Post Punk Kitchen Forum

second guessing everything I doooo
once again, I am cockblocking myself out of things!

No cockblocking allowed on the PPK! It's a rule! Didn't you know?!?!

And if the mods try to deny it then you really know it's true and there's a conspiracy afoot!

Sooooo wow. I had such an amazing night with Mr. Big Pimpin'. Oh man... It was so forkin... Nice. And sweet, and real, and sexy... When we finally had to part and were in the car we even commented on how special this night felt. Ohhhhh man.

we watched horror movies in bed for like 8 hours.

yissss


(edit: 10 hours, she got here at 7p and left at 5a, oohh this is nice but I don't have time for ittt, I have to hang my midterm tomorrowww)

I have a crush on this thread.

I also have a crush on the guy that picks up our confidential trash. Hot. He's kind of grouchy, his nostrils flare (why is that sexy to me? Is it an animal-picking-up-scent thing?), and he looks like he wouldn't stand for my sassy mouth. I rearrange my whole schedule to make sure I'm there Wednesday mornings when he picks up. I'll even come in with next to no sleep.

Yep. Definitely.

Also, it's definitely possible to miss people you haven't met.
But I guess that's nothing new - I tend to miss all of you ppkers when I haven't talked to you in a while.
So, nothing to see here, carry on.

I MISS YOU PHOENIX <3 <3

AWWWWWW. I MISS YOU TOO. <3 <3

INTERNET CUDDLES.

Oh gosh you guys my crush wants to make out with meeeee this is a pretty cool development right?!

Yay! Do itttt!

Awww, kilgore! <3

Must finally be spring now. Look at this thread.

Not sure if this is a new person crush, or a crush crush. But there's a lady in my grad programme who I recently found was also raised veg. in a yoga house, who does lots of interesting art things, and is smart and lovely as hell. (Bonus: She's Danish! So her accent in English is amazing.) We're co-organizing a grad event together, and keep on awkwardly trying to find ways to make our planning meetings last longer. Today we sat around in a cafe in the sun and talked about raw chocolate truffles and long bike adventures together when the weather's as gorgeous as it is today. Also, cooking parties.

I've been dating my guy for a year-ish, but I have a recent crush on another dude. We have a TON in common and he's sort of awkwardly cute around me. So we lightly flirt when we see each other and I'll enjoy it while it lasts. Of course, I'm still super crushing on my man... he's pretty amazing and keeps surprising me and making me all fluttery. Yay crushes!

So Crush lent me his favorite book. It was a super light read and so I finished it in one sitting. Damn it. The Alchemist, it's basically a story about someone following their dreams, listening to omens, and destiny. There were so many things in it that resonated with me, it reminded me a lot of how I feel when I listen to the song from West Side Story "Something's Coming"...

So then I ended up feeling really shitty, because I'm feeling all these super intense feelings, and I know in the end I can't. I feel like even waiting and taking things slow and seeing what happens is not a good idea. But when we're together... we're both super enamored. I feel like so many things lately have happened that have been 'omens' of something great coming out of this relationship, too, which makes it hard. Like when we went on a hike the day after Chinese New Year, we were sitting in the sun on this overlook part, and a snake comes over and starts hanging around us, slithering here and there for a really long time, coming up to us even... and I petted it so many times, it didn't seem to care! I almost cried I thought it was so magical. I've never seen a wild snake before! Okay now I'm rambling but dammit. It's pretty forkin bad timing and extra complicated because of 3 kids. And even though he said what he did about how he can't let himself have 'feelings' sometimes he'll say/do things that are... well they're things he really shouldn't be doing if he wants me to not get attached, heh. Like he totally used the word 'fate' about us... well and like lending me this book! It's got an inscription in it from his best friend from 1994, and he said he's never lent it to anyone ever because it's so important to him. :P UGH DUDE, MY HEART CAN'T TAKE THIS.

but it's going to have to deal I guess.

So now I'm watching West Side Story. Definitely calmed me down. Yay comfort movie.

Oh, Mars! Interwebs hugs!

I know it's a super awkward and difficult thing to ask (because heh, my mind seems to work in similar ways to yours, and I tend to get into pretty complicated situations myself)... but can you try and enjoy the beautiful, happy moments? You're recognizing them when they happen (wow! snake! and one that lets you *pet* it?!), so, yeah, make the most of them.

I wish I could say everything is going to be all right. Hey, I wish I could say that to all of you.

In other news, I may or may not have... more or less directly... asked internet crush out. I mean, there's a chance that our paths will never cross, but still... there's a potential (non-romantic) date in some of my countless possible futures.

Mars, that's super rough. I feel like the same sort of thing happened (thought to a much lesser extent) with Soccer Crush. He acted like he was super into it and said all of these wonderful nice things, but then didn't want to take it further. I wasn't at a place yet where I could just enjoy the happy moments, so I encourage you to continue doing that. It's hard to find the right balance between not wanting to rock the boat by asking what the fork is up with what your 'relationship' is and also feeling emotionally satisfied while you're in the dark. I'm a person who wants to know all of the things all of the time (please, no secrets, no games, just honesty!), so it is really difficult for me to be in a 'oh, lets just see where it leads which may be nowhere because I don't know if I'm ready' sort of pseudo relationship. Best of luck to you and your heart.

*chokes laughing*

Yeah, the funny girl said snake. Snaaaaaake.

It's probably just snake envy. ;D

Yeah I certainly am very much enjoying the good stuff and just trying to soak and revel in that. It's easy when I'm around him, it just gets hard when I'm alone with those thoughts. It's at a point now where I can tell it's getting hard for him too, which is kid of funny to me because I just want to shake him and say "Well then give in to what your body is telling you is right! Stop listening to your brain!" But I won't, especially because he's a parent of three kids. I think being a parent always comes first and so in that situation the brain has to be used. It sucks too because he'll tell me about things his ex is doing/saying to him, and there are so many parallels to my break up. Except his ex reminds of me in my breakup situation, him my ex, and I would now be the person my ex went straight-away into a relationship with, and who I really resented for that. So I feel kind of bad that I'm adding to someones hurt; however, again like my relationship, it was a pretty miserable one for a while for both parties so I believe, like me, she'll be better off in the end. Ramble ramble.

With that said! I'm really looking forward to my full day of crush-time fun! He's about to come pick me up and we're getting breakfast! Tofu scramble, here I come!

Smooched on my crush last night! I'll be seeing him again tonight. Squee!

I was over at Crush's house and we were smooching and he asked if we could talk about feelings. We did and it was super cute and super sweet and pretty much just awesomes.

<333

Hello there, you amazing red haired Irish lad. I really like you.

Whut.
So, there's this girl who is has at least a few overlapping interests as me, is cute, goes to my school and *que drumroll* is actually not straight. She was in the play that I was working backstage for, so I got to know her a bit, she seems super fun, and there was a little bit of kinda-flirting at the cast party. Anyway, she also works with my roommate (tiny college, this isn't even weird here), and he just told me that APPARENTLY she mentioned while they were talking maybe something about kind of liking me or something to that effect.
So.
SO.
I'm now in the hugely awkward position of realizing that though my natural instincts are to hide forever that maybe I should actually not do that.