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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Fri Jan 24, 2014 2:19 pm 
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Nebraskalaska wrote:
Oh, I've been aware of the term "skinny fat" for awhile. It's just that I try to forget about it's existence and then every time I hear it again I want to punch a wall.
This is the first I've heard of it, and - unsurprisingly - it strikes me as simultaneously stupid, pathetic, and rage-inducing (hat trick!). Do people really have nothing better to think about?

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Sat Jan 25, 2014 10:37 am 
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For the first time in probably my whole life I feel comfortable with my body (I'm about 5ft5, maybe regarded as a bit chubby, but that's really nobody's business). I endeavour to eat nutritiously but I also don't beat myself up when I eat "treats", and luckily in my day to day life I get enough exercise just from walking around. Being overly into fitness isn't for me; I've tried it and just felt miserable. But as other people have mentioned, knowing that people do make judgements on your body on a daily basis whether you're aware of it or not, really sucks.

Mainly, I try to avoid my father because - amongst other reasons - every time he sees me for the first time in a while, he says "you've lost weight". And if he doesn't say that, I guess it means I've gained weight? The worst thing is that he thinks he is being helpful or giving a compliment when he says that, and can't (or doesn't want to) understand otherwise.


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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Sat Jan 25, 2014 3:42 pm 
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poshisolation wrote:
Mainly, I try to avoid my father because - amongst other reasons - every time he sees me for the first time in a while, he says "you've lost weight". And if he doesn't say that, I guess it means I've gained weight? The worst thing is that he thinks he is being helpful or giving a compliment when he says that, and can't (or doesn't want to) understand otherwise.
I spent much of my adult life trying (and failing) to make my mother understand that comments about my size - even if she was saying I "looked good" or was "just right" (i.e. not "too thin") - were unhelpful, unsolicited, and unwelcome. With so many other and more interesting things to talk about, it's dispiriting when conversations devolve into being about size, weight, what kind of "shape" someone is in, etc.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Sat Jan 25, 2014 4:24 pm 
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Desdemona wrote:
Nebraskalaska wrote:
Oh, I've been aware of the term "skinny fat" for awhile. It's just that I try to forget about it's existence and then every time I hear it again I want to punch a wall.
This is the first I've heard of it, and - unsurprisingly - it strikes me as simultaneously stupid, pathetic, and rage-inducing (hat trick!). Do people really have nothing better to think about?


Okay, I would like to put out there that I'm a bit offended by remarks that imply that if you talk or think about your body, you're shallow or vapid or vain or, worse, sick. Personally, I think about and talk about my body composition and weight in the context that it is very directly tied to my performance on a bike. I enjoy the pursuit of racing, and the associated training and everything else. The strong, powerful, dedicated, talented ladies who are heading to the Olympics right now probably care and talk about their weight and body composition.

I completely understand that for some (most?) people, talking about weight and body composition is tedious or, worse, triggering, and I would absolutely shut my mouth if I was inadvertently causing distress by speaking about my weight or whatever with someone who didn't want to hear it. However, I really can't help but think it's a bit much to say that people who talk and think about such things need "something better to talk about."

I don't mean to single you out, Desdemona. I <3 you. Your comment is just one of many I've heard/read with a similar bent.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Sat Jan 25, 2014 6:04 pm 
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jordanpattern wrote:
Desdemona wrote:
Nebraskalaska wrote:
Oh, I've been aware of the term "skinny fat" for awhile. It's just that I try to forget about it's existence and then every time I hear it again I want to punch a wall.
This is the first I've heard of it, and - unsurprisingly - it strikes me as simultaneously stupid, pathetic, and rage-inducing (hat trick!). Do people really have nothing better to think about?


Okay, I would like to put out there that I'm a bit offended by remarks that imply that if you talk or think about your body, you're shallow or vapid or vain or, worse, sick. Personally, I think about and talk about my body composition and weight in the context that it is very directly tied to my performance on a bike. I enjoy the pursuit of racing, and the associated training and everything else. The strong, powerful, dedicated, talented ladies who are heading to the Olympics right now probably care and talk about their weight and body composition.

I completely understand that for some (most?) people, talking about weight and body composition is tedious or, worse, triggering, and I would absolutely shut my mouth if I was inadvertently causing distress by speaking about my weight or whatever with someone who didn't want to hear it. However, I really can't help but think it's a bit much to say that people who talk and think about such things need "something better to talk about."

I don't mean to single you out, Desdemona. I <3 you. Your comment is just one of many I've heard/read with a similar bent.
No worries! To be honest, I assumed we were talking about weight/body talk in terms of aesthetics, social/cultural pressure to appear a certain way, and ways women feel they do or don't meet generally accepted standards of "beauty" or whatever, rather than the types of concerns you're addressing viz. bodies as they are trained and employed by athletes or others whose bodies are essentially the tools of their trade.

The thing I find most tedious - and frankly pretty depressing - about the former type of conversation is how frequently it devolves into what my sister and I began calling "fat talk" when we were kids (because it seemed like no matter what a group of women may have started talking about, they always somehow ended up talking about their size, someone else's size, how they got that way, whether that was "good"or "bad," what to do about it, what and how much they "should" or "shouldn't" eat, etc., etc., etc.). It's not only boring, it's potentially destructive, and as someone who went on to complete the "perfect daughter" trifecta by adding an ED to my straight As and generally compliant disposition, I can't help thinking this mode of feminine discourse doesn't do women - or the girls who model themselves on them - any favors. But again, I'm referring to weight/body talk as it applies to dress size, not physical performance, strength, or athletic prowess; for what it's worth, it would have been great for me to know a strong, fit woman whose physical condition was part of something more positive than fitting into the smallest possible dress size. I'm genuinely sorry if that wasn't clear.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Sat Jan 25, 2014 6:36 pm 
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And I think skinny-fat is the kind of thing that doesn't refer to dress/clothing size at all. As an example, someone can be a size 4 but have a high body fat percentage and as I mentioned earlier, they may not be happy with their body composition and think weight loss is the answer when it is really the fact that they need to gain muscle in order to get the look, performance, etc that they want.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Sat Jan 25, 2014 8:09 pm 
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Yeah, I don't think "skinnyfat" is a good term, but I do agree that it probably comes from a place of ignorance about health, fitness, athletic performance, body composition etc.

Desdemona, I totally get what you're saying. It's a tricky thing, I think, because you're absolutely right that the "fat talk" that grows out of our society's bullshiitake is terrible, but it can be such a fine line between that kind of thing and women legitimately talking about their fears or insecurities, or figuring out how their bodies work and function best. I think as a society, we do a very poor job of educating people about the things that affect our weight, body composition, body image, and self esteem. It's also a tough thing to talk about, because things are so loaded, and it's a fairly taboo thing to talk about, except in very specific culturally accepted tropes. It's actually something I really like about the women's cycling community - all our bodies are super out there (coz spandex) but also, as a group, we can and do talk about those issues. I really value that I have people who I can go to when I have issues or questions. I know that a lot of other women my size are basically told to shut up about our weight/size, because we are "skinny enough" and therefore can't or shouldn't possibly have any issues. I guess I feel like conceptualizing weight and/or body composition only as appearance-affecting traits is really limiting, and prevents healthy exchanges of useful information. Which I guess is exactly what it's supposed to do, since if we learn how our bodies work and can take empowered control of them, then where does that leave the patriarchy?

Anyway, that's my 2 cents. I hope it makes some form of sense.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Sat Jan 25, 2014 9:00 pm 
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jordanpattern wrote:
I guess I feel like conceptualizing weight and/or body composition only as appearance-affecting traits is really limiting, and prevents healthy exchanges of useful information. Which I guess is exactly what it's supposed to do, since if we learn how our bodies work and can take empowered control of them, then where does that leave the patriarchy?
Absolutely agree!

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Sat Jan 25, 2014 11:28 pm 
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Desdemona wrote:
poshisolation wrote:
Mainly, I try to avoid my father because - amongst other reasons - every time he sees me for the first time in a while, he says "you've lost weight". And if he doesn't say that, I guess it means I've gained weight? The worst thing is that he thinks he is being helpful or giving a compliment when he says that, and can't (or doesn't want to) understand otherwise.
I spent much of my adult life trying (and failing) to make my mother understand that comments about my size - even if she was saying I "looked good" or was "just right" (i.e. not "too thin") - were unhelpful, unsolicited, and unwelcome. With so many other and more interesting things to talk about, it's dispiriting when conversations devolve into being about size, weight, what kind of "shape" someone is in, etc.


Once upon a time, I did Weight Watchers and lost 50 pounds. At some point, I was discussing WW at a family function and mentioned that I had originally lost 50 pounds but gained some of it back and my mother-in-law pushed into the conversation to declare that I had gotten 'too thin' anyway.

The lowest weight I achieved was 125 pounds, at 5'4", so I was definitely not "too thin" and I was really offended because she was making it sound like I had starved myself. My sister-in-law got really into running, weight lifting, "eat clean, train dirty" stuff after her divorce and she got incredibly thin, it was honestly a little scary but I didn't say anything to her because I knew she didn't have an ED so as long as there was nothing to worry about, it was none of my business. But at Christmas this year, everyone was telling her to eat. And she was like, "I AM, do you see the plate of food i'm eating right now?!" It's one of those families where you cannot win. If you're fat, you better be dieting or everyone can make fun of you and if you're not fat, you're too thin and if you hit up the dessert table at all you should probably make a joke about being fat.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Sun Jan 26, 2014 10:06 am 
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mrsbadmouth wrote:
Desdemona wrote:
poshisolation wrote:
Mainly, I try to avoid my father because - amongst other reasons - every time he sees me for the first time in a while, he says "you've lost weight". And if he doesn't say that, I guess it means I've gained weight? The worst thing is that he thinks he is being helpful or giving a compliment when he says that, and can't (or doesn't want to) understand otherwise.
I spent much of my adult life trying (and failing) to make my mother understand that comments about my size - even if she was saying I "looked good" or was "just right" (i.e. not "too thin") - were unhelpful, unsolicited, and unwelcome. With so many other and more interesting things to talk about, it's dispiriting when conversations devolve into being about size, weight, what kind of "shape" someone is in, etc.
Once upon a time, I did Weight Watchers and lost 50 pounds. At some point, I was discussing WW at a family function and mentioned that I had originally lost 50 pounds but gained some of it back and my mother-in-law pushed into the conversation to declare that I had gotten 'too thin' anyway.

The lowest weight I achieved was 125 pounds, at 5'4", so I was definitely not "too thin" and I was really offended because she was making it sound like I had starved myself. My sister-in-law got really into running, weight lifting, "eat clean, train dirty" stuff after her divorce and she got incredibly thin, it was honestly a little scary but I didn't say anything to her because I knew she didn't have an ED so as long as there was nothing to worry about, it was none of my business. But at Christmas this year, everyone was telling her to eat. And she was like, "I AM, do you see the plate of food i'm eating right now?!" It's one of those families where you cannot win. If you're fat, you better be dieting or everyone can make fun of you and if you're not fat, you're too thin and if you hit up the dessert table at all you should probably make a joke about being fat.
Good times, right?!

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"SMLOUNCE!" ~ smurfterrobang?!
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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Sun Jan 26, 2014 11:55 am 
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My body is composed of awesome. It carries my funny, intelligent brain around all day, it sweats and gets strong when I work it out, and it's really good at turning food into energy. I like it for those reasons.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Sun Jan 26, 2014 12:29 pm 
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paprikapapaya wrote:
My body is composed of awesome. It carries my funny, intelligent brain around all day, it sweats and gets strong when I work it out, and it's really good at turning food into energy. I like it for those reasons.
And I like you (and not just for your awesome body)!

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Sun Jan 26, 2014 6:31 pm 
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lepelaar wrote:
I just came from a social gathering with some folks from my new work. For the most part, they're nice, but the host of the gathering put me off with both some of his body talk and his inability to accept/respect other people's boundaries.

Like he kept trying to push people to eat more than they wanted, and when they said "no thanks" he was like "but you're so thin". Like the only reason anyone would be turning down more food was because they were worried about getting fat. Then at some point he said "I'm still single. I need to stay slim and attractive to attract a mate." I just... ugh... on so many levels.

The other way his boundary issues manifest (that maybe doesn't belong in this thread, but I'm not sure where else to put it) is that he keeps grabbing my breasts. Like, not in a sexual way (he's gay) but I guess just to be funny. The first time he did it was at work, and I was so stunned that I didn't say anything. But today he did it again, and I said "Can we please agree that my breasts are off limits?" His reply was "But it doesn't mean anything. It's not like it turns me on, see?" At which point he grabbed my hand and put it on his crotch to prove his point. I tried to explain that I didn't care if it was sexual or not, I just don't like having my boobs treated like public property. (I've had bad experiences with this in the past.) I wasn't sure if he got it or not (he was kind of drunk), but on the way home, I got a text (that I think was a group text to everyone there) that included the line "And oh, lepelaar, I will not stop grabbing your boobs.. ;)" What does that mean? Is the winky face an indication that he really won't grab them anymore and is just teasing about it in the text, or is it like "I'm totally going to continue to disrespect your body autonomy, but it's ok, because winky emoticon"? It makes me not want to socialize with him anymore, but I actually like all the other people I work with and since it's such a small group (there's seven of us) and everyone else gets along, I suspect that if I want to socialize with the rest of them, I'm going to have to deal with him and be less polite and more firm if he crosses that line again. Urgh.

I just saw this article on jezebel and it reminded me of your situation. I'm not sure when it became ok to objectify or inappropriately touch someone just because there's no sexual attraction involved. I've seen straight women do it to gay men and I've had female friends grab my breasts for the same reason. I think it's an important discussion to have.

http://jezebel.com/the-myth-of-the-fag- ... 1506868402

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Wed Jan 29, 2014 6:17 am 
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I found a review on amazon that personally attacks one of the authors of Hearty Vegan Meals for her appearance, calls her an "abomination" and is full of other shiitake. It's is the most abusive review I ever read on amazon. What gives anybody the right to say such things? Oh, yeah. I guess the internet.

I reported the review but I don't think amazon will do anything about it.

If you want the link, I'll put it under a spoiler tag because it might be triggering.


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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Wed Jan 29, 2014 6:50 am 
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Sweet forking christ. What a shit-bag. I commented and reported abuse.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Wed Jan 29, 2014 7:29 am 
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I reported it too, what is wrong with people!!

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Wed Jan 29, 2014 7:30 am 
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Jeeze, that was forking rude. Reported.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Wed Jan 29, 2014 7:46 am 
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What the....? I also reported it!

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Wed Jan 29, 2014 7:52 am 
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Thanks, guys! I hope they'll remove it.


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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Wed Jan 29, 2014 7:53 am 
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Yikes! Thanks for letting us know. I reported and commented.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Wed Jan 29, 2014 9:28 am 
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Reported too!


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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Wed Jan 29, 2014 9:32 am 
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I started to read the article on boob sweat, but then read the term "labia trimming" and could not go on. I had no idea...
I definitely notice sweat marks on my bars sometimes, but i end up wearing the same bra for a week at a time. I don't need booboderant. I just need to do laundry more.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Wed Jan 29, 2014 10:20 am 
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Yesterday at lunch, one of my co-workers made a comment about Jo Brand not being qualified to judge a diving competition (reality show) because she "look[s] like Jabba the Hutt". She's probably not qualified to judge a diving competition (for those not familiar with her, she's a comedian - the closest she's been to a swimmer is having done a charity swim afaik), but that's nothing to do with her weight.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Thu Jan 30, 2014 6:36 am 
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I guess I'd only use an underboob deodorant if it was made for dealing with delicate skin. As a bustier gal I've definitely gotten sweaty there and have had skin irritation and smell, which I deal with by swiping on some regular deodorant. You can also get yeast infections. I actually wish we talked more about female hygiene instead of acting like women aren't as prone to grossness as anyone else. I'll have some issue and end up having to search google and sift through loads of misinformation just to figure out what's going on. Every damn time it's totally normal and I'm pissed I haven't been better educated about my own body.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Sat Feb 01, 2014 11:44 am 
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My father-in-law and his girlfriend have a sick preoccupation with her size, and how she eats "just like a little bird." We've been staying with them for several days and it's really starting to bother me. When we go to restaurants she never orders her own meal, she just shares whatever he orders because "she couldn't possibly eat that much." She makes a point of mentioning that she skipped breakfast because she just wasn't hungry after that huge dinner the night before (half a baked potato). Last night we had to hear about how he moved the backrest on his motorcycle back, leaving only a tiny space behind for the passenger, but she still fit, because she's just so skinny! I am really starting to dread meals with them, because I know I'm going to have to hear them both go on and on about her eating habits.

Meanwhile, I'm pregnant and pretty damn hungry. I've gained a bit of fat in my face and everywhere else, because that's what happens to me when I'm pregnant. I'm trying really hard not to beat myself up about the weight gain or call myself fat, but I'm feeling increasingly self conscious about eating around my in laws. Last night I ate a plate of pasta and she was staring daggers at me (because eating a whole serving of pasta is gross? Because she wishes she could eat pasta?). I know they're crazy, but I wish I wasn't letting it get to me.


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