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 Post subject: uninvited guests/I am a square
PostPosted: Tue Nov 09, 2010 8:42 pm 
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But really! I used to do a sort of variation of Food Not Bombs at my house, and even though we were basically a group of socially awkward non-radical folks, through the boyfriend of one roommate, the house became an occasional crash-pad for weary travelers. Which was fine! I don't mind hosting folks I feel comfortable with.

I have since moved out of the house, a different group of people is doing Food Not Bombs, and I'm pretty much just trying to exist. I ran into a fellow who had stayed at that house for about a week, and he seemed happy to see me, said we should hang out, and asked for my number. A couple hours later, he calls and asks if he can stay at my place tonight. I just moved in a week ago, and though my roommate and I are getting along well, I cannot imagine this is something she would be game for. And saying 'no' is so hard! So I said I would ask her . . . knowing she'd probably say 'yes' even if she wanted to say 'no.'

I do not feel good about this situation. I feel like aforementioned fellow is pretty much just taking advantage, though understandably. He and a friend came over and we had a super awkward cup of tea together. I sort of tried to tell him I didn't think my roommate would be cool with it, and he sort of understood, but is still jonesing to stay here tonight.

I feel like a crasshole/square. Give me your honest opinion, PPK, what should I do/say? I don't want this poor guy to have to sleep out in the rain. I imagine he may be able to find somewhere else to stay, but he says he's 'worn out his welcome' elsewhere. I also don't want to tick off my roommate.


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 Post subject: Re: uninvited guests/I am a square
PostPosted: Tue Nov 09, 2010 8:46 pm 
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Tell him your roommate said no. Honestly, it sounds like he's being sort of imposing and rude. You don't just assume you can stay with someone! It's no wonder he's worn out his welcome with other people if he takes advantage of a situation like that.


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 Post subject: Re: uninvited guests/I am a square
PostPosted: Tue Nov 09, 2010 8:48 pm 
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You can just say no! It will be okay, and he will be fine.

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 Post subject: Re: uninvited guests/I am a square
PostPosted: Tue Nov 09, 2010 8:49 pm 
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Can you refer him to the current people doing Food Not Bombs?
Look around the internet for homeless shelters (or a cheap hostel) in your area and see if you can get addresses for him, that way if he is sleeping out in the rain that's his own choice.

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 Post subject: Re: uninvited guests/I am a square
PostPosted: Tue Nov 09, 2010 8:53 pm 
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yeah, i don't know. asking someone for their number under the guise of wanting to hang out only to call the same day asking for a place to stay seems a little rude. even if it wasn't at all rude, i do not think you need to feel obligated to let someone spend the night/s if you are not comfortable with the situation. this guy is clearly comfortable hunting down a crash pad. i think he can manage without you. and, the sooner you let him know whether he can stay the easier it will be for him to find something else.

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 Post subject: Re: uninvited guests/I am a square
PostPosted: Tue Nov 09, 2010 8:53 pm 
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It sounds like you are not really comfortable with this guy, so you shouldn't have him staying at your house, it's is especially unfair to your roommate. I would just explain to him that you just moved in and aren't in a position to have overnight guests yet. If he really is just using you for a place to stay you'll never hear from him again, if he actually wants to be friends then he'll understand.


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 Post subject: Re: uninvited guests/I am a square
PostPosted: Tue Nov 09, 2010 8:54 pm 
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Fee wrote:
Can you refer him to the current people doing Food Not Bombs?
Look around the internet for homeless shelters (or a cheap hostel) in your area and see if you can get addresses for him, that way if he is sleeping out in the rain that's his own choice.


Fee is smart.

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 Post subject: Re: uninvited guests/I am a square
PostPosted: Tue Nov 09, 2010 9:03 pm 
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This guy sounds super annoying. I would tell him your roommate said no, but maybe let him use your computer to try to find someone on couchsurfing.com who wants to put a roof over his head for free.

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 Post subject: Re: uninvited guests/I am a square
PostPosted: Tue Nov 09, 2010 9:16 pm 
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it's not assholeish to be honest with him. you've got a new living situation that is really different from your previous one - and you're not in a position to be having residential guests right now!

sometimes it really is easier to lie about stuff, but i am of the opinion that it's not often better to do so.


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 Post subject: Re: uninvited guests/I am a square
PostPosted: Tue Nov 09, 2010 9:37 pm 
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offer to use couchsurfing.com with him.


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 Post subject: Re: uninvited guests/I am a square
PostPosted: Tue Nov 09, 2010 10:12 pm 
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So he just came back to the house to get his pack, and I told him he couldn't stay. He was actually really understanding, and said he could probably find a place to crash tonight. Relief. Thanks for the advice, everyone!


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 Post subject: Re: uninvited guests/I am a square
PostPosted: Wed Nov 10, 2010 1:30 am 
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I think people might have gotten a bit of a skewed assessment of the situation (if it is what it seems to be in my eyes). If this is a traveler kid looking to crash somewhere, and you've had people stay at your place in the past, it's pretty normal for him to hit you up when he rolls through town. I'm sure you're aware of this, so I'm saying it for the benefit of people who think he's just some random guy asking to crash at your house (which he is, but it's not uncommon/rude amongst people like that).

It's also perfectly ok to tell him he can't stay there! You're not a crasshole, those kids get it when someone says they can't have crusties on their couch :)


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 Post subject: Re: uninvited guests/I am a square
PostPosted: Wed Nov 10, 2010 4:27 am 
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I'd be honest with him and tell him that you just move, haven't settled in yet and that you have a roommate, who isn't comfortable with people crashing on your couch. You mentioned that you already tried to tell him. Maybe you can start from there. Tell him you thought about it again and it won't work out for you.
I know that saying no is hard sometimes, but you can do it. You are not comfortable with this situation at all and it's probably the best thing to tell him the truth.


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