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 Post subject: May 21, 2011 - The return of Jesus!
PostPosted: Tue Dec 14, 2010 6:17 pm 
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Fair warning - get your shiitake together people!

http://abclocal.go.com/wtvd/story?secti ... id=7842772

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RALEIGH (WTVD) -- A Raleigh family believes that the return of Jesus Christ is near and people need to get ready.

Allison Warden says her family is so sure, that they're putting up billboards across the country announcing the return of the Messiah on May 21, 2011.

"Christ is going to return and rapture his elect, and the people that aren't saved will be left," Warden told ABC11.

How is Warden so sure?

"In First Thessalonians 5:4, it says 'but ye brethren are not in darkness that they should overtake you as a thief.' That was kind of the key verse for me when I was looking into it," she said.

Warden is a follower of controversial Christian leader Harold Camping - who says he's mathematically uncovered that May 21, 2011 is exactly 7000 years since Noah's flood. His radio show is broadcast in 38 states - but not North Carolina - so Warden says her family had to move here to spread the word.

"You're obligated to warn people, so I guess the first thing we're doing is attempting to warn people. The second thing we are hoping is they go to the scriptures, and what happens at that point is not our concern. It's not our business. It's God's business," Warden offered.

Part of that business has moved individuals to privately fund dozens of billboards. Warden has also started the website wecanknow.com and even wrapped her car with the warning.

But while the Bible does teach Jesus will return, most Christians believe the teaching that no man can know the date.

"I think, like many folks before, they are misguided because the Bible says no one knows the time when Christ will return other than God, and therefore we're not to be speculating as to when that's going to occur," explained Danny Akin who is president of the Southeast Baptist Theological Seminary in Wake Forest.

Akin says he's seen predictions like this one before.

"Those who get involved in setting dates have one tragic common characteristic, they've all been wrong," he offered. "If they happen to be right, then praise God. I'll be happy to join them in the Rapture. I believe Jesus can come today and I believe he may not come for a thousand years. That's on God's timetable not ours."

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 Post subject: Re: May 21, 2011 - The return of Jesus!
PostPosted: Tue Dec 14, 2010 6:27 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: May 21, 2011 - The return of Jesus!
PostPosted: Tue Dec 14, 2010 6:30 pm 
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This is such a relief! I had put together an aggressive plan to pay off my student loans by 2012, but now I can just skip it. I'll be living in a post-rapture world full of godless heathens and NONE of us will pay our student loans. They can't get all of us.

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 Post subject: Re: May 21, 2011 - The return of Jesus!
PostPosted: Tue Dec 14, 2010 6:41 pm 
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Semen Strong
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It solves so many other problems too!

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Who cares if we're drowning in debt to China if God saves us and we can yell "Nanana boo boo" at our foreign creditors as they burn or otherwise die violently, unable to collect our debts?

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 Post subject: Re: May 21, 2011 - The return of Jesus!
PostPosted: Tue Dec 14, 2010 6:42 pm 
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janejellyroll wrote:
This is such a relief! I had put together an aggressive plan to pay off my student loans by 2012, but now I can just skip it. I'll be living in a post-rapture world full of godless heathens and NONE of us will pay our student loans. They can't get all of us.

I am so glad you thought of this! Debt be gone! Thank you!
I suddenly feel like a weight has been lifted.


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 Post subject: Re: May 21, 2011 - The return of Jesus!
PostPosted: Tue Dec 14, 2010 7:00 pm 
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Tofulish wrote:
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Oh man! I bet Jesus came down and was like, "Huh. fork all y'all!"

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 Post subject: Re: May 21, 2011 - The return of Jesus!
PostPosted: Tue Dec 14, 2010 7:14 pm 
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janejellyroll wrote:
This is such a relief! I had put together an aggressive plan to pay off my student loans by 2012, but now I can just skip it. I'll be living in a post-rapture world full of godless heathens and NONE of us will pay our student loans. They can't get all of us.


I know! To think of the money I was going to waste on paying off credit cards and the effort I've been spending on losing weight! Time and money wasted! Gimme some ice cream.

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 Post subject: Re: May 21, 2011 - The return of Jesus!
PostPosted: Tue Dec 14, 2010 8:05 pm 
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appifanie wrote:
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Warden has also started the website wecanknow.com and even wrapped her car with the warning.

We Cank Now? What does that mean? Guess I'll find out when the world ends.

I was definitely trying to figure out what "cank" meant for about 30 seconds before I figured out what they were actually saying.

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 Post subject: Re: May 21, 2011 - The return of Jesus!
PostPosted: Tue Dec 14, 2010 8:11 pm 
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Hapax Legomenon wrote:
appifanie wrote:
Quote:
Warden has also started the website wecanknow.com and even wrapped her car with the warning.

We Cank Now? What does that mean? Guess I'll find out when the world ends.

I was definitely trying to figure out what "cank" meant for about 30 seconds before I figured out what they were actually saying.

<3


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 Post subject: Re: May 21, 2011 - The return of Jesus!
PostPosted: Tue Dec 14, 2010 8:17 pm 
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Quote:
"I think, like many folks before, they are misguided because the Bible says no one knows the time when Christ will return other than God


yes. that's why.

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 Post subject: Re: May 21, 2011 - The return of Jesus!
PostPosted: Tue Dec 14, 2010 8:49 pm 
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I've definitely seen these signs appear (and then disappear) along the highway several times.


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 Post subject: Re: May 21, 2011 - The return of Jesus!
PostPosted: Tue Dec 14, 2010 10:38 pm 
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Ha, a relative of Harold Camping's--a cousin or nephew or something, I forget--lived in my hometown, and back when Camping was predicting September 6, 1994 as the date, the dude had painted a big notice on the back window of his car with the date of the second coming. It must have been embarrassing on September 7th.

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 Post subject: Re: May 21, 2011 - The return of Jesus!
PostPosted: Tue Dec 14, 2010 10:46 pm 
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You'd think if you knew the world was coming to an end you would do something more fun with your time rather than moving to NC, making signs, and creating a website.


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 Post subject: Re: May 21, 2011 - The return of Jesus!
PostPosted: Tue Dec 14, 2010 10:52 pm 
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But...but...people need to KNOW!


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 Post subject: Re: May 21, 2011 - The return of Jesus!
PostPosted: Wed Dec 15, 2010 7:35 am 
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One more vegan in the world, right?

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 Post subject: Re: May 21, 2011 - The return of Jesus!
PostPosted: Wed Dec 15, 2010 7:55 am 
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Hapax Legomenon wrote:
appifanie wrote:
Quote:
Warden has also started the website wecanknow.com and even wrapped her car with the warning.

We Cank Now? What does that mean? Guess I'll find out when the world ends.

I was definitely trying to figure out what "cank" meant for about 30 seconds before I figured out what they were actually saying.


In actual fact, the verb 'To Cank' means to ascend towards Jesus during The Rapture.

Mat.

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 Post subject: Re: May 21, 2011 - The return of Jesus!
PostPosted: Wed Dec 15, 2010 9:15 am 
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Again?


Wait, I confused this with the end of the world date.


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 Post subject: Re: May 21, 2011 - The return of Jesus!
PostPosted: Wed Dec 15, 2010 9:22 am 
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matwinser wrote:
In actual fact, the verb 'To Cank' means to ascend towards Jesus during The Rapture.

Mat.

I have mathematically predicted that this statement is 87.8% correct.


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 Post subject: Re: May 21, 2011 - The return of Jesus!
PostPosted: Wed Dec 15, 2010 9:46 am 
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 Post subject: Re: May 21, 2011 - The return of Jesus!
PostPosted: Wed Dec 15, 2010 11:01 am 
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For argument's sake, let's all accept the idea that Christianity is the only right way, and that Jesus is the savior. Do you really think that he's going to base his return on hitting some nice even number like 5/21/11 or 12/12/12 or whatever as determined by the Gregorian calendar, which has only been around since 1582 and isn't even agreed upon globally?

If I were returning to trigger rapture or apocalypse or what-have-you, I'd do it at 2:51 pm on a random Thursday, say, in 3741 AD, so it'll be a surprise. No tickertape parades or banners, please, the Christ is humble and doesn't like a big to-do.

(Since I am not the messiah, feel free to throw me a party anytime.)


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 Post subject: Re: May 21, 2011 - The return of Jesus!
PostPosted: Wed Dec 15, 2010 12:16 pm 
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Imitation Of Chris wrote:
Tofulish wrote:
Image

Oh man! I bet Jesus came down and was like, "Huh. fork all y'all!"

It wasn't the rapture. He was just getting drinks with some pals. But this time it's for realsy!

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 Post subject: Re: May 21, 2011 - The return of Jesus!
PostPosted: Wed Dec 15, 2010 12:19 pm 
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nickvicious wrote:
Imitation Of Chris wrote:
Tofulish wrote:
Image

Oh man! I bet Jesus came down and was like, "Huh. fork all y'all!"

It wasn't the rapture. He was just getting drinks with some pals. But this time it's for realsy!

I thought that sign was just announcing Jesus' plans for sexytimes.

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 Post subject: Re: May 21, 2011 - The return of Jesus!
PostPosted: Wed Dec 15, 2010 1:21 pm 
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You know, leave it to Jesus to schedule his party on the same day as mine. Now everybody will pick his and I will be all alone with my cake.

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 Post subject: Re: May 21, 2011 - The return of Jesus!
PostPosted: Wed Dec 15, 2010 4:51 pm 
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kfad wrote:
You know, leave it to Jesus to schedule his party on the same day as mine. Now everybody will pick his and I will be all alone with my cake.


I'll come to your party. I like cake. Plus if these mathematicians have Jesus returning every decade or so, I don't mind missing him once or twice.

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 Post subject: Re: May 21, 2011 - The return of Jesus!
PostPosted: Wed Dec 15, 2010 8:10 pm 
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kfad wrote:
You know, leave it to Jesus to schedule his party on the same day as mine. Now everybody will pick his and I will be all alone with my cake.

More cake for you!


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