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 Post subject: Movies of the sword-and-sorcery genre that are actually good
PostPosted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 12:16 am 
Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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Is this a futile quest? I've been exploring movies that I loved as an unbearded youth--Conan the Barbarian, Willow, Legend, and such--but none of them has really held up well, not even for laughs. Should I even bother revisiting Beastmaster, Dragonslayer, Red Sonja? Should I just concede that this particular cinematic genre is dead? Or should I just suck it up and learn to love the Hobbit? I don't know...

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 Post subject: Re: Movies of the sword-and-sorcery genre that are actually
PostPosted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 12:18 am 
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Red Sonja doesn't hold up. I was sad.

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 Post subject: Re: Movies of the sword-and-sorcery genre that are actually
PostPosted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 12:23 am 
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Deathstalker II is just as good as it was when it was released.

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 Post subject: Re: Movies of the sword-and-sorcery genre that are actually
PostPosted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 12:24 am 
Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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I was still tempted to buy the 2000 Dungeons & Dragons abomination for the hi-larious hijinks, but I was talked down from that particular precipice. If only Jeremy Irons had had someone in his life with similar foresight...

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 Post subject: Re: Movies of the sword-and-sorcery genre that are actually
PostPosted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 12:46 am 
Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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We were totally going to live-blog Deathstalker, but realized to our everlasting sorrow that no one would care. Heroes and fools are the same thing.

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 Post subject: Re: Movies of the sword-and-sorcery genre that are actually
PostPosted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 12:47 am 
Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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Also, the king guy is wearing some sort of crazy inverted stool on his head.

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 Post subject: Re: Movies of the sword-and-sorcery genre that are actually
PostPosted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 12:48 am 
Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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"Hey, it's the pool of nubile maidens! Is that Mia Farrow? Well, that was totally pointless." I guess we're doing this thing.

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 Post subject: Re: Movies of the sword-and-sorcery genre that are actually
PostPosted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 12:51 am 
Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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The shiitake per second rate is far too fast to keep up with.

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 Post subject: Re: Movies of the sword-and-sorcery genre that are actually
PostPosted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 12:52 am 
Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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"What are the three powers of creation?"
"Well, dry ice for one..."

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 Post subject: Re: Movies of the sword-and-sorcery genre that are actually
PostPosted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 12:54 am 
Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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"Oh, god, Stevie Nicks get out of my reflecting pool..."

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 Post subject: Re: Movies of the sword-and-sorcery genre that are actually
PostPosted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 12:57 am 
Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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"Oh, my god, I got that exact sword from Medieval Times." That's not even a joke, like really. I remember that hilt.

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 Post subject: Re: Movies of the sword-and-sorcery genre that are actually
PostPosted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 12:59 am 
Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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"Where do you get a chain-mail halter top? OMG, is that Scott Baio?"

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 Post subject: Re: Movies of the sword-and-sorcery genre that are actually
PostPosted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 1:01 am 
Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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"Brian, this is the best movie ever. Karooo syruuup!"

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 Post subject: Re: Movies of the sword-and-sorcery genre that are actually
PostPosted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 1:08 am 
Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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"Never take Mitt Romney to your orgy." Serious, what's with the old dude vicariously moaning?

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 Post subject: Re: Movies of the sword-and-sorcery genre that are actually
PostPosted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 1:18 am 
Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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Never let Anton LaVey alone with a sharpie.

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 Post subject: Re: Movies of the sword-and-sorcery genre that are actually
PostPosted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 1:23 am 
Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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"She sorta looks like Jo from Facts of Life. I mean, you take the good, you take the bad, right?"

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 Post subject: Re: Movies of the sword-and-sorcery genre that are actually
PostPosted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 1:34 am 
Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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Oh, crepe, Scott Baio and Anton LaVey just had a moment. That was kinda hot.

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 Post subject: Re: Movies of the sword-and-sorcery genre that are actually
PostPosted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 1:44 am 
Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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"I'm so confused. So many hats. At least Deathstalker always has the fluffliest hair."

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"All PPK gamers should put on their badge of shame right now. You will never leave the no-sex thread." - Vantine
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 Post subject: Re: Movies of the sword-and-sorcery genre that are actually
PostPosted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 1:46 am 
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Are you watching the first Deathstalker? Is that the one with the wizard transforming his lackey into a woman and then he has sex with someone and you're like, hang on, exactly which audience is this scene for? And then you google it and find someone's male-to-female transformation YouTube channel and you're like, "Oh."

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 Post subject: Re: Movies of the sword-and-sorcery genre that are actually
PostPosted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 1:50 am 
Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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Yes, mumbles, yes.

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 Post subject: Re: Movies of the sword-and-sorcery genre that are actually
PostPosted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 1:50 am 
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This is the best thread of 2014. Go home, everyone else.

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