Post Punk Kitchen Forum

I just got confirmation a few weeks ago that my Essure was successful and I am now officially sterile! I never felt sadness, or regret, or even elation. It just seemed like the natural thing for me to do, because I've known for so long that I'm not having kids. I have so many reasons- the world is messed up & overpopulated, there are medical issues my SO and I could pass along, plus I am just not a kid person.

My mom was a little sad (I have no siblings), but ultimately very supportive. She knows me well, and knows this is the right decision for me. She has also experienced some of the medical issues I mentioned and seen me experience them as well, and understands that I don't want to subject another person to that. My dad, however, was apparently very upset and told my mom that he wishes he'd known before I got the implant because he could have 'talked me out of it.' My mom told him it was my decision to make, go mom!

I have nothing to add about rude people making comments about strangers'/acquaintances'/family members' reproductive systems and choices, because everyone's already said all there is to say. It's tacky, inconsiderate, and a potential minefield. I understand that while I am very adamant about my decision, there are some people who would love kids but can't have them, or who are trying right now to have kids, or had a kid and lost it, etc... I just don't understand why some people feel the need to appoint themselves the 'reproductive police' and badger people into justifying their non-parenthood. By their own admission, kids keep you happy and busy, so why do they have the time and inclination to bother others?

I love this thread! Thank you all for sharing your thoughts and experiences.

I feel stressed about the decision to have kids or not. I'm not a great decider when it comes to big decisions. I guess I'm afraid I'll make the wrong decision and regret it. Over population and resource depletion are huge in my list of reasons to not have a kid.

I feel happy and satisfied most days which is really cool and I think a big part of that is that I have time to do the things I want to do, do things for other people, and sleep. It seems the trade off with having kids is that you get these occasional transcendent moments of joy within a life of chaos, frustration, worries, competition, and lack of sleep.

It also seems that giving time and energy to community becomes challenging when your life is consumed by raising a person. The idea of breastfeeding really appeals to me, but the idea of labor terrifies me. I'm am conflicted... I wish I knew what I wanted and the whole limited reproductive window is so annoying!

Heh heh. I don't even have a partner. And I plan to have a commune with all my groovy old friends who don't have kids and we will take care of each other when we are old and possibly take over the pentagon for one weekend and have a bake off.

Bran will take care of you. Or eat your decaying body.

That will take care of any funeral expenses. I suspect it will be some sort of What Ever Happened to Baby Panda story where I get pushed down the stairs and a black tail goes swishing around the corner.
I have noticed an abundance of make up near the food dish.

When my boyfriend was in school last month people asked if he wanted kids...He always said no but what baffled him is why they thought he needed to have kids while in a vocational school to hopefully land a job...

I dumped a friend who got on me whenever we talked, asking about 'if I was going to have kids soon'. When she texts me I just delete them now, she got kinda bisque-y about my relationship and the fun we get to have, I think it was jealousy. I just found it annoying and rude...I never asked if she wished she had a abortion instead of having the kids that drive her crazy...

I do not like when people ask me about my child free choice (when it is pushy) and why my boyfriend and I have been together and live together but have no desire at this point to marry...Lucky we have supportive parents, supportive friends and everyone else can just mind their damn business.

My partner has a 3 year old son from a previous relationship. The hell he's gone through and the bullshiitake I've copped (false accusations of child abuse) with his son's mother has helped to put me right off procreating.

I used to really want to have children until I was 26. I discovered I was pregnant at the same time as I was admitted to hospital with a pretty serious illness, the treatment for which involved radiation so I had to have an abortion due to potential birth defects. It absolutely crushed me and I don't want children as a result of that heartbreak. If it can almost destroy me emotionally at 2 months gestation, how much worse could the pain be if anything happened to them after they were born? I keep telling myself and others that the world is over populated, if I have children I'll never get a lie-in, I won't be able to play roller derby for over a year, I'll never have any spare money, I'm too selfish, etc, but the bit I don't tell them is that a big part of the reason I don't want children is the pain I felt back then. It was even pretty tough typing that.

I know someone who has a kid and doesn't like her - now THAT is horrible. People who don't really want to have kids not having kids? Cool!



Totally! Regardless of what it's about, there are some people who are nosy buttinski's and just think your life should be different.

Thank you all for sharing!
I've always known that I absolutely do not want to have children. And it's not that I hate children, I just want no part in creating any or raising any...I enjoy playing with the kids of my family and friends.
It's always funny to me when people tell me that I may change my mind at some point, as though this deep core belief is going to be like that fleeting goth phase I had at 14.

I'm lucky that my partner of 6 years feels the same way. We've told our parents that all they can expect is dogs and cats to spoil, and they're all pretty supportive.

I'm pretty grateful that no one in my life has given me any crepe about not wanting kids. Well, my grandma used to ask all the time, but she already had a dozen great-grandkids, so I don't know why she was stuck on geting some from ME.

I loooove babies and I mostly like kids, but I've never had any desire to have any of my own. I get annoyed by the assumption that, just because I don't want to raise kids that I must dislike them.

I have friends who think its sad I'm never having kids but no one's pushy about it, thankfully. I figure if I change my mind I'll adopt but I dont see it happening. My anxiety and depression can get me down enough without throwing kids in the mix, I'd be terrified I'd do something horrible like go in my room and refuse to come out if they start crying.

My mom is awesome about it. She and dad had a nasty divorce and she was a single mom for such a long time, she told me that she doesn't regret us one bit but if she had to do it all again, remaining child free would be the best thing to do.

Is it too soon to make reservations to be in said commune?

Pshaw lady. You and Mr. L are on the VIP list.

child-free, represent.

I'll keep sticking IUDs in till I die.

Please to save some room for me too?

I do have kids (because I chose to), but I honestly can't fathom people who presume to pronounce on anyone else's choice regarding such a personal subject. Personally, I feel that the world be a much happier place if people were intelligent enough to consider whether they wanted to be parents before bringing people into a world where they aren't necessarily wanted because of some bogus societal expectation of what they "should" want/do. It's just as inappropriate to give child-free people a hard time for not buying into the gene pool as it is to give parents shiitake for breeding; quite frankly, this is pretty much the most personal decision we make as adults, and it's no one else's goddamn business!

VIP

This is how I feel! I'm 27 and I still have time to decide. Right now I know it's not the right time for both of us. I've only been nagged by my sister once, but she's got 3 kids and her kids are her world and I don't think she gets why anyone wouldn't want kids. My fiance's sister has kids so we don't feel the pressure from his parents, luckily. If we do have them one day, cool. If we don't, also cool.

I want to go to the panda commune!

8ball I'm so sorry you went through that. Thank you for sharing, you and the rest of you. This decision is just as personal as any decision to have children. I wish for your sakes that other people would respect that. People can be so stupid.

I like that wording. It works for me. Moreover, I'm definitely more a dog and cat person than kid person.

That said, if every condescending thing I've been told about my female body's hormones is true, I have a blessed couple years left before I scare the hell out of my girlfriend with my NEED FOR BABY. If this happens, it's fostering for me. But that's a super long-shot, since I'm pretty skeptical about what conventional wisdom has to say about the female body. (NO, conventional wisdom, I don't like dick. NO, conventional wisdom, I don't need validation based on my appearance. And NO, convention wisdom, I'm NOT on the rag - I just hate you.)

Those are all interesting perspectives. However, I'm not looking for the respect of these people or start a conversation with them. A mockery seems to imply I'm making a joke, which I'm not. If I'm looking to start that conversation, your approach seems like a good start.

True story: the other day I was told "You would eat your babies."

I come from HUUUGGGE family (my paternal grandparents have 10 kids, 30 grandkids, and almost 20 great-grandkids), and you'd think they'd all had enough kids - but no. They ask when I'm getting married (never), how many kids I want (none), what I would name my potential baby girl/boy, etc., etc.... They're addicted to babies!! I'm surprised no one's turned out to be a real life baby eater because my dad's family just cranks 'em out!

Tell them you'll name your kid something weird like Fetus. Maybe they'll shut up?

I've pretty much always known I don't want kids. "You'll change your mind" comes from all angles and it peas me off. The world is over-populated and I don't know what to do with (most) children - not to mention I have no interest in a relationship and like my alone time, so it works on a billion and one levels.

My mom usually agrees with me, saying things like "If I was starting now, I wouldn't have kids - the world is too forked up." But then, this is the woman who started walking through the baby clothes section at the store when I was twenty-two and sighing, "It would've been nice to be a grandmom."

(There is still hope for her. I have a younger brother. I am okay with someday being Cool Aunt Daria who gets to give the kid back at the end of the day.)