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 Post subject: Post your latest fart story!
PostPosted: Mon Mar 07, 2011 11:07 am 
And you never will.
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Well?

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give my you inquiries! and give poopie you burritos. - acr
Sometimes I think, it's really my lack of cybernetic implants that keeps me from being truly human. - Mars


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 Post subject: Re: Post your latest fart story!
PostPosted: Mon Mar 07, 2011 11:13 am 
Queen Bitch of Self-Righteous Veganville
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Give me a second.


Okay.


I just farted in my office chair.

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 Post subject: Re: Post your latest fart story!
PostPosted: Mon Mar 07, 2011 11:17 am 
And you never will.
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Excellent. Thanks for starting us off.

Yesterday I was in Starbucks and my favourite seat was taken (a big comfy chair in a somewhat secluded corner, ideal for nursing a squirmy baby, or changing his nappy if needed since there are no changing stations in the bathroom there). Anyway, it was occupied by some douchey guy with a laptop, talking loudly into his earpiece about how big his cork was (not really, but, you know) and so I sat at the table nearby and let one rip (quietly, of course). It only took a couple of minutes before that comfy chair was MINE.

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I'm in a pure mood with poopietits now. Damn her jugs! - interrobang?!
give my you inquiries! and give poopie you burritos. - acr
Sometimes I think, it's really my lack of cybernetic implants that keeps me from being truly human. - Mars


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 Post subject: Re: Post your latest fart story!
PostPosted: Mon Mar 07, 2011 11:41 am 
Level 7 Vegan
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I farted on my boyfriend like six times the other night while sporking. I'm awesome/nasty.

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 Post subject: Re: Post your latest fart story!
PostPosted: Mon Mar 07, 2011 11:50 am 
Nailed to the V
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My cat farts and walks away sometimes.

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 Post subject: Re: Post your latest fart story!
PostPosted: Mon Mar 07, 2011 12:50 pm 
Should Write a Goddam Book Already
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Apparently mine smelled like old cauliflower last night. I have not had an cruciferous vegetables lately, thankyouverymuch.

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 Post subject: Re: Post your latest fart story!
PostPosted: Mon Mar 07, 2011 12:58 pm 
Emotionally Allergic to Dairy
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Ever since the most recent fart thread, I have been incapable of doing anything except farting in the most horribly rank and disgusting and intense way. Death farts. I could militarize my asparagus.

The other night, my cat got under the covers and cuddled with me. I farted right in her face. She ran out of there so fast. I dutch ovened my cat and now she's afraid of me. Stupendous.

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 Post subject: Re: Post your latest fart story!
PostPosted: Mon Mar 07, 2011 1:12 pm 
Not NOT A Furry
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Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 3:04 pm
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Yesterday my husband decided to blame a fart on a grape. Yep, I pretty much lost my shiitake for five straight minutes imagining gassy fruit. Grapes are now ruined/far more hilarious than they were two days ago.


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 Post subject: Re: Post your latest fart story!
PostPosted: Mon Mar 07, 2011 1:24 pm 
Mispronounces Daiya
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My husband farted in bed on Sunday morning and it smelled EXACTLY like a skunk!! I was horrified. When it happened a second time, I just got up and left. There was no other option.

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 Post subject: Re: Post your latest fart story!
PostPosted: Wed Mar 09, 2011 2:50 pm 
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Two weekends ago, I cleared a dance floor. I was out clubbing with some girlfriends, we were all dancing, and I figured what the hell I'll let one slip. And I did. Loud music = no sound but the stench… wow… HORRIBLE! Not to be singled out I held my nose and started with the whole “OH MY GOD DO YOU SMELL THAT?!?!” All my friends parted ways, freaking out, as did the rest of the dance floor, myself included following their footsteps, complaining. I didn't admit the bomb was mine until the next morning. It was epic.


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 Post subject: Re: Post your latest fart story!
PostPosted: Wed Mar 09, 2011 2:53 pm 
And you never will.
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evaporar wrote:
I cleared a dance floor.

I kind of love you.

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I'm in a pure mood with poopietits now. Damn her jugs! - interrobang?!
give my you inquiries! and give poopie you burritos. - acr
Sometimes I think, it's really my lack of cybernetic implants that keeps me from being truly human. - Mars


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 Post subject: Re: Post your latest fart story!
PostPosted: Wed Mar 09, 2011 2:56 pm 
Nailed to the V
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Farting in elevators when I'm alone, people entering before my floor.


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 Post subject: Re: Post your latest fart story!
PostPosted: Wed Mar 09, 2011 3:17 pm 
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poopiebitch wrote:
Excellent. Thanks for starting us off.

Yesterday I was in Starbucks and my favourite seat was taken (a big comfy chair in a somewhat secluded corner, ideal for nursing a squirmy baby, or changing his nappy if needed since there are no changing stations in the bathroom there). Anyway, it was occupied by some douchey guy with a laptop, talking loudly into his earpiece about how big his cork was (not really, but, you know) and so I sat at the table nearby and let one rip (quietly, of course). It only took a couple of minutes before that comfy chair was MINE.

I think I am going to steal this story and pretend it's mine.


Catalina, maybe cauliflower is growing inside you.

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Last edited by AutumnLeaves on Wed Mar 09, 2011 3:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Post your latest fart story!
PostPosted: Wed Mar 09, 2011 3:18 pm 
Top of the food chain & doesn't need to prove it
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you guys are killing the planet more than cows that people eat!


my new cat mastered the fine art of laying in the center of the bed so I somehow couldn't fit in it, and let them rip at 5:30 a.m.


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 Post subject: Re: Post your latest fart story!
PostPosted: Wed Mar 09, 2011 5:29 pm 
Wears Durian Helmet
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A couple days ago I tooted right at the exact same time I unlocked the front door and opened it.
Last week I got sick and vomited and tooted at the same time (but don't worry, nothing come out that end).


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 Post subject: Re: Post your latest fart story!
PostPosted: Wed Mar 09, 2011 5:54 pm 
Should Write a Goddam Book Already
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Joined: Fri Oct 22, 2010 9:09 am
Posts: 1041
Location: Denver
Aliks -
I love the scientific and theological clarity this woman uses to lay out her anti-veg arguments. For example, who knew that cows reproduce at a faster rate than her beloved pup, Mimi? I did not. Who knew that we were destroying the environment by eating carbon-leaching plants, plants which, presumably, can't grown again after we scoop them into our greedy herbivorous maws? I did not. Who knew that factory farmed animals go to heaven after serving (being served to) people? Again, not me! (But apparently all reasonable people do know this.)

But for me the highlight is "(Some animals) were made to be eaten by god!" Hmm.

In short: I'd like to go and raise the CO2 levels at this lady's house.


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 Post subject: Re: Post your latest fart story!
PostPosted: Wed Mar 09, 2011 6:14 pm 
And you never will.
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Oh my gosh, that video! I watched the whole thing, then had to watch her video about why diets don't work.

I never knew I was snubbing God by not eating animals. He must be so pissed at me!

_________________
I'm in a pure mood with poopietits now. Damn her jugs! - interrobang?!
give my you inquiries! and give poopie you burritos. - acr
Sometimes I think, it's really my lack of cybernetic implants that keeps me from being truly human. - Mars


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 Post subject: Re: Post your latest fart story!
PostPosted: Wed Mar 09, 2011 6:40 pm 
Should Write a Goddam Book Already
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Joined: Fri Oct 22, 2010 9:09 am
Posts: 1041
Location: Denver
poopiebitch wrote:
Oh my gosh, that video! I watched the whole thing, then had to watch her video about why diets don't work.


I am intrigued by her breadth of knowledge - INXS, dogs, nutrition, politics and bullying. Wow!

On a sincere note: I like her take on whales/fat positivity.


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 Post subject: Re: Post your latest fart story!
PostPosted: Wed Mar 09, 2011 6:47 pm 
Lactose Intolerant...Literally
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whatever is up with my digestive system, i've been farting like a mad man for the past week or so, not-so-silent, and always deadly.

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everything stays the same, only more so.


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 Post subject: Re: Post your latest fart story!
PostPosted: Wed Mar 09, 2011 7:12 pm 
Not NOT A Furry
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I've been farting so BAD lately... but not often thank noodliness.

http://www.darcomic.org/tag/fart/ < - comics about farts!

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 Post subject: Re: Post your latest fart story!
PostPosted: Wed Mar 09, 2011 7:19 pm 
Mispronounces Daiya
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My husband is on roll. Last night we were taking a shower (conserves water, ok!?) and he let this huge fart rip, and I said "WHAT THE HELL?! YOU'RE HOTBOXING ME?!" ... then came the smell. As if the skunk fart wasn't bad enough, this was like an ashtray of cheap cigars just put out. I jumped OUT of the shower and stood shivering and dripping until the smell dissipated. I was also laughing so hard I couldn't breathe anyway.

ETA: I asked if I could tell this story on the PPK and he said no.... so uhh.. don't tell him 'k?

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Last edited by rabidchild on Wed Mar 09, 2011 7:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Post your latest fart story!
PostPosted: Wed Mar 09, 2011 7:22 pm 
And you never will.
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Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 8:41 pm
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I'm starting to really love this thread.

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I'm in a pure mood with poopietits now. Damn her jugs! - interrobang?!
give my you inquiries! and give poopie you burritos. - acr
Sometimes I think, it's really my lack of cybernetic implants that keeps me from being truly human. - Mars


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 Post subject: Re: Post your latest fart story!
PostPosted: Wed Mar 09, 2011 8:32 pm 
Should Write a Goddam Book Already
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Joined: Fri Oct 22, 2010 1:10 pm
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Location: East Tennessee!
Was on a break out behind where I work. I was facing the back door, so I could see inside in case someone came in the front door. I thought I was alone, so I let a few go.

Meanwhile, stealth customers had managed to shut car doors and walk up silently to within five feet behind me before I realized they were there. YUM for them!

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"God said, kill and eat!" ~ my grandmother


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 Post subject: Re: Post your latest fart story!
PostPosted: Wed Mar 09, 2011 9:51 pm 
Hoards Peppermint Jo-Jos
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I farted at the gym today. I busted out a rep and a toot at the same time. It didn't have a scent but it was noisy. I had headphones on though, so whatever.

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 Post subject: Re: Post your latest fart story!
PostPosted: Wed Mar 09, 2011 9:59 pm 
Top of the food chain & doesn't need to prove it
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Whatever that woman eats, I want to eat the exact opposite of her. If that means I'm polluting the environment with my farts, so be it.


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