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 Post subject: Tennessee keeps it classy
PostPosted: Wed Dec 22, 2010 10:06 pm 
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Should Write a Goddam Book Already
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Location: East Tennessee!
So proud of my state...

Tennessee man charged with reckless tractor driving, trying to run over deputies
"Deputies said he tried to run over the three and crashed the tractor into a tree before being caught during a foot chase."

man arrested after meth lab and monkeys found
"Officials also found less than an ounce of marijuana, video and audio surveillance equipment, a large burn barrel and four monkeys. "

Sigh.

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 Post subject: Re: Tennessee keeps it classy
PostPosted: Wed Dec 22, 2010 11:43 pm 
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Baking In The Flavor
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I live in TN and I am proud too.


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 Post subject: Re: Tennessee keeps it classy
PostPosted: Fri Dec 24, 2010 9:26 pm 
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Making Threats to Punks Again
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I read about the meth lab and monkeys one the other day. I mainly read the KnoxNews for the amusement factor. There was also a story about a couple getting arrested after one of them threw a random cat at the other during an argument (it wasn't their cat, they were just walking somewhere and came upon the cat...poor thing).


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 Post subject: Re: Tennessee keeps it classy
PostPosted: Fri Dec 24, 2010 11:53 pm 
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Location: East Tennessee!
Again, keepin' it classy.

Like this!!

"After a brief search, officers found Justin A. Walker, 26, no address available, hiding between the drop ceiling and the roof.

Police said Aaron C. Story, 24, no address available, helped Walker, whom police said was attempting to burglarize the pharmacy."

Hey, nobody else can beat East TN for awesome news stories!

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 Post subject: Re: Tennessee keeps it classy
PostPosted: Mon Jan 03, 2011 2:38 pm 
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Should Write a Goddam Book Already
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Man Smacks Neighbor in Head with Rifle Butt, Steals Whiskey

"OLIVER SPRINGS - A man with a lengthy arrest record is accused of stealing a neighbor's bottle of Crown Royal whiskey after hitting the victim in the head with a rifle butt."

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"God said, kill and eat!" ~ my grandmother


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 Post subject: Re: Tennessee keeps it classy
PostPosted: Mon Jan 03, 2011 3:16 pm 
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Tzippy wrote:
There was also a story about a couple getting arrested after one of them threw a random cat at the other during an argument (it wasn't their cat, they were just walking somewhere and came upon the cat...poor thing).


I think I am going to vegan hell for laughing at the absurdity of this.

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 Post subject: Re: Tennessee keeps it classy
PostPosted: Mon Jan 03, 2011 4:04 pm 
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crowderpea wrote:
Man Smacks Neighbor in Head with Rifle Butt, Steals Whiskey

"OLIVER SPRINGS - A man with a lengthy arrest record is accused of stealing a neighbor's bottle of Crown Royal whiskey after hitting the victim in the head with a rifle butt."


That one cracked me up, too. I swear they are purposely putting these stories in the KnoxNews to dissuade others from moving here (it's probably working).


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 Post subject: Re: Tennessee keeps it classy
PostPosted: Mon Jan 03, 2011 4:30 pm 
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Should Write a Goddam Book Already
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Location: East Tennessee!
No, I think it's because Tennessee is just THAT CLASSY. Don't be jealous. (even though you live here too, haha)

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 Post subject: Re: Tennessee keeps it classy
PostPosted: Mon Jan 03, 2011 4:35 pm 
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There are trashy people in every state.

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 Post subject: Re: Tennessee keeps it classy
PostPosted: Mon Jan 03, 2011 4:36 pm 
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^Case in point.

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 Post subject: Re: Tennessee keeps it classy
PostPosted: Mon Jan 03, 2011 4:37 pm 
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HEY.

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"The Tree is His Penis"

The tree is his penis // it's very exciting // when held up to his mouth // the lights are all lighting // his eyes start a-bulging // in unbridled glee // the tree is his penis // its beauty, effulgent -amandabear


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 Post subject: Re: Tennessee keeps it classy
PostPosted: Mon Jan 03, 2011 5:52 pm 
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mrsbadmouth wrote:
There are trashy people in every state.


Right, but the quality of trashy people is better in E TN. I will believe that until someone proves otherwise. And even then, I probably won't change my opinion.

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Animals are my friends--and I don't eat my friends.
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"God said, kill and eat!" ~ my grandmother


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 Post subject: Re: Tennessee keeps it classy
PostPosted: Mon Jan 03, 2011 8:06 pm 
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Making Threats to Punks Again
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Location: Knoxville, TN
I loved this story until this update, as it's not funny anymore.


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 Post subject: Re: Tennessee keeps it classy
PostPosted: Mon Jan 03, 2011 8:12 pm 
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Yeeeeeehaw! Good times in TN!


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 Post subject: Re: Tennessee keeps it classy
PostPosted: Mon Jan 03, 2011 10:43 pm 
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Mispronounces Daiya
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MONKEYS?

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 Post subject: Re: Tennessee keeps it classy
PostPosted: Mon Jan 03, 2011 10:49 pm 
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maygles wrote:
MONKEYS?

and Meth! Tennessee sounds like heaven doesn't it?

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unless that vulva serves at least 50 people, I really hope that price is a joke.


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 Post subject: Re: Tennessee keeps it classy
PostPosted: Mon Jan 03, 2011 11:18 pm 
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Location: East Tennessee!
Meth Man's monkeys are probably not vegan...

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"God said, kill and eat!" ~ my grandmother


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 Post subject: Re: Tennessee keeps it classy
PostPosted: Mon Jan 03, 2011 11:32 pm 
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crowderpea wrote:
Meth Man's monkeys are probably not vegan...

You mean meth man's monkeys were eating meat? OH NO!

I really hate when news articles throw in details like "His wife was given the monkeys but did not know Meth was being made." OK who gave her 4 monkeys?

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poopiebitch wrote:
unless that vulva serves at least 50 people, I really hope that price is a joke.


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 Post subject: Re: Tennessee keeps it classy
PostPosted: Wed Jan 05, 2011 3:42 pm 
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ol' garly cooch
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Tzippy wrote:
crowderpea wrote:
Man Smacks Neighbor in Head with Rifle Butt, Steals Whiskey

"OLIVER SPRINGS - A man with a lengthy arrest record is accused of stealing a neighbor's bottle of Crown Royal whiskey after hitting the victim in the head with a rifle butt."


That one cracked me up, too. I swear they are purposely putting these stories in the KnoxNews to dissuade others from moving here (it's probably working).



once again, i have laughed so hard i peed. i need to carry back up pants.

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 Post subject: Re: Tennessee keeps it classy
PostPosted: Fri Jan 07, 2011 1:21 pm 
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Would-be thief after underwear

I have to post a bunch of the article, since it's just so great.

"Sometimes the temptation's too much to fight.

Blount County deputies arrested a man this week on charges of breaking into his married lover's house to steal her underwear.

Ernest Larry Nelson, 41, of Maryville faces charges of aggravated burglary and evading arrest, according to the Blount County Sheriff's Office. A BCSO deputy arrested him Tuesday after a high-speed chase on Sevierville Road, according to an incident report."
...
"Deputies arrested Nelson around 1:30 p.m. when he pulled up at the University of Tennessee Medical Center, where Robin McDaniel worked, in her car that he'd borrowed. He told deputies he just wanted "the sexy set of bra and pantaloons that (Robin) wore one night" but panicked when he saw the daughter home, Hurst wrote."

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Animals are my friends--and I don't eat my friends.
~ George Bernard Shaw


"God said, kill and eat!" ~ my grandmother


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 Post subject: Re: Tennessee keeps it classy
PostPosted: Fri Jan 07, 2011 1:35 pm 
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Location: East Tennessee!
This one is mainly for the choice of words the author used in the headline. Well, and the fact that the clerk got into a punching match with the robber.

Booty bust: Aspiring robber sees stars not cash when clerk fights back

"The clerk told officers he believed the handgun to be a toy and refused to comply with the robber's demand," Hembree said.

That led to an exchange of punches between the clerk and the frustrated robber, who opted to flee without any booty."

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Animals are my friends--and I don't eat my friends.
~ George Bernard Shaw


"God said, kill and eat!" ~ my grandmother


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 Post subject: Re: Tennessee keeps it classy
PostPosted: Fri Jan 07, 2011 4:03 pm 
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Making Threats to Punks Again
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Location: Knoxville, TN
There was also this one from this summer: Man dumped tobacco spit on five Wal-Mart computers

I am never going to the Alcoa Wal-Mart.


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 Post subject: Re: Tennessee keeps it classy
PostPosted: Fri Jan 07, 2011 7:38 pm 
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Don't feel bad, Tennessee! Last week a man was arrested in my California hometown for DUI on a backhoe. He'd already driven his car into a ditch while drunk, walked home, and returned with the backhoe to pull it out.

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 Post subject: Re: Tennessee keeps it classy
PostPosted: Wed Jan 19, 2011 9:03 pm 
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Making Threats to Punks Again
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Eat More Fish


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 Post subject: Re: Tennessee keeps it classy
PostPosted: Sat Jan 22, 2011 9:26 pm 
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I wish this paper was digitized, but I recall clipping an article for a performer in the early 90s (some library gig), but the headline story was:
"man arrested for sodomizing roomate's dog."
He said he was drunk and did not remember coming home, let alone touching the dog.
But deputies caught him in the act.
Lincoln County, Oklahoma.

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