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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Tue May 14, 2013 3:08 pm 
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so, after looking forward to it for the past 2 months, it looks like i'm not going to see my crush this weekend after all. and i think we're on totally different pages, feelings-wise. feeling really heartbroken and confused.

plus, i knit him slippers. what the heck am i supposed to do with these things now??

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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Tue May 14, 2013 3:10 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Mon May 20, 2013 8:52 pm 
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So, you know how I posted a bit ago (before my breakup) about a crush where I work? That looks like my ex? (Except super lithe and airy instead of strong and masculine like my ex, and honestly... More attractive) Well, I still see him almost every day... And holy hannah montana he forkin drives me wild with desire. It's ridiculous. I can't not stare at him if he's in view. I try not to so I don't seem creepy but I literally cannot stop staring at him.

And today... He forkin came up to me and asked me what my favorite flowers were because he wanted to draw me a bouquet.

What. The. Fork.

I'm so confused, too, because someone told me they asked him if he had a boyfriend and he said he wasn't gay. But he comes across... Actually probably gayer than I do. Also he just moved here from the Midwest so maybe that explains it? Um... Not sure if I can handle this sexual tension. Also, it kind of makes it hotter imaging me erm... Helping him to discover the wonders of homosexuality.

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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Mon May 20, 2013 9:15 pm 
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Mars wrote:
Also, it kind of makes it hotter imaging me erm... Helping him to discover the wonders of homosexuality.


I.... agree.

Unf.

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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Sat May 25, 2013 8:34 pm 
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Sarah-Jane wrote:
VeganFoodRocks wrote:
Sarah-Jane wrote:
Yeah, he got back but pretty much avoided the issue completely instead of just being honest. Damn, I have always been the user and this is my first time being the used. Kinda sucks.



If you guys have been friends for awhile I wouldn't necessarily assume he used you. Maybe he is feeling really awkward about it and doesn't know how to handle it or isn't ready to talk about it?

I've been in that situation before, on both sides. For the most part, the friends and I have always worked through it and either started an awesome fwb relationship, dating, or just went back to being friends and we pretended it never happened.


This is what I thought initially because we hung out at the bar before and he barely spoke to me and seemed a little awkward and when I went round he was kinda awkward again. Which is weird but it is the first time we have hung out in AGES. Mostly I think it is because he still has super-mega-epic feelings for his ex. He didn't say that but I got that vibe (dude brought her up not long after we had sex!) and now I feel dumb. I have had sex with friends before but I guess I just don't get weirded out by sex, so I have never had this problem before. Also, I am pretty straightforward and I will just tell you if I feel awkward/regretful/whatever and it pickles my brain that other people are not like that too!

Anyway, I am just leaving it for the minute and seeing what happens.

Erika, little things like that are the best. They put a smile on your face and that is totally what a crush should do!



So I am quoting myself from March 2012 because it is after 2am and there is nobody I can text to be like "what the fork" so here I am PPK. This guy ^^^ just messaged me drunk and apologised. We were just talking, I was being a little reserved but friendly and he was saying I should visit and I was ignoring that and mentioned we hadn't seen each other in a while. Then he said "yeah, since all of the sex" and said he thought he had made a fool out of himself and felt super awkward. My response was somewhere along the lines of "It's been a year, I don't really care all that much now (lie) but you didn't make me feel bad about myself, (lie) you made me think badly towards you" (true) and now I am confused. Why wait a year? Mostly I am confused because I actually forking care still and he was saying we should hang out. Like I said, we were friends for a decade and I would like to hang out as friends but I don't know if a drunken apology warrants an actual response? Who knows? He isn't a crush anymore but I guess this is following the past crushiness.


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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Sat May 25, 2013 9:37 pm 
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takecare wrote:
so, after looking forward to it for the past 2 months, it looks like i'm not going to see my crush this weekend after all. and i think we're on totally different pages, feelings-wise. feeling really heartbroken and confused.

plus, i knit him slippers. what the heck am i supposed to do with these things now??

Aww tc, I'm sorry :(

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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Sat May 25, 2013 10:05 pm 
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kilgore trout wrote:
takecare wrote:
so, after looking forward to it for the past 2 months, it looks like i'm not going to see my crush this weekend after all. and i think we're on totally different pages, feelings-wise. feeling really heartbroken and confused.

plus, i knit him slippers. what the heck am i supposed to do with these things now??

Aww tc, I'm sorry :(

thanks! things have actually changed a little since i wrote this. my heartbreak was a bit pre-emptive. it's still a confusing mess, but not as "end of the world" as i was feeling when i wrote that.

(and i mailed him the slippers!)

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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Sun Jun 02, 2013 7:13 pm 
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I have an invite to go out for drinks at some point in the future with a crush I've had for years! Like a safe "well at least I don't have to worry about that ever happening" crush. But maybe it could!

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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 03, 2013 12:39 pm 
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My crush was wildly drunk at the pub last night, to the point where we had a healthy chat about how much of a jerk he's been to me.

So he apologized and we agreed to a friends with benefits relationship. Because damn the sex is good stuff. And we actually do get along.

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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Wed Jun 05, 2013 10:59 pm 
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Waaaaaaaaaah, I thought I was over this crush but I'm totally not. So awkward. There's no way this is ever going to turn into anything but goddammit this person is really pretty and I want to kiss them a lot.

boo hoo CQ, waa waa waa.

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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Thu Jun 06, 2013 2:01 am 
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oooh man that sucks! A couple years back I had a crush like that. It was such a bummer!

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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Thu Jun 06, 2013 8:24 am 
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Also this person is all like "I need to lose weight" and I have to just sort of nod politely and prevent myself from being like "WHAT THE fork ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, YOU ARE PERFECT SHAPED"

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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Thu Jun 06, 2013 11:59 am 
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My crush friend came to visit last night. I never know where things stand and I always feel a little awkward about it, because we only see each other every few months and don't talk much in between, and I know she's super into this person she started dating several months ago. Last time we saw each other there were still smooches and other stuff and she was excited that he was OK with her still going on dates and stuff with other ladies, but I felt shy about asking if that was the case and then there were no smooches.

But on the plus side I got to see my awesome friend for an evening and there were some snuggles so it was still very nice! Also she's coming to Chicago for a couple months at the end of the summer and I know she'll be very busy with her program but we'll still be more likely to hang bout than when she lives in another state!


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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Fri Jun 07, 2013 7:09 pm 
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I saw a very cute boy today, he seemed a little shy, which made him more attractive. He was probably far too young for me, but it felt nice to notice someone after feeling very down about people lately.


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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Fri Jun 07, 2013 7:15 pm 
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after working from home for the past year, i picked up some part-time work at my coop. and now i have an ultra-crush on a guy who works in the department directly across from mine. oh man, he is so dreamy. *swoon*

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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Fri Jun 07, 2013 7:19 pm 
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Yay! It is lovely when you can see people that make you look up!

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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Fri Jun 07, 2013 8:15 pm 
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lycophyte wrote:
Yay! It is lovely when you can see people that make you look up!

it has definitely made my work days go by quicker. and my heart does a somersault if i look up and we make eye contact because he was looking at me.

worth saying again: *swoon*!!

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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Fri Jun 07, 2013 11:52 pm 
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Ugh, y'all, I'm feeling really sad about this whole crush thing. I've been kinda oscillating about it for a while but the truth is that I'm ridiculously head over heels for someone who is completely not interested in me that way, and this is becoming a pattern for me and I hate it. I never used to do this...in fact, I used to be really pleased with myself that I didn't get all worked up over people who weren't interested in me, but I also used to be a lot more self-confident ten years ago and now I'm totally not. I feel like nobody that I'm really attracted to is ever going to be interested in me. I know other transgender people find people to be in relationships with, like, logically I know this is a thing that happens, but I also know that I had a relatively easy time finding relationships before I came out, and now nobody is interested in me anymore. I mean, yeah, I know I am kinda batshit crazy a lot, but I was batshit crazy before I started publicly identifying as transgender and I still had relationships. So I just don't know. Maybe I am jinxing myself by even admitting that I feel like this. Or maybe I'll look back at this post in five years and I'll be like...happily married then, and I'll laugh at past-me. Who knows.

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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 08, 2013 12:46 am 
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Oh CQ, you maybe should really start trying to branch out and finding more queer (especially trans or genderqueer) stuff to go out and be a part of. I feel like all your fun choir and quaker stuff is so fun but it limits the pool I think. And since your gender identity and presentation is so different than the binary, not your average run-of-the-mill cis-gay thing will do either. I think it absolutely would be harder for you to find a relationship now than before, and that sucks! Does Philly not have some genderqueer groups or anything?

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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 08, 2013 1:36 am 
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I think there are some gender related groups but they're like...therapy/support groups? I'm really not into the idea of trying to find people to date at a therapy group. I probably wouldn't even be comfortable going to a group like that at all, much less trying to hit on people :P Plus like...what would we even be likely to have in common besides being trans? I mean, I'm not saying you aren't right, just that I don't think people get together and hang out on a regular basis just because they all happen to be trans/genderqueer.

But that's another good point, I don't really know when I'd have time for a relationship since I'm so busy with choir and Quaker stuff and all the other crazy shiitake I do with my time. Though, I feel like if the right connection happened, I would somehow find a way to make the time, like I used to do when people used to be interested.

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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 08, 2013 7:21 am 
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Oh man. What does one do when they've been dealing with attraction to a person that was completely impossible, and then all the reasons it should be impossible remain, but you find out they also like you?
So this guy is really intelligent, funny, interesting, fun to talk to, easy to be around, has great books, is growing a garden, is an archaeologist....you know, qualities that are, for better or for worse, really attractive to me. But he's also eight years older, lives about an hour from where I go to school, is my freaking co-worker for the summer, and has taught guest classes in some of my courses at school. So like I said, perfect for being kind of attracted to, but scary when it's an actual prospect and things need to be actually considered and navigated.
Meanwhile, I still have this kind of off-and-on and poorly-timed thing with the girl. Which has come into play because she and I hung out last night (and she'll be at the farmer's market today), and the whole thing with my co-worker happened yesterday and the night before. Also it's all been over text, because there's never actually been a time to have a private conversation unsurrounded by other staff or students. So yeah.

I just don't understand why these things can't happen one at a time over reasonably spaced intervals.


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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 08, 2013 10:26 am 
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choirqueer wrote:
I think there are some gender related groups but they're like...therapy/support groups? I'm really not into the idea of trying to find people to date at a therapy group. I probably wouldn't even be comfortable going to a group like that at all, much less trying to hit on people :P Plus like...what would we even be likely to have in common besides being trans? I mean, I'm not saying you aren't right, just that I don't think people get together and hang out on a regular basis just because they all happen to be trans/genderqueer.


First couple years I lived in Portland, I had no friends, so I went to groups like this even though I didn't want or care about therapy. Well, I guess they were more like support/discussion groups, so if it really is labeled therapy that might be kind of different. But I found that most people really were just going for the human connection, it wasn't like they were all in bad places needing help, most people were like me and just wanted some friends or to feel part of that community. And I met some amazing people there, even though at first glance like you say, all we have in common is being trans... well of course with some people maybe that's really all it was but there were also tons of great and deep connections. And going wouldn't be about right away trying to find & hit on people, no, it would be to slowly expand your pool, make connections, maybe they'll lead to friendships, maybe you'll make a crush, but maybe you'll also just find out about some other more fun queer event and maybe at that different event you'll make another connection that would lead to something good. Obviously if you're not into it, no worries! It's just your post sounded pretty lonely, and from my experience, making friends in this community was a really great thing for me.

choirqueer wrote:
Though, I feel like if the right connection happened, I would somehow find a way to make the time, like I used to do when people used to be interested.


Precisely.

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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 08, 2013 2:04 pm 
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Yeah. Like I said, I go back and forth about it. Like last night it was really bothering me, today I'm like, whatever, no big deal. I remembered that coming out wasn't the only thing that changed in my life that affected my finding relationships -- I also found that I was perpetuating some really specific patterns in my relationships that were not healthy for me or for the relationship, and realized that I needed to stop getting into relationships where I was settling for things that weren't workable in the long-term just to be in a relationship with anyone who'd have me. So on the one hand, having all this time when I haven't been in a relationship has been good because I've gotten a lot clearer about what I don't want in a relationship, and that I don't need to be in one to be complete as a person. But of course then there's the other hand where being alone all this time has made me feel like maybe I would only ever be able to have a relationship if I were willing to go back to putting up with things that were problematic in the past because that's the only kind of person who'd want to be in a relationship with me.

But you're right Mars...regardless of whether it expands my dating pool, it would be nice to have more people in my life who have similar gender experiences to mine. It is really hard for me that I don't have that. I'm going to the Trans-Health Conference this weekend and I am going to actively look for people with connections to local groups!

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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 08, 2013 2:58 pm 
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Oi. So the guy I slept with a few days ago and I hung out yesterday and hooked up. But now I'm realizing I have a real actual crush on him. He's totally my type.
Sucky. He doesn't believe in relationships (ugh. I'm sick of hearing that) and he's leaving the state in a week anyway. Oh well.

We have plans to climb trees before he leaves!

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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 08, 2013 3:02 pm 
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missdelaney wrote:
He doesn't believe in relationships (ugh. I'm sick of hearing that)

question: how is that a thing? that's like not believing in the colour blue :[

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