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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Tue Apr 15, 2014 10:27 am 
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I have a friend who is super subservient to her husband. That is not my issue. It is their relationship and I don't see either party being harmed by it. What challenges my feminism is that she uses her relationship as the bench mark of a perfect marriage. When I was needing to go to WA for my mom, she asked me if my husband had given me permission. I talk to my husband, we come to agreements or we don't. But I have never asked permission to do anything.

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Tue Apr 15, 2014 8:18 pm 
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http://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-27037181

That's a link to an article about 100 school girls being kidnapped by a Nigerian Islamist group. On rawstory, there is a piece about a Ring Wing leader having groomed a female teenager to "be his sex slave". I am so ready for these kinds of events to stop, and for people to treat each other kindly and respectfully. I am endlessly furious that people would choose to be so terrible to each other (and also increasingly scared that something like this will happen to me).

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Wed Apr 16, 2014 3:42 pm 
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I have a couple of things that are currently challenging my feminism. One of which is that we had our yearly reviews the other day and it did not go well at all. My boyfriend is on the same team as me and we are the top two workers in our team (and in the top group in the store). I took an aspect of my job that was totally broken before I came in and made it significantly more efficient, I routinely get my work done on time or in a lot of cases, I get it done early and am able to help out the rest of the team. I stay after work nearly every day to do more work and help out, and I was named the top performer in my group. Part of this review year, I worked in another section, though. This section is currently 100% male and I was the only female in the group. I was treated unfairly many times- I was not listened to, I was pretty much told to shut up on may occasions, the men were protected while I had to work extra hard, and I finally ended up speaking up and confronting my boss before I switched teams. My yearly review had to be joint conducted by my old boss and my new boss. I was rated just Average, while my boyfriend, who is on the same team and who I do just as much work as, was rated all Excellent, and I was given only half the raise that he was. I was crushed, my boyfriend was shocked. He thought I was going to be rated and given a raise at the same rate as his. I mentioned that I had suspicion that it was because of my gender and he mentioned that it was the first thing to cross his mind when he found out about my review. I'm going to go in and talk to my boss tomorrow and ask why my review and raise was so poor because I am not taking this.

The second is something that I have vaguely mentioned in this thread before. There is a band that my boyfriend listens to, and occasionally that I will, that most of their music is about blatant rape, torture, murder and the conscious degradation of women. He is planning to go see their show on Friday and I was invited. He had already warned me that the lead singer tells rape jokes during the shows, as well. I was uncomfortable with the entire idea of the show, even before he told me about the rape jokes. I told him I wasn't sure if I wanted to go, because at the time I was struggling with the idea of being "that feminist" but the more I thought about it, the more I realized how not okay with it I am. I finally decided to talk about it with my boyfriend today and he has so far been very receptive and open minded (which was refreshing and awesome). I told him that it is one thing to listen to the bands music because you like the music but it is another thing to financially support them. I told him that when he goes to their shows, he is financially supporting rape jokes and rape culture; that he is helping to normalize rape and violence towards women, and that it was almost disrespectful to go. He knows women- his mother is a woman, I am a woman, he has friends and other family that are women- would he be okay with any of this if he kept in mind who it affected? I mentioned that feminism is one of the most important things to me, and that it's not only just a "cause" for me but it is reality for me, I have to live this every day. I just kept talking and talking and bringing up more and more points, and talked to him about how I was scared to talk to him about it because I didn't want to be pegged as one of "those feminists". My aggravation is that people are okay with this kind of thing. I know my boyfriend isn't a rapist by any means and he wouldn't be okay knowing one, but that doesn't abstain him from standing up to rape culture when he can, or at the very least, not supporting it. The excuses I hear from people regarding rape jokes and whatnot is just plain stupid.

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Sat Apr 19, 2014 10:51 am 
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A conservative-leaning (male) FB friend posted this status update: "How cynical have the Clinton's [sic] made me over the years that I truly wonder if Chelsea's pregnancy was timed so that grandma Hillary will have an image-softening prop for her 2016 run?"

This isn't the first time I've seen/heard this reaction to Chelsea Clinton's announcement, and it makes me really, really angry. I responded that it's noteworthy that no one ever makes such speculations about male candidates when their daughters (or wives, for that matter) become pregnant. Because it's only female politicians who need motherhood and/or grandmotherhood to "soften" their ball-busting, emasculating images, right? I've also heard a few people wonder if becoming a grandmother will affect Hillary Clinton's decision to run for president in 2016; as if anyone would even suggest such an idea if it were Bill Clinton considering a run. Apparently we haven't come such a long way after all, baby. (And because I, too, am a ball-busting, emasculating bisque, I felt constrained to note that an apostrophe makes a word possessive, not plural. So unless he's referring to something belonging to a specific Clinton, he means "the Clintons.")

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Wed Apr 23, 2014 1:25 pm 
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uh so this is complete and utter b.s.: my partner got a summons for jury duty here in NYC. He then promptly lost the summons so he called and tried to get his ID # so he could respond to the summons, since he won't be able to serve as he is the sole daytime caregiver for our 2 young children. Now, I've spoken to several stay-at-home moms who assured me that they were immediately dismissed upon sending in copies of their kids' birth certificates. But he was informed that in addition to the birth certificates, he would need a letter to "prove" that I work and am thus unable to care for the children in his absence. What year is this again?


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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Wed Apr 23, 2014 2:18 pm 
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Audrey wrote:
uh so this is complete and utter b.s.: my partner got a summons for jury duty here in NYC. He then promptly lost the summons so he called and tried to get his ID # so he could respond to the summons, since he won't be able to serve as he is the sole daytime caregiver for our 2 young children. Now, I've spoken to several stay-at-home moms who assured me that they were immediately dismissed upon sending in copies of their kids' birth certificates. But he was informed that in addition to the birth certificates, he would need a letter to "prove" that I work and am thus unable to care for the children in his absence. What year is this again?


With your letter send a picture of your hand giving the finger. Just to punctuate.

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Thu Apr 24, 2014 9:43 am 
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Good little piece at Butterflies and Wheels.

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Thu Apr 24, 2014 10:12 am 
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The Daily Show had a pretty great segment on sexism in coverage of Clinton. Tuesday, I think?

http://time.com/73702/jon-stewart-daily ... andmother/


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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Thu Apr 24, 2014 2:36 pm 
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FootFace wrote:
Good little piece at Butterflies and Wheels.


That's been Angela Merkel's life as long as she's been chancellor. Whenever somebody disagrees with her politics they (men) make a point by calling her ugly. Of course it has nothing to do with sexism at all.


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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Fri Apr 25, 2014 7:15 am 
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My friend posted pictures of bruises she got at a gig on Facebook and one of our mutual friends comments "Has [her boyfriend's name] been beating you again?" as a joke. I think I should say something.


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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Sat Apr 26, 2014 2:16 pm 
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I saw a fitness magazine featuring Sofia Vergara while in line to check out at the grocery store. It was so obvious that they'd photoshopped her inner thighs to be completely vertical. It really challenged my feminism this is someone who is known and admired for her very curvy body. Usually part of being curvy is having flesh on your inner thigh. So, I guess it's great to have big breasts, a small waist, and big hips, but it's not ok to thighs that touch.

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Sun Apr 27, 2014 8:27 am 
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reading the headline "Iggy Azalea Had To Stop Crowdsurfing Because People Tried To Finger Her" http://www.xxlmag.com/news/2014/04/iggy ... g-concert/

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Sun Apr 27, 2014 9:21 am 
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VeganinBerlin wrote:
reading the headline "Iggy Azalea Had To Stop Crowdsurfing Because People Tried To Finger Her" http://www.xxlmag.com/news/2014/04/iggy ... g-concert/

oh my forking god D:

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Sun Apr 27, 2014 10:23 am 
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couroupita wrote:
I saw a fitness magazine featuring Sofia Vergara while in line to check out at the grocery store. It was so obvious that they'd photoshopped her inner thighs to be completely vertical. It really challenged my feminism this is someone who is known and admired for her very curvy body. Usually part of being curvy is having flesh on your inner thigh. So, I guess it's great to have big breasts, a small waist, and big hips, but it's not ok to thighs that touch.


I saw this exact same magazine at the store yesterday too and had the same reaction. And its a FITNESS magazine! You are supposed to be showing FIT people! Leave the pictures alone - FIT comes in many shapes and sizes! ARGH. And then I get angry at the individuals featured. I have no idea how it works but you'd think that they'd have something to say about it.


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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Sun Apr 27, 2014 11:32 am 
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My husband actually saw that Sofia Vergara cover and pointed it out to me, with the headline "be your own kind of sexy," and said, "wait, isn't this the definition of idealized, conformist beauty?"


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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Tue Apr 29, 2014 11:36 am 
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Yuck. Just read an article about how "Dr. Drew" basically dismissed endometriosis and other inflammatory pelvic diseases as "garbage-bag diagnoses" thrown out there when no other diagnosis fits. Because anyone who's been practicing internal medicine for 30 years automatically knows all the things about all the ailments all over the body! Ironically, Dr. Drew's own 'garbage-bag diagnosis' seems to be sexual abuse- he seems convinced that every woman who suffers some sort of pelvic disorder or pain is sublimating her childhood abuse which definitely happened even if they say it didn't.

He issued a weak apology and then his brotastic co-host went to task on the people who dared to correct the doctor because they don't have Dr. Drew's training and experience. On the flip side of that coin, brodude, Dr. Drew may have 30 years of experience and training, but I think it's safe to say he doesn't have 30 + years of experience having unspeakably painful menstrual cramps, genital pain too intense to enjoy normal sex, pain that keeps him doubled over in the fetal position all the time. So maybe he needs to shut the fork up before dismissing very real diagnoses as crazy women's hysteria, because I think the civilized world has more than filled its eternal quota of self-important ManDoctors perpetuating a vicious cycle of dismissing women's real medical complaints because there is little research or precedent, therefore it can't be a real disease and thus doesn't warrant any research or creation of a precedent.

Obviously there are more female doctors than ever out there, and there are more awesome male doctors than there are doctors like Dr. Drew, who listen to women and take them seriously and treat their symptoms like an actual problem and not just psychosomatic inconvenience. It's just soooo frustrating to see this Victorian, paternalistic attitude dragged out of the 19th century, through the 20th, and into the 21st, leaving a snail-like shitstain trail as it goes.

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Tue Apr 29, 2014 12:36 pm 
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Endometriosis doesn't even fit the description of a garbage bag disorder. It's not like it's diagnosed just by process of elimination, there are very definitive tests used to determine if someone has it or not!

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Tue Apr 29, 2014 1:05 pm 
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I think it's too easy to pick on a doctor who's giving a fast, oral, edited-down opinion over the phone for a radio show. After the reaction he stated that he in no way believes it is a garbage diagnosis in general, but just for that one caller's situation.

This particular caller said that his soon to be wife was given many broad diagnoses without any successful treatment. Dr. Drew said he thought she had a trauma issue from past sexual abuse rather than a physical ailment. That turned out to be true. The caller then said she did have sexual abuse when she was young. I'm not sure there's really an issue here since the criticism of him is based on the belief that he thinks it's a garbage bag diagnosis all the time and he clearly doesn't.


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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Tue Apr 29, 2014 1:06 pm 
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Nebraskalaska wrote:
Endometriosis doesn't even fit the description of a garbage bag disorder. It's not like it's diagnosed just by process of elimination, there are very definitive tests used to determine if someone has it or not!


Exactly. He backtracked by saying that 'the full call' explained that the patient hadn't had any success from the usual endo treatments (yet), and that while there were some valid endometriosis diagnoses out there, often it's diagnosed when doctors rule out all other potential sources of vaginal/pelvic discomfort and that's what he meant when he referred to it as a 'garbage-bag' diagnosis.

So, yeah, they edited his mansplaining out in the original clip, I suppose? Which makes it okay that he's not an OB/GYN specialist nor has he ever seen this patient or even spoken to her directly (the call was from her boyfriend)?

But what else can we expect from a guy who earns his living/celebrity by exploiting the heartwrenching struggles of D-list celebrities to earn and maintain sobriety?

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Tue Apr 29, 2014 1:14 pm 
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Tigon wrote:
I think it's too easy to pick on a doctor who's giving a fast, oral, edited-down opinion over the phone for a radio show.


True; however, it's also too easy to give misleading, unsound, or dangerous medical advice to thousands if not millions of listeners/watchers when you're giving a fast, oral, edited-down opinion. Dr. Drew has an ethical obligation to do no harm, and if his opinions are being edited down and taken out of context, then that starts to cross that line. I know he has little to no control over how the show is edited; perhaps that's an indication that he should pursue a different platform to get his message across.

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Tue Apr 29, 2014 1:25 pm 
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I think the issue could have been addressed without the outrage in the articles. I didn't hear the show, but I don't think we have to jump to his statement "garbage bag diagnosis" having the insulting meaning everyone assumed. It turned out he meant that as something a doctor who doesn't understand the problem might use as a diagnosis.

I have been diagnosed with mono many times. Turns out you don't get mono every fall during allergy season. But that doesn't mean mono doesn't exist. I really had mono once, just not the next 4 times they told me that.

Anyway, I've not heard the show in a long time, but back when I listened I believed that he did a lot of good. I think you'll find many people that have been helped greatly by his show. The show wouldn't be popular or successful if it wasn't sound bites. A thirty minute explanation to each caller would be an unsuccessful platform.

I'm used to the conservatives taking sound bites and statements out of context, so I try hard not to do the same myself. I treat spoken statements much less harshly than written and give people a chance to explain.


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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Thu May 01, 2014 9:23 am 
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A customer came up to me at work yesterday, an American who was visiting Brussels, and she said "You're a woman. I can ask you this." So, I was expecting her to ask where she could buy tampons or something like that. Nope. She wanted to know where she could buy some specialist type of embroidery thread. Because being in possession of a uterus means I must embroider. (And, of course, a man would never know where to get embroidery thread.)

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Thu May 01, 2014 9:49 am 
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lepelaar wrote:
A customer came up to me at work yesterday, an American who was visiting Brussels, and she said "You're a woman. I can ask you this." So, I was expecting her to ask where she could buy tampons or something like that. Nope. She wanted to know where she could buy some specialist type of embroidery thread. Because being in possession of a uterus means I must embroider. (And, of course, a man would never know where to get embroidery thread.)
This might make sense if it was the 17th century, and you were actually dressed like your profile pic!

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Thu May 01, 2014 9:55 am 
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Desdemona wrote:
lepelaar wrote:
A customer came up to me at work yesterday, an American who was visiting Brussels, and she said "You're a woman. I can ask you this." So, I was expecting her to ask where she could buy tampons or something like that. Nope. She wanted to know where she could buy some specialist type of embroidery thread. Because being in possession of a uterus means I must embroider. (And, of course, a man would never know where to get embroidery thread.)
This might make sense if it was the 17th century, and you were actually dressed like your profile pic!


Ha! Yes, I bet Lady-with-a-squirrel-and-a-starling could embroider up a storm!

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Thu May 01, 2014 10:37 am 
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lepelaar wrote:
Desdemona wrote:
lepelaar wrote:
A customer came up to me at work yesterday, an American who was visiting Brussels, and she said "You're a woman. I can ask you this." So, I was expecting her to ask where she could buy tampons or something like that. Nope. She wanted to know where she could buy some specialist type of embroidery thread. Because being in possession of a uterus means I must embroider. (And, of course, a man would never know where to get embroidery thread.)
This might make sense if it was the 17th century, and you were actually dressed like your profile pic!


Ha! Yes, I bet Lady-with-a-squirrel-and-a-starling could embroider up a storm!
And hook everyone up with the hottest artisanal places to buy embroidery thread!

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