| Register  | FAQ  | Search | Login 
It is currently Wed Apr 16, 2014 5:11 pm

All times are UTC - 6 hours [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 92 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4  Next
Author Message
 Post subject: Re: Can we bring back a posi child-free support thread?
PostPosted: Sun Oct 24, 2010 2:20 pm 
Lime and a Coconut
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 1:42 am
Posts: 2388
Location: Smugville, CA
I just got confirmation a few weeks ago that my Essure was successful and I am now officially sterile! I never felt sadness, or regret, or even elation. It just seemed like the natural thing for me to do, because I've known for so long that I'm not having kids. I have so many reasons- the world is messed up & overpopulated, there are medical issues my SO and I could pass along, plus I am just not a kid person.

My mom was a little sad (I have no siblings), but ultimately very supportive. She knows me well, and knows this is the right decision for me. She has also experienced some of the medical issues I mentioned and seen me experience them as well, and understands that I don't want to subject another person to that. My dad, however, was apparently very upset and told my mom that he wishes he'd known before I got the implant because he could have 'talked me out of it.' My mom told him it was my decision to make, go mom!

I have nothing to add about rude people making comments about strangers'/acquaintances'/family members' reproductive systems and choices, because everyone's already said all there is to say. It's tacky, inconsiderate, and a potential minefield. I understand that while I am very adamant about my decision, there are some people who would love kids but can't have them, or who are trying right now to have kids, or had a kid and lost it, etc... I just don't understand why some people feel the need to appoint themselves the 'reproductive police' and badger people into justifying their non-parenthood. By their own admission, kids keep you happy and busy, so why do they have the time and inclination to bother others?

_________________
"Maybe Miley just needed to have her anal glands expressed?" -Tofulish
Sews Before Bros


Top
 Profile WWW  
 
 Post subject: Re: Can we bring back a posi child-free support thread?
PostPosted: Sun Oct 24, 2010 2:31 pm 
Writes Vegan Haiku
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Sun Oct 24, 2010 1:52 pm
Posts: 33
I love this thread! Thank you all for sharing your thoughts and experiences.

I feel stressed about the decision to have kids or not. I'm not a great decider when it comes to big decisions. I guess I'm afraid I'll make the wrong decision and regret it. Over population and resource depletion are huge in my list of reasons to not have a kid.

I feel happy and satisfied most days which is really cool and I think a big part of that is that I have time to do the things I want to do, do things for other people, and sleep. It seems the trade off with having kids is that you get these occasional transcendent moments of joy within a life of chaos, frustration, worries, competition, and lack of sleep.

It also seems that giving time and energy to community becomes challenging when your life is consumed by raising a person. The idea of breastfeeding really appeals to me, but the idea of labor terrifies me. I'm am conflicted... I wish I knew what I wanted and the whole limited reproductive window is so annoying!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Can we bring back a posi child-free support thread?
PostPosted: Sun Oct 24, 2010 3:03 pm 
Just Loathin' Around!
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Fri Oct 22, 2010 8:17 pm
Posts: 6640
Location: bindlestiff
jojo wrote:
if we don't there'll be nobody to look after us when we're old - what the fizzle?

Heh heh. I don't even have a partner. And I plan to have a commune with all my groovy old friends who don't have kids and we will take care of each other when we are old and possibly take over the pentagon for one weekend and have a bake off.

_________________
Whoopie pies are always a good idea. ---P. bisque

Panda With Cookie


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Can we bring back a posi child-free support thread?
PostPosted: Sun Oct 24, 2010 3:04 pm 
Had sex with a vampire that sparkles.
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 6:24 pm
Posts: 5314
Location: BRLA
Bran will take care of you. Or eat your decaying body.

_________________
The thing about this thread is, it's dumb. - IJDI


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Can we bring back a posi child-free support thread?
PostPosted: Sun Oct 24, 2010 3:08 pm 
Just Loathin' Around!
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Fri Oct 22, 2010 8:17 pm
Posts: 6640
Location: bindlestiff
Fee wrote:
Bran will take care of you. Or eat your decaying body.

That will take care of any funeral expenses. I suspect it will be some sort of What Ever Happened to Baby Panda story where I get pushed down the stairs and a black tail goes swishing around the corner.
I have noticed an abundance of make up near the food dish.

_________________
Whoopie pies are always a good idea. ---P. bisque

Panda With Cookie


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Can we bring back a posi child-free support thread?
PostPosted: Sun Oct 24, 2010 3:11 pm 
Moving To Sheepshead Bay
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 11:44 pm
Posts: 5867
Location: Modesto, CA
When my boyfriend was in school last month people asked if he wanted kids...He always said no but what baffled him is why they thought he needed to have kids while in a vocational school to hopefully land a job...

I dumped a friend who got on me whenever we talked, asking about 'if I was going to have kids soon'. When she texts me I just delete them now, she got kinda bisque-y about my relationship and the fun we get to have, I think it was jealousy. I just found it annoying and rude...I never asked if she wished she had a abortion instead of having the kids that drive her crazy...

I do not like when people ask me about my child free choice (when it is pushy) and why my boyfriend and I have been together and live together but have no desire at this point to marry...Lucky we have supportive parents, supportive friends and everyone else can just mind their damn business.

_________________
The Stay At Home Girlfriend: A zine that focuses on
vegan recipes, cat love and living with OCD.
https://www.etsy.com/shop/missmuffcake


Top
 Profile WWW  
 
 Post subject: Re: Can we bring back a posi child-free support thread?
PostPosted: Sun Oct 24, 2010 3:34 pm 
Impressive boner
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 2:57 pm
Posts: 3856
Location: Nottingham.
My partner has a 3 year old son from a previous relationship. The hell he's gone through and the bullshiitake I've copped (false accusations of child abuse) with his son's mother has helped to put me right off procreating.

I used to really want to have children until I was 26. I discovered I was pregnant at the same time as I was admitted to hospital with a pretty serious illness, the treatment for which involved radiation so I had to have an abortion due to potential birth defects. It absolutely crushed me and I don't want children as a result of that heartbreak. If it can almost destroy me emotionally at 2 months gestation, how much worse could the pain be if anything happened to them after they were born? I keep telling myself and others that the world is over populated, if I have children I'll never get a lie-in, I won't be able to play roller derby for over a year, I'll never have any spare money, I'm too selfish, etc, but the bit I don't tell them is that a big part of the reason I don't want children is the pain I felt back then. It was even pretty tough typing that.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Can we bring back a posi child-free support thread?
PostPosted: Sun Oct 24, 2010 3:49 pm 
Bought 20lbs of vegan protein powder
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 6:37 pm
Posts: 7033
Location: NC for now
I know someone who has a kid and doesn't like her - now THAT is horrible. People who don't really want to have kids not having kids? Cool!

BunzOfCinnamon wrote:
You know, I think everyone gets this kind of stuff regardless. People will always find a way to butt into your life. What I mean is...I have one child, I don't want any more children. But I get it all the time, "Oh you'll change your mind" kinda garbage. Yeah thanks, you don't know me. I don't want another kid, get over it!


Totally! Regardless of what it's about, there are some people who are nosy buttinski's and just think your life should be different.

_________________
"T-shirts are not allowed in heaven, Karyn. They don't do casual Fridays." - Amandabear

"It's because I'm judging them. Harshly. Judgey McJudgerson." - mel c


Top
 Profile WWW  
 
 Post subject: Re: Can we bring back a posi child-free support thread?
PostPosted: Sun Oct 24, 2010 4:06 pm 
Top of the food chain & doesn't need to prove it
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 7:59 pm
Posts: 648
Location: SF
Thank you all for sharing!
I've always known that I absolutely do not want to have children. And it's not that I hate children, I just want no part in creating any or raising any...I enjoy playing with the kids of my family and friends.
It's always funny to me when people tell me that I may change my mind at some point, as though this deep core belief is going to be like that fleeting goth phase I had at 14.

I'm lucky that my partner of 6 years feels the same way. We've told our parents that all they can expect is dogs and cats to spoil, and they're all pretty supportive.

_________________
But it doesn't matter because: It's just a ride. And we can change it anytime we want.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Can we bring back a posi child-free support thread?
PostPosted: Sun Oct 24, 2010 4:13 pm 
Lactose Intolerant...Literally
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 3:27 pm
Posts: 722
I'm pretty grateful that no one in my life has given me any crepe about not wanting kids. Well, my grandma used to ask all the time, but she already had a dozen great-grandkids, so I don't know why she was stuck on geting some from ME.

I loooove babies and I mostly like kids, but I've never had any desire to have any of my own. I get annoyed by the assumption that, just because I don't want to raise kids that I must dislike them.

_________________
"Tact is just not saying true stuff. I'll pass."
"You know who doesn't care if you're a fat vegan? The animals." Isa


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Can we bring back a posi child-free support thread?
PostPosted: Sun Oct 24, 2010 4:26 pm 
Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 2:39 pm
Posts: 1850
Location: St. John's Newfoundland
I have friends who think its sad I'm never having kids but no one's pushy about it, thankfully. I figure if I change my mind I'll adopt but I dont see it happening. My anxiety and depression can get me down enough without throwing kids in the mix, I'd be terrified I'd do something horrible like go in my room and refuse to come out if they start crying.

My mom is awesome about it. She and dad had a nasty divorce and she was a single mom for such a long time, she told me that she doesn't regret us one bit but if she had to do it all again, remaining child free would be the best thing to do.

_________________
I was really surprised the first time I saw a penis. After those banana tutorials, I was expecting something so different. -Tofulish


Top
 Profile WWW  
 
 Post subject: Re: Can we bring back a posi child-free support thread?
PostPosted: Sun Oct 24, 2010 4:54 pm 
WRETCHED
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 6:54 pm
Posts: 7990
Location: Maryland/DC area
pandacookie wrote:
jojo wrote:
if we don't there'll be nobody to look after us when we're old - what the fizzle?

Heh heh. I don't even have a partner. And I plan to have a commune with all my groovy old friends who don't have kids and we will take care of each other when we are old and possibly take over the pentagon for one weekend and have a bake off.


Is it too soon to make reservations to be in said commune?

_________________
You are all a disgrace to vegans. Go f*ck yourselves, especially linanil.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Can we bring back a posi child-free support thread?
PostPosted: Sun Oct 24, 2010 5:05 pm 
Just Loathin' Around!
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Fri Oct 22, 2010 8:17 pm
Posts: 6640
Location: bindlestiff
linanil wrote:
pandacookie wrote:
jojo wrote:
if we don't there'll be nobody to look after us when we're old - what the fizzle?

Heh heh. I don't even have a partner. And I plan to have a commune with all my groovy old friends who don't have kids and we will take care of each other when we are old and possibly take over the pentagon for one weekend and have a bake off.


Is it too soon to make reservations to be in said commune?

Pshaw lady. You and Mr. L are on the VIP list.

_________________
Whoopie pies are always a good idea. ---P. bisque

Panda With Cookie


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Can we bring back a posi child-free support thread?
PostPosted: Sun Oct 24, 2010 5:27 pm 
Invented Vegan Meringue
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 2:18 pm
Posts: 3647
Location: Portland, OR
child-free, represent.

I'll keep sticking IUDs in till I die.

_________________
comesconewithme.com
& @jdfunks on that thing


Top
 Profile WWW  
 
 Post subject: Re: Can we bring back a posi child-free support thread?
PostPosted: Sun Oct 24, 2010 5:58 pm 
Dead by dawn
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 9:54 pm
Posts: 7436
Location: Seattle
pandacookie wrote:
linanil wrote:
pandacookie wrote:
Heh heh. I don't even have a partner. And I plan to have a commune with all my groovy old friends who don't have kids and we will take care of each other when we are old and possibly take over the pentagon for one weekend and have a bake off.


Is it too soon to make reservations to be in said commune?

Pshaw lady. You and Mr. L are on the VIP list.

Please to save some room for me too?

_________________
facebook
"The PPK: Come for the pie; stay for the croissants." - tinglepants!
"Cockblocked by Richard Branson- again!" - Erika Soyf*cker


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Can we bring back a posi child-free support thread?
PostPosted: Sun Oct 24, 2010 6:27 pm 
Flounceiad 2011
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 8:26 pm
Posts: 4864
Location: A New England
I do have kids (because I chose to), but I honestly can't fathom people who presume to pronounce on anyone else's choice regarding such a personal subject. Personally, I feel that the world be a much happier place if people were intelligent enough to consider whether they wanted to be parents before bringing people into a world where they aren't necessarily wanted because of some bogus societal expectation of what they "should" want/do. It's just as inappropriate to give child-free people a hard time for not buying into the gene pool as it is to give parents shiitake for breeding; quite frankly, this is pretty much the most personal decision we make as adults, and it's no one else's goddamn business!

_________________
You can always politely suggest a ham alternative. ~ vijita
Nothing is safe from weiners in my neighborhood... ~ crowderpea
"SMLOUNCE!" ~ smurfterrobang?!
http://elizaveganpage.blogspot.com


Top
 Profile WWW  
 
 Post subject: Re: Can we bring back a posi child-free support thread?
PostPosted: Sun Oct 24, 2010 7:07 pm 
Just Loathin' Around!
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Fri Oct 22, 2010 8:17 pm
Posts: 6640
Location: bindlestiff
monkeytoes wrote:
Please to save some room for me too?

VIP

_________________
Whoopie pies are always a good idea. ---P. bisque

Panda With Cookie


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Can we bring back a posi child-free support thread?
PostPosted: Sun Oct 24, 2010 7:11 pm 
Can ride a bike, drink a Blue Sky, and eat some Stonewall's all the same time (bad ass)
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 10:08 pm
Posts: 101
Location: Hollywood, CA
abbierae wrote:
I am undecided. Although I feel like I will be okay with it either way, which is a nice place to be. Sometimes I spend time with kids and really love the way they see the world and experience new things, and sometimes I spend time with kids and think that I would really rather just be by myself and not have to worry about someone else. I imagine that parents often feel the same way.

In any case, the presumption that children are the end all of life experience bugs the shiitake out of me.


This is how I feel! I'm 27 and I still have time to decide. Right now I know it's not the right time for both of us. I've only been nagged by my sister once, but she's got 3 kids and her kids are her world and I don't think she gets why anyone wouldn't want kids. My fiance's sister has kids so we don't feel the pressure from his parents, luckily. If we do have them one day, cool. If we don't, also cool.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Can we bring back a posi child-free support thread?
PostPosted: Sun Oct 24, 2010 7:12 pm 
Hip Goiter
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 5:07 pm
Posts: 8092
Location: Philly/London
I want to go to the panda commune!

8ball I'm so sorry you went through that. Thank you for sharing, you and the rest of you. This decision is just as personal as any decision to have children. I wish for your sakes that other people would respect that. People can be so stupid.

_________________
https://twitter.com/randibop

Laughfrodisiac


Top
 Profile WWW  
 
 Post subject: Re: Can we bring back a posi child-free support thread?
PostPosted: Sun Oct 24, 2010 7:47 pm 
Memorized Veganomicon
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 9:23 pm
Posts: 99
Location: PDX, OR
Lusti Weather wrote:
I've known that I'm not cut out to be a parent for about as long as I can remember. You know how some people will say "I'm not a dog person" or "I'm not a cat person"? That's how I feel about kids; nothing against them, just not my thing. I have no maternal instinct whatsoever, and I think just about everyone who knows me has figured out that I'm not going to reproduce.


I like that wording. It works for me. Moreover, I'm definitely more a dog and cat person than kid person.

That said, if every condescending thing I've been told about my female body's hormones is true, I have a blessed couple years left before I scare the hell out of my girlfriend with my NEED FOR BABY. If this happens, it's fostering for me. But that's a super long-shot, since I'm pretty skeptical about what conventional wisdom has to say about the female body. (NO, conventional wisdom, I don't like dick. NO, conventional wisdom, I don't need validation based on my appearance. And NO, convention wisdom, I'm NOT on the rag - I just hate you.)


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Can we bring back a posi child-free support thread?
PostPosted: Sun Oct 24, 2010 10:02 pm 
Trapped On A Desert Island With A Cow
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 1:39 pm
Posts: 456
Location: Wisconsin, USA
monkeytoes wrote:
fezza wrote:
Kinney wrote:

I'm using this one next time, maybe I could even get my eyes to water. Nothing like making a person feel really horrible (and the possibility of me crying) to get them to shut the fork up.


I don't like this idea, I feel it makes a mockery out of people who really can't have children.

Yeah, I don't think it's necessary to co-opt other people's suffering just to make a point to rude people. If it was someone who you thought would actually take it to heart, you might say something like, "You know, some people can't have children and don't necessarily advertise their personal struggles. When you pressure someone about having children, you really don't know what kind of emotions you might be stepping on." But if that would fall on deaf ears, stick with the funny ones like not taking home anything without a return policy. I know this is a posi child-free thread, but if you want people to respect your child-free choice you should remain respectful of people who may want to but can't, right?


Those are all interesting perspectives. However, I'm not looking for the respect of these people or start a conversation with them. A mockery seems to imply I'm making a joke, which I'm not. If I'm looking to start that conversation, your approach seems like a good start.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Can we bring back a posi child-free support thread?
PostPosted: Sun Oct 24, 2010 10:55 pm 
Wears Durian Helmet
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 4:52 pm
Posts: 837
Location: Chicago
True story: the other day I was told "You would eat your babies."


Top
 Profile WWW  
 
 Post subject: Re: Can we bring back a posi child-free support thread?
PostPosted: Mon Oct 25, 2010 2:07 am 
Bathes in Braggs
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 4:42 pm
Posts: 1372
Location: sf
I come from HUUUGGGE family (my paternal grandparents have 10 kids, 30 grandkids, and almost 20 great-grandkids), and you'd think they'd all had enough kids - but no. They ask when I'm getting married (never), how many kids I want (none), what I would name my potential baby girl/boy, etc., etc.... They're addicted to babies!! I'm surprised no one's turned out to be a real life baby eater because my dad's family just cranks 'em out!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Can we bring back a posi child-free support thread?
PostPosted: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:29 am 
Can't Dance, Isn't Part of Revolution
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 8:29 pm
Posts: 157
Location: Southern CT
CNA wrote:
I come from HUUUGGGE family (my paternal grandparents have 10 kids, 30 grandkids, and almost 20 great-grandkids), and you'd think they'd all had enough kids - but no. They ask when I'm getting married (never), how many kids I want (none), what I would name my potential baby girl/boy, etc., etc.... They're addicted to babies!! I'm surprised no one's turned out to be a real life baby eater because my dad's family just cranks 'em out!

Tell them you'll name your kid something weird like Fetus. Maybe they'll shut up?

_________________
Formerly Lizzo


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Can we bring back a posi child-free support thread?
PostPosted: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:34 am 
Tortilla Rita's character account
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 1:24 pm
Posts: 299
Location: New Jersey
I've pretty much always known I don't want kids. "You'll change your mind" comes from all angles and it peas me off. The world is over-populated and I don't know what to do with (most) children - not to mention I have no interest in a relationship and like my alone time, so it works on a billion and one levels.

My mom usually agrees with me, saying things like "If I was starting now, I wouldn't have kids - the world is too forked up." But then, this is the woman who started walking through the baby clothes section at the store when I was twenty-two and sighing, "It would've been nice to be a grandmom."

(There is still hope for her. I have a younger brother. I am okay with someday being Cool Aunt Daria who gets to give the kid back at the end of the day.)

_________________
"Can't talk now. I'm chairing a meeting of the Resting Quietly Club." - Daria Morgendorffer

blog | vegan blog | twitter


Top
 Profile WWW  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Reply to topic  [ 92 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4  Next

All times are UTC - 6 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot], Exabot [Bot], Google [Bot], lepelaar, rachell37, solipsistnation, Tea, Wallace22 and 4 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group
Template made by DEVPPL/ThatBigForum and fancied up by What Cheer