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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Sun Jun 16, 2013 2:55 am 
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We just moved to a new city and I am being harassed almost daily in the park when I walk my dog alone after work. I don't really know what to do about it. All of our neighbors seem to walk in pairs of women or with a man, and I'm not sure if it's cultural or for safety reasons or what. I feel like I'm inviting this attention because I choose to walk alone and it must be sending some weird signal? Anyway, the men who have been bothering me are all really invading my personal space (not just honking or hooting in passing), engaging me in creepy and unwanted conversation while very obviously leering, and it's making me feel very vulnerable, to the point where I don't feel safe walking the dog alone once it gets to be around 6 or later. On Thursday evening I was hassled by four separate men in 30 minutes. It really really really really sucks because I am super in love with this city and I kind of hate being a woman this week.

All the harassment has been in this city park, which has been filled with people and lots of families so I thought it was ok. I think I have to avoid the park and stick to busy streets, which no one seems to walk down.

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Sun Jun 16, 2013 5:30 pm 
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lavawitch wrote:
This is an awful case: teacher fired because her abusive ex-husband was threatening her and showed up at her school.

On the one hand, this woman took steps to protect herself and notified her school of the restraining orders and threats. She did everything right and has been punished for being a victim.

http://news.msn.com/us/teacher-fired-be ... -husband-1



What a difficult situation. I mean, really, I don't know what the right thing to do here is. It's awful that this woman, who has been a victim of domestic violence and is trying to rebuild her life, loses her livelihood at the same time as potentially having her ex released from prison and threatening her...and yet as a parent I would not want my kid anywhere near this situation.

Would it be fair to put her, if possible, in an administrative position if there were an admin building that didn't contain students? It might not be an option here, but I would think that would be the best solution.

Does anyone remember that the initial reports of Newtown were basically this kind of scenario? That the shooter was the husband of a teacher? Obviously it wasn't true, but it got me thinking about this very topic. I wonder what a public school would do in the same situation, where presumably the teacher would have union representation.


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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Sun Jun 16, 2013 6:21 pm 
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I don't think there is a solution that is fair to her. A public school might have more options for reassignment out of the classroom, but this would most likely effectively derail her classroom career, perhaps even permanently.

Given the craziness in the world, I don't blame parents for wanting far away from this situation, her fault or not. But I think a big part of this is that nobody expects the legal system to help beyond the very short term (he is in jail now, but will be out again in a few weeks).

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Sun Jun 16, 2013 7:54 pm 
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It seems like its saying her kids can't go to school there now either? Do they expel any kid with abusive parents looking for them?

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Sun Jun 16, 2013 8:02 pm 
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I wouldn't be surprised if a district did that if a threatening parent showed up.

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Sun Jun 16, 2013 8:13 pm 
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A local elementary school teacher was shot by her estranged husband in the school parking lot a few years ago. That shiitake is scary. I don't know what the school can really do, since the legal system seems so unwilling to protect DV victims. In the local case, the school knew about it and was very supportive of her.


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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Sun Jun 16, 2013 9:08 pm 
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the friend zone is proof feminism promotes rape culture because if men do not get sex for being nice how else are they gonna get it other than rape. what women want from say johnny depp ( but if average joe blow does it is rape ) they need to accept if they want one guy to rape them they want all men to. if they want to be respected and treated humanly than sex should be a reward for kindness, not aggressive sex object predatory behavior, women used to reward the nice guys ( they made good husbands and fathers they provided for women) for all the years of oppression the feminists complain about. but they reward the same guys they hate so much. while ridiculing the men who protected their mothers and grandmothers for century's
and there would be no nice guy syndrome, if feminism actually cared about equal rights.

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Sun Jun 16, 2013 10:23 pm 
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Where in the fork did that come from?!

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Sun Jun 16, 2013 10:30 pm 
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It was a comment left on an article about "nice guys" and the "friend zone" and about how women don't have to have sex with a guy just because they're nice to her.

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Mon Jun 17, 2013 2:01 am 
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Didn't you all know that women are machines where you put in lots of kindness coins and sex falls out?!


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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Mon Jun 17, 2013 2:06 am 
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LAX TSA officer shames 15 year old girl about her outfit.

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Mon Jun 17, 2013 6:32 am 
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8ball wrote:
Didn't you all know that women are machines where you put in lots of kindness coins and sex falls out?!


Quoted because I love this. I read that last night, Mr. Shankly, and I couldn't even form a coherent thought. So terrible.

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Mon Jun 17, 2013 8:01 am 
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Haha, damn. I had just come back to post this:
Image

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Mon Jun 17, 2013 8:48 am 
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This guy at my work who is actually my friend keeps borderline harassing this other girl who I'm also friends with.

I have shrink blood in me and I really want to help them both but dude has issues and I don't think I'll EVER be able to convince him that you don't grovel and buy relationships, and most people don't want to be treated like damsals in distress.

Edited to take out a lot of unnecessary information.


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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Mon Jun 17, 2013 9:17 am 
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lepelaar wrote:


This one is just a whole pile of what the fizzle. Where does he get off telling her what to wear, but also, I am confused as to what about her outfit would be considered objectionable. She looks pretty covered to me.

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Mon Jun 17, 2013 9:23 am 
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Seriously. I'd be thrilled if girls in my class dressed like that! Some of them wear the skimpiest, most distracting clothes possible. I hate being the dress code enforcer. This also goes for boys who wear their pants around their knees to show off their boxers too. I don't need to see anybody's underwear.

Sadly, it's usually girls who get the dress code rules, but if a girl is wearing a mini skirt with her butt cheeks hanging out, boys are watching her, not the class. But what kills me is most of the girls who wear the ultra skimpy stuff seem to spend their whole time adjusting and pulling and tugging and looking kind of miserable. I don't get it.

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Mon Jun 17, 2013 11:08 am 
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As far as dress codes go, I understand that culturally, there are a lot of mixed messages about how women should dress. But I hate the rationale that short skirts etc. distract boys. I get that it is a common argument, but maybe we should be talking to boys (or whomever)about not ogling other people. Just because someone wears something you find titilating does not give you the right to objectify them seems like an important lesson to learn.


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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Mon Jun 17, 2013 11:10 am 
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http://www.xojane.com/it-happened-to-me/disney-rape

More of the same.

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Mon Jun 17, 2013 12:26 pm 
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Olives wrote:
As far as dress codes go, I understand that culturally, there are a lot of mixed messages about how women should dress. But I hate the rationale that short skirts etc. distract boys. I get that it is a common argument, but maybe we should be talking to boys (or whomever)about not ogling other people. Just because someone wears something you find titilating does not give you the right to objectify them seems like an important lesson to learn.

Exactly. It's women's behaviours that are scrutinized rather than men's, which fails to address the source of the problem.


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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Mon Jun 17, 2013 12:31 pm 
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ndpittman wrote:

I'm still reading this but this counselor is horrible and I hope by the end of this article she's out of a job.

eta: Ugh, this is just getting worse.

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Mon Jun 17, 2013 1:07 pm 
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primesaut wrote:
Olives wrote:
As far as dress codes go, I understand that culturally, there are a lot of mixed messages about how women should dress. But I hate the rationale that short skirts etc. distract boys. I get that it is a common argument, but maybe we should be talking to boys (or whomever)about not ogling other people. Just because someone wears something you find titilating does not give you the right to objectify them seems like an important lesson to learn.

Exactly. It's women's behaviours that are scrutinized rather than men's, which fails to address the source of the problem.



'Zactly.


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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Mon Jun 17, 2013 1:08 pm 
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Olives wrote:
As far as dress codes go, I understand that culturally, there are a lot of mixed messages about how women should dress. But I hate the rationale that short skirts etc. distract boys. I get that it is a common argument, but maybe we should be talking to boys (or whomever)about not ogling other people. Just because someone wears something you find titilating does not give you the right to objectify them seems like an important lesson to learn.


But not one I have time to teach. I fully agree with all that in principle, but in practice in my classroom, what am I realistically going to do with 20 distracted 17-18 your old boys? I'm crunched for class time as it is. Luckily it doesn't come up that often--mostly in the spring when weather first turns.

Like it or not, enforcing the dress code if a case is particularly egregious is the best route. I can and do certainly remind people to pay attention to their own work, but I also can't point out this behavior without embarrassing a girl. I can say something queitly to a particular boy if it's super obvious, but it's sticky. Much easier to suggest to the girl (or boy with pants hanging off his asparagus) that their clothes are a little outside the dress code boundaries.

Of course it isn't fair that females bear the brunt of dress code scrutiny and crepe about a bra strap showing is ridiculous, but I do see the reasons for it in schools.

Just to clarify, when I say butt cheeks hanging out, I mean butt cheeks hanging out. I had that happen twice this year. I'm pretty sure it was unintentional in both cases, just badly fitting skirts that rode up after sitting. All kids need to learn the importance of presenting themselves properly. Properly has a really wide scope, but a minimum standard is no butts hanging out, for anybody.

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Last edited by lavawitch on Mon Jun 17, 2013 1:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Mon Jun 17, 2013 1:18 pm 
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If you have the time to report women for the dress code, you have time to call out boys for not paying attention.

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Mon Jun 17, 2013 1:26 pm 
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No, not really. Telling a girl her skirt will get her in trouble if she wears it again takes 10 seconds. Competing for the attention of 20 boys is a major classroom disruption if not nipped in the bud. When piled on top of all the other classroom management issues, I don't have time.

I don't actually write reports. I figure the kids are reasonable enough if told. The same goes for boys with pants around their knees.

If I see any type of bullying or harassment behavior, obviously that is a different issue.

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Mon Jun 17, 2013 1:30 pm 
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I "borrowed" a J.Crew catalogue a co-worker got in today's mail to take a sneak peak (I got some really great shorts there last year and I just want to see if they're going to make them again this year, okay?).

I just... I don't even have words to respond to this:

Image

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