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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Mon May 26, 2014 10:33 pm 
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My housemate is good friends with this guy I've actually known for a long time, but not well. My housemate told me once that she's kind of in-love with him, but as he's very much into the mens only, she's perfectly happy just being his friend. I... find him incredibly hot. But I feel like because she has feelings for him it would be a baddddd idea to go for him. Also, even if she didn't have those kind of feelings, if I went for it and then it got awkward for whatever reason, it creates potential for weird stuff as far as comfort and safe-space as friends in this house. Cool, glad we talked this through and have all came to an agreement. Moving along! Maybe!

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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Mon May 26, 2014 10:40 pm 
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Mars wrote:
My housemate is good friends with this guy I've actually known for a long time, but not well. My housemate told me once that she's kind of in-love with him, but as he's very much into the mens only, she's perfectly happy just being his friend. I... find him incredibly hot. But I feel like because she has feelings for him it would be a baddddd idea to go for him. Also, even if she didn't have those kind of feelings, if I went for it and then it got awkward for whatever reason, it creates potential for weird stuff as far as comfort and safe-space as friends in this house. Cool, glad we talked this through and have all came to an agreement. Moving along! Maybe!


The second point makes sense, but I feel like if I had a crush on someone who I knew wasn't attracted to my gender, I wouldn't be upset if my friend got involved with them. I think I would just be happy for everyone involved?

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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Mon May 26, 2014 11:01 pm 
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Potato wrote:
Potato wrote:
I'm developing a crush for the cashier at the grocery store I shop at. She turns my brain to mush.


Rode my bicycle there this morning hoping I'd see her, no luck :(. Any idea what I should say? I have no idea what I'm doing. I have pretty severe social anxiety which I take medication for but I'm still not perfectly normal in situations like this. And the fact that I'm use to avoiding these things I haven't really developed useful skills to utilize.



First, I would just generally chat her up- ask her how her day is going, ask if she has any plans for/if she did anything for some upcoming or recent holiday or the weekend, that sort of thing. Just make normal conversation first. (If you haven't already, this is going on the assumption that you just have a crush from afar!)

Then, look for one or a couple of cool things going on in your town in the upcoming week, or think of something nice you generally like to do with people (for me this would be something like going on a nice bike ride outside of town) and the following time you see her, as if she has any special plans for the upcoming week, and then mention that you were thinking of going to see that band at that awesome venue/going to that weird puppet show for adults that your friends are putting on/going on a long bike ride/going dancing and ask if she wants to go with you. Easy!


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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Mon May 26, 2014 11:05 pm 
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strawberryrock wrote:
Mars wrote:
My housemate is good friends with this guy I've actually known for a long time, but not well. My housemate told me once that she's kind of in-love with him, but as he's very much into the mens only, she's perfectly happy just being his friend. I... find him incredibly hot. But I feel like because she has feelings for him it would be a baddddd idea to go for him. Also, even if she didn't have those kind of feelings, if I went for it and then it got awkward for whatever reason, it creates potential for weird stuff as far as comfort and safe-space as friends in this house. Cool, glad we talked this through and have all came to an agreement. Moving along! Maybe!


The second point makes sense, but I feel like if I had a crush on someone who I knew wasn't attracted to my gender, I wouldn't be upset if my friend got involved with them. I think I would just be happy for everyone involved?


I agree! If I've got no shot whatsoever, no reason other people shouldn't have some fun. Also if I were your housemate, I would maybe be kind of excited about the possibility of living vicariously through you as we gossip about your dates, and maybe also that it would mean someone I think is neat would be over at my house more. Everyone wins.


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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Tue May 27, 2014 2:33 pm 
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I was driving away from work and I spotted the seriously hot doctor out sitting on a wall. I totally nearly crashed. How can somebody be so damn divine!

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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Tue May 27, 2014 3:00 pm 
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electric_claire: Wow, thanks for taking the time to offer up some advice! I'm going again today and I'm totally going to, hopefully, put some of it into practice!

daisychain: I feel your pain! Are they a new face? This one doctor has come to see me a of couple times recently and it turns me into a blubbering idiot. I've always found the manager of one of the medical departments at work extremely handsome. I don't think he is married either. Successful, handsome, charming doctor who is single? What?

An armed guard doing a pickup today literally froze my perception of time. She was gorgeous.

All this recent development is weird. Unlike me.


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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Tue May 27, 2014 3:15 pm 
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He started in January I think. He works on the medical team so I never see him ever. Like the only conversation we have had is a "hi." Seriously though, he is divine. Just divine. The entire female population of the hospital is in love with him.

I do work with one of his friends though and because I am one of those annoying friendly people his friend likes me and fills me in on ways that I can stalk him. Like when and where he goes to the gym.

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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Tue May 27, 2014 4:27 pm 
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That's cute! You should find a way to interact with him more. Maybe his friend can help. See what happens!


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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Wed May 28, 2014 10:03 am 
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strawberryrock wrote:
Mars wrote:
My housemate is good friends with this guy I've actually known for a long time, but not well. My housemate told me once that she's kind of in-love with him, but as he's very much into the mens only, she's perfectly happy just being his friend. I... find him incredibly hot. But I feel like because she has feelings for him it would be a baddddd idea to go for him. Also, even if she didn't have those kind of feelings, if I went for it and then it got awkward for whatever reason, it creates potential for weird stuff as far as comfort and safe-space as friends in this house. Cool, glad we talked this through and have all came to an agreement. Moving along! Maybe!


The second point makes sense, but I feel like if I had a crush on someone who I knew wasn't attracted to my gender, I wouldn't be upset if my friend got involved with them. I think I would just be happy for everyone involved?


Agree.


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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Wed May 28, 2014 1:41 pm 
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Potato wrote:
That's cute! You should find a way to interact with him more. Maybe his friend can help. See what happens!


Believe me, this guy is waaaaaay out of my league. Like he has superstar looks. Totally frickin' hot.

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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Wed May 28, 2014 2:45 pm 
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daisychain wrote:
Potato wrote:
That's cute! You should find a way to interact with him more. Maybe his friend can help. See what happens!


Believe me, this guy is waaaaaay out of my league. Like he has superstar looks. Totally frickin' hot.


You've never seen a mismatched (I'm not saying you aren't superstar attractive too, I'd have no idea!) couple before? Maybe you are his type! I still say pursue it more. I mean, if you don't see him on a standard day, it should be easier to forget him if things don't go anywhere.

I really shouldn't be saying such things, I have like no experience when it comes down to it. Probably best to ignore me. :P


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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Wed May 28, 2014 3:06 pm 
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daisychain wrote:
Potato wrote:
That's cute! You should find a way to interact with him more. Maybe his friend can help. See what happens!


Believe me, this guy is waaaaaay out of my league. Like he has superstar looks. Totally frickin' hot.


Yeah, he's hot. But you are incredibly beautiful and creative, so don't sell yourself short.

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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Fri May 30, 2014 3:05 pm 
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Dying from Nooch Lung

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Awwww! Thanks you guys! I know what team he is working with next so maybe I can make all the over 65's in our ward sick so he has to come down and do consults? ok.... maybe not an ethical idea. I will stick at making his friend think I am amazing.

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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Fri May 30, 2014 7:36 pm 
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There is a beautiful guy I flirt with at work. He just makes me swoon a bit. His voice and accent are just amazing and he's so pretty too. And a great personality. (I really have nothing to say beyond he makes me a bit fluttery)

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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Sat May 31, 2014 1:01 am 
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http://www.shakesville.com/2014/05/on-g ... s.html?m=1
If you're feeling like you're out of someone's league, read this! It really made me think about that entire idea....how do we even know? And it isn't leagues, it's just difference of personalities and wants! And you won't know until you try!

Seriously. This article gave me a stupid amount of confidence today. I needed the boost.

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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Sat May 31, 2014 2:33 pm 
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Thanks for posting that miss d. It's giving me lots to think about.

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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 02, 2014 8:24 am 
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I think I'm giving up on my crush. He lives about 40 minutes away from me and every time I've hung out with him, I've had to go there. It's like he's afraid he'll turn to dust if he leaves his area. So I invited him out to a party that was like 10 minutes from his house, where he knew at least three other people, including the host... he gave a pretty lame excuse about why he couldn't (he had to go to a wedding the next day, so he needed to rest up - the party was in the afternoon, definitely not a rager). This past Saturday I tried to get him to come meet me, with similar results.

That would all be fine, if he wouldn't text me daily and comment on everything I post on Facebook and send me SnapChats constantly. Oh, and G-chat during the work day. I keep deciding to go ahead and accept that he definitely doesn't like me, or at least not enough to make seeing me a priority, and after I've gotten to a place where I'm okay with that -- here he is, texting, snapchatting, facebooking me again.

The only thing that keeps me from just throwing up my hands and walking away, though, is that he is pretty shy and a little awkward. He could very well have some kind of issue with anxiety or something that I 100% could understand. A friend who used to work with him even brought up how shy he is.

So yeah. I don't know if he has absolutely zero interest in me (but just likes texting a lot), or if he likes me but is too shy to want to hang out. Either way, it's a constant roller coaster of emotion that is starting to make me feel bad about myself ("No wonder he doesn't like me." etc) I don't know how much longer I'm gonna be game for it.

(Not that there's really anyone else around to have a crush on. Grumble, grumble, grumble.)


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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 02, 2014 9:05 am 
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Hollie wrote:
I think I'm giving up on my crush. He lives about 40 minutes away from me and every time I've hung out with him, I've had to go there. It's like he's afraid he'll turn to dust if he leaves his area. So I invited him out to a party that was like 10 minutes from his house, where he knew at least three other people, including the host... he gave a pretty lame excuse about why he couldn't (he had to go to a wedding the next day, so he needed to rest up - the party was in the afternoon, definitely not a rager). This past Saturday I tried to get him to come meet me, with similar results.

That would all be fine, if he wouldn't text me daily and comment on everything I post on Facebook and send me SnapChats constantly. Oh, and G-chat during the work day. I keep deciding to go ahead and accept that he definitely doesn't like me, or at least not enough to make seeing me a priority, and after I've gotten to a place where I'm okay with that -- here he is, texting, snapchatting, facebooking me again.

The only thing that keeps me from just throwing up my hands and walking away, though, is that he is pretty shy and a little awkward. He could very well have some kind of issue with anxiety or something that I 100% could understand. A friend who used to work with him even brought up how shy he is.

So yeah. I don't know if he has absolutely zero interest in me (but just likes texting a lot), or if he likes me but is too shy to want to hang out. Either way, it's a constant roller coaster of emotion that is starting to make me feel bad about myself ("No wonder he doesn't like me." etc) I don't know how much longer I'm gonna be game for it.

(Not that there's really anyone else around to have a crush on. Grumble, grumble, grumble.)


Speaking as a pretty strongly identified introvert, I would say that's definitely a legitimate reason not to go to a party. If I were going to a wedding I would most likely have planned to avoid social gatherings the day before it, and if someone invited me to a party that day I would almost definitely tell them no, especially a last-minute invite.

So yeah, I would definitely not interpret his rejection of that particular invitation as lack of interest. If you want my advice (feel free to ignore it ;-) ), try asking him if he'd like to get together sometime and give him the option to suggest where and when, or invite him to do something with you on a future date (like "next week" instead of "right now") that isn't a party (like, not a party at all, not just "not a rager") and if he turns you down, ask if there's a better time or activity that he might enjoy. If he's still saying no, then yeah, that's a no, but this might make it more likely that he'll say yes if he's interested.

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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 02, 2014 9:17 am 
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There HAD been a lot of discussion about the party before I invited him. I was making a cake and he was super into it and saying how it looked awesome and he wished he could have some, etc. I really did think he was kind of fishing for an invite (which was fine by me, because I wanted to see him).


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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 02, 2014 10:52 am 
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Hollie wrote:
The only thing that keeps me from just throwing up my hands and walking away, though, is that he is pretty shy and a little awkward. He could very well have some kind of issue with anxiety or something that I 100% could understand. A friend who used to work with him even brought up how shy he is.

Whether he's shy or not, his inability to communicate his feelings seems like a problem to me. If he's shy and explains why he's not up for a party, or says he's really into you but not comfortable enough to come to your place yet, I'd understand. The problem is that he's not communicating those things. That seems like a bigger problem than shyness to me.


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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 02, 2014 10:57 am 
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To me, it reads like he may be interested in you, but he's not willing to do anything to take things to the next level. It might well be because he has some sort of social anxiety or whatever, but it sounds like what you want out of a relationship is more than he is willing/able to give. If I were in your shoes, I'd move on and not be very responsive to the FB/gchat stuff.

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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 02, 2014 11:15 am 
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BAD PASS
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Thanks. That's basically my plan.

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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 02, 2014 11:27 am 
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Sorry. :( I hope you find a new, more responsive crush soon!

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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 02, 2014 12:08 pm 
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Or, you could just ask him what's up. It takes a bit of courage to ask someone if he's actually interested, but then you know.

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 Post subject: Re: The Crush Thread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 02, 2014 12:10 pm 
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Yeah, I think you should the direct approach. Only reason my husband and I started dating was because he explicitly told me he wanted to date me and that he liked me. I had NO clue (I should've but no)

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