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 Post subject: Re: The Imperfect Parent Trap
PostPosted: Fri Jun 17, 2011 8:10 am 
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AmandaMelanie wrote:
Most days I don't feel like I deserve to have such a great kid. I don't know how to describe it, but everything just seems so out of reach and impossible some days. It could be something small like "mommy, can we go to the playground?", and there's no reason we can't, I just find myself strugling to actually do things. Getting up in the morning is hard. Getting motivated to do things is something that I've lost.
And it's weird, because in my mind I have endless lists of fun things we could do, but we never really go anywhere. I end up puttering around the house cleaning, and Malcolm entertains himself. Then I start to feel worse and worse that we're not out doing something really fun, but again, the thought of actually DOING something is overwhelming.
This probably doesn't make much sense. I just feel like a shitty parent like 95% of the time.


I felt like this a lot before having a kid. Like on days off I'd just putter around the house, then even on days at work I'd start the day with all these intentions to get a ton of stuff done and end up somehow wasting the day away. By the end of the day of non-productivity I'd feel like shiitake, go home grumpy and end up taking it out on my poor husband. :( I still kind of do that at work nowadays, although at home I'm happier (probably because there is a limited amount of things I can do with Kai in the 2 hours before his bedtime, and that I can handle). I'm pretty sure I'd be in the same boat as you if I was a stay at home parent. I think it comes from being really tired, which causes mild depression, and it is definitely a vicious cycle.

The only thing that has helped me at times is taking 'baby steps' to fight feeling overwhelmed. Like, if I can just get up and do any one thing, I try to feel good about it. Generally, doing one little thing does make me feel good, which leads to doing more things and so on...

In any case, please go easy on yourself! You are definitely not alone in feeling like this, and I bet you get more done than you think you do. hugs

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 Post subject: Re: The Imperfect Parent Trap
PostPosted: Fri Jun 17, 2011 7:49 pm 
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AM, I hear you too. We go through cycles like that. I don't have any advice except that you're not a bad parent, you're just a parent, and I think most of us feel inadequate at least some of the time.

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 Post subject: Re: The Imperfect Parent Trap
PostPosted: Fri Jun 17, 2011 9:12 pm 
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coldandsleepy wrote:
AM, I hear you too. We go through cycles like that. I don't have any advice except that you're not a bad parent, you're just a parent, and I think most of us feel inadequate at least some of the time.


Here here.

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 Post subject: Re: The Imperfect Parent Trap
PostPosted: Fri Jun 17, 2011 9:33 pm 
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I'm currently in the same exact place......except I have a teenage girl which comes with it's on complications!! I don't feel like I do a single thing right at the moment, I'm too giving, I'm too hard, I do too much, I don't do enough, etc. .......it sucks never feeling like you are doing or even know what to do!! I do know for sure that we love our kids and we really are doing the best we can on any given day (which sometimes isn't enough)!! Hang in there FF, it get's better (and worse)!! My motto is always - Parenting, if you don't think you're doing it wrong....you're probably doing it wrong!!


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 Post subject: Re: The Imperfect Parent Trap
PostPosted: Tue Jun 21, 2011 12:48 pm 
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coldandsleepy wrote:
AM, I hear you too. We go through cycles like that. I don't have any advice except that you're not a bad parent, you're just a parent, and I think most of us feel inadequate at least some of the time.



True dat. My spiritual adviser often tells me that children are resilient creatures.

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 Post subject: Re: The Imperfect Parent Trap
PostPosted: Tue Jun 21, 2011 1:42 pm 
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I hope they are. Every time I yell, or handle a difficult situation badly (impatiently, uncreatively, unkindly), I hope this is true.

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 Post subject: Re: The Imperfect Parent Trap
PostPosted: Tue Jun 21, 2011 10:42 pm 
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FootFace wrote:
Or I'll stall: "I'll be down in 15 minutes," hoping (correctly, often) that he'll be asleep by the time I get there.

I never co-slept, but I always had the exact same problems with sleep as you describe GlueGun does. My mother used to do this stalling trick as well, and it almost always worked too, within minutes. Now, as an adult, I normally get to sleep just fine, but sometimes I might go through the occasional week of having trouble falling to sleep, and I've asked my partner to do this to me. It still works! Heh.

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 Post subject: Re: The Imperfect Parent Trap
PostPosted: Wed Jun 22, 2011 9:16 am 
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Footie, I certainly hope so too. My spiritual adviser has 6 kids and they all appear to be well adjusted and reasonably polite people. Six kids!


Blasto: I'm so over the stalling. And your stomping foot-whiney-yelling combo. It doesn't get me to move faster.

Fini: Use your words, quit that high frequency dolphin style pitched screaming. You see that stuff trickling out of my ears? That's blood, kiddo. Blood. You say "yes", "no", "pwease", "doggie", and "go-go-go" without fail. Why can't you get my attention by saying "help?"

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 Post subject: Re: The Imperfect Parent Trap
PostPosted: Sun Jun 26, 2011 11:20 pm 
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Tomorrow I'm going back to work, starting a new full time job. I am excited about it, but tonight I am having huge second thoughts. The Emperor and I were talking about it before bed and he started tearing up and then told me really quietly, no mommy work. Mommy Grey. No mommy work. It kinds broke my heart.

I am not being a bad parent by going back to work. I am doing this for my sanity, which trickles down to him. Isn't that a good parent thing?

I feel like the worst right now though.

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 Post subject: Re: The Imperfect Parent Trap
PostPosted: Mon Jun 27, 2011 8:32 am 
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coldandsleepy wrote:
Tomorrow I'm going back to work, starting a new full time job. I am excited about it, but tonight I am having huge second thoughts. The Emperor and I were talking about it before bed and he started tearing up and then told me really quietly, no mommy work. Mommy Grey. No mommy work. It kinds broke my heart.

I am not being a bad parent by going back to work. I am doing this for my sanity, which trickles down to him. Isn't that a good parent thing?

I feel like the worst right now though.


Aww C&S, I hope you have an amazing week at work and that the Emperor has a fantastic time at day care (to which I assume he's going since you're working?) and that the transition is as smooth as possible. You are a great parent and the Emperor is a great kid and you'll both make the adjustment. Also, hugs.


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 Post subject: Re: The Imperfect Parent Trap
PostPosted: Mon Jun 27, 2011 1:25 pm 
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C&S, I'm so sorry, that stuff is so sad. I went back to work last September when my son was 18 months old. At first he was home with his grandma so he was kind of "meh, later, Mom," but then she went back to school a few months back. Since he started daycare, we've had some majorly heartbreaking conversations along the same lines, "I want to stay with you...please stay here for a couple minutes...don't go to work..." It's so sad and I feel like a jerk. BUT I also know I'm doing the best I can to support our family and stash some money for maternity leave and I've found him a safe and loving place to spend his days. There have been a lot of unexpected good things about daycare too - he's way more confident playing with other kids and with his physical abilities. I weirdly love to hear about what he does without me during the day. And this morning when I dropped him off, he ran up and hugged his teacher and said, "It's time for Mom to go to work!" We still have sad days too, but it's getting better.

One thing that really helped my guy was that I made him a little book about school. Super simple drawings and text, just laying out the basic outline of the day and emphasizing that I would be there to pick him up, and that his teachers would listen to him, that he'd be cared for and have fun during the day. He still likes to read it at night and it seems to help to put everything in order: Mom goes to work and I go to school. Congratulations on your new job! Wishing you a peaceful transition!


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 Post subject: Re: The Imperfect Parent Trap
PostPosted: Wed Jun 29, 2011 9:01 pm 
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Thanks guys. We are both adjusting to it better than I'd hoped. He is still telling me no mommy work, but he really likes his new babysitters and seems to have fun throughout the day. And even though I am pretty forking tired when I get home, I feel like I'm so happy to see him, and we are doing more fun/quality stuff in the evenings now.

We're off to a good start anyway.

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 Post subject: Re: The Imperfect Parent Trap
PostPosted: Sun Jul 17, 2011 9:23 am 
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Yesterday during lunch out and about—and near a bookstore—GG mentions this lego book/kit he's been wanting. Starts talking about it in that way that means it's going to become the focus of the afternoon and a major source of annoyance for me. He's latching onto it. I know this kid. He won't let go. I tell him we're not buying stuff today and besides, his birthday's in 3 weeks, so I'm not going to get him a treat. Well, he starts in with the button pushing. The grave disappointment. The "Mama is at least flexible!" The sadness. The distractedness.

I cave. But I try to obscure the craven caving with a deal whereby he'll have to use future allowance to help pay for it. Which I know is always a terrible idea. Oh well.

Happy epilogue: When we went to the bookstore and found the books in question, GG decided, with a heavy heart, that they weren't as cool as he thought they'd be. And were too expensive, too. He decided not to go through with it.

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 Post subject: Re: The Imperfect Parent Trap
PostPosted: Sun Nov 06, 2011 4:25 pm 
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Guys, I did well yesterday. He wanted a toy and had enough money saved up to get it. I offered to take him to The First Circle of Hell Toys R Us. I was even happy about it, feeling like I was doing something that would really make him happy (for an hour or so). They were out of the toy he had his heart set on, but the clerk said a nearby Toys R Us had it. I said, perfectly pleasantly and cheerfully, that I would take him there. We got there and they had the toy! But then he decided he didn't want it. I didn't make faces and grit my teeth. I was calm and patient and supportive.

He descended into that consumer vortex of anxiety I know all too well. What should he get? What should he do?

He found the toy he (suddenly) actually really wanted, but it was too expensive. Then the tears, the pleading, the seven stages of grief. Through it all—for most of it—I was resolute and kind.

I did a great job! I consciously avoided doing things I've done in the situation before, because they leave me (and him) feeling horrible. In the end, he didn't get anything, but we made an agreement about how we'd handle it (i.e.: Mrs. Face is out with him right now).

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 Post subject: Re: The Imperfect Parent Trap
PostPosted: Sun Nov 06, 2011 4:58 pm 
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Sprog, at just two weeks shy of 12, has a crush. He lives three houses up the street from us. Our little-girl-monster across the street also has a crush on said boy, and yesterday when it was revealed the little man likes Sprog and not Monster, Monster started screaming and ripping her own hair out (Monster's behavior issues seem to stem from the fact that her parents treat her as if she has many special needs instead of just a partial hearing impediment, which she does have).
I am trying to keep myself calm, first at the Jerry-Springer-like antics of neighbor girl, but also in the fact that these little kids like each other, and Sprog was just invited to sleep over at his house (his sister is also a friend). "I'm 12, Mom, not a baby." Do I get out the baseball bat and take the boy down into the basement for a chat, like my father used to do? Do I let little 12-year-olds explore the world of young love? Lock Sprog in her room til she turns 18?

ETA: Sprog is a fantastic child. She has pulled up her grades, and her biggest complaint is that she forgets to ask for her allowance and ends up having to get it in monthly lump sums. She is totally not materialistic, and is smart as a whip. However, she came home from school fully made up the other day and I tell you, she looks like a very beautiful, very desirable woman. This part of being a parent scares me more than any trip to the ER or any visit to the cardiologist.

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 Post subject: Re: The Imperfect Parent Trap
PostPosted: Sun Nov 06, 2011 6:22 pm 
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Aaaaaaaand let the hyperventilation commence. The crush and Sprog kissed yesterday, when i was sure the kids were all playing football in the street. I think I am going to barf. Sleepover is definitely out.

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 Post subject: Re: The Imperfect Parent Trap
PostPosted: Sun Nov 06, 2011 7:40 pm 
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Oh my. Torque! I fear for this. I don't even know what to say. Shae's nervous around girls even though he's always surrounded by them and they call/text/show up all the time. Did sprog tell you about the kiss? Or did you find out? Shae normal tells me who he likes/ etc, bu I'm always scared that will change.

This is why toddlers tantrums aren't so bad afterall.

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 Post subject: Re: The Imperfect Parent Trap
PostPosted: Sun Nov 06, 2011 8:04 pm 
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So far (thank goodness) GG is totally uninterested in such things.

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 Post subject: Re: The Imperfect Parent Trap
PostPosted: Sun Nov 06, 2011 8:26 pm 
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I had my first "boyfriend" at Sprog's age. He was 1 1/2 years older. We made out and cuddled, and wrote love letters to each other. I knew what I did and didn't want, and was good at enforcing boundaries, so we never went any further despite plenty of opportunities. Eventually my parents freaked out and forbid me to see him, which came as a big slap in the face as it was the first -and so far, only- time they didn't trust me and my decisions, and at the complete opposite of how they had raised me until then.
Of course you know Sprog best, and how little / how much of a pushover she is, but could you try to deal with the situation first by talking with her (and the boy maybe, if you're close)?


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 Post subject: Re: The Imperfect Parent Trap
PostPosted: Mon Nov 07, 2011 3:16 pm 
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I appreciate your feedback. I just met the boy for the first time yesterday (when he came over to play legos with his sisters), and Sprog afterwards told me about the smooching (in hushed "don't tell dad" tones, which cracks me up as her dad is sooooo calm about everything and I am the screaming meemie.). She trusts me enough to tell me about it, which I appreciate and am surprised about, as I never would have told my own mother ANYTHING.
Aelle, what you say is so good to hear (and for the same reasons, so bad to hear) because I also have raised her by trusting her to make her own decisions. She is a strong girl, but she is also in many ways me- very aggressive, very type A, and also very emotional. I also was a font of poor decision making until I was about, oh, 26. I am not sure how she would handle herself, and am not sure she does, either. After all, she is only 11. (hyperventilating into paper bag)
I think talking is definitely in order. In some ways she is very mature, but in some ways still not. And the social/sexual pressure here is really, really different from my browbeating Lutheran upbringing in the US, and even though the country is very repressed and Catholic, in the same breath it's all girls talk about, it's all my neighbors (these girls' mothers) talk about, and I never talked about sex or dating with my mother til I was maybe 25.

In the meantime, til we can figure things out, Mr T and I have decided to try some low-profile, passive interventions. The kids go to different schools, so she really only would see him on the weekend. This weekend, we are going to take a trip to the beach. Next weekend is her birthday, and my mother in law will be here, we'll be busy with family functions. I am trying not to panic and send her to stay with my mother for her entire summer vacation (December to mid January) but I have to say it seems AWFULLY attractive.

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 Post subject: Re: The Imperfect Parent Trap
PostPosted: Thu Mar 29, 2012 8:35 am 
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I'm glad you linked to this in another thread Footface. I can use it right now!

This weekend I felt like the hugest imperfect parent ever. I really did not handle kai's toddler-ness well at all, and this is only the beginning! It made me question whether or not I'm really equipped to be a parent, which is what I feared before I had a child. I got confident because I thought infancy went well, but now my confidence is shredded.

I thought maybe I needed to firmly tell him no, and explain consequences - so I said no about a billion times over the weekend. Then when he was being a terror at the Brooklyn museum, as I carried him out I said we had to leave because he wasn't behaving. I think I also said something about being a good boy, which I know is probably really bad - I don't want to shame him and make it about being good or bad, just focus on the behavior.

On Monday he went around the house saying no no no no no no a billion times, I'm sure because I said it so many times over the weekend. He was even saying no and yelling "down" to the dog.

I googled a bit on how to handle toddlers that night, and realized I probably did everything the opposite of what you should do. I read I'm not supposed to use no too much, and should tell him what to do instead of what not to do. So I'm trying, but having a really hard time figuring out how to phrase things without saying no or don't. I also read I'm supposed to redirect him, and keep him entertained, and it is soooo hard to come up with things to do. I'm no good at this!

I ordered two books so hopefully they'll help. I just hope I can find reserves of tolerance and creativity to deal with this.

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 Post subject: Re: The Imperfect Parent Trap
PostPosted: Thu Mar 29, 2012 8:46 am 
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Now I want an update on FishyChips (fka Sprog)! That part of parenting is the part that is so stressful - you want to balance teaching them good judgement and independence with keeping them safe in the short term (ie locking them in their rooms until they turn 26), and you want them to explore social bonds and relationships, but you also know it opens up a whole world of complications and heartbreak. And it is so worrisome that they are exploring the world of adults but look so grown up despite being so innocent and young. A friend's 12 year old is taller than me and just looks like a very beautiful blonde in cut-offs and cowboy boots. Her mother's challenge is teaching her that others may be seeing her as adult already, even though she is just playing at it. I am going to keep enjoying infancy, and hopefully all of you will figure out how to do the balancing act and teach me.

Thanks in advance :)

Hugs Aubade! Don't be too hard on yourself. My sister has a toddler who has a mind of his own and more energy than I can fathom, and I can't imagine what I would do besides just try not to react to the screaming and stay calm. My husband was telling me the other day that that wasn't going to happen to us, and I just had to laugh.

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 Post subject: Re: The Imperfect Parent Trap
PostPosted: Thu Mar 29, 2012 9:16 am 
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1)- fishychips update (i saw my november post upthread and had forgotten how intense that time was!): the day after all this came out, the boy got a talking to by his mother (whom i never actually met but heard from other children that "she is almost as mean as you" which is not so much an insult in portuguese as an observation, and means that you say "no" to your children from time to time), we tried the soft interventions, and then they just seemed to lose interest. Fishychips continued to be good friends with the boy's sister, and spend lots of time with her, but then they moved away about a month and a half after all this happened. Go figure. A bit of a relief. There has been no other development in this area recently.

2) Aubade- sounds like you're having the teachable moment this time! What we did when things got bad was (try to remember to) redirect. When saying no more than a few times, it's time to change activity, change location, or change attitude. That last one is a LIFESAVER. We did a lot of being silly. "WAIT! what was that, it's the sign that NOW, we all talk like chickens! Instead of saying no, cluck out a buck buck buck." Just totally slapstick dopey. Kids LOVE that stuff and, more importantly it breaks the tension and usually breaks the cycle. Sometimes kids literally just can't stop doing or reacting to what they are doing, and require a really strong shift. My father's generation would have made that shift by wacking me with a belt, but i've found silliness and curiosity work just as well.
(PS 1- it works just as well for teens, when Sprog knows and can articulate that her emotions have got her caught in the whirlpool, we do it. Maybe not chickens but imitations, talking in pig latin, pillow fight, etc. I even used it in my high school classroom on occasion.)
(PS 2- I learned this technique in my first educator job, leading LARGE tours of children when I was the education intern at an art museum. I noticed that my mentor got extremely quiet when kids started to act up, and would speak in a whisper, and then when they least expected it, scare them, or give out freebies, or something. It was a tactic that worked AWESOME. you have a group of 45 preschoolers in the Asian Art gallery getting the noodgies, a quick 1-minute of hokey pokey gets everyone shifted. You will also have to learn how to stop the hokey pokey, but that's another lesson.)

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 Post subject: Re: The Imperfect Parent Trap
PostPosted: Thu Mar 29, 2012 9:18 am 
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Tofulish wrote:
My husband was telling me the other day that that wasn't going to happen to us

oh that's a good one. did you order her with the "angelic" options??

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 Post subject: Re: The Imperfect Parent Trap
PostPosted: Thu Mar 29, 2012 9:20 am 
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Torque, I <3 you.

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