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 Post subject: Mayim Bialik on attachment parenting
PostPosted: Thu Mar 22, 2012 10:59 am 
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I thought this book sounded interesting. http://forward.com/articles/153349/mayi ... tant-role/ Is attachment parenting really an "unusual parenting style," though? I feel like everyone I know who has little kids is either using it or feeling guilty for not using it.


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 Post subject: Re: Mayim Bialik on attachment parenting
PostPosted: Thu Mar 22, 2012 11:25 am 
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I think it depends on socioeconomic class. Attachment parenting is pretty much the norm among the people I mix with. But lots of people of every class do parts of AP without calling it that - the majority of parents cosleep at least part of the time, for example. And obviously most babies like to be held and parents will generally do whatever it takes to keep their kid from crying. And obviously lots of people breastfeed without having to ascribe it to a particular parenting philosophy.

I used to say I did attachment parenting, but in reality my parenting has become sort of attachment-lite, partly by necessity (attachment parenting usually includes breastfeeding and I physically), partly by choice (babywearing all the time eventually made me crazy and we have just discovered that Malka is in love with the stroller, we cosleep about two thirds of the night so we have some adult-only time in bed, etc.). For me right now it's mostly about being responsive to my baby's apparent needs, I don't need to give that a special name. Sometimes she wants to be held all day, sometimes she doesn't. She pretty much always would prefer to sleep with/on us.


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 Post subject: Re: Mayim Bialik on attachment parenting
PostPosted: Thu Mar 22, 2012 11:28 am 
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Ariann wrote:
I think it depends on socioeconomic class. Attachment parenting is pretty much the norm among the people I mix with.


I'd think it would be fairly well-known among people who read the Forward and/or would pick up a parenting book written by Mayim Bialik.


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 Post subject: Re: Mayim Bialik on attachment parenting
PostPosted: Thu Mar 22, 2012 2:30 pm 
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My frind is reading this book and really enjoying it.


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 Post subject: Re: Mayim Bialik on attachment parenting
PostPosted: Thu Mar 22, 2012 3:58 pm 
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Larisa wrote:
I'd think it would be fairly well-known among people who read the Forward and/or would pick up a parenting book written by Mayim Bialik.


For sure the second half, but I know a lot of old people who read the Forward who would say "what do you mean parenting style? what is this thing - parenting style?" (I'm sure you can imagine the accent.)


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 Post subject: Re: Mayim Bialik on attachment parenting
PostPosted: Fri Mar 23, 2012 8:52 am 
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I think attachment parenting is definitely unusual. This is a generalization, but for post-punk vegans, we're surrounded by hippies. So we see it everywhere. But when you go to one of the big sites like babycenter, there are still so many people who think formula & cry-it-out is the norm, and are horrified about co-sleeping. I also have family members like this.

There is also the older generation - attachment parenting is pretty much opposite of what my mom did. In the beginning she would give me so much crepe about my "attachment parenting" ideas, but now she sees my son is super happy and doing great so not as much anymore. But she still comes out with crazy judgemental things every so often.

In grad school I actually worked a lot with attachment theory. I've read all of the original theory from Bowlby & Ainsworth to today, and worked on several research projects involving attachment theory with teens and adults. So I know that attachment is real, although honestly, I think some of the "attachment parenting" stuff is a bit hokey, and quite a leap from the actual research.

I haven't read Bialik's book, but now I'm interested. She's awesome. I hope she adds a little more of the science to the whole thing.

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 Post subject: Re: Mayim Bialik on attachment parenting
PostPosted: Fri Mar 23, 2012 9:17 am 
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Ariann, I really like what you've said. Attachment parenting shouldn't be a club with strict rules, it should be about listening to your child and fostering the bond between you. I like Bialik for her non-judgemental style - she seems very laid back and I like her tone, because it is about respecting your child's needs and wants and teaching them that you are there for them. Its not like you have to babywear, breastfeed or do elimination communications (as MB does) to do attachment parenting.

My knee injury has made it impossible for me to babywear and I often feel guilty bc I know its a tennet of AP, but the truth is that as long as we stop often and snuggle, its not like Leela is deprived.

As Aubade says it isn't the norm though. I'm surprised by how many people, including my pediatrician, believe that you can spoil a child by being too responsive to their needs and that its better for all if your baby learns to self-soothe and be on a schedule. There is a lot of pressure not to co-sleep (because its seen as dangerous for the baby). In the hospital, I was told several times never to fall asleep with the baby in bed. I feel like new moms get a lot of received wisdom that their kid is already trying to manipulate and trick you, so its important to set limits from birth. I felt like my ped was painting L's interests as being positional to ours, where I see them as aligned.

I feel like we AP bc we are constantly there and attending to her needs, to foster our bond and her sense of safety with us, even if we don't babywear atm

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 Post subject: Re: Mayim Bialik on attachment parenting
PostPosted: Fri Mar 23, 2012 9:50 am 
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^Yes tofulish, you hit the nail on the head. I heard so much about not spoiling the child and being manipulated by him, even when he was a few months old!

Also, babywearing is definitely one of the things I'd categorize as a bit hokey. I don't think you have to wear the baby 24-7 to get a secure attachment. There isn't any research on that whatsoever, as far as I know. I'm assuming it probably just comes from romanticizing other cultures that do babywearing. Which isn't to say it isn't a good thing, I just seriously doubt it is necessary for secure attachment. I'm pretty sure holding the baby, cuddling & attending to its needs would also do the trick.

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 Post subject: Re: Mayim Bialik on attachment parenting
PostPosted: Fri Mar 23, 2012 10:07 am 
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I'd like to read Mayim's book, but I'm still uncomfortable with "Attachment Parenting." I'm interested in attachment theory—and I believe secure attachment is a real thing—but capital-Attachment capital-Parenting feels to me like another set of rules to follow (at best), or a way for people to feel superior (at worst).

Maybe it's the circles I travel in, but just as often as I encounter parents who believe that you can spoil a baby or that if you sleep with your child in your bed you're going to kill him, I also run into people who believe that if you DON'T sleep with the child in your bed, or DON'T cuddle him every time he whimpers, you're setting him up to fail at life...or something.

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 Post subject: Re: Mayim Bialik on attachment parenting
PostPosted: Fri Mar 23, 2012 7:42 pm 
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Has anyone read this book? I'd like to know if it is worth reading or not. By worth it, I mean not just a rehash of the basics of attachment parenting.

I agree with a lot of the previous posts about labeling and how "attachment parenting" can be just another set of rules if you let it. I have been trying to find what works for my family and it is a mix of ideas. I do feel guilty about working full time with such a young baby, but I also welcome the routine that my job imposes on our lives (and I really have no choice anyway so I need to get over it).

And regarding how accepted or known attachment parenting style is, I keep a lot of my practices to myself. Co-workers, friends without kids, and my parents' generation have no idea what it is or if they do, think it is completely woo. Case in Point: I'm visiting my parents' house for the first time in a couple weeks and my mom just bought a pack n play that we will have to pretend to use. I begged her to return it (we co-sleep), but she refuses to believe that we don't need it.


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 Post subject: Re: Mayim Bialik on attachment parenting
PostPosted: Fri Mar 23, 2012 7:48 pm 
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Every interview I've read from hers has been a real pleasure to read. I'd probably read it just for her tone. I liked an interview she did on elimination communication a while back. She was just really clear and it made a ton of sense to me.

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 Post subject: Re: Mayim Bialik on attachment parenting
PostPosted: Fri Mar 23, 2012 7:55 pm 
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Noelle wrote:
just as often as I encounter parents who believe that you can spoil a baby or that if you sleep with your child in your bed you're going to kill him, I also run into people who believe that if you DON'T sleep with the child in your bed, or DON'T cuddle him every time he whimpers, you're setting him up to fail at life...or something.

I haven't read the book, but feel very much the same about AP. I found it, like BF and homeschooling, to be something that often becomes more about the parent than about the kid. I too kept my opinions mostly to myself, and picked-and-chose what worked for us.

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 Post subject: Re: Mayim Bialik on attachment parenting
PostPosted: Fri Mar 23, 2012 8:28 pm 
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torque wrote:
Noelle wrote:
just as often as I encounter parents who believe that you can spoil a baby or that if you sleep with your child in your bed you're going to kill him, I also run into people who believe that if you DON'T sleep with the child in your bed, or DON'T cuddle him every time he whimpers, you're setting him up to fail at life...or something.

I haven't read the book, but feel very much the same about AP. I found it, like BF and homeschooling, to be something that often becomes more about the parent than about the kid. I too kept my opinions mostly to myself, and picked-and-chose what worked for us.


I agree with you Torque but I didn't keep my opinions to myself. I find that a lot of that crepe is focused on the mother alone and just ends up making the mother feel inadequate if she didn't or couldn't do things according to the "new rules."

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 Post subject: Re: Mayim Bialik on attachment parenting
PostPosted: Tue Nov 27, 2012 10:47 am 
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Its really sad that Mayim Bialik is getting divorced.
http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-207_162-575 ... ine-years/

Her statement: http://www.kveller.com/mayim-bialik/div ... im-bialik/

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