Post Punk Kitchen Forum

MrSneakers just said that he would like to bomb her house... with a bok choy bomb.

I love to fart while I swim laps. I've no idea if people can hear them, especially if it feels like a loud one. Maybe that's why the lifeguards give me funny looks sometimes.

How bout my latest non-fart story? I haven't been farting lately! No idea why, I usually do way too much. This does not bother me.

On Sunday I took the train from DC to Colombia, SC and for whatever reason, amtrak decided to start assigning seats. the lady next to me farted the entire 10 hours, and they SMELLED. the old people behind me were horrified. I couldn't go anywhere to escape either, I had to keep coming back to said assigned seat.

the other day i got suuuuper dizzy during one of my night classes and simultaneously felt like i was bloated with gas. the dizziness is (i think) from stress, but i did find that when i could eke out a fart, i felt a little better. so i sat there with my coat on my lap (because space is precious in this room), tooting away as much as i could. i was so worried that when i stood up all my collected farts would be released, but it didn't seem to be so bad...

GUYS

I gave my students a list of vocab words, and their homework was to write sentences using them. One of the words was inconspicuous.

One of the girls submitted this sentence: "I thought that my fart was inconspicuous, but then the smell started to linger."

The most exciting part is that I'm using sentences that they submitted to make the vocab test, and anyone who gets a sentence used on the test gets extra credit, so I can totally award her extra credit for writing about farts.

This job is so rewarding!

it would be this morning....and not my own fart.

but my boyfriends lol.

it went on for atleast a good minute it seemed...get quiet and loud...but never stopped really...

it was rather epic...

I farted just now, and it smells exactly like the Amy's no-chicken noodle soup I had for lunch today. Part of me is like, mmmm that kinda smells good, and part of me is NO! EW! It's a fart a FART!

My boyfriend has woken me up with the stench of his farts. I think we'd had turnips.


When I'm at work I just go in a bay of patients and trump. If it smells I blame it on them.

"I think Doris might need a freshen up..."

My favorite thing that happens is when me or my boyfriend farts while sleeping and you wake yourself up it's so loud.

I work in a gift shop, and I let one out when no customers were in. Right now my farts are really bad, like I have to run away from them they're that bad. So I sprayed some stuff and tried to get the place smelling nice again but to me it just smelled like floral smelling farts. Well, in walks a customer an says "mmmm, it smells so nice in here!"

Bahaha!

I kind of love this. Or when I'll be mostly asleep but feel the fart slip out and half wake up. At first I feel embarassed, but then I'm back asleep and don't care.

Last night my husband actually woke me up to tell me how bad my farts smelled. He told me to stop eating vegetables! I brought it up this morning, and he was like, oh my god! It just kept getting worse! Don't eat so many vegetables!

One of the dogs farted, now the whole living room smells. =(

Also, I forgot to add, my husband and I were sitting in bed while I was reading this thread, and I start laughing, and he's like, what is that? I'm like, a thread about farts. His response? I can't believe you. Give me the computer.

I was looking at myself in the mirror this morning, and apparently the person I live with decided a good way to get me to move so he could pee was to fart near me instead of just saying "Excuse me."

Efficient.

I made over-spicy buffalo tempeh and my insides melted.

But that's more of a poop story...

There is a poop thread in the Spa, if you dare to care to check it out.

I can't stop watching videos by that woman!

Keeper!!!!!

Oh my gosh you guys, my husband just came into the living room to discuss what we were going to have for dinner, and he farted a fart so putrid it made him run back to the bedroom to escape it. Thanks a lot.

Turmeric= Super Death Bombs that stay in the room well after the offender has left. Use this information wisely, as it can come back to bite you in the asparagus, if used for evil!

Dog farts were terrible today. And of course he wanted to snuggle.

Two summers ago, my husband gambled and lost while he was driving down state. It wasn't a big accident, but it smelled like hell. He had to stop at an outlet mall to try to clean up in a bathroom and then walk into the Adidas store with poopie pants, to get a new outfit. He said that the sales guy kept giving him hateful/sort of hurt glances while he was helping him, as if to say "Why, why are you doing this to me?". Every time he wears the outfit that he bought there, I say he looks like "the shiitake". No one can figure out why I think "he looks so great" in this outfit. TMI? Maybe so, but I care not!

Best. Story. Of. The. Thread.

Win!