Post Punk Kitchen Forum

Backstory: I was in a long distance relationship with a girl, she broke up with me but we remained friends. It ended about two years ago and I'm... not really over her. We haven't really talked in a while, an email back and forth every once in a while, comments on Facebook updates, etc. She has a new girlfriend but it's not going very well, and I know she's upset at the moment.

Okay, so her birthday is coming up. We always exchange birthday gifts and open each others' packages on webcam and whatnot. I had a sweet and simple idea for a gift but it turns out that that idea of mine leads to very, very expensive things. I've found something that would be so, so perfect, that I know she would love. I really want to get her something meaningful and I mean it, this couldn't be more perfect. It's a locket, very subtle, small, and I could put little notes with all the messages in there that her positive silly self loves so much ("Everything happens for a reason", "Everything will be okay in the end, if it's not okay, it's not the end", etc.)

But it's expensive, 'cause if there's one thing I learned during our many discussions about silver vs. gold, it's that no one in their right mind should buy her anything other than gold when it comes to jewelry. I could afford it... but I'm worried that it's inappropriate. I mean, if we were together still, I'd have no doubts about it whatsoever, but even though we're friends, I'm still, you know... an ex. Plus I know I tend to go way overboard when it comes to these things. I don't want it to become an embarrassing thing, either.

But I want to do it so badly! It is perfect! I don't really know what to do here.

This is approaching tl;dr territory, so I'll end it here. What do you think?

Do it.
You might regret it if you don't and I can't think of any reason that would make you regret it if you did. So do it.

Don't do it. You aren't over her, it is too romantically sentimental and expensive and no one should demand only gold.
That is my short answer.

Just get her a terrarium. Everyone loves a terrarium.

(I just made a terrarium so it's on my mind.)

I agree with Panda that it is too romantically sentimental.

Panda is smart. Why demand only gold? Although personally I only do silver.

Ah she doesn't demand gold, she just prefers it. It's not that she goes "GIVE ME GOLD", it's just that I know if I buy her something silver, she probably won't like it much. Just like if someone ever gave me something gold, I'd find it kinda tacky. I don't like gold, I'm a silver girl. In fact there's a beautiful silver locket I also ran into (that is totally affordable) that I'm gonna ask for Sinterklaas (Dutch holiday).

Kind of curious what your long answer would be, panda. :)

My long answer would be me rambling on about how one ought to keep an appropriate relationship with an ex that does not involve overly romantic gifts when you aren't over that ex, a quote or 2 from Flannery O'Connor and some talk of cheezly and tots. I'd wrap it all up with a picture of a pumpkin because it is Halloween here. And then I'd ask everyone reading to send me gifts. I prefer cash over gold.

Could she still have feelings for you? If so, I think she would love it. If not it might feel a little too romantic and creepy? Especially if you pay a lot for it.

I missed the part where she was in a relationship. In that case I would say don't do it

Yes, this. I really wouldn't do it.

I would keep in mind the fact that she's currently in a relationship - however bad it's going. I wouldn't flip out or anything, but I would feel totally awkward if I were in a relationship with someone and their ex gave them a super sentimental and expensive gift.

I thought the diamond studded collar I sent to Chester was nice.

Another good point - be careful that New Girlfriend doesn't intercept gift in mail and change From field from your name to her name. Because some of us can't deal with being second best.

HBMOP

Love, are you feeling a bit angry with me? It's bad to keep those feelings in you know. Let's have a fair fight. There could be some kind of oil involved!

I'm not going to do it. Thanks everyone for the input. I think I knew all along that I shouldn't do it, I was just hoping everyone would say "totally! do it! cute!". Sigh. Must come up with a new gift. Anyone have any ideas for that? ;)

Panders is wise.