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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2013 7:24 pm 
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Geeksweetheart, you deserve better than those people. fork them.

My mom had plantar fascitis a couple years ago. It seemed like it really sucked for her, but it finally did get much better. I hope yours does as well!


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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2013 8:09 pm 
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Oh, geeksweetheart. That breaks my heart. My mom inadvertently fat shames by complaining about her own body. I cannot imagine being treated how you describe, though.

Yesterday, I tried to buy jeans at the thrift store. I could not find anything. The mirrors/lights on the dressing room were so unflattering I almost cried. It put me in a horrible mental state for the rest of the day. I just felt humiliated and sad. I even put on two different cute outfits later in the day, could barely leave the house again, for as bad as I felt about my body. Feeling this way is rediculous. I don't want to feel like this. But man, is it hard to undo three decades of socialization.


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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2013 11:56 pm 
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I just realized this thread is for any kinds of body shaming related discussion! I never really connected the dots that this is something that I would love to complain about as well because I kind of just was auto-pilot thinking about being a fat/thin related thread. I have quite a bit of body shame, largely due to being transgender. I try very hard to be confident about how I look and this past year have been doing generally quite good about that, most people who don't know me well seem to be under the impression I'm some popular babe-magnet. (I'm so not though! Tooooo shy)

I have not had chest surgery but I've not got too much extra up there luckily. I used to bind every day for years, though. It wasn't until last year when I became friends/lovers with this awesome trans guy, he basically told me I was ridiculous/crazy for thinking I needed to bind or that there was anything there other than a male chest. Which, while not exactly scientifically accurate, was exactly what I needed to hear, and I stopped binding, and no one ever noticed a difference at all. However, I still have an annoying amount of anxiety over that area. If there is a stong headwind, heh, I get all paranoid and start pulling at my shirt. And if I wear a shirt with front pockets and then a pullover sweater on top I notice in the mirror that the pockets create weird 'boob'-ish things and I'll feel super self-concious all day. Even though the same thing would happen to cis-dudes also. Generally I've trained myself pretty good though.

One thing today though that really bummed me out was seeing this pretty cut guy in a tank top today. The way his shoulders/arms looked... I felt pretty sad about how mine do not look like that. Not that they couldn't, that has nothing to do with being trans. I just don't work out. Ever. I'd love to be all triangular-shaped though like that. I don't know, I think even if I did work out, that's just not ho my body would go. Bummerrrrrr.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Sun Jun 16, 2013 10:52 am 
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annak wrote:
Geeksweetheart, you deserve better than those people. fork them.
Seriously. Just reading your post made me so sad and furious. I wish that I could hug you and make you soup; please be aware that I am doing so virtually!

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Sun Jun 16, 2013 10:59 am 
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Something awesome and really anti-body shaming happened to me recently. A woman stopped me in a parking lot and said, "I hope this doesn't sound inappropriate or anything, but I just had to tell you that you are really working those jeans!" and she talked for awhile about how women only seem to get those demeaning catcall type of remarks and that women should genuinely compliment each other more often. We're all looking at each other and should be building each other up and letting each other know when you notice positive things about each other. She was so sweet and it really made my day because I was feeling pretty low that day (none of my shorts fit anymore so I was suffering through miserable heat in jeans!).

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Sun Jun 16, 2013 8:35 pm 
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Mars, I don't know if it will make you feel any better or not, but I know cis guys who have very similar anxieties due to gynecomastia or plain ol' weight-related self-consciousness. I'm sure your partner was right that you shouldn't feel self conscious and don't have anything to worry about.

But we're always toughest on ourselves.


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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Tue Jun 18, 2013 4:27 pm 
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The Kitchn wrote:
I must confess to eating this entire bowl of soba by myself. I didn't share. I didn't look up from the bowl. I just inhaled.


Not exactly body shaming, but eating shaming. What is there to confess about eating an average-sized bowl of noodles? Why assign guilt and shame to something necessary for survival and generally enjoyable?


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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Tue Jun 18, 2013 6:30 pm 
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I just want to hug everyone in this thread. I've been feeling so out of sorts since I broke my leg and can't work out and my eating isn't as clean as I would like it to be, and my clothes aren't fitting as nicely.

Last night when Mr. Sz asked what I was having for dinner I said "I don't deserve food" and I meant it! UGH. I hate feeling so sad about this.


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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Tue Jun 18, 2013 6:43 pm 
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geeksweetheart, when things like that happen to me (my mom used to bodyshame unintentionally/whatever to me sometimes), I would do the same thing. Thankfully, I have the type of relationship with my mom (and a year and a half of therapy now) so that I had a conversation with her a couple months ago (6? maybe?) about how things she says feel shaming to me and now I've started calling her on anything she says that could be food and/or body shaming. Even if it's not directed at me. that one I was particularly proud of. My sister is very skinny and went up to get seconds of something and my mom made noise about how we were going to brunch in 2 hours.

I dunno. I'm pretty proud of myself for that one!

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Tue Jun 18, 2013 9:20 pm 
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So anyhow update on my jeans buying: Went to Target, bought a more or less flattering pair, ran into an acquaintance outside and we rode our bikes in the same direction for awhile,and she was talking about how agonizing it is to buy jeans. But she is the type of person the clothing industry is made for: tallish, thin, leggy but not too leggy. And friend who is widely thought to have the best butt ever complained similarly and talked about how same goodwill mirrors were the most unflattering ever.

On one hand, I want to remind myself that being thinner, more tonned, or having no vegemite will not automatically make my relationship to my body OK. My body is just fine as is, even with pudge. On the other hand,this makes me so sad. We are culturally so forked that women who are approaching theses artificial, largely unreasonable ideals are STILL made to feel like shiitake about their bodies. what the fizzle.p


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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Fri Jun 21, 2013 3:05 pm 
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Thank you all for everything in this thread!

My family are the most body negative people I know. I grew up not knowing anything other than how to hate your body while my mother and brother both struggled with eating disorders. I love my family and have made it clear that it is never ok for them to talk about my weight in either a positive or negative way. This does not get through. They don't see any reason that they should not be able to body shame themselves constantly in front of me or why I would be upset when they congratulate me on losing weight (even though I haven't). I have extreme anxiety about seeing them because I feel that they judge my body.

I am completely committed to making sure that my beautiful children are surrounded by body positivity and never learn to value themselves based on their weight or any other physical criteria. This is so much harder than it seems! I feel like I have to protect them from their own grandparents!

When my daughter recently asked about the bumps in the backs of my thighs (vegemite yo!) I explained that some people have that and some people don't and it has to do with the way your connective tissue attaches your skin to your muscles. I was so conscious not to say that it was gross or bad or embarassing but I wish that I wasn't thinking all of those things myself and wasn't suddenly feeling ashamed about my body. She had no issues with my explanation though and we went back to practicing cartwheels. I hope I did ok. She is only 7 and I know that it is only going to get more important as she grows up.


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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Thu Jun 27, 2013 8:33 am 
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Mars wrote:
I just realized this thread is for any kinds of body shaming related discussion! I never really connected the dots that this is something that I would love to complain about as well because I kind of just was auto-pilot thinking about being a fat/thin related thread. I have quite a bit of body shame, largely due to being transgender. I try very hard to be confident about how I look and this past year have been doing generally quite good about that, most people who don't know me well seem to be under the impression I'm some popular babe-magnet. (I'm so not though! Tooooo shy)

I have not had chest surgery but I've not got too much extra up there luckily. I used to bind every day for years, though. It wasn't until last year when I became friends/lovers with this awesome trans guy, he basically told me I was ridiculous/crazy for thinking I needed to bind or that there was anything there other than a male chest. Which, while not exactly scientifically accurate, was exactly what I needed to hear, and I stopped binding, and no one ever noticed a difference at all. However, I still have an annoying amount of anxiety over that area. If there is a stong headwind, heh, I get all paranoid and start pulling at my shirt. And if I wear a shirt with front pockets and then a pullover sweater on top I notice in the mirror that the pockets create weird 'boob'-ish things and I'll feel super self-concious all day. Even though the same thing would happen to cis-dudes also. Generally I've trained myself pretty good though.

One thing today though that really bummed me out was seeing this pretty cut guy in a tank top today. The way his shoulders/arms looked... I felt pretty sad about how mine do not look like that. Not that they couldn't, that has nothing to do with being trans. I just don't work out. Ever. I'd love to be all triangular-shaped though like that. I don't know, I think even if I did work out, that's just not ho my body would go. Bummerrrrrr.


Yeah, all of this! <3 <3
I have had chest surgery but the rest of my body is still proportioned as if I had enormous boobs (I literally lost 30 pounds when they took them off). So like, before the surgery, I was still kinda fat and awkward shaped, but at least I was proportional. Now I just look absurd, in ways that can't really be masked by clothing like they could before. Plus I'm freakishly short and hairy and I have weird thin patches in my head hair. Most people are too polite to say anything to me about it, but occasionally someone will sort of inadvertently mention something or a kid will comment...so I know it's not just all in my head.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Fri Jul 05, 2013 3:26 pm 
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paprikapapaya wrote:
I sometimes wonder what the benefit of Photoshopping people like that is. Seriously, who stands to benefit? Cosmetic companies? Plastic surgeons? Or are we just so self-loathing that we like to create impossible beauty standards for us to surely fall short of?


I don't think that it stems from self-loathing, although this sort of behavior does lead to it. From an art history perspective, people create art that shows an ideal image, not reality. Art, and i use this term to include photos of celebrities in this case, is human expression. It is an expression of the ideal human form. People have been doing it since the beginning of time. The Egyptians did not look like their art, and they could have made it differently if they chose to (they weren't just bad artists, as i have defended many times). But they didn't choose to create an accurate representation of people. They chose to create an ideal expression that accentuates the features they find appealing. Same with the Greeks, the Romans, and really every single culture since the beginning of art. Portrait painters paint what the client wants to look like. Now that we have photographs, it makes sense that we would alter these photographs to show the ideal.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Fri Jul 05, 2013 4:08 pm 
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I have a history of bulimia, so I'm particularly in tune with body-related comments. I hate hate hate it when people comment on my weight, especially if they make being thin seem like the ultimate ideal, because that's the sort of comment I used to looooove when I was sick, and it would fuel my fire. I try to correct people as much as possible, and be honest about my past, even if it's uncomfortable, because that's the only way people will learn. Since I've not been working in the restaurant, I haven't heard much of it. I eat alone at my desk in an empty gallery most days, so no one comments on how much I'm eating. (Which everyone seems to think is a lot.) But I was working a camp with this girl last week who kept talking to me about veganism and how she wished she could eat like I do and when I told her that I eat a lot of stereotypically 'unhealthy' foods, she just kept saying, 'But you're so tiny!' Which, like, I'm not, really. I mean, it doesn't matter, but I am perfectly average for my height, whatever average really means. I'm comfortable with my weight, and I've been at the same one for almost 5 years now, so I don't think about it a lot (or at least, I try not to because that leads me back down that evil disordered road). So when someone comments on how 'tiny' I am, it makes me really uncomfortable. Every single time she said that, I just said, 'I'm average' and changed the subject. And I mean, this girl is smaller than me, I'm pretty sure, or we're the same size. But the whole week, like, she would bring in a salad for lunch and say, 'Look, I'm being good, like you!' I was eating salad that week because I forking like salad, not because I'm trying particularly hard to be healthy or lose any weight. It's just so weird to me when people comment on anyone's weight, let alone someone who is practically a stranger. I work with her for the next three weeks, so I'm sure I'll get to a breaking point at some point and hash out my whole 'Please don't comment on people's weight because you never know their history' speech.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Fri Jul 05, 2013 4:30 pm 
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It made me angry that two prominent vegans made weight related comments about Chris Christie because he vetoed the pork gestation crate bill.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Fri Jul 05, 2013 5:05 pm 
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allularpunk wrote:
I have a history of bulimia, so I'm particularly in tune with body-related comments. I hate hate hate it when people comment on my weight, especially if they make being thin seem like the ultimate ideal, because that's the sort of comment I used to looooove when I was sick, and it would fuel my fire. I try to correct people as much as possible, and be honest about my past, even if it's uncomfortable, because that's the only way people will learn. Since I've not been working in the restaurant, I haven't heard much of it. I eat alone at my desk in an empty gallery most days, so no one comments on how much I'm eating. (Which everyone seems to think is a lot.) But I was working a camp with this girl last week who kept talking to me about veganism and how she wished she could eat like I do and when I told her that I eat a lot of stereotypically 'unhealthy' foods, she just kept saying, 'But you're so tiny!' Which, like, I'm not, really. I mean, it doesn't matter, but I am perfectly average for my height, whatever average really means. I'm comfortable with my weight, and I've been at the same one for almost 5 years now, so I don't think about it a lot (or at least, I try not to because that leads me back down that evil disordered road). So when someone comments on how 'tiny' I am, it makes me really uncomfortable. Every single time she said that, I just said, 'I'm average' and changed the subject. And I mean, this girl is smaller than me, I'm pretty sure, or we're the same size. But the whole week, like, she would bring in a salad for lunch and say, 'Look, I'm being good, like you!' I was eating salad that week because I forking like salad, not because I'm trying particularly hard to be healthy or lose any weight. It's just so weird to me when people comment on anyone's weight, let alone someone who is practically a stranger. I work with her for the next three weeks, so I'm sure I'll get to a breaking point at some point and hash out my whole 'Please don't comment on people's weight because you never know their history' speech.
UGH. I so relate to all of this. Maybe you shouldn't wait until you reach the breaking point, but just take the next opportunity she gives you (I'm guessing lunch on Monday) to fill her in on why those types of comments are unhelpful/inappropriate at best and hurtful at worst.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Fri Jul 05, 2013 5:12 pm 
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Desdemona wrote:
UGH. I so relate to all of this. Maybe you shouldn't wait until you reach the breaking point, but just take the next opportunity she gives you (I'm guessing lunch on Monday) to fill her in on why those types of comments are unhelpful/inappropriate at best and hurtful at worst.


Yes, you're right. I'll say something to her the next time she does it. We won't actually be eating lunch together until week after next (next week's camp is just a morning thing), so if it comes up before then, so be it!

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Fri Jul 05, 2013 6:23 pm 
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I liked Kelly's post and AP's about how we as women can really affect and educate one another. When I was in my 20s my ex-boyfriend started dating another girl, and I made a crappy comment to a friend about his new gf's weight. My friend called me on it, and said that she knew that I was hurting, but that even if she didn't hear me, it was still a problematic comment. She said "you know, it sounds like you believe that someone who is overweight doesn't deserve to be loved." And I was struggling with body image stuff, so I realized that in fact I didn't think someone who was overweight deserved to be loved, more to the point, I thought I deserved love only between 90 and 110lbs. And that had me learn more and be a lot more self-accepting, as well as a lot more thoughtful.

So even if its challenging sometimes to say something, it could make a really big difference for the person. Good luck AP!

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Fri Jul 05, 2013 10:16 pm 
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Tofulish wrote:
I liked Kelly's post and AP's about how we as women can really affect and educate one another. When I was in my 20s my ex-boyfriend started dating another girl, and I made a crappy comment to a friend about his new gf's weight. My friend called me on it, and said that she knew that I was hurting, but that even if she didn't hear me, it was still a problematic comment. She said "you know, it sounds like you believe that someone who is overweight doesn't deserve to be loved." And I was struggling with body image stuff, so I realized that in fact I didn't think someone who was overweight deserved to be loved, more to the point, I thought I deserved love only between 90 and 110lbs. And that had me learn more and be a lot more self-accepting, as well as a lot more thoughtful.

So even if its challenging sometimes to say something, it could make a really big difference for the person. Good luck AP!
Yes. THIS.

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Fri Jul 05, 2013 10:17 pm 
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blondiefk wrote:
It made me angry that two prominent vegans made weight related comments about Chris Christie because he vetoed the pork gestation crate bill.


Barf. People make comments about his weight all the time around me. Look, CC is a dick, but he would be a dick if he were thin, too. I often have just wondered really loudly in those instances, glancing around, "huh, am I the only fat person here?" That usually shuts it down. It is so uncomfortable to get the fat shaming from people who are very proud of their liberalness.


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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Mon Jul 08, 2013 8:20 am 
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I completely agree with Tofulish. When I was younger, I am ashamed to say, I said a lot of very hurtful, very shameful things about, and to, people. I was the typical knock someone else down to build yourself up person because I felt pretty shitty about myself, to the point where, when I realised what I was doing and stopped, people actually noticed. I was lucky that I found places like the PPK and other resources and was able to educate myself and grow the fork up but I really wish someone had taken me aside and made me realise that what I was doing was all about how I felt and all I was doing was hurting other people. AND I had a pretty horrendous eating disorder, so I really should have known better but I guess I was angry and sad and wanted everyone else to feel the way I did.

Sometimes you don't know the power of your own words or you just don't think about it. I wanted anyone I deemed prettier, sexier, thinner than me to feel as heart-wrenchingly awful as I did, but I think if I had really thought about what it was I was actually doing or what the outcome of my words could have been I would have been as ashamed then as I am now.


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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Mon Jul 08, 2013 10:36 am 
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Ariann wrote:
I often have just wondered really loudly in those instances, glancing around, "huh, am I the only fat person here?" That usually shuts it down.


NICE! I'm going to use that!

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Mon Jul 08, 2013 11:42 am 
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This shiitake peas me right off.

http://publicshaming.tumblr.com/post/54864863081/womens-wimbledon-champion-marion-bartoli-deemed

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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Mon Jul 08, 2013 11:53 am 
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Wow, ndpittman I have no words! And the BBC were making jibes about her appearance too?


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 Post subject: Re: Had enough of body shaming?
PostPosted: Mon Jul 08, 2013 12:20 pm 
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I have no idea; I just saw that link on FB. I just don't get it. Here is someone who is an elite athlete at the top of her sport and whatnot, and you're going to make fun of her appearance? She just proved that she's one of the best in the world!! I felt the same when people were talking about Gabby Douglas. She is an Olympian! I think it goes to people being jealous/low self-esteem. They see these amazing, powerful women, and they have to say, well, she's not all that. Well eff that ess in the a.

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