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 Post subject: Re: May 21, 2011 - The return of Jesus!
PostPosted: Thu Dec 16, 2010 1:14 am 
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Dildo Queen
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just what exactly would he be saving us from? and what would the rest of us be condemned to.

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 Post subject: Re: May 21, 2011 - The return of Jesus!
PostPosted: Thu Dec 16, 2010 1:50 am 
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Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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semiautomatic wrote:
just what exactly would he be saving us from? and what would the rest of us be condemned to.


I guess you didn't read all the way to the end of the book.
Spoiler: show
Jesus kills all the unbelievers and the birds feast on the corpses. Then he hangs around for a while, ruling over the faithful. Eventually the global theocracy business gets boring, so he raises all the heathen from the dead and casts them into the lake of fire. For the hi-larious hijinks.

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 Post subject: Re: May 21, 2011 - The return of Jesus!
PostPosted: Thu Dec 16, 2010 2:51 am 
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Dildo Queen
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well jesus is mighty quick to jump to conclusions, isn't he?

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 Post subject: Re: May 21, 2011 - The return of Jesus!
PostPosted: Thu Dec 16, 2010 12:27 pm 
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Should Spend More Time Helping the Animals
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Nicole wrote:
matwinser wrote:
In actual fact, the verb 'To Cank' means to ascend towards Jesus during The Rapture.

Mat.

I have mathematically predicted that this statement is 87.8% correct.

This is why I love the ppk.

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 Post subject: Re: May 21, 2011 - The return of Jesus!
PostPosted: Thu Dec 16, 2010 12:40 pm 
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Should Write a Goddam Book Already
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I guess I better hurry up and read all 87 books of the Left Behind series, so I know what to expect.

I'll go ahead and share what little I know already (from this blog):

1.) We will all turn into one-dimensional characters.
2.) We will all spend a lot of time on cell phones and airplanes.
3.) All children will disappear and nobody will care.
4.) The antichrist will be a Slavic guy and will date his secretary.
5.) Rayford Steele will blame his infidelities on a flight attendant. That harpie tempted him.
6.) Buck Williams will be played by Kirk Cameron. He will accept Jesus into his heart while kneeling next to a urinal in an airport.
7.) The only parts of the Bible that will matter will be the Book of Revelations, interpreted literally, natch, and the parts of Daniel that can be forced into that interpretation.

Image

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 Post subject: Re: May 21, 2011 - The return of Jesus!
PostPosted: Thu Dec 16, 2010 4:40 pm 
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We So Excited
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Jesus is coming for my 40th birthday?!


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 Post subject: Re: May 21, 2011 - The return of Jesus!
PostPosted: Thu Dec 16, 2010 5:15 pm 
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No-pants hermit 4 lyfe
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crowderpea wrote:
1.) We will all turn into one-dimensional characters.
2.) We will all spend a lot of time on cell phones and airplanes.
3.) All children will disappear and nobody will care.
4.) The antichrist will be a Slavic guy and will date his secretary.
5.) Rayford Steele will blame his infidelities on a flight attendant. That harpie tempted him.
6.) Buck Williams will be played by Kirk Cameron. He will accept Jesus into his heart while kneeling next to a urinal in an airport.
7.) The only parts of the Bible that will matter will be the Book of Revelations, interpreted literally, natch, and the parts of Daniel that can be forced into that interpretation.



!!! now i'm so excited! note to self: be a secretary by may 21, 2011--just in case!

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 Post subject: Re: May 21, 2011 - The return of Jesus!
PostPosted: Thu Dec 16, 2010 9:39 pm 
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Nailed to the V
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crowderpea wrote:
I guess I better hurry up and read all 87 books of the Left Behind series, so I know what to expect.

I'll go ahead and share what little I know already (from this blog):

1.) We will all turn into one-dimensional characters.
2.) We will all spend a lot of time on cell phones and airplanes.
3.) All children will disappear and nobody will care.
4.) The antichrist will be a Slavic guy and will date his secretary.
5.) Rayford Steele will blame his infidelities on a flight attendant. That harpie tempted him.
6.) Buck Williams will be played by Kirk Cameron. He will accept Jesus into his heart while kneeling next to a urinal in an airport.
7.) The only parts of the Bible that will matter will be the Book of Revelations, interpreted literally, natch, and the parts of Daniel that can be forced into that interpretation.

Image

I caught my non-religious mother reading a book from the 'Left Behind' series and she said, 'If you read it as science fiction, it's not bad.'


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 Post subject: Re: May 21, 2011 - The return of Jesus!
PostPosted: Thu Dec 16, 2010 9:42 pm 
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Semen Strong
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Friday wrote:
Jesus is coming for my 40th birthday?!


One heck of a party! We should start baking now.

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 Post subject: Re: May 21, 2011 - The return of Jesus!
PostPosted: Thu Dec 16, 2010 11:40 pm 
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Dead by dawn
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Friday wrote:
Jesus is coming for my 40th birthday?!

My bff's 40th is 12/21/12. So Jesus is coming for your 40th and the world is ending on hers. Nothing good happened when I turned 40.

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 Post subject: Re: May 21, 2011 - The return of Jesus!
PostPosted: Fri Dec 17, 2010 8:06 pm 
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Mihl wrote:
Again?


Wait, I confused this with the end of the world date.



Really.... is it too much to ask for all these people predicting the end of the world, to please get on the same page and agree on a common date.

I need to know when I can quit my job and plan to stop paying my credit cards.

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 Post subject: Re: May 21, 2011 - The return of Jesus!
PostPosted: Tue Dec 21, 2010 11:23 am 
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The Real Hamburger Helper
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hoveringdog wrote:
Ha, a relative of Harold Camping's--a cousin or nephew or something, I forget--lived in my hometown, and back when Camping was predicting September 6, 1994 as the date, the dude had painted a big notice on the back window of his car with the date of the second coming. It must have been embarrassing on September 7th.

I guess he didn't want to upstage my 18th birthday.

Image

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