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 Post subject: Ranting about non-violence, again!
PostPosted: Thu Dec 27, 2012 7:46 am 
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I need a bit of a vent - please forgive me, but I feel like this might be the only place that can understand. I have been non-violent/pacifistic my entire life and my family knows how I feel. I have always raised my children to know that my home is a refuge of peace, and I will not have violence in it. But on Christmas morning, I had family members walk into my home armed (guns strapped to their bodies). I had people give each other guns as gifts. I have never, ever, permitted guns in my home - and these very children I raised, and the people they married, their in-laws, etc. are totally disrespecting everything I hold dear - in my living room! How do I get them to understand - or at a minimum - show a little respect? I mean, they stopped world war II for Christmas day, but these people give each other guns as Christmas gifts - in my house! What do I do? (Help! I need a better family! anybody want to adopt me?)

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 Post subject: Re: Ranting about non-violence, again!
PostPosted: Thu Dec 27, 2012 9:42 am 
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Guns as gifts???? I would never have even thought that could possibly happen!!!!! And: CHRISTMAS gifts???? What!!???
And... Why??????? What for? What do people do with guns? What do they say when unwrapping? ("oooooh, a gun, that's so sweeet!" ???)
Anyway, what was your reaction when you saw it? how did this happen? I assume you were surprised? If it has been me I would probably have been to shocked to say anything... Did anyone else react?
(and, you said there were SEVERAL of them if I understand well?)

I send you good waves and flowers and chocolate!

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 Post subject: Re: Ranting about non-violence, again!
PostPosted: Thu Dec 27, 2012 9:49 am 
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No one in my family really cares about guns (if they own them I don't know about it) so feel free to disregard what I would do because I'm not speaking from a place of experience, but I think if my christmas had gone that way I'd just send out a big message with the invite next year that hey, guns aren't allowed in my house, so please leave them at home! If they insisted, I would just be like, fine - party at your house, merry christmas, I won't be there! But I'm fine with sitting out family events where I might accidentally be killed, so your mileage may vary.

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Last edited by Fee on Thu Dec 27, 2012 9:50 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Ranting about non-violence, again!
PostPosted: Thu Dec 27, 2012 9:49 am 
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I'd say that, since they don't seem to have gotten the message yet, just tell them clearly: no guns in my house. Period. If you have a safe, then tell anyone who comes in wearing a gun that they can leave it there until they leave.


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 Post subject: Re: Ranting about non-violence, again!
PostPosted: Thu Dec 27, 2012 9:58 am 
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Yes, I'd reiterate the no guns in my home (concealed or otherwise) and leave a note at the front door with an old timey sign over a bookcase saying please leave your guns here.

Even saloons in the Wild West banned guns in the establishments.

Where do you live out of curiosity?

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 Post subject: Re: Ranting about non-violence, again!
PostPosted: Thu Dec 27, 2012 9:59 am 
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First of all, I'll gladly adopt you. That shiitake would never fly in my family.

On a more serious note, I think inlaw situations can be really difficult to navigate. So I would speak directly with your children. You raised them, so you should have no problem being direct with them. I would just say that you felt very uncomfortable on Christmas with guns in the house. In the future, guns will not be allowed for any reason, and anyone wearing one will be asked to leave. Then ask your kids how they want to proceed from there. Would they like you to communicate directly with their inlaws? Would they like to convey the message? Or would they like to host holidays from now on?


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 Post subject: Re: Ranting about non-violence, again!
PostPosted: Thu Dec 27, 2012 10:01 am 
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Tell them the next person who brings a gun in your house is getting shot with it? Clearly, I'm not very helpful...

Honestly, I would just tell them the rules, and if they don't like it, they can have Christmas elsewhere. I don't really hold the notion that family is sacred beyond all else, so you may feel differently.


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 Post subject: Re: Ranting about non-violence, again!
PostPosted: Thu Dec 27, 2012 10:09 am 
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Rent a metal detector for the day and anybody with a gun is not allowed in the house. Or you can just hire a security guard with a bigger gun and keep it pointed at the other gunslingers throughout the day. I am sure the NRA would approve.


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 Post subject: Re: Ranting about non-violence, again!
PostPosted: Thu Dec 27, 2012 10:52 am 
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If anyone walked into my house with a gun, they'd be walking right out two seconds later.

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 Post subject: Re: Ranting about non-violence, again!
PostPosted: Thu Dec 27, 2012 11:12 am 
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mrsbadmouth wrote:
If anyone walked into my house with a gun, they'd be walking right out two seconds later.


This.
My home is MY safe space. And while, ideally I would like it to be safe for others, if what makes them feel safe makes me feel threatened... they need to leave.

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 Post subject: Re: Ranting about non-violence, again!
PostPosted: Thu Dec 27, 2012 11:53 am 
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Agreed with pretty much everyone else. I don't think there's much you can do about it now other than contact people (individually or as a group via email) and say how very, very not cool that was and that the standing rule for your home is no guns allowed ever. But if you're hosting (or expected to host) any other get-together, Xmas or something else, then you need to state explicitly (in writing* and verbally) that guns aren't allowed in your house under any circumstances. And then, the next person who rocks up with a gun should be made to walk right back out. It sounds like they should've known that already, but I guess some people are either clueless and/or wantonly disrespectful, but they'll continue to be that way if you let it slide.

ETA - *if you're sending out paper or email invitations

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 Post subject: Re: Ranting about non-violence, again!
PostPosted: Thu Dec 27, 2012 11:59 am 
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kfad wrote:
mrsbadmouth wrote:
If anyone walked into my house with a gun, they'd be walking right out two seconds later.


This.
My home is MY safe space. And while, ideally I would like it to be safe for others, if what makes them feel safe makes me feel threatened... they need to leave.


I think this is perfectly stated. I wouldn't let someone in my house with drugs, or dangerous dogs, or a mace or a thousand other things that would make me feel unsafe.

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 Post subject: Re: Ranting about non-violence, again!
PostPosted: Thu Dec 27, 2012 1:23 pm 
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wow that is insanely rude! especially if they were well aware of your no-gun policy.
i would be rip shiitake if someone walked into my house with a gun.

the only thing you can do is to let them know it's completely unacceptable and at future get togethers in your home guns will be explicitly not allowed and anyone with one will be asked to leave.

your house, your children, your rules

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 Post subject: Re: Ranting about non-violence, again!
PostPosted: Thu Dec 27, 2012 1:29 pm 
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I too am curious what country/state you live in. It would certainly be unwelcome in my house and the people would either leave, or the police would be coming to escort them out. There's no reason to bring a gun into someone's house uninvited.

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 Post subject: Re: Ranting about non-violence, again!
PostPosted: Thu Dec 27, 2012 1:40 pm 
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It's almost impossible to convey how shocking this is to someone outside the US. Guns and family gatherings? Why would they do that?

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 Post subject: Re: Ranting about non-violence, again!
PostPosted: Thu Dec 27, 2012 1:52 pm 
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I don't think it matters if they understand or not. It's a question of being respectful of someone's wishes ESPECIALLY in the person's own home. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. Guns make me very uncomfortable, and I certainly wouldn't want them in my home.

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 Post subject: Re: Ranting about non-violence, again!
PostPosted: Thu Dec 27, 2012 1:58 pm 
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ndpittman wrote:
I don't think it matters if they understand or not. It's a question of being respectful of someone's wishes ESPECIALLY in the person's own home. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. Guns make me very uncomfortable, and I certainly wouldn't want them in my home.


I agree. I am guessing I'm one of the folks on the ppk that is more comfortable around guns than most others here because of time in the military etc but even though I am not bothered by their mere existence, the simple notion that someone would bring one into someone's house without at least asking first (and if they knew of MoniDew's opinion of them there should not even be that little bit of wiggle room) is absurd. An attitude that carrying a gun into someone's house doesn't require asking permission first is what would make me truly worry about having the gun in the house.

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 Post subject: Re: Ranting about non-violence, again!
PostPosted: Thu Dec 27, 2012 3:12 pm 
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ooooh...

Image

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 Post subject: Re: Ranting about non-violence, again!
PostPosted: Thu Dec 27, 2012 3:16 pm 
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Ruby Rose wrote:
It's almost impossible to convey how shocking this is to someone outside the US. Guns and family gatherings? Why would they do that?


it s indeed far beyond our understanding. The pic I posted above comes from an article several of my friends are sharing on fb tonight (the article)

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 Post subject: Re: Ranting about non-violence, again!
PostPosted: Thu Dec 27, 2012 3:22 pm 
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It's shocking to me and I live in the US. Here in RI people (well, the people I know) do not show up to family holiday gatherings toting or gifting guns! I am also interested to know where the original poster lives.


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 Post subject: Re: Ranting about non-violence, again!
PostPosted: Thu Dec 27, 2012 3:37 pm 
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Ruby Rose wrote:
It's almost impossible to convey how shocking this is to someone outside the US. Guns and family gatherings? Why would they do that?

It's not normal here in the US either. My mind is blown by MoniDew's post.

Anyway...your house, your rules. Guns are not allowed in my apartment, end of story. This is so shocking to me.

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 Post subject: Re: Ranting about non-violence, again!
PostPosted: Thu Dec 27, 2012 3:40 pm 
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It's definitely not normal for my part of the US, either. I've never even held a gun, and the only people I've seen carrying them have been police officers and other security people. I do have a friend who hunts, though, and he mentioned getting a gun for Christmas once -- for him, it was no different than getting, say, a fishing pole.


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 Post subject: Re: Ranting about non-violence, again!
PostPosted: Thu Dec 27, 2012 4:06 pm 
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I am sorry for this happening to you in your home, involving your kids. It seems at the very least there was a huge lapse in judgement, at worst disrespect.

Unlike a lot of people posting, this is not uncommon at all where I live, in north Idaho. There are many MANY hunters here, and the gun culture borders on religious. I know a lot of folks who hunt and a some folks who have conceal/carry permits. It has taken some getting used to. I work in a rural PT clinic and have had to listen to some crazy rants following the Sandy Hook murders. I can't understand why anyone, even gun nuts, would not at least want to start a conversation about gun laws after what happened in Newtown.

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 Post subject: Re: Ranting about non-violence, again!
PostPosted: Thu Dec 27, 2012 4:42 pm 
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Tofulish wrote:
kfad wrote:
mrsbadmouth wrote:
If anyone walked into my house with a gun, they'd be walking right out two seconds later.


This.
My home is MY safe space. And while, ideally I would like it to be safe for others, if what makes them feel safe makes me feel threatened... they need to leave.


I think this is perfectly stated. I wouldn't let someone in my house with drugs, or dangerous dogs, or a mace or a thousand other things that would make me feel unsafe.


Uh huh, same here. It's not even up for discussion.


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 Post subject: Re: Ranting about non-violence, again!
PostPosted: Fri Dec 28, 2012 4:17 am 
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Let them know you're uncomfortable with guns in your house. Your house, your rules!

My family is very pro-gun (and we're from CA). My dad gives us guns as gifts...so I guess that doesn't seem weird to me. My husband and his friends are really into collecting guns and shooting at targets. My family is totally clueless that other people are uncomfortable around guns (this is in reference to your inlaws--your kids should know better!). Sometimes you just have to tell people because it wouldn't occur to them some folks don't want to be around them. I *constantly* have to remind my dad it's not ok to bring loaded guns in my house. He just doesn't get it!! Drives me nuts.

I know my response is sort of nonchalant and I don't mean it to be. I understand where you're coming from!

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