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 Post subject: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 12:31 pm 
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rowdily playing checkers
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I'd be ok with it if people were just drinking my soy milk. It isn't labeled as mine, maybe people think it's communal soy milk, supplied by the company. Hell, maybe they know it's mine, but they're vegan (knuckles for you) or lactose-intolerant (understanding nod to you). More likely, I just wouldn't notice in the first place.

But mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk and then putting it back in the fridge with like two drops left in the carton.

That's not ok. They will be hearing from my lawyer!

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 12:33 pm 
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Nailed to the V
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perhaps if you labeled it as "semen milk" people would drink it less? Though if it is worth the stares is up to you?


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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 12:34 pm 
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So far that is the best idea on offer in this thread! Congratulations, #1 idea guy!

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 12:49 pm 
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Should Write a Goddam Book Already

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If for some reason you decide not to go with the first suggestion, maybe a nice passive aggressive note? Or you could wrap the carton in an opaque plastic bag before putting it in the fridge? That would make it less obvious what it is, but doesn't seem too possessive.

Does your company provide communal dairy milk in that fridge?


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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 12:51 pm 
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eff that.

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 12:53 pm 
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I have very little experience in the art of passive-aggressive notes. I worry that my efforts will be regarded as derivative.

Right now my plan is to keep the soy milk at my desk while I'm here. That way, people won't have access to it for most of the day, and if they do manage to get to my soy milk before me, they'll probably get food poisoning from unrefrigerated soy milk. You might be thinking "But mumbles, won't you also get food poisoning?" You forget, however, that I've been developing a resistance to food poisoning for years! (How could you forget that? It's, like, the most interesting thing about me!)

greenduck wrote:
Does your company provide communal dairy milk in that fridge?

Are you asking if my company is officially racist against vegans? Because the answer is yes. Yes they are.

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Last edited by mumbles on Tue Apr 17, 2012 12:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 12:55 pm 
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Should Write a Goddam Book Already

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Aw, I wanted to watch the battle unfold between you and the sneaky milk drinker.


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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 12:56 pm 
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Oh, a battle will unfold! The most entertaining battle of all! A battle of wits!

Your move, milk bandit! Your move.

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 12:59 pm 
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Put the milk in a plastic container and label it "breast milk". You're welcome.


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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 1:01 pm 
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Making Threats to Punks Again
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Put semen in the empty carton and stick it back in the fridge.


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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 1:02 pm 
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you need to get one of those plastic dog turds and put the soymilk in a clear ziplock baggie with the dog turd. problem solved!

if you can't find a plastic dog turd i could send you a brazilian wandering spider, but contract negotiations with said spider are up to you.

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 1:02 pm 
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And you never will.
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just mumbles wrote:
You forget, however, that I've been developing a resistance to food poisoning for years!


just mumbles wrote:
A battle of wits!


Are you Westley from The Princess Bride? Has Vizzini been stealing your soy milk? If so, this is the best thread ever. Just remember: Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!

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Last edited by poopiebitch on Tue Apr 17, 2012 1:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 1:03 pm 
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Chipmunk wrote:
Put semen in the empty carton and stick it back in the fridge.

This is my favorite idea.

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 1:09 pm 
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OH GOD. Im pished for you!
This is like my ultimate pet peeves combined.
1. Eating my vegan food which takes either a) took so long to prepare b) is hard to get hold of or c) is expensive. When the omniverous folk of the house have their own version to eat, eg. sausages
2. Putting the jar/container back, when there is blatantly not enough.

Arrrgggghhhh!


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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 1:13 pm 
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You guys are gross. And geniuses. You guys are some kind of gross geniuses?

Quote:
Are you Westley from The Princess Bride?

This is the nicest possibility that anyone has ever raised about or around me.

Today I saw a guy wearing a shirt with a print designed to look like one of those "Hello, My Name Is" stickers, pre-filled in with: Indigo Montoya / You killed my father / Prepare to die. I've seen that shirt for sale before (I don't want you guys to think that I am not hep to the beat), but somehow, seeing someone wearing it was magical.

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 1:21 pm 
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mollyjade wrote:
Put the milk in a plastic container and label it "breast milk". You're welcome.

This gets my vote.

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 1:29 pm 
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Calls "cavemen" on that
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Used to happen at my last job. I put a note that i spit in my milk, and had a cold.

They called my bluff and drank it anyway.

Jokes on them...I really did spit in it. and had a cold. BOOM.


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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 1:30 pm 
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Maybe I should label it as/actually use a slurry of semen and breast milk and I dunno probably the vomit of a dog that had eaten its own poop, too.

I mean, if we're going to bring out the big guns. Man, you guys do not believe in negotiation! I'm sorry that somebody hurt you and I'm here for you if you want to hug it out.

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 1:44 pm 
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I'd go the finesse route. They are clearly coveting the non-dairy milkness. Dress up your soymilk carton as Swedish playwright August Strindberg. Dress up the other milk cartons in the fridge as Ubiquitous Dull Reality Teevee Star. The masses will flock to their nectar and you will have your soymilk all to yourself.

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 1:47 pm 
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But doesn't dairy milk already communicate "Ubiquitous Dull Reality Teevee Star"? And can you think of a better way to say "soy milk" than "Swedish playwright August Strindberg"?

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 1:51 pm 
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What we're looking at is a full on refrigerator marketing campaign. You have to believe it or you'll never sell it.

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 2:07 pm 
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I think you should use all of the aforementioned suggestions. All of them.

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 2:15 pm 
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PS, here is a picture of my soy milk:

Image

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 2:19 pm 
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It looks like he's a missing runaway. Guys, I've got bad news. Strindberg's not coming home.

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 2:20 pm 
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TAKE THAT BACK, YOU TAKE THAT BACK!!!!

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