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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Tue Apr 05, 2011 8:42 am 
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ijustdiedinside wrote:
you know what's interesting? I never really thought I had anxiety until I read this thread. After reading footface's post I'm thinking maybe it's not totally normal to be paralyzed with fear about having to try something new or talk to a person. huh...

I didnt think my anxiety was bad because I dont have panic attacks. but it is bad.
The way I finally got drugs is I called my primary and asked for psychiatrists they recommend. I've done lots of research on ssris and spoke to my personal pharmacist (a very good friend). I've also successfully recommended ssris to friends (like, specific ones that theyre still on years later). So I went to the psychiatrist, gave a brief history including what I've diagnosed myself with (depression with some severe episodes, transitioned to anxiety in the last 3 or so years) and said I would like to try lexapro. I also asked for xanax to take in emergency situations. the next visit she recommended I take xanax twice a day (woah!). i dont actually take it twice a day, but its nice to not feel like a druggie taking it more often, and it does help me a lot. ive been going monthly to get the lexapro dose up high enough and think i finally found it. i'm not having the very bad days that i used to have, no anxiety in the mornings, and much less at night. I'm purposely being very open about my medication use because I dont think it should be stigmatized. I told my grandma about it last night and could hear the condescending hate for them in her voice. but I tell everyone! my dad takes synthroid because his thyroid levels are off. I take ssris because some chemicals in my brain are off. there shouldnt be shame here and i refuse to be embarrassed about it.


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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Tue Apr 05, 2011 8:48 am 
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Rubella wrote:
How do you guys end up on medication for it? I find one of the biggest things setting me back is just asking for help. Like, what am I supposed to do, walk into the doctor's office and be like "hey uh, can I get some anti-anxiety meds? thanks" The thought of that gives me great anxiety! Also, in the past when I was on various antidepressants I just had doctors not believing or just dismissing me when I told them I had problems...it was actually a gyno who saw cuts on my arm who convinced me to go on medication in the first place. The people who I'd tried to reach out to didn't believe me, so I have no faith in doctors or myself to actually get help. Sorry to be a downer in this thread, I want to be posting triumph!


I just went into my GP and told him I was just open to hearing what he thinks I should do because I hadn't gone in with any ideas of what I wanted from him. I've always had anxiety and its not new to me, the only thing that was new was feeling like it was interfering too much with my daily life and it was actually causing me to be depressed. He talked to me about a few options and then wrote me something for daily use and something for panic attacks and I'll go see him again soon. I think going in there with a "this isn't normal and I'm not okay and I need this to be fixed" is what made him take me seriously right off the bat. That and the shakey voice, tears, and inability to speak full sentences. I had him RIGHT where I wanted him.

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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Tue Apr 05, 2011 9:02 am 
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Rubella, there is a fantastic clinic in town that you should go to. It's called Lyon Martin(http://www.lyon-martin.org/), and it's kind of between Civic Center and the Castro. They are incredibly respectful, and you can definitely talk to them about getting a prescription for anti depressants without fear of them judging or not believing you. Just go, tell the doctor about your history with anxiety, and tell them that you think they would help you.

Anyway, if you want any more info on the clinic, or anything like that, feel free to PM me!

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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Tue Apr 05, 2011 9:32 am 
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I am the only designer in this company, and this job has me doing all kinds of things I didn't realize I could do. A few years ago, I would have just been crying in my office, unable to make a move because I was afraid of doing it "wrong." Now I just tackle small tasks at a time. There are always corrections because everyone has an opinion, BUT I realized I'm actually the expert here. I didn't lie on my resume, I did all of the work in my portfolio, and they wouldn't have hired me if they didn't think I could do this job.

I still have days where people say things that kind of hurt my feelings, but then I realize it's about them, and they deal with everyone the same way. I can separate myself emotionally from my work.

I still hate the phone sometimes, but now I just pick up and call before I have time to think about it. I'm usually calling people I know, or calling someone for information. It's not like they're going to scream at me and hang up! It still takes some self talk, but it's a lot easier now.

I would really like to get back to a therapist when I get health insurance, because there are some things I'd like to work through, but right now I'm able to manage.

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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Tue Apr 05, 2011 9:53 am 
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This thread is inspiring. I have an appointment with my doctor to discuss a return to an SSRI. Sometimes it's hard to remember that I don't have to live like this.


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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Tue Apr 05, 2011 10:16 am 
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Good job everybody! It's great to hear that so many people have made big steps in fighting their anxiety.

I've been on an antipsychotic for my anxiety for just over a year, along with an SSRI for my depression. I am so, so much better than I was a year ago. I used to not leave my house unless I was going to work or going to see my therapist. Even the difference between now and September, when I started university, is amazing.

I speak up in class now. I don't have panic attacks when I have to go to school in the morning, and I don't have panic attacks before exams (usually). Last week, I went to two of my profs' offices to ask them questions, which is a big step for me, because before I would just suffer silently as I was too embarrassed and anxious to ask for help. One of my profs was able to help me, but the other wasn't (that one was about whether or not I could overload a class in the fall) and I was okay with that!

So because I couldn't overload that class, it messed up my entire plan for my fall schedule. I have been planning this and been set on it since February, because I have a need to plan and control things. Instead of freaking out, I tried to be calm and just look at the other classes I could take, and I worked something out. I'm happier with this schedule than I think I would be if I had been able to overload that class.

Also I constantly worry (to the point of being sick) about applying to vet school. But I'm trying to be like "if they don't offer me a seat, that is okay, and I will try again. But they WILL offer me a seat, because I am great." And it's kind of working.

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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Tue Apr 05, 2011 11:03 am 
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That's great! It's not about always getting everything you want and having everything perfect. It's about knowing that you can handle whatever happens.

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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Tue Apr 05, 2011 2:10 pm 
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Take that, haters! (i.e.: me.)


Awesome!


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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Tue Apr 05, 2011 2:30 pm 
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Even though I'm not so sure the medication I'm taking is the best fit for me, I feel like I've been dealing with life so much better then say, a month ago. Some super super stressful shiitake has been going on, and while I spent three days crying on and on I was able to pull myself out of my funk. I realized that not all people are scary! And I've made new friends this week! And I went to the roller rink with coworkers last night and had a friend over! Even though I totally wanted to sit in my apartment alone and watch Lard of the Rings. I've been able to gain more confidence by putting positive people in my life and meditating on the the possibilities in the future. Maybe things are finally starting to go up? I sure hope it stays.


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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Tue Apr 05, 2011 2:51 pm 
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Here's a thing that makes me crazy anxious: driving. And more than that, city driving. And even more than that, things like street parking and small parking lots. It used to absolutely paralyze me--I didn't even get my license till three days before I turned 20. Today I'm driving to a friend's house, and I'm going to park on the street, and I'm not going to freak out that I might be a teeny bit crooked or that I'll have to drive around for twenty minutes to find a suitable spot or that someone's going to key my car for stealing their spot or anything. It's gonna be fine. That sounds so silly but I was scared of driving for so long, it's nice for it to not be a huge deal.

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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Tue Apr 05, 2011 4:26 pm 
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kilgore trout wrote:
Here's a thing that makes me crazy anxious: driving. And more than that, city driving. And even more than that, things like street parking and small parking lots. It used to absolutely paralyze me--I didn't even get my license till three days before I turned 20. Today I'm driving to a friend's house, and I'm going to park on the street, and I'm not going to freak out that I might be a teeny bit crooked or that I'll have to drive around for twenty minutes to find a suitable spot or that someone's going to key my car for stealing their spot or anything. It's gonna be fine. That sounds so silly but I was scared of driving for so long, it's nice for it to not be a huge deal.


Driving and parking were big with me, too! "I can't go there—where would I park? What if I have to drive around for a while to find a parking spot? I am not capable of doing that!"

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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Tue Apr 05, 2011 4:34 pm 
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I never learned to drive because I hated it so much! However, now I can ride my bike in downtown SF during rush hour and not worry about it. I'm even going to get my licence sort of soonish (hopefully).

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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Tue Apr 05, 2011 4:48 pm 
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jopa, if you dont know how to drive i suggest paying for lessons at a driving school rather than having someone teach you. i tried to have friends teach me for years before giving up and hiring a pro. (though my friends were 16-20, so maybe 30+ your olds are better teachers).

I've had lessons. I actually mostly know how to drive. I just hate it. I know the rules of the road from cycling, and I remember a lot of my lessons. I just need practise, but I mostly just hate it! Thanks, though.


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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Tue Apr 05, 2011 5:11 pm 
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today I was panicking about having to call a professor at my school to let her know that I was definitely accepting my appointment into the internship next year. I kept thinking that she was going to be annoyed with me if I called because everyone else was calling her about the same thing. But I talked to a bunch of other people that called her today, too and then I thought about this thread and just did it! (awesomely, she wasn't there and I just had to leave a message) but I was proud of myself for not thinking about it too hard and just going for it. Why am I so scared of people?

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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Tue Apr 05, 2011 5:45 pm 
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Yesterday my triumph was going to see a therapist about my anxiety. To do that, I had to make four phone calls last week, which is very hard for me. Part my job is being the receptionist and I've gotten better about the phone--when it's not for me. When it is, my heart races, my voice shakes, and I have to quietly gasp for air while the other person is talking.

Today my triumph was following the advice of the therapist and opening a work email I've been avoiding and writing down three things I could do to start addressing the issue it contained. On one hand, I am not sure that therapy will help me, but on the other, I don't know how much longer I would have gone without opening that email. It had already been nearly a week and a half.

I was on an SSRI for depression for a while and it really did help with my anxiety, but I reached a point where I was ready to get off of it. I have bipolar disorder and I don't think there's room in my current set of meds for one now.


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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Tue Apr 05, 2011 6:21 pm 
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We're all making strides! Strides, I tell you!

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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Tue Apr 05, 2011 6:39 pm 
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ijustdiedinside wrote:
today I was panicking about having to call a professor at my school to let her know that I was definitely accepting my appointment into the internship next year. I kept thinking that she was going to be annoyed with me if I called because everyone else was calling her about the same thing. But I talked to a bunch of other people that called her today, too and then I thought about this thread and just did it! (awesomely, she wasn't there and I just had to leave a message) but I was proud of myself for not thinking about it too hard and just going for it. Why am I so scared of people?

Congrats! I am pretty scared of phones.

I'm not really depressed, but I go get pretty bummed occasionally, so these past couple of days I've been constantly reminding myself of something FootFace said in the self-esteem thread, that to raise your self-esteem, you need to do stuff. So I've been doing more tangible stuff than usual, and I feel a lot better this week. Strides!


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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Tue Apr 05, 2011 6:46 pm 
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Great idea for a thread! As y'all probably know I have dealt with crippling anxiety and panic disorder for a couple years now. Well, it was crippling. I take SSRIs and have for 2 years, but SSRIs are notorious for "pooping out" and not working anymore (they aren't really great for long term treatment, apparently) and I'm pretty sure that's where I am now even though I still take them, but it's okay! I'm dealing, and can ride the horrible waves of anxiety like a pro.

Good job, everyone!

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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Tue Apr 05, 2011 7:05 pm 
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FootFace wrote:
That's great! It's not about always getting everything you want and having everything perfect. It's about knowing that you can handle whatever happens.


This is such an important distinction, and beginning to realize it has helped me so much. I want to scream it from the rooftops so everyone else can realize it too. If things don't go the way you planned, it's still okay!

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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 1:00 pm 
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I had a long overdue doctor's appointment 2 weeks ago and told her about my anxiety (which was getting so so so bad, like, someone's tone of voice could send me into hours of sweaty, eye watery panic) and she put me on zoloft. I will need to follow up with her on how it's going next month but so far it's helped a lot.

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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 1:16 pm 
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I have to be at the Lady Gaga concert between 5 and 6 on Friday (VIP early entry, woo!), so because I work until 5, I decided I should just take the whole afternoon off so I can eat, get ready, and get to the venue in time. It's hard for me to ask for time off from work because I'm afraid it will make me look bad. Also, the person I have to ask is nice but kind of stoic. Well, I just did it! I'm off Friday afternoon! I was nervous but didn't get flustered like I usually do when I talk to her.

Also, instead of letting an unheard message sit in my voicemail, red light blinking me to insanity for days, I listened to the message right away.


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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 5:06 pm 
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For me it's odd, everyone I know says their depression causes their anxiety, for me it's the other way around. After a neighbour yelled at me yesterday I couldn't leave the house. I got dressed, made my lunch and left to go to work today. And that's my triumph. The idea of going out and being in her view paralyzed me this morning when I woke up. He'll. I put dark curtains over my kitchen window because I can't stand the idea of her looking in my window.

My next triumph will be getting cute curtains that let the light in and don't obscure viewing in or out completely... And being ok with that.

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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 6:39 pm 
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Nickalya wrote:
For me it's odd, everyone I know says their depression causes their anxiety, for me it's the other way around. After a neighbour yelled at me yesterday I couldn't leave the house. I got dressed, made my lunch and left to go to work today. And that's my triumph. The idea of going out and being in her view paralyzed me this morning when I woke up. He'll. I put dark curtains over my kitchen window because I can't stand the idea of her looking in my window.


I had a similar incident with a neighbor that has been making me anxious about going outside. She even insulted me because she thinks I'm lazy since she doesn't see my car leave often enough, what the fizzle. (I'm a student so a lot of my work can be done from home.) And I'm also really anxious about driving, which doesn't help me want to leave my house any more than I have to. It's super comforting to know that I'm not the only one dealing with anxiety over doing everyday things!

My triumph: last week I made it in to work, class, and meetings every day! It may not sound like much but I have been missing a LOT of obligations this semester due to my anxiety over driving and social interaction. My next goal is to make an appointment with my doctor. I've been afraid to go and try new medication since I've tried a couple types of SSRI that have made my anxiety worse. I'm currently not on anything and I'm really scared to try anything new after the bad experiences I've had (increased anxiety and panic attacks coupled with terrible side effects), but there must be something that will work for me, right? Right?


Last edited by bur on Wed Apr 06, 2011 6:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 6:42 pm 
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FootFace wrote:
We're all making strides! Strides, I tell you!

I like your enthusiasm.

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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 8:22 pm 
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pandacookie wrote:
FootFace wrote:
We're all making strides! Strides, I tell you!

I like your enthusiasm.


I'm trying to confine it to this thread.

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