do is not to take all of this on yourself. You need to remember to keep strong boundaries and do some self care. All you can do is be as supportive as you can and listen to your mom. Most people who have abusive partners leave and get back together with their abuser many times before leaving for good.
There is the National Domestic Violence Hotline - http://www.thehotline.org/ or 1-800-799-7233
I would recommend that you actually call them or your local domestic violence shelter. As a survivor of family abuse and violence, you could use some support yourself. The cycle of abuse says that you are right; he will be very sweet and convincing. I've read letters that an abuser sent to a victim's lawyer after beating her terribly.

I am related to someone who went back to a mutually abusive relationship 13 times before they ended it for good. It's impossibly difficult to sit back and watch but you are right - she is the one who has to make that decision.

Maybe you can talk to your local family and ask them to just talk to her and maybe meet her for lunch to lessen her isolation? Not judge her or try to talk her into doing anything - just be there so that she can try to connect with someone. . .

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 Post subject: Re: Parent Domestic Violence situation
PostPosted: Sat Nov 02, 2013 11:20 pm 
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I'm so sorry this is happening. I can't imagine how scary that phone call must have been and how scary it must be to be so far away.

A few thoughts I have (I used to be a victim support worker):
-as Vantine points out, you can only do what you can do. Your mom will make the decisions she makes and they may be ones that feel really crappy for you. Thus, it's important for YOU to get the support you need.
-you could explore with your mom how she would feel about going to a transition house just to give her some time in a safe, supportive environment where she can figure out what she wants her next step to be.
-also, and I hate to say this but it's important: the most dangerous time in a woman's life is when she decides to leave an abusive relationship. It would be really great if your mom was able to put together a safety plan whether she decides to stay separated, leave for good, or get back together. Ideally that would be through connecting with a victim support worker or anti-violence organization, but this is a pretty solid one she could do on her own or with you: safety plan link. Note: if she does fill this out and he is back in the house it may not be safe for her safety plan to be in the house or somewhere he could find it.
-you are right to be concerned by its escalation. Your mom may not be able to see the ways it's escalated and how she is in increased danger.
-your mom is probably a combination of frightened, hurt, confused, and embarrassed right now. It sounds like much of her adult life has involved some form of abuse and control and it can feel really scary and like you're untethered when you're all of a sudden free from that. She needs gentleness and support, and it's okay if you can't give that to her. You need to take care of yourself first and foremost.
-your mom has a LOT of reasons to go back to your dad, even though from the outside it probably seems unfathomable: she's isolated and (presumably) financially dependent, she's been with him for most of her adult life, she probably loves him in some form, he has spent years and years making her think that she is crazy/worthless/at fault. She may well go back, and it may be the best choice she has at that time. That doesn't mean that she will stay forever or that it will always be the best choice. Statistically, it takes 8 attempts to finally leave. If she does decide to stay, you can continue to support her by figuring out a safety plan for her for if it gets worse and/or if she ever wants to leave.

I firmly, firmly believe that what women in abusive situations need most is someone who believes them, who is going to love them either way, and who will help them when they're ready to leave. It's not your job to make her be ready to leave or to see all the reasons she should leave. You can't do that. It is literally not within your power to make her see something she's not ready to see. You can support her, encourage her to get support from qualified professionals and, most importantly, take care of yourself.

Again, I am so sorry you are experiencing this. No child (adult or otherwise) should have to witness this or fear for their parent's safety. If you have specific questions, need more information, or anything else please feel free to PM me.

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 Post subject: Re: Parent Domestic Violence situation
PostPosted: Sun Nov 03, 2013 6:18 am 
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So sorry for you and your mum.

I grew up like you, in a family with lots of emotional abuse. Dad rarely hit my mother, but would hit me and occasionally my sisters. My mum finally left after 30 years.

Everyone has given good advice. Making it clear that you are there for your mother and don't blame her for the abuse will help to keep the option of going to you open.

Please do remember your self care. Counselling helped me when my parents split and Dad escalated his abuse.

Hugs and care if it helps.

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 Post subject: Re: Parent Domestic Violence situation
PostPosted: Sun Nov 03, 2013 7:34 am 
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Your post is just heartbreaking to read. I'm so sorry this is happening to your family. I understand how frantic you are to protect your mother and how frustrating it is to see her remain in that situation. I grew up in a violently abusive home and my mother only left when she lost custody of me and my brother. J-dub has offered you excellent advice here. I don't have much wisdom to offer you except to tell you my heart goes out to you and to entreat you to take care of yourself too.


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 Post subject: Re: Parent Domestic Violence situation
PostPosted: Sun Nov 03, 2013 8:08 am 
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j-dub wrote:
I'm so sorry this is happening. I can't imagine how scary that phone call must have been and how scary it must be to be so far away.

A few thoughts I have (I used to be a victim support worker):
-as Vantine points out, you can only do what you can do. Your mom will make the decisions she makes and they may be ones that feel really crappy for you. Thus, it's important for YOU to get the support you need.
-you could explore with your mom how she would feel about going to a transition house just to give her some time in a safe, supportive environment where she can figure out what she wants her next step to be.
-also, and I hate to say this but it's important: the most dangerous time in a woman's life is when she decides to leave an abusive relationship. It would be really great if your mom was able to put together a safety plan whether she decides to stay separated, leave for good, or get back together. Ideally that would be through connecting with a victim support worker or anti-violence organization, but this is a pretty solid one she could do on her own or with you: safety plan link. Note: if she does fill this out and he is back in the house it may not be safe for her safety plan to be in the house or somewhere he could find it.
-you are right to be concerned by its escalation. Your mom may not be able to see the ways it's escalated and how she is in increased danger.
-your mom is probably a combination of frightened, hurt, confused, and embarrassed right now. It sounds like much of her adult life has involved some form of abuse and control and it can feel really scary and like you're untethered when you're all of a sudden free from that. She needs gentleness and support, and it's okay if you can't give that to her. You need to take care of yourself first and foremost.
-your mom has a LOT of reasons to go back to your dad, even though from the outside it probably seems unfathomable: she's isolated and (presumably) financially dependent, she's been with him for most of her adult life, she probably loves him in some form, he has spent years and years making her think that she is crazy/worthless/at fault. She may well go back, and it may be the best choice she has at that time. That doesn't mean that she will stay forever or that it will always be the best choice. Statistically, it takes 8 attempts to finally leave. If she does decide to stay, you can continue to support her by figuring out a safety plan for her for if it gets worse and/or if she ever wants to leave.

I firmly, firmly believe that what women in abusive situations need most is someone who believes them, who is going to love them either way, and who will help them when they're ready to leave. It's not your job to make her be ready to leave or to see all the reasons she should leave. You can't do that. It is literally not within your power to make her see something she's not ready to see. You can support her, encourage her to get support from qualified professionals and, most importantly, take care of yourself.

Again, I am so sorry you are experiencing this. No child (adult or otherwise) should have to witness this or fear for their parent's safety. If you have specific questions, need more information, or anything else please feel free to PM me.
This is all great, insightful advice; the part about the abused person needing someone they know will love, support, and not judge them either way is especially important, because otherwise they'll be too anxious or embarrassed to seek help from those who care about them. And do remember to look after yourself; I can't imagine the stress you must be feeling. I hope so much that you and your mom will be okay, find a way to deal with this terrible situation, and that she will be able to move forward to a saner, safer life. I will be thinking of you and your family. XOXO

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 Post subject: Re: Parent Domestic Violence situation
PostPosted: Sun Nov 03, 2013 11:49 am 
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I don't have any specific advice but just wanted to say I'm sorry you are going through this. (hugs)


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 Post subject: Re: Parent Domestic Violence situation
PostPosted: Sun Nov 03, 2013 1:34 pm 
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The emotional abuse your dad is perpetrating on your mom is called gaslighting. I am by no means a DV expert but perhaps just knowing that the "convince 'em it's all in their head" trick is very much a classic and documented form of abuse might give her some relief and validation.

I don't have much else to add except I'm really sorry your family is enduring this and I hope you, your mom, and your sibling come out of this empowered on the other side.

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 Post subject: Re: Parent Domestic Violence situation
PostPosted: Sun Nov 03, 2013 4:12 pm 
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Thank you all. I am just feeling so lost. I don't know what to do, and I feel like I'm too far away to really be able to do anything.

I know that a big thing he's saying now (to my sister), is that he's making sure her car is repossessed and the house is foreclosed as soon as possible. He wants to make sure she has literally nothing. She still won't leave her home. He isn't staying with her, I honestly don't know where he's staying. I am afraid to call my Grandmother because he's probably there and they are probably all supporting him. He does no wrong. I feel like I'm about to lose half of my family now.
I have utterly no idea what she's going to do, but she's scaring me. She's very despondent. I keep trying to tell her to make sure she's around people, but I think she's just letting herself be alone. And that's not good. I have given her the numbers for the local YWCA and also spoken to a family friend who was a 20 year domestic violence counselor.

They've separated and gotten back together more times than I can count. And each time it's more and more violent. I am truly worried about her safety.
I'm 6 hours away. She doesn't know anyone here, and I work two jobs, so I'm never home. She'll never come here. My sister offered to let her come stay with her, but she also declined that. My aunt wants her to stay with her (in the town my mom already lives in!) and she won't even do that. She's so much of a "sleep in my own bed" person.

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 Post subject: Re: Parent Domestic Violence situation
PostPosted: Sun Nov 03, 2013 6:31 pm 
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It sounds like she really needs to talk to a lawyer about protecting her share of their assets.

Also I've talked about this book elsewhere but it's still fresh in my mind and made a big impression! So I will say that if she's never handled their finances much, Suze Orman's "Women & Money" is such a great basic book. It also emphasizes that a woman in a relationship should keep an emergency fund and credit card in her name alone so that she always has options. I am happily married but still agree that people shouldn't feel trapped in a relationship because they have literally nothing in their name. (Yes I do realize that in the event of a divorce assets from after the marriage get split up evenly, but short term I think it is probably very helpful to have resources available)


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 Post subject: Re: Parent Domestic Violence situation
PostPosted: Sun Nov 03, 2013 6:41 pm 
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The problem is she does not have a job, has no money or account of her own at all. He's made sure of that over the years. He rations money to her in pieces. She earns like $40 - 60 a week babysitting my cousin's kids and that's it. That's all she's ever done is take care of kids or clean. She needs lots of teaching, training, counseling and I fear she isn't up for it. We keep telling her she can do it, and all she says back is "I love you". She is 100% dependent on him. She can't get a lawyer because she has nothing to retain one with. In 2001 we went through this and I put up $6000 for her and she didn't go through with it. I'm hoping through the YWCA they can help her find someone who will do it pro bono or something.

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 Post subject: Re: Parent Domestic Violence situation
PostPosted: Sun Nov 03, 2013 7:47 pm 
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Is there no way you can take a day or two off work and just drive there, be there in person, with a bunch of boxes and packing tape and just say "come on, let's do this, come stay with me/let's get you over to Aunt's place"? I bet a big reason she's declining is she doesn't want to feel like a burden, or ask for help. Well, if you can make it as easy as possible, where there's no need for all the communication-lag time for her to say no... maybe she'd go through with it?

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 Post subject: Re: Parent Domestic Violence situation
PostPosted: Sun Nov 03, 2013 8:08 pm 
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assilembob wrote:
The problem is she does not have a job, has no money or account of her own at all. He's made sure of that over the years. He rations money to her in pieces. She earns like $40 - 60 a week babysitting my cousin's kids and that's it. That's all she's ever done is take care of kids or clean. She needs lots of teaching, training, counseling and I fear she isn't up for it. We keep telling her she can do it, and all she says back is "I love you". She is 100% dependent on him. She can't get a lawyer because she has nothing to retain one with. In 2001 we went through this and I put up $6000 for her and she didn't go through with it. I'm hoping through the YWCA they can help her find someone who will do it pro bono or something.



She still has rights to assets acquired during their marriage and possibly alimony as well. And yes, women's shelters and other resources for domestic abuse victims could probably point her to legal services that could at least delay fees until she's able to access some of their assets.


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 Post subject: Re: Parent Domestic Violence situation
PostPosted: Sun Nov 03, 2013 8:13 pm 
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Mars wrote:
Is there no way you can take a day or two off work and just drive there, be there in person, with a bunch of boxes and packing tape and just say "come on, let's do this, come stay with me/let's get you over to Aunt's place"? I bet a big reason she's declining is she doesn't want to feel like a burden, or ask for help. Well, if you can make it as easy as possible, where there's no need for all the communication-lag time for her to say no... maybe she'd go through with it?


Not until Thanksgiving break. But that is probably what my sister is going to do. And she's a little closer and is home more at lease.

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 Post subject: Re: Parent Domestic Violence situation
PostPosted: Sun Nov 03, 2013 8:15 pm 
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annak wrote:
assilembob wrote:
The problem is she does not have a job, has no money or account of her own at all. He's made sure of that over the years. He rations money to her in pieces. She earns like $40 - 60 a week babysitting my cousin's kids and that's it. That's all she's ever done is take care of kids or clean. She needs lots of teaching, training, counseling and I fear she isn't up for it. We keep telling her she can do it, and all she says back is "I love you". She is 100% dependent on him. She can't get a lawyer because she has nothing to retain one with. In 2001 we went through this and I put up $6000 for her and she didn't go through with it. I'm hoping through the YWCA they can help her find someone who will do it pro bono or something.



She still has rights to assets acquired during their marriage and possibly alimony as well. And yes, women's shelters and other resources for domestic abuse victims could probably point her to legal services that could at least delay fees until she's able to access some of their assets.


We keep telling her that she does have rights to their communal assets but he makes it seem like he's put everything in his name only, so she can't get anything. I just hope she calls places and does these things, and does not just let everything blow over. I'm truly frightened for her.

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 Post subject: Re: Parent Domestic Violence situation
PostPosted: Sun Nov 03, 2013 8:59 pm 
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I'm sorry you're going through with this. My dad has never been violent towards people (but boy, did he drunkenly break a lot of shiitake) but he is very emotionally abusive and I have no contact with either of my parents because of it. The sad thing is, my mom draws her own retirement from the state and my dad is the one who would be forked if she left, but she won't. For whatever reason, she thinks this is normal. I didn't know that shouting over each other to be heard wasn't a normal form of family communication until Brian asked me why I yelled so much. It definitely wasn't the way she was raised. Anyway, I can't really tell you to do the same thing because your mom is in physical danger, but maybe a sit-down intervention would help. If you can establish a place for her to stay and either a job or job training (like at an adult education center) and then present her with those first, like Mars said, it'll make it easier for her. That doesn't mean she'll go for it, but the less it seems like starting with nothing the easier it'll be to get her to leave.

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 Post subject: Re: Parent Domestic Violence situation
PostPosted: Sun Nov 03, 2013 9:50 pm 
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I am so sorry to hear your situation - its absolutely heartbreaking, and I agree with all the advice here. Its so hard to watch people you love make bad choices, and hard to remember that as long as they are adults, you can't fix their lives, you can be there for them to the extent it is safe for you and love them as best you can. I hope you can get some support, perhaps therapy, to help you at this difficult time. It is so hard to live with the knowledge that your mother is being abused and that she is so despondent and unhappy and yet can't seem to leave and its hard not to second guess yourself and think you should be doing more, but the truth is that as long as someone is an adult, you can't make them do anything, including leaving a terrible situation.

I once represented a 78 year old woman in her divorce from her 84 year old husband. The year they were separated was the first year that she hadn't been hospitalized since their marriage, when she was 18. She was beaten regularly from 18 to 77. And like your mom, she thought she wouldn't be able to get anything, but we got her half the assets etc. It was a really sad case, because she had been through so much, and was obviously still traumatized by her ex (who was horrible to her during the hearings), but on the other hand, it was good for her to know that she wasn't going to be in such a violent situation. She had left her home because she went to visit her daughter, and ended up extending her stay week by week until she was ready to file. Her daughter was awesome and really was on her side and very supportive.

I don't have any good advice, but wanted to share that story to perhaps give some hope, and to let you know that your mother and your family are in our thoughts, and I hope that you are all able to resolve this horrible situation and get lots of support for yourselves as you do so.

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 Post subject: Re: Parent Domestic Violence situation
PostPosted: Tue Nov 05, 2013 7:23 pm 
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I talked with my school counselor today (who also has private practice) and she helped me put my own feelings in perspective sort of. My mom claims she spoke to the YWCA and has an appointment with a paralegal, but sometimes, she says things and doesn't do things. It just kinda has me worried.

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 Post subject: Re: Parent Domestic Violence situation
PostPosted: Wed Nov 06, 2013 3:32 pm 
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Flounceiad 2011
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assilembob wrote:
I talked with my school counselor today (who also has private practice) and she helped me put my own feelings in perspective sort of. My mom claims she spoke to the YWCA and has an appointment with a paralegal, but sometimes, she says things and doesn't do things. It just kinda has me worried.
Hang in there; I'm glad you had a chance to speak to someone about how you're feeling. My fingers are crossed that your mom is ready to take some positive action; please keep us posted! XOXO

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 Post subject: Re: Parent Domestic Violence situation
PostPosted: Mon Nov 11, 2013 8:41 pm 
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Back to the same ol. They're pretending nothing happened. My sister and I are so done. Now I have to figure out how to avoid going home for the holidays.

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 Post subject: Re: Parent Domestic Violence situation
PostPosted: Mon Nov 11, 2013 8:54 pm 
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assilembob,

I'm so sorry your father is making the choice to hurt all of you like this. I know there are all sorts of blood thicker than water myths and lots of shaming that can go along with doing what you need to do to take care of yourself, but for what it's worth--this internet stranger believes wholeheartedly in your right to never go home for the holidays (or ever again) and never explain why to anyone, if those are the things you choose.

I sincerely hope that your mom will be okay and that you and your sister are safe, emotionally and physically, and that you all have the support you need.


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 Post subject: Re: Parent Domestic Violence situation
PostPosted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 4:42 am 
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Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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I am so so sorry that the situation is so hopeless right now. Remember that she is an adult and that you can't control what she decides to do - you've done your best in order to try to support her and give her an out, but she is deciding to stay. And if that is too much for you to handle, you are in no way obligated to going home. Maybe it will be a good wake up call for your mom that you and your sister just say it straight out "he is being abusive and violent and we can't just stand by and watch, so we will not be coming home until there is some sort of resolution".

Your mom and dad may be the two primary people in the abusive relationship, but you and your sister are being dragged into the situation and it's not okay for your mom to keep involving you and then expecting you to be able to forgive and forget when she does that. It might be a pattern that will keep going until they both die. Or it might get broken at some point. But all you can do is to tell your mother that you will be there for her if she decides to actually, really truly leave him, and it's okay if you need to tell her that you can't be there until she does. No one, no matter how bad they feel, have the right to ask anyone to just stand by and watch while they're being abused.


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 Post subject: Re: Parent Domestic Violence situation
PostPosted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 7:59 am 
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paperweight wrote:
assilembob,

I'm so sorry your father is making the choice to hurt all of you like this. I know there are all sorts of blood thicker than water myths and lots of shaming that can go along with doing what you need to do to take care of yourself, but for what it's worth--this internet stranger believes wholeheartedly in your right to never go home for the holidays (or ever again) and never explain why to anyone, if those are the things you choose.

I sincerely hope that your mom will be okay and that you and your sister are safe, emotionally and physically, and that you all have the support you need.
smoothie wrote:
I am so so sorry that the situation is so hopeless right now. Remember that she is an adult and that you can't control what she decides to do - you've done your best in order to try to support her and give her an out, but she is deciding to stay. And if that is too much for you to handle, you are in no way obligated to going home. Maybe it will be a good wake up call for your mom that you and your sister just say it straight out "he is being abusive and violent and we can't just stand by and watch, so we will not be coming home until there is some sort of resolution".

Your mom and dad may be the two primary people in the abusive relationship, but you and your sister are being dragged into the situation and it's not okay for your mom to keep involving you and then expecting you to be able to forgive and forget when she does that. It might be a pattern that will keep going until they both die. Or it might get broken at some point. But all you can do is to tell your mother that you will be there for her if she decides to actually, really truly leave him, and it's okay if you need to tell her that you can't be there until she does. No one, no matter how bad they feel, have the right to ask anyone to just stand by and watch while they're being abused.
All of this. I'm really sorry things are the way they are right now, but you need to look after yourself and do what is best for you. Hang in there. XOXO

_________________
Nothing is safe from weiners in my neighborhood... ~ crowderpea
I didn't embarrass him by saying anything about wanking ~ 8ball
"SMLOUNCE!" ~ smurfterrobang?!
http://elizaveganpage.blogspot.com


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