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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Mon May 20, 2013 6:21 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Mon May 20, 2013 6:54 pm 
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Good god, do not read the comments. Just don't.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Mon May 20, 2013 9:08 pm 
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lavawitch wrote:
Good god, do not read the comments. Just don't.


I make the mistake of reading them. Ugh.


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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Mon May 20, 2013 9:13 pm 
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I always read comments if they are likely to peas me off. Masochism, I guess?

Though I was amused at the comment about how size OMG 10 OMG is almost always unhealthy.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Wed May 22, 2013 6:22 pm 
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Today my co-worker told me I look anorexic! And I "could not have a baby if I wanted to, because babies need fat!"

Oh, and as I was walking out into the hall, he loudly asked me if I was going to the bathroom to lose a couple more pounds.

I'm kind of skinny, but I'm really not anorexic. If anything, I've lost weight due to CRAZY WORK STRESS SO LEAVE ME ALONE UGH.

If I were anorexic, what a terrible, terrible way to express concern.


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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Wed May 22, 2013 7:31 pm 
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omg, ashley! that's really awful. Are you at the same job that you mentioned not really having an HR dept? I would honestly report that guy for making those comments if that's an option for you. jesus!

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Wed May 22, 2013 11:43 pm 
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Yeah, same job. Same lack of resources.

What sucks is that I've actually always really liked this guy. He has always been supportive of me in other ways, so I think he is genuinely concerned, but chose to express it in a truly awful way. He recently went through a personal tragedy (lost his wife to a long battle with cancer), and he's just been different since it happened. Like he doesn't have a filter anymore? Yesterday, in a meeting with half of our office, he was joking about me being on heroin (which I am clearly not). It was just strange. I don't want to make excuses, because if he had made those kinds of comments to anyone else I definitely would have called him out on it, but I am not really angry about it. Just feeling self-conscious and crappy.


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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Thu May 23, 2013 8:34 am 
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I'm sorry he's acting that way, it's like horrible bullying coming from horrible sadness and that's depressing.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Thu May 23, 2013 9:50 am 
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Yikes! That is just horrible! Can you talk to someone in HR to intervene? He isn't treating you with much professional courtesy or respect and it sounds like he is basically tearing you down to feel more connected to the other colleagues (especially when he is making jokes at your expense). Even if he is upset and grieving, its still creating a hostile work environment for you.

I think we all agree that it would be out of line if someone had said "Oh you're too fat to get pregnant." or joked about someone being so fat that they must be smoking weed and binge-eating. I don't get why jokes about a thinner person are okay.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Thu May 23, 2013 10:03 am 
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Ashley, I'm sorry. I've been in that situation (not at work - I had "friends" who said things behind my back about how I had an eating disorder), and it really forked with my head for a while. I agree that you should see if there's someone in HR you can talk to about it. The feeling of your every bite of food and trip to the bathroom being watched and monitored for signs of some kind of eating disorder is extremely unpleasant, and you shouldn't have to deal with it, particularly not at work.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Thu May 23, 2013 5:29 pm 
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We don't really have HR where I work. I am essentially the HR liaison, actually (I wear a whole bunch of hats at my job!). We do have an external HR company, but they are kind of useless. I probably wouldn't report this guy anyway; it's pretty much what Fee said - his crappy behavior is coming from a place of total sadness. It's hard to hold it against him. I did take his comments personally though, because it's hard not to! I do feel like I'm under a microscope... and I sort of felt that way already due to my veganism (which of course is everyone else's business!). It's just worse now.

I was thinking about it and I realized that before this guy's wife died, she lost a ton of weight. She basically wasted away as her cancer progressed. I don't know if that has anything to do with his sudden concern for my weight, but he might be more sensitive to that sort of thing now. Not sure. Regardless, I think it's shitty to comment on someone's appearance when they didn't ask for an opinion.


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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Thu May 23, 2013 5:38 pm 
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Can you at least have a conversation with a superior (if you have one)? I would worry that someone joking about me using heroin would undermine my professional credibility.

I do think it is so nice of you to make allowances for his grief, but even in his grief, he still has to be respectful to you, right? And I really am sad that an older man would single out a younger woman to make her the butt of his jokes etc, because he knows that she will take it. He isn't making those jokes about anyone else, right?

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Thu May 23, 2013 5:48 pm 
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Our boss (the owner/president of the company... so the top of the chain of command) was sitting right next to me when the guy made the heroin comments and didn't say a thing. The boss himself has made jokes about me being a pothead in front of others (which is also not true and came out of nowhere; I've never done any drugs in my life). There's really no support here. It's one of the many reasons I get so frustrated at my job.

I guess they think those comments about drugs are okay/funny because they are so obviously false. The anorexia thing, however, wasn't meant as a joke.


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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Thu May 23, 2013 8:03 pm 
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I wish you could get out of there. It is absolutely ludicrous. Huge hugs, Ashley!

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Thu May 23, 2013 9:58 pm 
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Thanks! I know I complain about it a lot, even though I actually try not to! I totally appreciate all the support. You guys are great.


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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Fri May 24, 2013 2:46 am 
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I am not sure if "vegansofig" has already been mentioned. I am so sick of their "plant strong week" (what does that even mean?). Veganism is NOT a weight loss program and being fat does not mean you are not healthy or fit. ugh!

Also "eat clean" sounds so obnoxious, I don't even!


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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Fri May 24, 2013 5:30 am 
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Eat Clean is a phrase I HATE. Jojo and I were in infinity in Brighton a couple of weeks ago and some girl was lecturing her boyfriend about clean meat. What makes it clean, do they scrub it with Dettol before they eat it? Bah!

Anyway, we just rolled our eyes at each other!

Occasionally the non-vegan people I follow on my instagram (nail art people mainly) post pictures of food. It always makes me laugh when it's a bit of sad salad with some skanky processed ham & cheese, and then they write #healthy / #cleaneating next to it. How is processed ham clean eating?

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Fri May 24, 2013 8:55 am 
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I don't see the problem with 'eat clean'. For me it's got zero to do with weight loss - quite the opposite in fact as whole the reason I eat clean (most of the time) is to gain weight i.e. add muscle mass.

In weight training circles people throw around the terms clean & dirty when discussing food but there's no judgment involved - dirty is simply used to refer to anything that's a treat.


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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Fri May 24, 2013 9:38 am 
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^Not sure you can remove the pejorative from "dirty."

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Fri May 24, 2013 11:55 am 
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JimXVX wrote:
I don't see the problem with 'eat clean'. For me it's got zero to do with weight loss - quite the opposite in fact as whole the reason I eat clean (most of the time) is to gain weight i.e. add muscle mass.

In weight training circles people throw around the terms clean & dirty when discussing food but there's no judgment involved - dirty is simply used to refer to anything that's a treat.
jordanpattern wrote:
^Not sure you can remove the pejorative from "dirty."
Exactly. My objection to applying these sorts of categorizations and characterizations to food is that - whether we want it to or not - it automatically imposes a moral valence on something that is already loaded to a pretty toxic degree in our culture. It's pretty hard to tease senses like "pure," "virtuous," etc. out of the word "clean." (It's proverbially next to Godliness, you know!)

For instance, your apparent disclaimer: "For me it's got zero to do with weight loss - quite the opposite in fact as whole the reason I eat clean (most of the time) is to gain weight i.e. add muscle mass." This seems to imply that it's "better" to eat a certain way in order to gain rather than lose weight. Add to this the designation "dirty" to "anything that's a treat" and you've basically applied the classic Madonna/hors d'oeuvre binary to food, and I think we've got way more than enough of that going on already!

Carrot = "clean" ("good")

Cookie = "dirty" (but sooooo desirable; a sugar-filled vixen, leading us down the broad path to...what? Snacking? BFD!)

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Fri May 24, 2013 1:30 pm 
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Well the way I first encountered eating clean is in a similar manner as Jim and I've mentioned it here. It was used in weight lifting circles for a long time before the detoxers and such grabbed onto it and the idea was that your diet should be 80-90% 'clean' and the rest could be treats/splurges and what not. I never heard dirty used though. I think the term has been perversed though and its a shame because it made a lot of sense to me when I first encountered it.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Fri May 24, 2013 3:32 pm 
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I just don't really understand what it means. What is clean? Is a piece of sandwich bread clean? Or would that be dirty because it's "processed"/gluten/something else supposedly bad for me? Or what if I made the bread myself? Does that make it cleaner?


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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Fri May 24, 2013 4:35 pm 
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The original meaning of clean foods was something was minimally processed. Some people might've interpreted whole grain bread to be 'clean'. I'm not sure how people use it now.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Fri May 24, 2013 4:38 pm 
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Desdemona wrote:
Carrot = "clean" ("good")

Cookie = "dirty" (but sooooo desirable; a sugar-filled vixen, leading us down the broad path to...what? Snacking? BFD!)


I just made VWAV Carrot Raisin Muffins with no sugar added. So clean, yet so drrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrty. The Madonna-whore complex in muffin form. Sure they look innocent, but their spicy flavor will give you the spanking you deserve.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Fri May 24, 2013 4:39 pm 
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In the natural foods/grocery industry a lot of people use "clean" to signify non-GMO. That's probably a niche use, though.


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