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Sarah-Jane
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Post subject: Re: Because of ME.  Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 5:03 pm |
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| A gift from the crasshole god. |
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Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 11:57 am
Posts: 2391
Location: Northern Ireland
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Best post. Seriously.
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I haven't had any sex dreams lately, but yesterday I had a dump that looked like a penis - pistachiorose
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DrakeRedcrest
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Post subject: Re: Because of ME. Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 5:04 pm |
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| Should Write a Goddam Book Already |
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Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 3:36 pm
Posts: 1048
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This thread is my new favorite thread.
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"I will rip out your IV and other roman numerals." - pandacookie
"The one thing I would not do for Aubrey Plaza is harm a baby, by the way." - strawberryrock
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zaqette
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Post subject: Re: Because of ME. Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 5:05 pm |
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| Memorized "Diet for a Small Planet" |
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Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 5:21 am
Posts: 96
Location: Canadia
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janejellyroll
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Post subject: Re: Because of ME. Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 5:24 pm |
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| Making Threats to Punks Again |
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Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 10:48 pm
Posts: 1137
Location: Arizona
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Tofulish wrote: janejellyroll wrote: raspberrycomplaint wrote: In case you're wondering about the pages not pictured, they consist of: 1.) woman smiling ("sometimes you just have to flaunt it") , 2.) woman smiling at man ("Because you want to feel like you did on your first date."), 3.) woman sitting in car, smiling ("Because spring is your time to shine"), 4.) woman smiling at man ("Simply irresistible freshness") 5.) smiling woman doing yoga with small child ("Because a healthy home is a happy home"), 6.) woman (non-model!) smiling with her daughter ("Because you see the potential in every child" and "Moms give everything to make to make their kids' dreams happen."), and the first and last pages feature women smiling with their (smiling) families. "Because you see the potential in every child . . . " unless that child is a girl. Hey! The potential to be pretty, clean a good house, make a man happy and cook a good meal is potential too you know! What's that? Sorry, I was busy quitting my job because I realized it was distracting me from my true potential of serving my husband.
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Empathy, he once had decided, must be limited to herbivores or anyhow omnivores who could depart from a meat diet.
--Philip K. Dick
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raspberrycomplaint
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Post subject: Re: Because of ME. Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 5:41 pm |
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| Remembers When Veganism Was Cool |
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Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 6:30 pm
Posts: 2474
Location: Almost Boston
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pranaferox wrote: lavawitch wrote: You need to get this published someplace with a wider readership. This. I dunno nothing about this stuff, but if any of you guys want to share this with other places, I don't mind. I'm glad you all found it as amusing as I did. I don't know why I get random stuff like this in the mail, but lately I've also been getting clothing catalogs that are obviously aimed at 60 year old cat ladies. Not sure what this says about me.
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Tofulish
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Post subject: Re: Because of ME. Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 5:44 pm |
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| Semen Strong |
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Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 7:10 pm
Posts: 15310
Location: Cliffbar NJ
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janejellyroll wrote: What's that? Sorry, I was busy quitting my job because I realized it was distracting me from my true potential of serving my husband. 
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But on a cold winter night, when the wind whispers through the trees and a bright, white moon hangs heavy in the air, you might hear a sad cry like someone thinking he knows what's best for you, and that'll be the white man a-passin' you by. just mumbles
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janejellyroll
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Post subject: Re: Because of ME. Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 5:45 pm |
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| Making Threats to Punks Again |
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Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 10:48 pm
Posts: 1137
Location: Arizona
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Tofulish wrote: janejellyroll wrote: What's that? Sorry, I was busy quitting my job because I realized it was distracting me from my true potential of serving my husband. Don't worry though -- I love him, so he's a friend and food!
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Empathy, he once had decided, must be limited to herbivores or anyhow omnivores who could depart from a meat diet.
--Philip K. Dick
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lavawitch
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Post subject: Re: Because of ME. Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 6:33 pm |
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| Discovered unobtainium |
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Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 9:21 pm
Posts: 8876
Location: VA
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Notice that tampons are "clean" protection, while pads are just "absorbent." amazing how many ways they managed to make a single advertorial offensive.
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"This is the creepiest post ever if you don't know who Molly is." -Fee
"a vegan death match sounds like something where we all end up hugging." -LisaPunk
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Veganismbot
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Post subject: Re: Because of ME. Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 6:54 pm |
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| Nailed to the V |
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Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2011 5:36 pm
Posts: 570
Location: Bat Country
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(1) Well done raspberrycomlaint.
(2) This ad is giving me the creepies.
(3) As a man, I find this ad alienating. I can be domestic too!
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monkeytoes
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Post subject: Re: Because of ME. Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 6:56 pm |
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| Dead by dawn |
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Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 9:54 pm
Posts: 6237
Location: Seattle
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I'm so glad I saw this at 4:55 on a Friday evening... now I know I don't have to bother coming back to work on Monday. I don't belong here anyway!
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facebook
"The PPK: Come for the pie; stay for the croissants." - tinglepants!
"Cockblocked by Richard Branson- again!" - Erika Soyf*cker
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Rust&GoldMachine
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Post subject: Re: Because of ME. Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 8:02 pm |
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| Baking In The Flavor |
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Joined: Tue Nov 16, 2010 7:02 pm
Posts: 171
Location: NOLA!
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So much awesomeness. I was just complaining to my mom about sexism in the workplace, so I needed the laugh. Really, I should just stop working and commit myself full-time to my one mission in life: finding a man and fulfilling his every desire.
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crowderpea
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Post subject: Re: Because of ME. Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 8:22 pm |
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| Chip Strong |
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Joined: Fri Oct 22, 2010 1:10 pm
Posts: 965
Location: East Tennessee!
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What great commentary!
I hate "personalized just for YOU" coupon booklets. Apparently, I eat nothing but meat and like my house/body to smell like Spring Breeze. Oh, and I have 20 dogs and cats and feed them nothing but treats. And these are supposedly based off my purchases recorded by using my store card.
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Animals are my friends--and I don't eat my friends.
~ George Bernard Shaw
"God said, kill and eat!" ~ my grandmother
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coldandsleepy
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Post subject: Re: Because of ME. Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 8:29 pm |
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| Married to the wolfman |
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Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 9:49 pm
Posts: 4924
Location: Santa Cruz, CA
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raspberrycomplaint wrote: In case you're wondering about the pages not pictured, they consist of: 1.) woman smiling ("sometimes you just have to flaunt it") , 2.) woman smiling at man ("Because you want to feel like you did on your first date."), 3.) woman sitting in car, smiling ("Because spring is your time to shine"), 4.) woman smiling at man ("Simply irresistible freshness") 5.) smiling woman doing yoga with small child ("Because a healthy home is a happy home"), 6.) woman (non-model!) smiling with her daughter ("Because you see the potential in every child" and "Moms give everything to make to make their kids' dreams happen."), and the first and last pages feature women smiling with their (smiling) families. I do find freshness irresistable.
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"Hummus; a gentleman's vice." -- Mars
coldandsleepy cooks, THE BLOG!
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lunchboxmonkey
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Post subject: Re: Because of ME. Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 8:55 pm |
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| Loves Carrots (in the biblical sense) |
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Joined: Sun Apr 17, 2011 7:26 pm
Posts: 74
Location: Dayton, Ohio
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FootFace
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Post subject: Re: Because of ME. Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 11:10 pm |
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| Grandfathered In |
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Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 1:41 pm
Posts: 8171
Location: Seattle
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Tofulish wrote: choirqueer wrote: FootFace wrote: I'm not even positive I know my child's middle name! I think it's "Gun"! You should ask your wife, FF. Preferably between bites of whatever she is hand-feeding you tonight. Yeah, it's probably something like that. Whatever.
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Did somebody say Keep on rockin?
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Fizzgig
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Post subject: Re: Because of ME. Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 11:24 pm |
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| Has it on Blue Vinyl |
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Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 4:12 pm
Posts: 2125
Location: MKE
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raspberrycomplaint wrote: Spend the day scrubbing the house, so it is welcoming for my husband. It's so hard for him, having to go out and work every day so we can put food on the table. I always make sure to be waiting by the door (in heels!) so I can give him a hug when he gets home.  I'm sorry, but you are doing this wrong. Women can't wear pants. Please. Also, I thought husbands liked to be greeted with a cocktail or something before their hand-fed dinners? Seriously, though, I love you RC
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"I think I am going to turn into a chickpea." ~Dakini
Love is like a pineapple, sweet and undefinable ~ Piet Hein
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j-dub
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Post subject: Re: Because of ME. Posted: Sat Apr 23, 2011 12:30 am |
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| Fair trade, organic mistletoe |
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Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 12:52 am
Posts: 2700
Location: Vancouver
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So good.
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"I'd rather have dried catshit! I'd rather have astroturf! I'd rather have an igloo!"~Isa
"But really, anyone willing to dangle their baby in front of a crocodile is A-OK in my book."~SSD
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voiceofraisin
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Post subject: Re: Because of ME. Posted: Sat Apr 23, 2011 6:51 am |
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| Baking In The Flavor |
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Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 2:21 pm
Posts: 173
Location: Paris of the 80s, MA
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Desdemona wrote: Lachesis wrote: Well-played! Agreed! This may have been my favorite part: raspberrycomplaint wrote: At the end of the day, I get supper on the table. My husband refuses to use utensils. He says that's what I'm here for, and makes me hand feed him his supper, one bite at a time. I just feel so proud that I can be useful to him. That's a woman's job.  I will bear this in mind when my partner gets home, because I want to be all the woman that I can be (and maybe get a discount on my adult diapers while I'm at it)! Thanks, honey! And since you chew my slippers so they're just the right softness when I come home, you won't need the SlipperSoft™ lotion on p. 12!
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"I hate the word supper. It makes me think of phlegm for some reason." ~ RandiJM
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crowderpea
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Post subject: Re: Because of ME. Posted: Sat Apr 23, 2011 10:16 am |
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| Chip Strong |
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Joined: Fri Oct 22, 2010 1:10 pm
Posts: 965
Location: East Tennessee!
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There seems to be one thing missing from this:  You won't have a husband to hand-feed or father your little league team if you neglect this important wifely duty. So why are there no coupons for feminine daintiness products? It's like they are just teasing you with the promise of a perfect life, but they leave out the MOST IMPORTANT COUPON.
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Animals are my friends--and I don't eat my friends.
~ George Bernard Shaw
"God said, kill and eat!" ~ my grandmother
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Desdemona
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Post subject: Re: Because of ME. Posted: Sat Apr 23, 2011 10:45 am |
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| Flounceiad 2011 |
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Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 8:26 pm
Posts: 3406
Location: A New England
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crowderpea wrote: There seems to be one thing missing from this: You won't have a husband to hand-feed or father your little league team if you neglect this important wifely duty. So why are there no coupons for feminine daintiness products? It's like they are just teasing you with the promise of a perfect life, but they leave out the MOST IMPORTANT COUPON. This is such an important point. I mean, I shove the mop up there, just to make sure I haven't missed any spots; a happy, successful relationship takes work, ladies!
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You can always politely suggest a ham alternative. ~ vijita
Nothing is safe from weiners in my neighborhood... ~ crowderpea
"SMLOUNCE!" ~ smurfterrobang?!
http://elizaveganpage.blogspot.com
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lavawitch
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Post subject: Re: Because of ME. Posted: Sat Apr 23, 2011 10:56 am |
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| Discovered unobtainium |
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Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 9:21 pm
Posts: 8876
Location: VA
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This all seems so ridiculous and yet in a current rape trial, defense is apparently trying to say that the woman bruised her own cervix while showering. (see Tofulish's thread in Parlor). I think I need illustrated directions for cervix scrubbing because I'm vague on the mechanics.
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"This is the creepiest post ever if you don't know who Molly is." -Fee
"a vegan death match sounds like something where we all end up hugging." -LisaPunk
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Amelie
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Post subject: Re: Because of ME. Posted: Sat Apr 23, 2011 11:41 am |
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| Top of the food chain & doesn't need to prove it |
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Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 1:09 am
Posts: 630
Location: Sacramento, CA
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If this was on tumblr I would reblog it in a heartbeat.
Seriously some quality writing!
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France
California
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Desdemona
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Post subject: Re: Because of ME. Posted: Sat Apr 23, 2011 12:47 pm |
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| Flounceiad 2011 |
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Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 8:26 pm
Posts: 3406
Location: A New England
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lavawitch wrote: This all seems so ridiculous and yet in a current rape trial, defense is apparently trying to say that the woman bruised her own cervix while showering. (see Tofulish's thread in Parlor). I think I need illustrated directions for cervix scrubbing because I'm vague on the mechanics. Gee...funny how I never had occasion to realize it before, but "cervix" and "scrubbing" are two words that should never, ever appear together. Ever.
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You can always politely suggest a ham alternative. ~ vijita
Nothing is safe from weiners in my neighborhood... ~ crowderpea
"SMLOUNCE!" ~ smurfterrobang?!
http://elizaveganpage.blogspot.com
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very veggie
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Post subject: Re: Because of ME. Posted: Sat Apr 23, 2011 4:07 pm |
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| Buys Peanut Chews in Bulk |
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Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 5:17 pm
Posts: 126
Location: Kentucky
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I love this thread.
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Beef, nature's #1 source of moisture.--Limone
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MeShell
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Post subject: Re: Because of ME. Posted: Sat Apr 23, 2011 4:11 pm |
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| Buys Peanut Chews in Bulk |
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Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 1:23 pm
Posts: 142
Location: Toronto, Canada
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