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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Wed May 09, 2012 10:53 am 
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A coworker just told me that he saw me at the gym last night, and said in his best Oprah voice: "Good for you!" He's incredibly fit, and I'm fat. I work out every single day though (and have for a very long time) and eat so much better than him. The way he said it just felt so patronizing.
I feel like I have to work out twice as hard now that I've switched the time I go to the gym, and I'm probably going to run into him a lot more there. I really don't want him keeping tabs on my progress.


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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Wed May 09, 2012 11:54 am 
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flavabean wrote:
A coworker just told me that he saw me at the gym last night, and said in his best Oprah voice: "Good for you!" He's incredibly fit, and I'm fat. I work out every single day though (and have for a very long time) and eat so much better than him. The way he said it just felt so patronizing.
I feel like I have to work out twice as hard now that I've switched the time I go to the gym, and I'm probably going to run into him a lot more there. I really don't want him keeping tabs on my progress.

Don't worry. Just keep doing what you're doing --working out to be healthy rather than to fit into some arbitrary, subjective stereotype of how women should look perpetuated by the media.


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I don't look like a vegan, but than again I don't know what I vegan is suppose to look like so I don't care. At least I know my actions are helping nonhuman animals and I can sleep at night.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Wed May 09, 2012 12:30 pm 
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Ok, here is the thread where I eat my words. I said in a different thread that I thought that there were times when it was ok to comment on others weight loss (like when they know that you are trying to lose weight, blah, blah, blah) but I keep seeing articles congratulating and talking about Katherine Jenkins weight loss. It is really making me mad and sad because she has admitted in the past that she had an eating disorder and now they are all saying how amazing she looks now that she has gotten really thin. While I am not saying she has an ED now or anything, it just makes me all askshflrtbfltugbsl;gbtr;. There was nothing wrong before she lost all this weight.

Not exactly body shaming but it just really bothers me. And it is stirring up weird feelings in me, maybe because of my own past eating issue. I don't know.


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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Wed May 09, 2012 12:59 pm 
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I think if you know someone is trying to lose weight (and they're doing it in a healthy manner) and you want them to know that you can see their efforts, maybe ask them about their fitness? I mean, I know some people just diet, but most people do SOME kind of activity, and we can all agree that everyone should exercise in some way. And then you can congratulate them for sticking to a fitness routine. I know when I was doing P90X I was like, "Look at these guuuuuuuns, mother forkers!" because I was working really hard and wanted to show off my results.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Wed May 09, 2012 1:08 pm 
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Sarah-Jane wrote:
Ok, here is the thread where I eat my words. I said in a different thread that I thought that there were times when it was ok to comment on others weight loss (like when they know that you are trying to lose weight, blah, blah, blah) but I keep seeing articles congratulating and talking about Katherine Jenkins weight loss. It is really making me mad and sad because she has admitted in the past that she had an eating disorder and now they are all saying how amazing she looks now that she has gotten really thin. While I am not saying she has an ED now or anything, it just makes me all askshflrtbfltugbsl;gbtr;. There was nothing wrong before she lost all this weight.

Not exactly body shaming but it just really bothers me. And it is stirring up weird feelings in me, maybe because of my own past eating issue. I don't know.


That's so insensitive. I'm in recovery for an eating disorder - which is actually my reason for returning to veganism - and if one person comments negatively on the weight I put on, I'm going to SCREAM. I wish people would stop commenting on how thin I am, I really do.

I ran into an old teacher of mine yesterday and immediately I prepared myself for some comment on my weight-loss. Especially when she said, "You look different." I was so pleasantly surprised when she just smiled brightly, hugged me, and said "You've gotten more beautiful, haven't you?!"


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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Thu May 10, 2012 1:03 am 
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TupeloHoney wrote:
I ran into an old teacher of mine yesterday and immediately I prepared myself for some comment on my weight-loss. Especially when she said, "You look different." I was so pleasantly surprised when she just smiled brightly, hugged me, and said "You've gotten more beautiful, haven't you?!"

That was, quite possibly, the most perfect reaction anyone could have to seeing someone for the first time in a while.

I've been thinking a lot about this thread since I first read it, and the other day I was struck with a realization. This thread, and this forum in general since I've joined, have really changed the way I think about and approach a lot of issues in my life, including weight, but also a myriad of other things. I feel like I've become a more understanding person, one who is more empathetic and truly caring of the people and issues around me. Thank you, each and every one of you.

Or, you know, maybe it's that bottle of wine I've been drinking.

Nah! You guys are still the best!

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Thu May 10, 2012 1:23 am 
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I'm also drinking wine...but I feel the same way, kara kara! Reading and participating in ppk discussions has changed me for the better.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Thu May 10, 2012 8:41 am 
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I love you, ppk. Sometimes I feel like it's hard fighting my issues with my body, and I'm tired, very tired - but no forking way am I giving up. I need my body for the fight against patriarchy. And I thank you so much for this thread.


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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Fri May 11, 2012 11:04 am 
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Oh my goodness, everyone at my work is on one diet or another. I work out, I eat right, and I'm seeing results. Apparently they see me as this mystical goddess of dieting or something. I tell them it's really not a diet, I'm just staying healthy.

Every single one of them comes to me and complains. The girls all get sulky if another coworker looks like they've lost weight (shouldn't you be happy for them?) One says they had hard-boiled egg for breakfast, so the next one ups her and says she only had half an egg. I don't understand this ridiculous competition. It just makes you look silly and petty.

I don't understand why they all come to me to air their dieting grivences - I refuse to add anything to the conversation. They whine that they want a cheeseburger... so I tell them (without looking away from my work) then go next door and get a cheeseburger. "But I caaaaaan't! It's baaaaad for me! You're supposed to tell me nooooo!"

Another one listed off all the foods she had eaten that day (which wasn't much), and then said "Wow, that's not a lot of calories..." and then looked at me like I was supposed to do or say something. I asked her how many calories she's supposed to me getting, and she doesn't know (actually, she shrugged and said, "Oh, I don't know, 2500? Wait, that sounds like a lot...") Obviously she doesn't have a plan. I told her it might be good to speak to a nurtritionist, since I'm not a doctor and I'm not able to hand out medical advice. She pouted and slumped away.

Look. I'm not your dieting guru. I'm not here to hold your hand and keep all the meany food cravings away from you, or make a scene when you tell me you're eating less food than you normally do. You're adults and if you want to lose weight you can figure out calorie intake and outake on your own. Let me do my work in peace.

(And I do realize the irony that I'm complaining about women who are complaining. I'm just upset that society says that this is how Women Should Act. We should all be complaining about our bodies in one way or another, and if we're not we're stuck up or something's wrong with us.)


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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Fri May 11, 2012 11:46 am 
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flava, if I were you, I would make my lack of interest in other people's diets even more obvious. This isn't necessarily advice - I don't know what your work environment is like - but I have no patience for that kind of thing.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Fri May 11, 2012 8:08 pm 
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b.vicious wrote:
flava, if I were you, I would make my lack of interest in other people's diets even more obvious. This isn't necessarily advice - I don't know what your work environment is like - but I have no patience for that kind of thing.


Ditto. Maybe even ask them flat out why they unload their frustrations onto you. They probably think that vegan = obsessed with weight loss and dieting, like so many non-vegans I know do. Also, fork that guy who goes to your gym. Not in the good sense in the GO fork YOURSELF sense. I hate that everyone assumes the purpose of exercise for everyone is to get skinny skinny.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Fri May 11, 2012 8:30 pm 
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Women tell me ALL THE TIME to cut out the carbs if I want to lose the baby weight. These are people that I barely know, who are generally just offering advice to be helpful. Which is fine, but if I were to give people I barely know unasked-for advice on going vegan, I'd be a pushy, self-righteous vegan.

But of course veganism is crazy and restrictive and no fun, but cutting out all carbs is perfectly reasonable for a fatass like me.

I would totally cut out carbs, if that didn't include bread, potatoes, pasta, rice and cake.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Sat May 12, 2012 8:12 am 
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Wow, flava, that sounds beyond frustrating. I don't think it's ironic at all that you're complaining because it's on a whole different level...people are obviously going out of their way to whine about their diets to you. It is annoying that everyone wants some sort of miracle cure, too. I think if someone is really interested, just telling them your "secret" is living a healthy lifestyle, you have given them more than enough unambiguous information to follow suit, if they so desire.

It kind of reminds me my friend who had a friend lose 100 lbs. My friend was talking about how nice it would be to lose that amount of weight but that it took her friend nearly a year to lose that much and she just didn't have the patience to fool with it for a year. I should have pointed out that 1-2 lbs a week is a safe, healthy pace, so that was spot on, but people expect things to happen instantly or not at all. I think shows like the Biggest Loser further feed into the idea that you can/should drop a bunch of weight quickly when for most people that's dangerous and unrealistic. (and just as a disclaimer, I've never watched it so I could totally be off base here)

It really does seem like our obsession over appearance without considering health has seriously fed into that mentality, I know it took me forever to get out of it and sometimes I still struggle.


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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Sat May 12, 2012 9:04 am 
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Tofulish wrote:
Women tell me ALL THE TIME to cut out the carbs if I want to lose the baby weight. These are people that I barely know, who are generally just offering advice to be helpful. Which is fine, but if I were to give people I barely know unasked-for advice on going vegan, I'd be a pushy, self-righteous vegan.

But of course veganism is crazy and restrictive and no fun, but cutting out all carbs is perfectly reasonable for a fatass like me.

I would totally cut out carbs, if that didn't include bread, potatoes, pasta, rice and cake.


When I first moved to Holland, a number of well-meaning relatives who were seeing me for the first time in years - years in which I'd become chubby - started to bombard me with weight-loss tips, despite never once hearing me complain about my weight. The funny thing is, they were telling me to do things like "not put butter on my cheese sandwiches" when I never did that in the first place (these were my pregan days). My grandmother was obsessed with my weight and wanted to know the actual number. When I told her I didn't weigh myself, she badgered me until I agreed to step on the scale in their bathroom. While I was in there, she snuck up behind me to read my weight over my shoulder and proclaimed "I can't believe you weigh less than I do!"

I had a doctor here tell me I should lose weight and advised me to cut down on red meat and not always use cream sauces on my vegetables. I had gone in there for a problem with my ear. I was so annoyed, I didn't bother to tell him that I was a lactose-intolerant vegetarian. I have since switched doctors.

On a related note, I just read this amazing piece on Jezebel: Being Mean to Fat People is Pointless: A Good Old-Fashioned Plea for Civility.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Sat May 12, 2012 1:30 pm 
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Thanks for posting that article, it was spot on.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Sat May 12, 2012 3:29 pm 
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That article hit the nail on the head. Be forking nice!


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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Sun May 13, 2012 2:10 pm 
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Mom came over for brunch and like clockwork she remarked on my body/weight within the first minute! Today I'm "so skinny," but in the past I've been '50 lbs overweight.' Why can't she just not comment at all?

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Tue May 15, 2012 8:14 pm 
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I am totally sick of my dad making crasshole comments about people who are overweight. It's none of his dang business.


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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Sun May 27, 2012 10:02 am 
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Thanks for having this thread. At least there are people who get it. Running into too many judgmental vegans recently. Also, not looking forward to going back to work after maternity leave where there are two people in particular that are going to complain to me about the "disgusting" fat on their much-skinnier-than-me bodies.


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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Sun May 27, 2012 1:57 pm 
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Kimba, maybe you should share the advice found in this article with them. (Satiric advice on how to cope with baby-belly fat.)
http://sistahvegan.wordpress.com/2012/0 ... fatphobia/
The birth of my daughter last year totally changed how I view my body now. Yes, I put on some weight and non of my pre-birth clothes fit. But I am so damn proud of myself and my body. So I don't care what others think anymore and won't hide my baby-belly fat.


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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Sun May 27, 2012 4:44 pm 
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Mihl, that is awesome. Thanks for posting.

I wish I weighed less so it would be easier on my knees, but I definitely care less about how I look now. I whip out a boob and breast-feed anywhere - I couldn't have ever imagined doing that before I had Leela.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Mon May 28, 2012 8:58 am 
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Tofulish wrote:
Mihl, that is awesome. Thanks for posting.

I wish I weighed less so it would be easier on my knees, but I definitely care less about how I look now. I whip out a boob and breast-feed anywhere - I couldn't have ever imagined doing that before I had Leela.


Who were you planning on whipping a boob out and feeding before you had Leela?? :)

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Tue May 29, 2012 2:32 pm 
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I have so many thoughts and points about this thread I don't even know where to begin. But I finally read through it, so I'm just gonna get this all off of my chest and hope I don't peas any of you off.

1. No matter the size, fat or skinny, health is important. And I don't mean working out type of health, I mean literally the numbers and levels of what is going on inside of your body. If you are under or over weight and are not at risk of (insert various health issue) than tell everyone to go eff off. Even if you are at risk you should still be telling everyone to go eff off, but you should also be trying to correct what is ailing you.

2. I am a big girl, always have been, probably always will be. When I was younger I was made fun of horribly. But at the same time I was friends with the people who made fun of me. Cause guess what they were incentive kids and if they weren't making fun of me then they were going to be making fun of someone else. Instead of hating myself I made fun of them back. Never let another human being make you fee like there is something wrong with you! My dad used to tell me to beat people up. Seriously! I never did and if I had kids now I wouldn't suggest it to them. But something about him telling me that made me feel empowered. Like, hey I don't have to run and hide, I can be powerful and mean and scary too. He also told me to never take shiitake from anyone and that if someone was trying to hurt me I should take a baseball bat to their heads. My father was not violent at all, but he was respected and feared in the same sense. He knew how to throw his weight around.

3. His weight was what killed him. At 38 years old my father was morbidly obese but also a big dude in height too. He suffered from sleep apnea among various other untreated conditions. Finally he could not breath one night to the point of his heart stopping. I lost my father when I was 12 years old due to his unhealthy lifestyle. And I can't help but feel that if obesity is taking the lives of people I love then I am going to be an advocate against obesity.

4. Now I know to a lot of you that sounds crazy. But I'm not against obesity because of the way it looks. I'm against it because of what it does to the human body. And I don't feel that losing your life due to health complications related to being obese is a good idea. I'm not trying to say that people chose to be obese and have health problems. I'm not even putting any blame on obese people themselves. I was very much a slave to the Standard American Diet and didn't realize it at the time. Eating take out fast food and meals out of boxes and microwaves was how I was raised. And I continued down that road when I grew up. There was nothing too greasy for me. And I loved to overeat everything that was bad for me. I would go to Taco Bell and eat enough food for 5 people. But this is exactly what Taco Bell wants. They want their food to be addictive so you will keep coming back and eat more. They know it's bad for you and they don't care! The lack of education and resources for most people is what is leading to obesity. It's not because so many of us are fat slobs who can't be bothered to exercise. It's because habits and addiction are hard to break and can get out of control before you realize it.

5. I watched the documentary Weight of the Nation and I thought it was valid. Maybe some people took it as body shaming overweight people. But I didn't at all. I took it as people starting to recognize that what they are eating is harming them. It's not about the fact that fast and processed food makes you gain weight. It's that it will slowly kill you!

6. PaprikaPapaya I think you have one of the sexiest bodies I have ever seen!! And I love the fact that you love your body and are happy where you are.

7. Everyone here is amazing. Please know that people's words can't hurt you if you don't let them. fork everyone!

8. I may not LOVE my body, but I love me, and my body does not account for 100% of who I am. Sure, I want to change it. But in my mind I want to change it for the better. And I get upset at what years of eating poorly has done to my body. I know that no matter how hard I fight and how many pounds I lose I will never look like a super model. And thats ok. I have goals to not be plus size anymore and to be a certain weight but that is all for me, not for society.

9. I with all of my might and effort try to dress my size as much as possible. For me, this makes me feel better. I don't do it for anyone else. I don't hide myself behind clothes for the sake of not getting made fun of. As an adult I have never had an issue with being made fun of. I put that to a stop before my teenage years and haven't had an issue with it since. When people figured out that I loved myself and that I am a fun happy girl and I could run and do crazy things just like all of the skinny people they backed off. And then when I grew into a young woman I took control of my sexuality and when the boys started to notice me for that, everything else they were thinking before when I was a kid went away. Dressing my size to me means that I don't wear clothes that are too small for me. I don't have my rolls and chub flopping and hanging out everywhere. If the size 20 is what fits me even though I know I'm a 16 then I'm gonna buy the 20 and know I look and feel better in it then trying to shove myself into the 16 and then feel like crepe for the rest of the day. It's never the size of you or the clothes, it's how you wear it.

10. I am with the whole leaving people alone about their weight, whether they are under or over. It really is no one else's business. I once had a boss who tried to shame me about being overweight. While I was working for her I was under sooooo much stress that it put me in the hospital with chest pain. After a lengthy work up the docs found nothing wrong with me and attributed it to stress. So when I went back to work and she was asking me about what happened and I told her she said "But don't they think it's from your weight, I mean, it has to be from being overweight!". No, I said actually I am perfectly healthy and they think I am over stressed and over worked. She had nothing else to say but clearly didn't believe me and discounted what I told her.

11. For the longest time I was happy being over weight, it didn't effect me negatively and I liked the way I looked and felt. However, with time and as I aged all of this changed. I noticed that I was out of shape for the first time ever and that I was starting to feel like shiitake. So I drastically made some changes, went vegan, and started working out for the first time in my life. Only now that I have lost some weight do I realize how terrible I felt at 300 pounds. I wish that long ago that someone would have warned me about what could happen to my body with time and age so that I could have put a stop to it before it got that bad. But whats done is done and now I am on the road to trying to be happy with what I have and move on. I am alive and beautiful and I have a husband who adores me and I don't really need much more than that.

12. I know people here hate the fact that veganism is equated with health and weight. But it really was for me. The only way I could make the change to eating a healthier diet was to cut out all of the bad stuff I was eating entirely. I went vegan for my health first and then for animal rights and the environment and everything else. I won't ever go back as I am happy with my decision and love being vegan. But it was an easy way for me to get a grip on the reality of what I was eating and how horrible my habits were.

Sorry this is so long.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Tue May 29, 2012 3:25 pm 
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I was watching that fashion show with Joe Zee on Netflix watch instantly, I forget the name, but he wanted this designer to fit a dress for a size 8 model (who was apparantly plus size!), to show the clients the versatility of the line or something, and the designer was freaking out! Like it was so horrible to have to do that! And they showed the model and she was smokin hot. I was pretty baffled.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Tue May 29, 2012 4:40 pm 
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That's be ause size 8 is the standard plus size in the fashion industry. It makes zero sense, but designers presenting to buyers probably have to follow the standards if the expect to sell anything.

Most clothes display better on extremely thin women so it takes less talent to fit and design without having to consider pesky curves. Designers and high fashion are not about reality for the most part so it's a huge disconnect.

If you compare preternaturally gorgeous celebrities on the red carpet with the runway models, it is often striking how different (and sometimes disastrous) the clothes look.

The real problem is that the strictures of art fashion are then being foisted on the general public who are generally not 6 foot tall and 115 lbs. It is pretty ridiculous that almost nobody would ever wear clothes and makeup straight off a runway be ause it would look ridiculous yet somehow the runway body norms are held up as an ideal.

Jean Paul Gaultier used models in e ery size from, I think, 2-16 for his spring runway shows. That was really nice to see.

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