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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Mon Mar 03, 2014 4:30 pm 
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Tofulish wrote:
People are really kind of shockingly rude to children. I am always surprised by how many personal comments people make about them, like they can't understand or aren't right there.

When I was little (like 10 or so), two of my mom's friends were talking with her, and one of them said (about me), "its such a shame she's so dark, she'd be really pretty otherwise." Because that is exactly what a self-conscious preteen needs to hear.

Jesus. That makes me want to cry. That right there is an unfriendable moment in my books.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Mon Mar 03, 2014 7:22 pm 
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I bought jeans today (at target) which is always a horrifying experience for me, but damned if I don't wish people would not talk about their bodies, loudly in dressing rooms. Rationally, I know these people are dealing with their own stuff and couldn't care less what I look like. But hearing the things some people say in that context makes me think having my body would be their own idea of hell.


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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Mon Mar 03, 2014 7:26 pm 
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I know exactly what you mean, Olives. I've always hated hearing someone talk about how much they hate their "fat thighs" or whatever, then when I see them I of course start comparing my own body with theirs, and inevitably my thighs are "fatter" and I just think damn, they must think I'm disgusting. Then I start thinking that maybe I should think I'm disgusting too, and it just starts a whole downward spiral in my head.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Mon Mar 03, 2014 8:05 pm 
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Bah, yes it's exactly like that! Can't I just let other people have their own body issues without butting in?


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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Mon Mar 03, 2014 11:24 pm 
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I was out for breakfast the other day, sitting next to a table of two friends. Couldn't help but overhear some of their conversation, and it was basically about a tenant who had moved out and left a mess (fine). The part that bugged me though, was the guy (who was himself pretty big) said:

"I should have known she was going to leave the place a mess. She's fat--and I've struggled with being heavy my whole life but my mom taught me how to be clean--so I could just tell it was a bad idea from the beginning. I mean, she was wearing shorts that were too tight, with stains on them.."

Anyway, I'm paraphrasing from memory but it went on for a while and it was horrible. As though someone's body composition is a testament to their housekeeping skills?! But I couldn't really speak up because I shouldn't have been hearing their conversation in the first place (though it was awfully loud and in a public place at a table next to us, so hard not to hear). Ugh.


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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Tue Mar 04, 2014 2:21 pm 
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I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who replied to my question. I was concerned that maybe I was being a bit too sensitive, but it sounds like this is all too common. I'm definitely going to confront my mother before it gets too out of hand and my daughter has to deal with these issues too.


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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Sun Mar 09, 2014 5:16 pm 
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I had some revelations talking to my boyfriend the other night that almost brought me to tears. I've been in denial about my body issues and I didn't even realize it. I guess I didn't want to admit to myself that my feminism hasn't protected me from feeling pressured by society to look a certain way. On top of that I had a boyfriend for years who would often suggest in subtle ways that I was not his physical ideal - so subtle it took me years to even recognize it. For example, in talking about a girl he had a crush on in high school he would mention her "great rack" and being small-chested myself I was left feeling inferior and inadequate, but also frustrated with myself that I should even care. Though I wouldn't consciously think about it at the time, in retrospect every woman he mentioned finding attractive looked nothing like me. Now I've come to understand how much that affected me. On the rare occasions that I voiced those feelings to him, he would insist that he loved my body, but it always felt more dismissive than reassuring - like my insecurities were all in my head and I should quit worrying because he loved me, right?

I feel so fortunate now to have a boyfriend who I can talk to about these issues without feeling invalidated. He understands male privilege better than any man I've ever met. The other night he reminded me of a comment I made about feeling inadequate, right after he'd given me a compliment, and when reminded about it I felt embarrassed and apologized to him - and he said "Don't be sorry, it isn't your fault. Your struggle is real." It was amazing and made me feel much better equipped to start recognizing and tearing down those insecurities. I only wish I didn't need any outside help to overcome them... but I guess that's what reparations are all about. Healing is hard work.


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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Sun Mar 09, 2014 6:34 pm 
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mooo wrote:
My partner's family, especially his mom, are obsessed with weight and appearance and pretty much all she ever talks about is the fad diet she is currently on. She made her first comment about my daughter's weight when my daughter was about two weeks old. I asked her right then to please never discuss diets or comment negatively about her own or anyone else's body in front of our daughter. (And p.s., we love you, etc.) She got upset and probably went and told a bunch of people how mean I am, but oh well, fork that. I don't think there's anything wrong with making such request to your family.


Ugh. I need to have this conversation with my mom. She hasn't said anything about my daughter's weight yet, but she is constantly saying negative stuff about her own body, eating, and food. So far I have bit my tongue, but i need to address it.


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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 21, 2014 10:44 pm 
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A commuter on the T in Boston observed a man approach a woman and — without any prior interaction — tell her to lose weight. T

The observing passenger was outraged on the woman's behalf and, unable to confront the man before he got off the train, took to Craigslist to air her grievances in what might be the most appropriately scathing missed connection of all time: http://jezebel.com/behold-the-most-perf ... 1547148781

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Sat Mar 22, 2014 5:48 am 
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I had a guy, who was running, come tell me that as I was getting out of my car and walking into work. He told me I should lose weight and exercise. The funny thing is at that point, I had lost some weight and was exercising daily. That was 15 or so years ago.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Sat Mar 22, 2014 6:41 am 
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Oops, wrong thread.

I once had a guy tell me I had fat knees. This was after I rebuffed his sexual advances.

I'm not sure if it's body shaming or not but it really bothers me when people ask me why my hands shake. It's from medication but I don't feel I should have to explain myself to every person that's asks. It makes me very self conscious.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Sat Mar 22, 2014 7:04 am 
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Tofulish wrote:
A commuter on the T in Boston observed a man approach a woman and — without any prior interaction — tell her to lose weight. T

The observing passenger was outraged on the woman's behalf and, unable to confront the man before he got off the train, took to Craigslist to air her grievances in what might be the most appropriately scathing missed connection of all time: http://jezebel.com/behold-the-most-perf ... 1547148781
While I agree with the impulse and the sentiment, it's really too bad that the tone and language are so puerile; when something is couched in such childish terms, it makes it easier to dismiss. The writer could have done a better job of taking that crasshole down with fewer potty terms and more emphasis on how shallowness and lack of empathy are a far greater liability than a few putatively "extra" pounds. As it is, the constant stream of bathroom euphemisms, comments about his appearance, speculation about what he does for a living, etc., comes off more sophomoric than scathing. (Then again, that guy is probably too insensitive to recognize himself no matter how it was written, so the point is probably moot.)

On a somewhat related note, a friend posted this on FB a couple days ago, and it almost gave me a rage-induced stroke.

http://www.theweeklings.com/sdasgupta/2 ... t-fantasy/

The link to the WaPo article is broken, but this one works. (Warning: horrendous dehumanizing hypocrisy-fest ahead.)

http://www.washingtonpost.com/national/ ... story.html

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Wed Mar 26, 2014 4:38 pm 
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Vegan blogger Veggie Girl went to her OB because she felt stomach pain and got a lecture on having gained weight. Turns out it was a cyst the size of a watermelon.

http://www.veggiegirl.com/2014/03/24/im-back-sort-of/

How much does it suck that some medical professionals automatically lecture patients about being overweight (but as she points out, don't offer any concrete suggestions on how to lose weight)?

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Tue Apr 01, 2014 12:55 am 
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I had to put a friend on ignore on facebook. She very hardcore into clean eating (which is sometimes paleo but she's not consistent on it) and fitness and recently she started posting some very body shaming messages, all directed at women. Usually they will relate to everyone being able to find time to exercise and to cook. Her latest was meme that read "No I'm not anorexic because I'm skinny, btw, seven years is too long to blame it on baby weight." After I read that, I had to turn around in my, count down from ten, and then hide all her messages on facebook. I have friends who struggle with their weight and always have. I have friends whose weight fluctuates.

Lastly, through high school, college, and even a bit after college before going vegan, I ate fast food several times a week and processed food everyday. I often ate chocolate chip cookies or oreos for breakfast. Bagel bites were a huge staple in my diet. I rarely exercised and I spent most of my time when I was not working, watching TV and playing video games or chatting on the internet. I never gained weight and was always skinny. Common sense would say that I should have been over 400lbs, but I was always around 120lbs. Despite that, I was not healthy nor was I taking care of myself. I got short of breath if I tried to run, I was always tired, and I experienced a lot of intestinal distress.

Meanwhile, my best friend growing up is very overweight. She tries to manage her weight, but one day of "cheating" or taking a relaxing week and her weight will shoot up. Currently, she is very busy, working three jobs, helping to take care of her youngest sibling, and even helping her teenage sister raise her child. She works all day yet still has people tell her that she could find time to cook, exercise, and afford good food. Yet, back in college, everyone would look at me and assume that I was healthy simply because I was skinny.

Back to my FB friend, who is she to decide when a mother should lose her baby weight? And why does she care so much? At least my veganism gets under her skin. (It is seriously quite comical, she is constantly trying to get me to go back to eating meat and dairy. She has kind of a weird obsession with it. Like she had a FB post directed at me that read "MMM I just had some fresh amish cheese! I don't understand how anyone could not want to eat cheese! So nutritious and American!) Why are we friends? Because we have common friends and will happen to be at the same gathering.


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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Tue Apr 01, 2014 1:06 am 
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Kal wrote:
Back to my FB friend, who is she to decide when a mother should lose her baby weight? And why does she care so much? At least my veganism gets under her skin. (It is seriously quite comical, she is constantly trying to get me to go back to eating meat and dairy. She has kind of a weird obsession with it. Like she had a FB post directed at me that read "MMM I just had some fresh amish cheese! I don't understand how anyone could not want to eat cheese! So nutritious and American!) Why are we friends? Because we have common friends and will happen to be at the same gathering.



she is a silly goose ... cow milk is for cows ... and when she says 'American' does she mean North or South America?

Anne

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Wed Apr 09, 2014 9:45 am 
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http://www.harpersbazaar.com/beauty/hea ... u-fat-0913

Everything is wrong with this. EVERYTHING.

As someone who has derived huge feelings of empowerment, strength, and general awesomeness from cycling (not to mention a bigger and WAY more awesome asparagus), the thought of "trainers" not "letting" their clients ride bikes because it might increase their butt size or give them muscles seems downright sinister. God forbid the ladies get a taste of a kind of exercise that helps them feel strong and empowered and conquer their insecurities. Then they might not want to pay that trainer to make them feel like shiitake about themselves.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Wed Apr 09, 2014 9:58 am 
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What the actual fork is that all about?

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Wed Apr 09, 2014 10:13 am 
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That article is horrible in every which way.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Wed Apr 09, 2014 10:29 am 
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The only saving grace for that article is the comments.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Wed Apr 09, 2014 10:32 am 
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monkeytoes wrote:
The only saving grace for that article is the comments.


And the photo! The model is BACKWARDS on that bike!

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Wed Apr 09, 2014 10:38 am 
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jordanpattern wrote:
monkeytoes wrote:
The only saving grace for that article is the comments.


And the photo! The model is BACKWARDS on that bike!

They must have thought she looked skinnier that way.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Wed Apr 09, 2014 10:46 am 
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I liked it when my thigh muscles got all big from cycling. And I looked damn good in a bikini.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Wed Apr 09, 2014 11:01 am 
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Yeah, that stupid article is an outrage. The comments are good though. Like...when writers write articles like that...are they in earnest? Seems almost impossible for me to imagine.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Wed Apr 09, 2014 11:35 am 
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Quote:
Spinning can make your butt and quads bigger


Who knew?

I'd say I just learned something but I think I actually just got dumber. Should not have read.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Wed Apr 09, 2014 1:00 pm 
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jordanpattern wrote:
http://www.harpersbazaar.com/beauty/health-wellness-articles/is-spinning-making-you-fat-0913

Everything is wrong with this. EVERYTHING.


Read Next:
Is your cellphone making you fat?

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