Post Punk Kitchen Forum

My husband ate an entire durian fruit and was letting off durian farts the next day for hours. Which was actually really bad, considering he was on a nine hour flight.

So my husband and I lived together from day one. I was crashing at his place on my overseas trip and then we, you know, ended up married and stuff. Anyway, I had flown around the world and had a seriously bad case of constipation. I hadn't pooped in eight days and I could feel a soccerball of hard poop in my butt. So I limped down to a pharmacy and asked for constipation medication. Luckily the pharmacist spoke English. He gave me a packet and said "take 8 of these tablets, you will need to go to the toilet about 6 hours after that". No problem, I gulped them down right there and limped back home.

Anyway, husband got home and we were lying on the couch watching tv as you do, and my arse started rumbling. Mind you, this was only two hours after I took the tablets. I ran to the loo, and people, when I tell you I could not control my bowels I mean I could NOT control it. You know how you have to suck a fart back up so bad? I had no control of anti-fart muscle. Not only that, they were so loud and violent that I thought my butt was hanging out of my butt. I was horrified because I was sure husband (well, not back then) could hear me so I did the fake coughing cover up thing. And then I pooped half a toilet worth. All I can say about that moment was a) thank God I was not on your American toilets and b) thank God I was not on a German toilet. This was an Australian style toilet.

So I was cleaned out and thinking omg, how am I going to go out there and face him? So I was all fake cheery like "sorry if you had to hear that" and he was all "what? I didn't hear a thing". Except now he tells people it was so bad he thought I had a powertool in there and he had to put the tv up to the max volume and he still couldn't hear his show.

Oh, and when I learned to speak the local language I translated the constipation medication packet and it said "do not take more than two tablets"...