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 Post subject: Because of ME.
PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 3:07 pm 
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Dying from Nooch Lung
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I got this in the mail today:
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I was immediately intrigued. Because of me? What have I done? Was it something bad? After paging through the flyer, I came to the realisation that I am apparently a housewife and mother. (I know, it came as a shock to me too!) So what exactly is it that I do?

Well, keep my family from depression, illness, and filth for one.
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Really, I don't know how they would take care of the basics necessary for survival without me. It's a good thing I am a woman, and therefore able to care for them. Here are the things I do for them every day:

Do laundry for the entire Little League team, because "dirt is not a team color". Women like getting things clean.
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Laugh over cookbooks with other women! In the kitchen! Where we belong!
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Spend the day scrubbing the house, so it is welcoming for my husband. It's so hard for him, having to go out and work every day so we can put food on the table. I always make sure to be waiting by the door (in heels!) so I can give him a hug when he gets home.
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Even though I spend a lot of time cleaning and cooking, I always manage to look pretty. There were several pages of beauty products, so I can only assume this is the most important aspect of my life.
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Of course, even with my busy days, I still manage to raise the kids. Even on those days when I have my period! I'm so grateful for pampers and maxi-pads. They're basically the same thing, which is why they're classed on the same page here.
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At the end of the day, I get supper on the table. My husband refuses to use utensils. He says that's what I'm here for, and makes me hand feed him his supper, one bite at a time. I just feel so proud that I can be useful to him. That's a woman's job.
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Since I am a mom, and P&G is the Proud Sponsor of Moms, they will support me if any of my children compete in the Special Olympics. Dads don't have anything to do with stuff like that. As men, they have no interest in their children. That's why it's "Special Olympics moms" and not "Special Olympics parents or caregivers".
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Wow, I am SO glad P&G sent me this coupon booklet. I had no idea what my role in life was supposed to be up until this point. Sometimes I even thought that women did things outside the home, and that men might be involved in family life. Thanks for setting me straight, P&G!


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 Post subject: Re: Because of ME.
PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 3:11 pm 
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I love you, raspberrycomplaint.

Also, I'm pretty sure the women with the cookbook are part of a harem.


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 Post subject: Re: Because of ME.
PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 3:12 pm 
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That's so messed up. Welcome back to 1950! The post is hilarious, though. Well-played!

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 Post subject: Re: Because of ME.
PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 3:16 pm 
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It's too bad P&G has already placed you in a heterosexual traditional gender roles enforcing and offspring producing marriage, because your post totally made me want to propose to you.

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 Post subject: Re: Because of ME.
PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 3:17 pm 
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It's great you found your true calling! girl power!


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 Post subject: Re: Because of ME.
PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 3:20 pm 
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Dying from Nooch Lung
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To celebrate Earth Day, I am now going to place this flyer in the recycling bin! I am poor, but no way am I using the coupons and giving them business. (Plus I think P&G still does lots of animal testing. Blech.)


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 Post subject: Re: Because of ME.
PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 3:21 pm 
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Lachesis wrote:
Well-played!
Agreed! This may have been my favorite part:
raspberrycomplaint wrote:
At the end of the day, I get supper on the table. My husband refuses to use utensils. He says that's what I'm here for, and makes me hand feed him his supper, one bite at a time. I just feel so proud that I can be useful to him. That's a woman's job.
Image
I will bear this in mind when my partner gets home, because I want to be all the woman that I can be (and maybe get a discount on my adult diapers while I'm at it)!

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 Post subject: Re: Because of ME.
PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 3:23 pm 
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coldandsleepy wrote:
It's too bad P&G has already placed you in a heterosexual traditional gender roles enforcing and offspring producing marriage, because your post totally made me want to propose to you.

I'm sorry, but according to P&G, heterosexual relationships are the only kind that exist.

Also, according to them, 99% of people are white. I'm learning new things every day.


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 Post subject: Re: Because of ME.
PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 3:25 pm 
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Every sentence you wrote is a gem.


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 Post subject: Re: Because of ME.
PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 3:29 pm 
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I'm not even positive I know my child's middle name!

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 Post subject: Re: Because of ME.
PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 3:32 pm 
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You need to get this published someplace with a wider readership.

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 Post subject: Re: Because of ME.
PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 3:35 pm 
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TheAmazonProject wrote:
Every sentence you wrote is a gem.
Yes.
Thank you for this. This made me laugh a lot. Especially how I'm a utensil. You're awesome.


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 Post subject: Re: Because of ME.
PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 3:38 pm 
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raspberrycomplaint wrote:
...according to P&G, heterosexual relationships are the only kind that exist.

Also, according to them, 99% of people are white. I'm learning new things every day.
I think you need to share this wisdom on the feminism thread over in the Parlor; you could correct a lot of misconceptions! (What kind of silly, wrongheaded shenanigans won't our vaginas lead us into?!)

FootFace wrote:
I'm not even positive I know my child's middle name!
The fact that you are aware of this child's existence (next you'll be telling us you know its first name!) casts doubt on your manliness, and hence on your worthiness to have a P&G-sponsored woman to meet all of your needs.

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I didn't embarrass him by saying anything about wanking ~ 8ball
"SMLOUNCE!" ~ smurfterrobang?!
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 Post subject: Re: Because of ME.
PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 3:42 pm 
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FootFace wrote:
I'm not even positive I know my child's middle name!

Well, of course not! Why would you know anything about your own child? You just focus on work and sports and violence and other suitably manly interests. Remembering your child's name is your wife's job.


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 Post subject: Re: Because of ME.
PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 3:47 pm 
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Best.Post.Ever.

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 Post subject: Re: Because of ME.
PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 3:51 pm 
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In case you're wondering about the pages not pictured, they consist of: 1.) woman smiling ("sometimes you just have to flaunt it") , 2.) woman smiling at man ("Because you want to feel like you did on your first date."), 3.) woman sitting in car, smiling ("Because spring is your time to shine"), 4.) woman smiling at man ("Simply irresistible freshness") 5.) smiling woman doing yoga with small child ("Because a healthy home is a happy home"), 6.) woman (non-model!) smiling with her daughter ("Because you see the potential in every child" and "Moms give everything to make to make their kids' dreams happen."), and the first and last pages feature women smiling with their (smiling) families.


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 Post subject: Re: Because of ME.
PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 3:51 pm 
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A++ commentary!


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 Post subject: Re: Because of ME.
PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 4:15 pm 
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raspberrycomplaint wrote:
In case you're wondering about the pages not pictured, they consist of: 1.) woman smiling ("sometimes you just have to flaunt it") , 2.) woman smiling at man ("Because you want to feel like you did on your first date."), 3.) woman sitting in car, smiling ("Because spring is your time to shine"), 4.) woman smiling at man ("Simply irresistible freshness") 5.) smiling woman doing yoga with small child ("Because a healthy home is a happy home"), 6.) woman (non-model!) smiling with her daughter ("Because you see the potential in every child" and "Moms give everything to make to make their kids' dreams happen."), and the first and last pages feature women smiling with their (smiling) families.


"Because you see the potential in every child . . . " unless that child is a girl.

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 Post subject: Re: Because of ME.
PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 4:16 pm 
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lavawitch wrote:
You need to get this published someplace with a wider readership.

Seriously, this is amazing!

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 Post subject: Re: Because of ME.
PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 4:22 pm 
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raspberrycomplaint wrote:
2.) woman smiling at man ("Because you want to feel like you did on your first date.")
I read this as "Because you want to feel like you did it on your first date," which would have made this so much more awesome.

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I didn't embarrass him by saying anything about wanking ~ 8ball
"SMLOUNCE!" ~ smurfterrobang?!
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 Post subject: Re: Because of ME.
PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 4:28 pm 
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lavawitch wrote:
You need to get this published someplace with a wider readership.

This.

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 Post subject: Re: Because of ME.
PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 4:35 pm 
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Hahaha. This is the best. I love you, raspberry <3 <3 <3

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 Post subject: Re: Because of ME.
PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 4:59 pm 
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janejellyroll wrote:
raspberrycomplaint wrote:
In case you're wondering about the pages not pictured, they consist of: 1.) woman smiling ("sometimes you just have to flaunt it") , 2.) woman smiling at man ("Because you want to feel like you did on your first date."), 3.) woman sitting in car, smiling ("Because spring is your time to shine"), 4.) woman smiling at man ("Simply irresistible freshness") 5.) smiling woman doing yoga with small child ("Because a healthy home is a happy home"), 6.) woman (non-model!) smiling with her daughter ("Because you see the potential in every child" and "Moms give everything to make to make their kids' dreams happen."), and the first and last pages feature women smiling with their (smiling) families.


"Because you see the potential in every child . . . " unless that child is a girl.



Hey! The potential to be pretty, clean a good house, make a man happy and cook a good meal is potential too you know!

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 Post subject: Re: Because of ME.
PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 5:00 pm 
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FootFace wrote:
I'm not even positive I know my child's middle name!


I think it's "Gun"!

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 Post subject: Re: Because of ME.
PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 5:02 pm 
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choirqueer wrote:
FootFace wrote:
I'm not even positive I know my child's middle name!


I think it's "Gun"!


You should ask your wife, FF. Preferably between bites of whatever she is hand-feeding you tonight.

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