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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Mon May 16, 2011 11:10 am 
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I am going to take a belly picture (my first!) this week and I will post it! Thank you, I need the cooing!

OK, I think we will see how it goes, I know girl friends will be willing to visit if we need them to. It is good to hear the different experiences. We keep getting told we are crazy for not having someone there, good to know it is a mixed bag on here.


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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Mon May 16, 2011 11:39 am 
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I asked a similar question a while back and this thread is full of everybody's great advice: http://forum.theppk.com/viewtopic.php?f ... 48&start=0

Like you, our family's all out of town. We've got a guest room and our parents are about a day's drive away, but feeling like we're hosting guests isn't necessarily a burden we want, and we're trying to sort out how to juggle everything. My thinking at the moment is maybe asking my MIL to come after my husband's back at work from paternity leave (2 weeks); it'll give us a little bit of space but if I end up lonely or needing help during the day, it might be nice to have somebody around. But we haven't promised anything yet and are still mulling it over. It's tough!

Are you familiar with postpartum doulas? They might be helfpul in your case.. In the Netherlands the services of one for a week after the birth is standard and included with basic insurance (grr), but here in the US you can hire them. (and I have no clue about England!) Basically it's somebody whose job it is to make sure everything's going ok for you and your family, and helping wherever needed: they know a lot about breastfeeding and can help with that, know a lot about newborn care, will also do light housekeeping/cooking/laundry as needed.. I'm sure the services vary individually but it might be something you could look into if you're worried. We met some really good ones at our Bradley class and I'm still mulling it over. (I wish we could find a vegan postpartum doula!!)


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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Mon May 16, 2011 11:48 am 
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well, i have a slightly different experience than some because tzippy was in the hospital for the first few days of her life, but based on how we were coping and how i felt once she came home, i'd say you're probably ok for the first week by yourself, and it's the 2nd and 3rd week of the baby being home where things start to fall apart a little.

you have the boost of post-delivery hormones to kind of push you past the sleeplessness and busyness of the first few days... you kind of feel like you're a little high. it's not until the 2nd week that the sleeplessness and laundry piles and general clutter start to catch up with you.

however, you don't know now what kind of delivery you're going to have. you may have a difficult labour to recover from, and that can very much complicate how you deal with those weeks. if i were you, with no family or other good support, i would very very seriously consider hiring a post-partum doula to come at help you... maybe the first week your husband returns to work.

you could be fine with no immediate help, and we would have survived without my mil coming the week tzippy came out of the hospital, but my mom visiting a week later (so the second week we were home, the 4th week of tzippy's life) was truly a godsend. by that point, the premade meals had been eaten through, the bathroom was pretty scuzzy, the laundry was piling up and we were both coming off our new-baby high and crashing pretty hard.


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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Mon May 16, 2011 11:50 am 
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I will look into the doula, thanks for the suggestion, it never occurred to me.


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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Mon May 16, 2011 12:03 pm 
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Tofulish wrote:
How many diaper covers do you buy? They just seem crazy expensive - $30 for 2? Yikes!


diapering sounds really expensive until you actually add up how much you'll spend on disposables. i have paid between $5 and $20 on each cover i've owned, and ~$3 per prefold. we are in canada and diapering is considerably more expensive here. in the US you should easily be able to find new covers for less than $10. my $5 covers were seconds from a local diapering store, or secondhand.

if you're really wanting to go into diapering full time from the beginning, you need 6-8 covers for each stage. the diaper underneath should contain most messes, but newborn poop is runny, so you will have to change the whole set sometimes. if i'm trying to stretch out the use of a cover, i am very proactive about changing promptly after an elimination, it really helps contain things. you can rinse in the sink or wash with other loads, so you could realistically keep washing covers throughout the day and get away with less.


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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Mon May 16, 2011 12:26 pm 
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Oh yeah, I can't imagine having fewer than 6 covers for the newborn stage. If you want to be cheap, I like the Bummis Whisper Pant. I tried a bunch of different covers in the newborn size, and they all worked fine, but the Whisper Pant was the cheapest. I don't like it in larger sizes, but for the newborn stage, I think it's a decent cover. If cost is a major consideration, I don't think fancy expensive diaper systems (be it AIOs or super expensive covers) are worth it at all in the newborn size because most babies grow out of them so quickly.


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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Mon May 16, 2011 12:33 pm 
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I like thirsties duos covers because they are adjustable, so theoretically a stash of 6-8 small and 6-8 large will last until potty training. Buying 6-8 sized covers in newborn, small, medium, large, and toddler WOULD get expensive. Cloth diapering is more $$$ up front (we have probably spent $700), but in the long run it is soooo much cheaper. I see packages of 40 diapers for $15 at target; that would last us 3-4 days, and would only have lasted 2 days during the newborn phase when he was pooping nonstop. $30 a week adds up really quickly!

FYI, covers with snaps last longer than velcro.


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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Mon May 16, 2011 2:38 pm 
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ItsBoiling wrote:
Neither Mr. B or I have experience holding, chaning, feeding, clothing, etc babies. However neither of us are remotely anxious or worried about being alone with our newborn. We hear that the first two weeks are hell and we should have help and we are crazy to do this alone. We feel like we will figure it out somehow and just cannot grasp the chaos that people tell us our life will be in when Mini B arrives.

I know I will be in pain and sleep deprived and confused as to what to do with the baby, but that's ok with me, I figure that is just how it is, regardless of my experience with kids.

We do have friends around who will be by but I am wondering if we are just too lax about the situation? Is it really hell like everyone says?


I didn't have any experience with babies either. I could count on one hand how many times I'd held one. But I honestly really enjoyed the first few weeks, and we didn't have anything but brief visitors. I mean sure it was hard, not being able to sleep much, but I didn't think it was that bad at all. I was really happy.

I guess I was lucky too, because my husband was there, and very helpful. He made me food and gave it to me in bed if I wanted, so I didn't even have to get up unless I felt like it. He also changed most diapers, except in the middle of the night. (I figured if I had to be up all night nursing anyway, he might as well get sleep so he would be in better shape to take care of me & the house during the day.)

The hardest part was when Kai would cry a lot - the 1st time it happened in the hospital, we kind of freaked out. But then we quickly figured out babies need BOUNCING. Thank goodness I remembered seeing that in a movie or something at some point. You just put them up against your shoulder and bounce bounce bounce. At least that's what worked for Kai. At home, the exercise ball I used as a birth ball came in handy for that too.

Oh, and it was also tough not being able to take anything but a quick shower, or else he'd cry. But I kind of expected that, and it didn't bother me that much.

At least for me, everything else fell into place very quickly. I went from knowing zero about babies, and never even really wanting to be around them, to wanting another one in just a few short months! haha So, I think you are fine not to worry about it at all.

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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Mon May 16, 2011 2:50 pm 
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Thank you so much to all the amazing mamas sharing their advice! I really appreciate it. I went and looked at the cost of disposables, and they definitely aren't cheap, so thinking about going through a huge number a day along with your helpful comments makes me realize that this is doable. And I like the idea of a post-partum doula as well.

Aubade, my partner is home too and an excellent caregiver, so I think if we used your system it would work well for us. I also really like how uplifting your post is! Its nice to know the first few weeks weren't hell for you.

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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Mon May 16, 2011 5:27 pm 
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Okay, this is a really dumb question, but what's the deal with earplugs? If the baby is being really really loud and you've tried everything you can think of to calm them? Obviously they don't cut out every sound so you'd be able to hear if they were choking or something, but I'm seeing a lot of "the baby won't stop crying" and frankly it's beginning to worry me, but is there some way that wearing earplugs would be negligent?

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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Mon May 16, 2011 8:12 pm 
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dropscone wrote:
Okay, this is a really dumb question, but what's the deal with earplugs? If the baby is being really really loud and you've tried everything you can think of to calm them? Obviously they don't cut out every sound so you'd be able to hear if they were choking or something, but I'm seeing a lot of "the baby won't stop crying" and frankly it's beginning to worry me, but is there some way that wearing earplugs would be negligent?


Well for me, the problem isn't so much the sound itself, it is just that the baby is crying and I want him to be happy. So I'd be just desperate to do whatever it took to get him to stop crying. Even if I had super silent earplugs in, I wouldn't be able to ignore the baby crying, because I'd still be able to see his unhappy little face. And unless you really needed a "cool down" moment, I can't think of any reason why you'd want to ignore a crying baby anyway, you need to just hold them and shush and pat and bounce and do the 'happiest baby on the block' stuff until they stop.

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Last edited by Aubade on Mon May 16, 2011 8:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Mon May 16, 2011 8:12 pm 
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Um, probably better to try to figure out why the baby is crying and meet whatever need he/she has. After a few weeks you will have begun to figure out how your baby cries when he/she is hungry, needs a diaper change, is uncomfortable, overtired, lonely, etc. Babies cry a lot at first because the bright, cold, noisy world is stressful compared to the womb, but they calm down significantly by the second or third month. There is a lot of trial and error at first, but you will learn to communicate with your baby. Sometimes babies (especially newborns) cry and cry no matter what you do, and you do just have to put them down or hand them to someone else for a few minutes while you go take deep breaths and regain your cool. But I don't think earplugs would be safe. Much better to take turns responding to your baby's crying so nobody gets burnt out.


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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Mon May 16, 2011 8:22 pm 
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Oh yeah, good point mitten. First you check the obvious stuff like hungry, diaper, too hot/cold, tired. Then if it isn't any of that, you try shushing, pat, bounce etc... and eventually you do get the hang of what your baby needs.

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I'm not asking for utopian dreams...just a little peace in this world. That's a logical thing. - Deee-Lite


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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Mon May 16, 2011 8:23 pm 
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i think earplugs could be a safe solution if you feel like you have no other recourse... you've checked all the possible causes (diaper, tummy, clothing, temperature, etc), there's no one to take over for you, and the decibels are making you feel crazy. as long as you are holding the baby and offering support and comfort, i don't think there's anything wrong with softening the sound a little bit. however, i don't think it would really help... it was always the solution to the crying that drove me crazy (bouncing, rocking, floor pacing, constant nursing, etc), not the actual crying itself. it's not like you can put in the earplugs and just go back to sleep anyway. a better solution is keeping an ipod with earbuds around so when you are pacing the halls or in the midst of a nurse-a-thon you have something to listen to.


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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Mon May 16, 2011 8:35 pm 
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oh i figured i'd list the 5 S's here too. VERY helpful mental checklist for babies in the "4th trimester"...

swaddling
shushing
swaying
sucking
side/stomach position (in parent's arms)

all together they help to recreate the feeling of the womb and are usually very calming for new babies. the shushing can be any white noise. my baby didn't care too much about white noise, but she really needed the other 4 to be happy, and still calms right down with swaddling and sucking at 15 months.


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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Mon May 16, 2011 9:47 pm 
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littlebird wrote:
i think earplugs could be a safe solution if you feel like you have no other recourse... you've checked all the possible causes (diaper, tummy, clothing, temperature, etc), there's no one to take over for you, and the decibels are making you feel crazy.

This, exactly. I used earplugs a lot in the first month. The sound of my daughter crying was physically painful to me. We live in a small house, so there's no escape from noise. Sometimes the only way I could get a nap in was to wear earplugs while my husband held her.


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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Tue May 17, 2011 1:46 am 
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helbury wrote:
littlebird wrote:
i think earplugs could be a safe solution if you feel like you have no other recourse... you've checked all the possible causes (diaper, tummy, clothing, temperature, etc), there's no one to take over for you, and the decibels are making you feel crazy.

This, exactly. I used earplugs a lot in the first month. The sound of my daughter crying was physically painful to me. We live in a small house, so there's no escape from noise. Sometimes the only way I could get a nap in was to wear earplugs while my husband held her.


Thanks, I will be a single parent, so can't guarantee there will be someone to take over, although I expect there will be people around in the beginning.

I'm hoping that I'll be able to figure out what's wrong and calm them down, of course!

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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Tue May 17, 2011 3:10 am 
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I second the kind things Tofulish said.

Shoes. How do I keep the feet warm before they walk, do I really need to buys shoes?

Any magical carpet cleaning products? We will have carpet throughout and I can only imagine the mess that will occur.


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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Tue May 17, 2011 6:59 am 
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Babies who aren't walking don't need shoes. Socks are enough (thick socks, if it's really cold). I haven't had any baby messes on the carpet. When he's spit up, it's always been on my lap or on his swing. If the baby is going to be hanging out on the floor, you put a receiving blanket down under them to catch drool and keep fuzz off their face.


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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Tue May 17, 2011 9:44 am 
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ItsBoiling wrote:
Shoes. How do I keep the feet warm before they walk, do I really need to buys shoes?

Kai was a newborn through winter so this was a big issue for us. I liked fleece 1 piece sleep and play footie outfits best. I don't know if it was because he had small feet or what, but I couldn't get socks to stay on. Well except one brand - trumpette socks - but they are expensive unless you can find them on sale.

I bought one pair of shoes for any outfits he had without footies. Just a soft pair, I think they're called crib shoes - that were like high tops with velcro so they were easy on and off, and stayed on well (since they were high top-like booties). With the shoes on, his socks stayed on too so then his feet were warm.

Now I have two pairs for him for the summer, but only because they are adorable and I can't resist them. I got him soft sandals, and a pair of van-like slipons. I hope they stay on- so far they didn't, but that's because I got a larger size for him to grow into this summer. I think they just about fit now so we'll see how it goes over the next few weeks.

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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Tue May 17, 2011 10:51 am 
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Aubade wrote:
Kai was a newborn through winter so this was a big issue for us. I liked fleece 1 piece sleep and play footie outfits best. I don't know if it was because he had small feet or what, but I couldn't get socks to stay on. Well except one brand - trumpette socks - but they are expensive unless you can find them on sale.

Yes! Trumpette socks were the only ones that stayed on Lydia as well, and she has pretty big feet. I got them as a gift and was pretty shocked at how much they cost when I saw them in stores later. Even Trumpette socks can get kicked off though, so I have to be careful to watch out for them when we're out and about.


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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Tue May 17, 2011 1:33 pm 
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helbury wrote:
Yes! Trumpette socks were the only ones that stayed on Lydia as well, and she has pretty big feet. I got them as a gift and was pretty shocked at how much they cost when I saw them in stores later. Even Trumpette socks can get kicked off though, so I have to be careful to watch out for them when we're out and about.


Haha yeah you know a sock that tiny has got to be expensive if I've managed to hold onto them this long! I got a box set of, I think 5 pairs, and knock on wood, I haven't lost any yet. I keep track of those suckers like they're gold.

They're getting small on him now, but still fit. So at least that's a good thing - they got a lot of use.

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I'm not asking for utopian dreams...just a little peace in this world. That's a logical thing. - Deee-Lite


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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Tue May 17, 2011 4:24 pm 
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We bought the Emperor a pair of soft-soled shoes around the time he started crawling (like 7 months) and he wore those basically until they fell apart, which was some time after he started walking.

For his first few months, if he was out of the house, he was more or less always in the wrap with his feet tucked in, and I didn't worry about socks or anything then. Around 4 months, we simultaneously hit rainy season here (the closest thing we get to a real winter) and he started having his legs dangling out all the time. So that's when we started regularly putting either socks or footie suits on him.

I don't know if he just had huge feet as a little baby or what, but the socks I bought before he was born were by far too small for him. They were hilariously tiny. I think he wore 6-12 month size socks at 2 or 3 months old. We had 4 or 5 pairs. They don't need many at that age because their feet aren't stinky and they're not walking either.

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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Wed May 18, 2011 9:12 am 
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ItsBoiling wrote:
I second the kind things Tofulish said.

Shoes. How do I keep the feet warm before they walk, do I really need to buys shoes?

Any magical carpet cleaning products? We will have carpet throughout and I can only imagine the mess that will occur.


IMO shoes are totally are purely an aesthetic application until they are walking. there are tons of cute socks with shoe like prints on them that we used for fini. both kids were champs at pulling off socks!

about fussiness--our hospital provided a handy manual about what to expect the first few nights and what was/wasn't normal. this was a godsend:

-babies have a 'fussy time' for about 1 hour, usually in the evening.
-application of swaddling and shushing when baby is really fussy to comfort them
-some babies have the "rusty tinge" when urinating their first few times. it goes away, but looks like blood in urine. the pee is rust colored. mostly happens in boys. completely normal.
-poo goes through color stages: black tar, forest green, then evolves into a mustardy color with seeds speckled in it. totally normal.
-babies are born without circadian rhythms, so they need to be trained to sleep. that's why constant naps are so important. babies often fuss, cry, sneeze, and yelp in their sleep. vin and i didn't know this, but we always ran to blasto every time he fussed and woke him up from sleeping!

NOT IN THE MANUAL: a vibrating bouncy seat saved our lives. i also use ear plugs.


with fini, she had colic. colic is when a baby is crazy fussy after every soothing technique. they have drops they can prescribe or you can get gripe water OTC.

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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Wed May 18, 2011 11:09 am 
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On the socks, I saw these the other day at the snooty snootwell nursery shop near me: http://www.sockons.co.uk/product.html


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