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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Thu Jan 09, 2014 8:20 pm 
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It is such a terrible case, and yes, it really makes me scared to be raising a little girl, even though 1 in 33 men will be raped in their life times as well, so its not like little boys are automatically safe either. Its interesting, but men are far more likely to be raped than to be the victim of a false rape accusation, but you would never think that from the way we act and the ways men's rights activists go on about false rape accusations.

I posted the article above that Daisy is still hospitalized after her third suicide attempt, and apparently the harassment is continuing unabated for her and the other victim, even though it has now been 2 years since the attack. Part of what continues to amaze me is that so much of the harassment is coming from other girls and from adults. I guess that part of what allows us to keep our illusion of security is victim blaming, to reassure ourselves it could never happen to us. Its also interesting that Matthew Barnett really picked his victims well, which isn't unusual for predators - he picked someone who was already struggling after the death of her father, who was new to the area and didn't have a strong support system at the school.

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Thu Jan 09, 2014 8:23 pm 
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A former friend of mine went to India to do an investigation and book on sexual violence in India, because she was so shaken by the Delhi gang rape case. She lived in brothels and did some really great work with NGOs etc, but at some point became a little too close to a case where a 13 year old was raped and found out that there was a lot of police corruption etc involved. The police ended up detaining her and threatening her until she was forced to go back to California, and she has been branded as a terrorist in India.

Here is more: http://www.marinij.com/ross_kentfield_g ... indian-sex

It is heartbreaking when you cannot tell little girls that the police or the justice system will take attacks on them seriously.

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Fri Jan 10, 2014 12:00 pm 
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Tofulish wrote:
A former friend of mine went to India to do an investigation and book on sexual violence in India, because she was so shaken by the Delhi gang rape case. She lived in brothels and did some really great work with NGOs etc, but at some point became a little too close to a case where a 13 year old was raped and found out that there was a lot of police corruption etc involved. The police ended up detaining her and threatening her until she was forced to go back to California, and she has been branded as a terrorist in India.


I literally know someone who was charged with terrorism in India because someone stole his passport on a plane and in an ill-thought moment of frustration he blurted "no one is getting off this plane until I get my passport back!" And he was allowed to go back there last year. Your friend's story is just ludicrous (ludicrous in how she was treated, not that I don't believe her, which I most definitely do).

I really admire her conviction and the fact that she was willing to go so far outside of what I personally would feel to be my comfort zone in order to do what's right.... in a twisted way, you know what they say- if you peas them off then you're doing something right. Right?

ETA: I didn't realize until reading the article that she is so close to me! I will keep my eyes peeled, but if you hear of her doing any talks or discussions about her experiences, let me know, I'd love to go see her.

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Tue Jan 14, 2014 11:02 pm 
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What the heck? Oh Sweden, I thought more of you.

Quote:
Last week, a Swedish judge ruled that a man who proceeded to have sexual intercourse with a woman who was screaming "NO" so loudly that she went hoarse was not guilty of rape. People were understandably upset. And so, today, the judge wrote an op-ed clarifying that what he MEANT was that rape really depends on whether or not the rapist feels like they're raping someone. Much better!

The case that's causing forehead slaps across Sweden involves a 27-year-old woman who met a man at a restaurant and invited him back to her home accompanied him back to his home. After some consensual kissing, the man attempted to push for other sex acts, which the woman declined. The man proceeded to have sex with her, anyway, as she screamed "NO" loudly enough for the neighbors to hear. Which, you know, is rape. Pretty obviously rape.

Not in the opinion of Lund district court judge Ralf G. Larsson, who listened sympathetically to the rapist's claim that he didn't think the woman actually meant that "NO" (which she was yelling); rather, she meant YES, which is a common synonym for NO. The woman countered that she most certainly did not mean YES, as she was screaming NO, but the judge ruled that because the rapist doesn't know what NO means and thought that his victim was kind of into it, that thing he was doing to her as she was yelling NO, no rape was committed.


http://jezebel.com/judge-rules-that-no- ... 1501069204

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Tue Jan 14, 2014 11:51 pm 
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I don't even know what to think about that... beyond blind rage.

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Wed Jan 15, 2014 12:22 am 
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. . . But. . . No. . . . Yes? HOW


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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Wed Jan 15, 2014 4:34 pm 
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Apparently it's impossible for a woman to be raped by her husband, because she sleeps in the same bed, often while wearing a "nightie," which obviously makes everything okay. But the GOP doesn't hate women at all.

http://thenewcivilrightsmovement.com/it ... tb6mHlZtZ4

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Wed Jan 15, 2014 4:41 pm 
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Nightie means yes. Chainmail and broadsword means no.

Wouldn't it be nice if we could agree that women's words mean what they say they do?

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Wed Jan 15, 2014 4:46 pm 
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Tofulish wrote:
Nightie means yes. Chainmail and broadsword means no.

Wouldn't it be nice if we could agree that women's words mean what they say they do?
Your mouth, your eyes, and the entire rest of your body are saying, "No, no, no," but your nightie and the fact that we live in the same house are saying "Yes, yes, yes."

Image

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Thu Jan 16, 2014 9:23 am 
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Tofulish wrote:
Nightie means yes. Chainmail and broadsword means no also yes in Sweden.

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Thu Jan 16, 2014 1:34 pm 
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I think the thing that makes it clear how stupid "no means yes" is is to imagine someone being robbed and screaming "No" and trying to fight off a robber, and being told, "Well, it sounds like he thought you were enjoying being robbed, so clearly no crime took place." Because the standard of proof then becomes that a crime only occurred if we can prove that there was no way that the criminal could have thought that the victim was enjoying it, and nothing that the victim says or does is proof that they weren't enjoying it. The absurdity, it burns.

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Fri Jan 17, 2014 12:38 pm 
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"There are also some bonus non-rapey things that prove that he occasionally thinks about other stuff during his refractory period downtime. Like suggesting that another Columbine could be avoided if we just told the kids to pull up their droopy britches and address their elders as 'Ma’am' and 'Sir.' Or his referring to emergency contraception as 'baby pesticide.' (Save the rape babies!) Or there was that time when he tried stop a statue of Abraham Lincoln from being erected at a former Confederate site in Richmond because it was an affront to those who died in the War Against Northern Aggression And Also A Black President In 2008."

Wow. This guy just gets better and better.

http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/01/15/w ... 1481237582

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Fri Jan 17, 2014 12:51 pm 
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He won't win in this state. People like Cuccinelli and McDonnell manage to contain enough of the crazy to appeal to the fiscal conservatives in the population centers (which are mostly socially liberal). Without that, he won't get enough votes to make up for losing Richmond, Tidewater, and Northern VA.

Remember Cuccinelli just lost despite his long term pretty deep support base (I unfortunately live in the heart of Cuccinelli country) because too much of his crazy leaked out. And he isn't anywhere near as bad as this guy.

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Sun Jan 19, 2014 11:50 am 
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Piece in the Times about the incomprehensibly horrendous Marlise Munoz case. I still can't wrap my head around the fact that this is actually happening.

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/01/19/opini ... paper&_r=0

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Sun Jan 19, 2014 3:19 pm 
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Desdemona wrote:
Piece in the Times about the incomprehensibly horrendous Marlise Munoz case. I still can't wrap my head around the fact that this is actually happening.

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/01/19/opini ... paper&_r=0

Under Texas state law, their patient is dead. I love how people who support small government and freedom always seem to draw the line at the uterus.

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Sun Jan 19, 2014 3:56 pm 
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Vantine wrote:
Desdemona wrote:
Piece in the Times about the incomprehensibly horrendous Marlise Munoz case. I still can't wrap my head around the fact that this is actually happening.

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/01/19/opini ... paper&_r=0

Under Texas state law, their patient is dead. I love how people who support small government and freedom always seem to draw the line at the uterus.
Oh, my god: THIS. Exactly. It's pretty ironic that conservatives who argue for minimal government "interference" when it would actually help people have no issue when that interference takes the form of removing women's autonomy, no matter what the cost. Because I am a masochist, I got into an unbelievably stupid argument about this, and was trying (and failing) to make the point that the state has done a real mind-f*ck of an ethical end-run here by imposing its own ideology on a private citizen without assuming any responsibility. On the one hand, they refuse to honor the wishes of a deceased patient's family by subjecting someone who is legally dead to enormously expensive, extreme measures (I've heard figures like $4K a day); on the other, they are not financially responsible for any of it.

So the state that's put these people in this nightmarish position will forget all about that precious child's "right to life" the minute it's sliced out of its dead mother, and the Munoz family - whether or not the child survives - faces financial ruin on top of the loss of their wife, daughter, and mother. It's diabolical. Assuming the baby is delivered and lives, who will pay for its care should it be born with serious issues? How will a single, bereaved, traumatized father of two young children support them when he's saddled with bills in the hundreds of thousands of dollars? And I don't even want to contemplate the psychological fallout of starting life as part of some dystopian Kafka/Atwood hybrid nightmare. Everything about this story literally makes me sick.

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Sun Jan 19, 2014 4:03 pm 
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Best summary I've read.

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Sun Jan 19, 2014 4:07 pm 
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Someone posted this little charm on Facebook
Quote:
80% of the women/girls on Facebook display a picture of their face with breasts included and will deny that it's there because they want people to notice it.

Because women only have/show their breasts when they want people to look at them. Otherwise i just flip the OFF switch and away they go!

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Sun Jan 19, 2014 4:10 pm 
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It sounds like some surrealist thing where there are no shoulders, no neck, no arms, just a head attached to breasts. .

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Sun Jan 19, 2014 4:27 pm 
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Desdemona wrote:
On the one hand, they refuse to honor the wishes of a deceased patient's family by subjecting someone who is legally dead to enormously expensive, extreme measures (I've heard figures like $4K a day); on the other, they are not financially responsible for any of it.

So the state that's put these people in this nightmarish position will forget all about that precious child's "right to life" the minute it's sliced out of its dead mother, and the Munoz family - whether or not the child survives - faces financial ruin on top of the loss of their wife, daughter, and mother. It's diabolical. Assuming the baby is delivered and lives, who will pay for its care should it be born with serious issues? How will a single, bereaved, traumatized father of two young children support them when he's saddled with bills in the hundreds of thousands of dollars? And I don't even want to contemplate the psychological fallout of starting life as part of some dystopian Kafka/Atwood hybrid nightmare. Everything about this story literally makes me sick.


NICU fees can go even higher, with babies racking up millions of dollars for a stay that can last months, and then you have the costs of managing any other issues that may have been caused by the oxygen deprivation or other issues during the pregnancy, such as blindness etc.(http://www.businessweek.com/stories/200 ... lar-babies). A few years ago (when I was still Catholic), our church did a fundraiser for the family of twins who spent 10 weeks in the NICU, and the family had a million dollar bill for the stay and care that they needed to get paid. If the Munoz baby is delivered at 28 weeks (as the hospital is talking about), my understanding is that most babies will stay in the NICU until their gestation date, so they'd be looking at a 12 week or 3 month stay in the best case scenario.

The NYT piece you linked to includes this quote.

Quote:
“It’s extremely risky for fetal development,” said Mary D’Alton, the head of obstetrics and gynecology at Columbia University Medical Center and NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital. But, she added, “If the family is willing and it’s something they want, it’s something I would attempt — and have attempted.” She said that she was involved in two such pregnancies. In one, the fetus died in utero at 27 weeks. In the other, a child was born, but with problems.


Everything about this case is shocking. Especially, because the actual Texas law talks about not withholding life saving treatment from the mother. Here the mother is dead, and no one is withholding life saving treatment from her. The hospital is deliberately extending the law, in a way not intended by lawmakers, to force the Munoz family to keep Marlise alive.

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Sun Jan 19, 2014 7:53 pm 
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A baby born at 28 weeks is also not necessarily going to do…well in life.

I mean, it's a crepe shoot. they could be fine with no health issues, but have any of you seen "Little Man"? It's on netflix and to be honest made me come to the conclusion that if I give birth that prematurely I would probably just want to let the baby die (as the doctors in that movie were encouraging the parents to do).


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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Tue Jan 21, 2014 5:34 pm 
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Being addressed as Mrs. Hisfirstname Hislastname will never cease to be the most annoying forking thing about being married. I DIDN'T EVEN CHANGE MY LAST NAME.

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Tue Jan 21, 2014 6:37 pm 
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Nebraskalaska wrote:
Being addressed as Mrs. Hisfirstname Hislastname will never cease to be the most annoying forking thing about being married. I DIDN'T EVEN CHANGE MY LAST NAME.


I also dislike being called "Mrs." Lastname, mostly because I'm not married. The whole Hisfirstname Hislanstname thing is dreadful, though. Did you lose your name entirely? What a shame that you have a share a name between the two of you. I hope you find yours soon!

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Tue Jan 21, 2014 6:44 pm 
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Erika Soyf*cker wrote:
Nebraskalaska wrote:
Being addressed as Mrs. Hisfirstname Hislastname will never cease to be the most annoying forking thing about being married. I DIDN'T EVEN CHANGE MY LAST NAME.


I also dislike being called "Mrs." Lastname, mostly because I'm not married. The whole Hisfirstname Hislanstname thing is dreadful, though. Did you lose your name entirely? What a shame that you have a share a name between the two of you. I hope you find yours soon!
HA! I always tell my students they can call me by my first name if they like. Last semester, I had one ask if he could call me "Mrs Berg," to which I responded that I'd rather he didn't, particularly since I'm not married. (I neglected to add that I haven't busted my asparagus in graduate school to be called "Mrs" Anything!)

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Tue Jan 21, 2014 7:27 pm 
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I loathe being called "Mrs." Parents always call teachers "Mrs."

For some bizarre reason, the young, new teachers all seem to want to be called "Miss."

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