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 Post subject: Estranged from Sibling?
PostPosted: Mon Sep 12, 2016 11:10 am 
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Huffs Nutritional Yeast

Joined: Fri Jan 16, 2015 8:35 am
Posts: 117
I am estranged from a sibling. Following a series of issues, I went no-contact several months ago. I recently found out, via a parent, that this sibling is undergoing a health crisis. My parent encouraged me to contact my sibling. I feel like I should say something and offer support, but I haven't spoken to my sibling in several months. Should I reach out, or would contact, after all this time, be painful and worrying to my sibling after several months of no-contact? I don't wish my sibling ill, we are just better off not being in contact with each other on any sort of a regular basis.


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 Post subject: Re: Estranged from Sibling?
PostPosted: Mon Sep 12, 2016 12:33 pm 
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Hail Seitan!

Joined: Wed Dec 21, 2011 1:32 pm
Posts: 666
Without knowing more details, I guess do what you would want your sibling to do if you were the one with the health crisis. I am also estranged from my sibling and if she reached out to me it wouldn't be painful but it would be weird.


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 Post subject: Re: Estranged from Sibling?
PostPosted: Mon Sep 12, 2016 12:40 pm 
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Mispronounces Daiya
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Joined: Fri Oct 22, 2010 9:09 am
Posts: 1481
Location: Denver
I'm an only child, so I might not be in any position to say what's a good idea. I think what Dave the Cat said makes sense. Also, if I wanted to reach out, I'd do it in a low key way like email or a letter, so your sibling could take time to process and chose whether or not to respond.


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 Post subject: Re: Estranged from Sibling?
PostPosted: Mon Sep 12, 2016 3:49 pm 
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Heeeerrrrree's JACKY!
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Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 1:39 pm
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I cut ties with my sibling. Had she contacted me during my crisis I would have been upset. I have offered a lot of opporuntiies to help move forward and she had rejected them all.

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 Post subject: Re: Estranged from Sibling?
PostPosted: Mon Sep 12, 2016 5:08 pm 
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Saggy Butt
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If you can move forward by just focusing on the current crisis, letting your sibling know you care, I definitely would. But stay away from what caused the break, and pull back if they try to suck you back in by rehashing it.

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 Post subject: Re: Estranged from Sibling?
PostPosted: Mon Sep 12, 2016 8:07 pm 
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Sick of Cupcakes
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Location: The land of maple syrup and beavers.
It definitely depends on the situation surrounding the break but a message of "I am thinking of you and hoping for healing for you during this time" message wouldn't be terrible. Something supporting but non-intrusive would be ok for all, I think.

I am also estranged from a sibling. Not from a real, concerted effort to be estranged but we just don't get along and don't need each other in our respective lives, it seems. I would be surprised if she reached out to me, but not uncomfortable.

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 Post subject: Re: Estranged from Sibling?
PostPosted: Thu Sep 15, 2016 11:39 am 
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Huffs Nutritional Yeast

Joined: Fri Jan 16, 2015 8:35 am
Posts: 117
I wanted to provide an update. I sent a very short, simple email, explaining that our parent had contacted me, and that I hoped my sibling was doing well. A day later, she replied, "Thank you. I appreciate it." That is it. I do not intend to keep up any contact after this, nor do I think she does, but this leaves things on a slightly better note. I don't wish her ill or anything like that, we just do not get along, and we tend to make each other frustrated and angry when we do communicate.


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 Post subject: Re: Estranged from Sibling?
PostPosted: Sun Sep 25, 2016 4:02 am 
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Banned from Vegan Freaks.

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 1:53 pm
Posts: 385
I am really glad that you were able to leave things on a slightly better note. Just for your own sake.

The roll of the dice doesn't always place us with the people we fit with best. I think it's okay to recognize that.

Wishing you both the best--but separately.


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 Post subject: Re: Estranged from Sibling?
PostPosted: Sun Sep 25, 2016 6:28 am 
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Kitchens Planning Manchester
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Glad to hear it worked out. Family is tough because so often members just aren't compatible or healthy for one another but there is this constant pressure to be a certain way. It took me a few to many years to realize how damaging those relationships are so good for you and your sibling for figure out a way to live happier lives.

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