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 Post subject: conceivin' thread
PostPosted: Wed Aug 10, 2011 11:50 am 
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I thought I would start one of these, since I am probably not the only trying right? Fair warning, pretty big TMI ahead:

What a friggin' rollercoaster. I'm sorry to say that I've been pregnant 3 times accidentally in my life and now that I want to be, I'm having trouble. Sooo typical. And admittedly I have a toddler now, so life ain't exactly free and easy for sex whenever, plus Howard and I have been together 6+ years so not exactly doing-it-everyday anyway.

First I did some reading a few months ago and learned about when my likely fertile time would be and started tracking my cycle for pretty much the first time ever - I've always had very regular, light periods and was on low-dosage pills for years. But I didn't have any luck with the idea of the fertile time being 10-12 days after start of my cycle, so I got an ovulation kit. And lo and behold, it didn't give me a positive reading til day 17! so we did what we could, and my period was due 6 days ago AND DIDN'T COME. I started to feel some mild nausea which coulda been PMS I guess, but of course psychologically I became convinced that I was pregnant, especially because I've been on a pretty regular 29-day cycle. As the days passed we started feeling kinda happy but I knew it was probably too soon to do a pregnancy test. I was researching midwives and hospitals and all that yesterday.

I was also stoked because with the pregnancy that brought me Dahlia 2 years ago, I was totally unaware of being pregnant til 11 weeks and did plenty of drinkin' and druggin' during that time and that's always bothered me. It was nice to think that I was eating properly, sober-ish and taking vitamins even this time!

Well, today there is bleeding. Bright red, so probably nothin' but my period. I feel like I jinxed myself and I'm frustrated and disappointed and anxious that this is gonna be the start of a long road. Then I feel stupid for self-pitying because there are so many people who try for years and/or pay thousands of dollars for in-vitro etc. and I should stop whining. And maybe be more skeptical this time, because I can also tell that Howard is disappointed and maybe I shoulda just shut up til more time had passed.

On the other hand, I'm trying to feel posi because I'm going to a big hardcore fest this weekend and now I can par-tay I guess. And I really should lose some weight. And I am about to embark on a new phase at work where I am the only employee and my boss really really relies on me as it is. And it's good that I'm learning more about my body, although it's so damn confusing and I'm not sure what's going on.

Ugh epic post, so thanks to anyone who read through it all...I hope other people will chime in too.


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 Post subject: Re: conceivin' thread
PostPosted: Wed Aug 10, 2011 12:07 pm 
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*HUGS* I'm sorry you're disappointed. I don't actually know how you feel yet, but I'm sure I will soon.

I never did the trying to conceive thing before, because I was told that I couldn't have kids right before we were going to start trying. Obviously that doctor was WRONG because I have a 13 month old now. I finally got my first postpartum period last month (exactly one week after his first birthday), and we're talking about trying again. We weren't trying (obviously) when I got pregnant with poopiebaby, but we had also been bangin' for about seven years without any protection before I got pregnant, so I'm afraid it will take a long time and I'm not getting any younger.

I've just started reading about charting and stuff too. I'm going to check out a copy of Taking Charge of Your Fertility from the library as soon as I haul my asparagus over there and get a library card (we just moved). I'm fairly confident about when I'm ovulating because my cervical mucus makes itself pretty known, but I'm debating buying an ovulation predictor kit anyway. I'm trying to ride the line between just relaxing and taking the 'what will be, will be' attitude that my husband has, and going super-hyper-crazypants about testing and having sex RIGHT NOW then taking a pregnancy test five days post ovulation, which I know I'll end up doing if I let myself.

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 Post subject: Re: conceivin' thread
PostPosted: Wed Aug 10, 2011 12:21 pm 
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I don't know why, but getting pregnant a second time was not a problem. The ongoing joke was we weren't even sure how I got pregnant with Fini. We had a ONE SHOT weekend. With Blasto we tried forever.

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 Post subject: Re: conceivin' thread
PostPosted: Wed Aug 10, 2011 12:42 pm 
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Been there, done that. The Emperor was pretty much a totally planned baby. (Newbaby was not, though looking back at it, if I'd been paying attention at all I would've realized that all my fertility signs were in a row when we humped.) I never got into doing temps because I don't wake up at a consistent time and now that I have a kid, it is often impractical for me to grab a thermometer first thing in the morning. So I tracked primarily my cycle start & length, appearance of eggwhite cervical mucus (sex-ayyyyy) and when it seemed like I was nearing mid-cycle and my mucus was showing up, I would use an OPK strip. And I tried to have sex basically whenever I could anyway, just in case this was foolproof.

What's interesting (to me) is that I got pregnant with the Emperor during a month when that was the only day we'd had sex (I had a back injury, finals at school, getting ready for Christmas, etc) and all signs pointed to me ovulating two days before that. I had pretty much resigned myself to not getting pregnant that month.

Anyway, that's my experience.

Good luck with your quest! I hope it pans out soon!

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 Post subject: Re: conceivin' thread
PostPosted: Wed Aug 10, 2011 1:31 pm 
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Yaaaaay, I'd like to complain here. It took us five cycles to get pregnant, which happened in March, but ended in a miscarriage in May. After the miscarriage, I thought I had it figured out why we didn't get pregnant right away (although I absolutely realize that five months really isn't that long). Similar to Audrey, we have been married 7 years and are not exactly all over each other all the time anymore. So there would be sex when I was ovulating, but not a ton in between. I have read that the sperm needs to be "fresh" and not have been sitting around in there for too long. When we did get pregnant, I thought I had ovulated early, but ended up ovulating late, so the sex started a week before I actually ovulated. So I think I know what we were doing wrong and everyone online says how fertile you are right away after a miscarriage so I'm of course subconsciously thinking that I'll be knocked up right away again.

The first month after I got my normal period again, when we could start trying, I woke up 6 days after I would have ovulated and had pinkish bleeding and cramping. Perfect timing and symptoms for implantation!?! Around noon that day I had heavy red bleeding, but it only lasted for like an hour. Kind weird, but still hoping. During the five months we tried the first time, I was very proud of myself for never wasting a pregnancy test. Never took one until I was late and was actually pregnant. This month I took one like two days early and it was negative. My period came pretty much on time.

So the second month, I had horrible cramps 6-7 days after I thought I ovulated. This time my period was like three days late. I waited until it was a day late, and took the test, and it was negative. Grrrr. I had been keeping track of my cycle and cervical mucus for like 9 months before I got pregnant in March and it was always very regular and I never had weird bleeding / cramping in between periods. So now I am worried that I have something wrong where I am getting pregnant but it isn't implanting correctly. Or I have some sort of weird psychosomatic implantation symptoms disorder...

I should be ovulating again in a couple of days so we'll see...


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 Post subject: Re: conceivin' thread
PostPosted: Wed Aug 10, 2011 2:58 pm 
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The FAM thread is really a great resource (plus if you go far enough back you get to see allularpunk get pregnant :) ). viewtopic.php?f=25&t=284

It took us 2.5 years to get pregnant. Best advice I could ever give is that its really helpful to see a reproductive endocrinologist as soon as you feel like you're having issues, even if its just to get the ball rolling on testing etc. My Ob just told us to keep trying, and the only reason it was taking so long is because I was old. He completely missed the fact that I wasn't ovulating more than once ever 4 months or so, which makes it really hard to get pregnant. Once we had a sense of what was working (husband's sperm) and what wasn't and had a diagnosis (PCOS), I did a ton of research and really tried everything - accupuncture, stress-relief, herbs, energy work etc. Alongside the more conventional fertility treatments (Chlomid with IUI) etc.

Holly Finn's book "The Baby Chase" is a must read for anyone looking at fertility issues:
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB1000142 ... 48312.html

ETA: poopie, ovulation predictor kits sadly don't tend to work for women with PCOS

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 Post subject: Re: conceivin' thread
PostPosted: Wed Aug 10, 2011 4:19 pm 
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+1 for Taking Charge of Your Fertility. I really found this book to be helpful.

On charting, keeping track of cervical fluid was really the key for me. I'd wake up different times in the morning often to pee (even before being pg), so tracking temps was really difficult as taking it the same time of day, before you're awake/active is important.

It took us oh gosh, about 3 years all told, to conceive the bean. First saw a specialist in Fall of '08 and had been trying a little while before then. It was an informative journey though...had some tests and discovered the PCO, got tubes checked, etc.

In the end, it was a combination of Metformin (for the PCO/S) and acupuncture that seemed to do the trick for us. Even after we got to the point where I was 99% sure that I was ovulating regularly, it still took us a little about 7 months (6 cycles) to conceive, so don't give up if it doesn't happen right away and everything seems to be working ok.

I'd highly recommend acupuncture to anyone trying to conceive as it can help both with ovulation specifically, but with overall health too, not to mention stress-reduction. I was recommended to see someone specializing in fertility treatments and she's been fab.

to Audrey, one thing you might want to look at is how long your luteal phase is. If you didn't get a positive on the OPK until day 17, and you expected a period on day 29, that's a bit short. Supposedly 10 days is the minimum for an implantation to be possible, so even if you didn't ovulate til day 18, you're probably ok. However, if you're tracking and find that you're regularly ovulating this late, then you might investigate some things to try and lengthen the luteal phase, as it increases your chances of a zygote being able to burrow into the uterine wall. I had looong cycles, so I'm not sure what the things you can do are, but I think there are some herbs/supplements/dietary changes, along with acupuncture/acupressure treatments that can all help.

Whew...long post. I'm trying not to become some woman obsessed with FAM/fertility issues, but arming myself with information helped this chubby 40 year old with PCO and irregular cycles get knocked up.


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 Post subject: Re: conceivin' thread
PostPosted: Wed Aug 10, 2011 4:22 pm 
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This process is officially making me insane. What's made it worse is my brother called last week saying "oops" his wife is pregnant. Really big accident, honestly, and really poor timing for them, but there it is, she's pregnant, I'm not. Of course the kicker here is this is our first trying month, so uhm, I need to chill. But on top of it, everything with my brother is competition and I'm really afraid of the fallout in my family should I happen to get pregnant. My sibs and I all got married last year, and it caused a lot of trouble with my brother (long story) but I got accused by my brother of like trying to ruin my siblings' weddings by getting married?? So I expect if I get pregnant I'll get accused of 'stealing his wife's thunder' or some nonsense, even though we've been planning this for half a year.

That said, been taking basal temps, and I ovulate somewhere between days 15 and 18. We're going on vacation days 13-16 next week so y'know, we'll devote some time to that I guess. Haha. Everything I read says it takes 3-12 months to get pregnant (not to mention the 9 months to gestate!), and I'm bad at waiting.

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 Post subject: Re: conceivin' thread
PostPosted: Wed Aug 10, 2011 4:25 pm 
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rabidchild wrote:
This process is officially making me insane. What's made it worse is my brother called last week saying "oops" his wife is pregnant. Really big accident, honestly, and really poor timing for them, but there it is, she's pregnant, I'm not.


My sister had her second accidental pregnancy right after I found out I was pregnant with the Emperor after over a year of purposefully trying. At first, I was REALLY upset about it. But it ended up being awesome. (Though I was totally jealous that she had her son three weeks before me even though my due date was first.) If she had found out she was pregnant first, I probably would have gotten even more upset about it/might not have been as quick to get excited about her pregnancy.

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 Post subject: Re: conceivin' thread
PostPosted: Wed Aug 10, 2011 4:25 pm 
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It took me about 8 months to get pregnant again, after miscarrying last July. We waited the standard 3 month recovery phase and then started trying again, so I guess it was really only 5 months. What felt like 5 long months is nothing compaired to what some couples go through so I have to remind myself constantly how lucky I really am. Hang in there!

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 Post subject: Re: conceivin' thread
PostPosted: Wed Aug 10, 2011 4:46 pm 
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coldandsleepy wrote:
rabidchild wrote:
This process is officially making me insane. What's made it worse is my brother called last week saying "oops" his wife is pregnant. Really big accident, honestly, and really poor timing for them, but there it is, she's pregnant, I'm not.


My sister had her second accidental pregnancy right after I found out I was pregnant with the Emperor after over a year of purposefully trying. At first, I was REALLY upset about it. But it ended up being awesome. (Though I was totally jealous that she had her son three weeks before me even though my due date was first.) If she had found out she was pregnant first, I probably would have gotten even more upset about it/might not have been as quick to get excited about her pregnancy.


I'd be more excited about it if my brother and his wife didn't seemingly hate us. Like, if it was my SISTER and not my SIL, I'd be excited at the prospect of maybe being pregnant at the same time and having kids close in age.

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 Post subject: Re: conceivin' thread
PostPosted: Wed Aug 10, 2011 8:58 pm 
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My sister called me to tell me she was in her third trimester with her second child on the day I found out I hadn't gotten pregnant from our failed IUI cycle. I was still really happy for her, but about 5 minutes in to congratulating her burst into tears. I hadn't told anyone in our family that we were even trying, so poor thing had me dump all my stuff on her. She was really sweet about it, and never made me feel like I was stealing her thunder or anything when we finally conceived. Fertility issues are hard.

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 Post subject: Re: conceivin' thread
PostPosted: Wed Aug 10, 2011 9:20 pm 
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Tofulish wrote:
Fertility issues are hard.

Truer words were never spoken.

Thanks for letting me know about the ovulation predictor kits not working for PCOS - I won't waste my money! I guess we'll just screw like rabbits and see what happens?

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give my you inquiries! and give poopie you burritos. - acr
Sometimes I think, it's really my lack of cybernetic implants that keeps me from being truly human. - Mars


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 Post subject: Re: conceivin' thread
PostPosted: Wed Aug 10, 2011 9:22 pm 
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Or just do FAM, and nail Mr. Poopie on those magical few days. Promise poopiebaby a playmate if he agrees to give up a few minutes of boobtime.

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 Post subject: Re: conceivin' thread
PostPosted: Thu Aug 11, 2011 8:24 am 
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Agreed that fertility issues *are* hard! The sort of scenario Tofulish and rabidchild described happens all the time, but often you can't really tell anyone. So you are happy for the parents to be, but inside you feel just a little sick. (urgh)

@rc: maybe if y'all have babies somewhat close together it can make some of that tension/ill will disappear. Are your parents more reasonable about this? That is, they were okay with y'all getting married close together, yeah? Also, if you really do feel like things are stressing you out, try your best to actively alleviate some of the stress. You're in a high stress/busy sort of job, so you already have some management techniques, I'm sure. Every source you can find regarding conceiving mentions that stress can keep you from ovulating. Of course, this makes a lot of us stressed about being stressed. :p

Sometimes I think it's a wonder that the human race continues to procreate at all!


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 Post subject: Re: conceivin' thread
PostPosted: Thu Aug 11, 2011 8:46 am 
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rabidchild wrote:
I'd be more excited about it if my brother and his wife didn't seemingly hate us. Like, if it was my SISTER and not my SIL, I'd be excited at the prospect of maybe being pregnant at the same time and having kids close in age.


Oh yeah-- I wasn't saying you're likely to feel less bad about it later (what the hell do I know?!), just that I totally understand and sympathize with not being thrilled for other people and their pregnancies. It is hard when you have been trying (even for a little while) and other people are like, teehee, oops, I made a baby!

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 Post subject: Re: conceivin' thread
PostPosted: Thu Aug 11, 2011 8:54 am 
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Yeah, I may not have ever actually done the trying thing, but being told I couldn't have kids when I desperately wanted them made it REALLY hard when other people got pregnant (especially my sister's 'oops!'). That much I can definitely identify with, as I went through 7 years of it.

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 Post subject: Re: conceivin' thread
PostPosted: Thu Aug 11, 2011 9:20 am 
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You guys and researching a little online are making me very interested in acupuncture, both for conceiving if I need it, and for health and especially anxiety relief during pregnancy. How do you go about finding a good acupuncturist? How much does it cost? Does anyone's insurance cover it?


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 Post subject: Re: conceivin' thread
PostPosted: Thu Aug 11, 2011 12:10 pm 
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My acupuncturist came highly recommended by friends, and is superfantastic. I commute into NYC just to see her. And as far as anxiety goes, she sticks two pins in my skull that relieve all my worries like magic ! And she helped me manage a threatened miscarriage with moxibustion (she had no problem working on me for 2+ hours) and morning sickness etc. My latest ouchie was back pain, and 7 needles to my lower back had me feeling back in the pink. I cannot say enough good things about her. Plus she used to be a nurse working with fertility patients, so she knows a ton about allopathic medicine too, which can be so reassuring.

Every acupuncturist charges what their market will bear - mine is $175 for the first session (intake and a session) and $95 for every session (1.5 hours - mostly spent sleeping with needles in) after. I did 1x a week for my first trimester and am now on 1x a month for maintenance. There is a great studio with offices in NY and NJ that does a sliding scale ($25 to $50 a session http://cityacu.net/www.cityacu.net/Home.html) and will give you the first session for $20. Some take insurance, some insurance companies cover it - you'd have to check with your providers.

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 Post subject: Re: conceivin' thread
PostPosted: Thu Aug 11, 2011 4:04 pm 
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So, I've been contemplating hitting the "submit" button for a really long time...

It's hard. Really hard. I don't talk about it a lot because even though I know lots of other people have discussed their fertility woes, sometimes I just feel emotionally unsafe. It also feels really isolating, even though thousands and thousands of people are going through it.

I don't think people realize how insensitive it is to point at my nephew and ask when we're going to have a baby. Or even better "You need one of those!" Of course, if I say "That's kind of personal...", then something is wrong with me. A friend of my in-laws' straight up asked if we were having fertility issues at a party. I was so shocked I had to stammer around that one. What does make it is easier is that my sister-in-law will quickly come to my defense, and that my nephew is the sweetest, most awesome baby, who I can hand back when he starts screaming.

Having to hear my former boss rail against fertility treatments and how people "should just adopt" because nature was obviously trying to tell them something was particularly delightful. I never, ever talked to her about my situation. She was just pissed because she thought Maryland covered IVF and not birth control. The thing is contraception coverage by private insurers is mandatory in Maryland, excepting religious organizations. I'd say she was confused because our former parent company was in Texas, but they mandate coverage as well.

On the bright side, I will never need to worry about birth control. I don't know why it is I don't ever think anything is wrong with anyone else. I mean, fertility issues are really common. Yet, I still manage to feel like I'm broken. Then I feel guilty and selfish because at least we have great health insurance, I know what the issue is, and it *should* be relatively easy to have a baby if we want one.

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 Post subject: Re: conceivin' thread
PostPosted: Thu Aug 11, 2011 4:21 pm 
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I don't know about dealing with that, but I certainly know what it's like to feel broken because of health or medical issues. Which might not help, but... There's lots of ways you're not alone. Which also might not help.

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 Post subject: Re: conceivin' thread
PostPosted: Thu Aug 11, 2011 4:28 pm 
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I'm sorry DTBK. People can be so insensitive. I'm sorry you've felt so isolated and unsafe ((((hugs)))) You're a lovely and amazing woman and not broken in the least <3

I didn't tell anyone in our family we were trying until we got pregnant, and for 2.5 years had to deal with their comments about how we needed to have a kid because "life without children isn't worth living" - Thanks Dad. Being told that after you've spent over a year trying and you have no idea what is wrong, really makes you feel like shiitake. And when I told friends, who are otherwise really non-judgmental and kind, I was surprised that a knee jerk response was that we should just adopt. Adoption is great, and I have a ton of respect for people who want to and do adopt, but as Holly Finn says, its a wonderful journey, just not the journey she's on. And adoption is just that - a process - its not like you go to the baby shelter, and pull a couple out of their cages, play with them and then take one home. And I hate that people think adoption is cheaper than IVF, and that the experience of being pregnant or giving birth or having a bio-kid that actually resembles you isn't legitimately valuable. I also loved it when people who have their own bio-kids talk about how they meant to adopt but then had an oopsie, so now they have a bio-kid and can't adopt but of course totally wanted to adopt because its sooooooo much better for the planet. I wish people would just think before they judge the hell out of people who are just trying to do the best they can.

I like Holly Finn's comment that struggling with infertility wiped out a huge swath of her judgments. I know it did mine. I felt so humbled by life and my choices, I really hope and believe that I can look at people from a place of compassion instead of judgment. And it has taught me so much gratitude.

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 Post subject: Re: conceivin' thread
PostPosted: Thu Aug 11, 2011 6:06 pm 
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dtbk, I know exactly what that feels like - feeling like you're broken. It sucks so much, and people really don't think before they speak. I probably said insensitive things when I was a lot younger, before I had fertility issues. Struggling with fertility (or lack thereof) has definitely made me a more thoughtful and compassionate person, especially when it comes to things like kids and whether people do/will have them.

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give my you inquiries! and give poopie you burritos. - acr
Sometimes I think, it's really my lack of cybernetic implants that keeps me from being truly human. - Mars


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 Post subject: Re: conceivin' thread
PostPosted: Thu Aug 11, 2011 6:11 pm 
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refinnej wrote:
Agreed that fertility issues *are* hard! The sort of scenario Tofulish and rabidchild described happens all the time, but often you can't really tell anyone. So you are happy for the parents to be, but inside you feel just a little sick. (urgh)

@rc: maybe if y'all have babies somewhat close together it can make some of that tension/ill will disappear. Are your parents more reasonable about this? That is, they were okay with y'all getting married close together, yeah? Also, if you really do feel like things are stressing you out, try your best to actively alleviate some of the stress. You're in a high stress/busy sort of job, so you already have some management techniques, I'm sure. Every source you can find regarding conceiving mentions that stress can keep you from ovulating. Of course, this makes a lot of us stressed about being stressed. :p

Sometimes I think it's a wonder that the human race continues to procreate at all!


My mom said that my SIL is hoping that I'll get pregnant so we can be pregnant together because she doesn't have pregnant/parenting friends, and has no idea what she's doing, and would like to have someone for support/advice... not that I can't do that not-pregnant. It's not like I'll suddenly gain more knowledge with an embryo. My parents are reasonable. My mom even said she'd be more involved in my pregnancies than my SIL cause it's different when it's your daughter. And high stress and all, I'm ovulating like clockwork! So it's all good. My job now is WAY less stress than my old one, it's actually great for pregnancy - I make my own hours and can work at home some days.

coldandsleepy wrote:
Oh yeah-- I wasn't saying you're likely to feel less bad about it later (what the hell do I know?!), just that I totally understand and sympathize with not being thrilled for other people and their pregnancies. It is hard when you have been trying (even for a little while) and other people are like, teehee, oops, I made a baby!


Naw, I didn't take it that way :) I said to my mom maybe she can just SYMPATHIZE with the feeling that you WANT to be pregnant and are doing all this stuff to get pregnant/have a healthy pregnancy, and someone else comes along and is like "Oops! Baby!" My mom said "Well it's not like you've been trying for a long time like <sister's friend>! Think of how she must feel!" Ahem. The point, you're missing it.

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 Post subject: Re: conceivin' thread
PostPosted: Thu Aug 11, 2011 7:00 pm 
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rabidchild I feel like you are reading my mind right now. This is our first cycle "trying", although last cycle we weren't really preventing much. Last cycle I got my period the same day my SIL let us know she was pregnant with her second-she has a 6 month old. My first reaction was such extreme jealousy and ridiculous thoughts of "that's not fair it's my turn" that I was glad she didn't tell me in person out of fear that I would have cried at the news. I'm truly happy for her, just wasn't expecting to hear that news from her so quickly. Doesn't help that my subconscious is screwing with me by giving me dreams that swing between me being pregnant with twins and dreams about a doctor telling me that I waited too long to start trying and now it's too late. Both very irrational dreams.

Taking Charge of Your Fertility was a great read - why don't they teach this stuff in health class? I actually shared a lot of the info with my husband who was generally interested by it as well-although slightly grossed out by it as well.

Since going off birth control my cycles have been around 35 days long, but when I went on a 2 week vacation this summer it went all the way to 50 days! Hence my use of the term "cycle" instead of month. My family knows we're trying which prevents all those annoying comments that we've been getting since the day after our wedding, but also gives way to other issues. Now it's the subtle pregnancy test every time we're together: offer me a drink right away and see if I take it or what excuse I give as to why I don't want to drink. Extra tricky during that post ovulation but pre pregnancy test time that I'm not sure if I should drink during or not.


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